The alarm clock goes off and I wake up with a start. Sad that my dreams are not a reality I wake up. Maybe today is when things will change? Maybe not… maybe I need to be the one to make them change I don't know. I just have a feeling that it's my time… I look at myself in the mirror and I see your typical, average 16 year old looking back at me. Tall, thin, pale skinned, tired looking and has a couple blemishes here and there. I brush out my long, brown, ordinary hair and think "ugh someone needs a haircut". My big blue eyes have a look of hope and irritation in them. Hope for the coming year to be better than the rest and irritated by how she looks in the mirror. I shrug my shoulders and think someday you'll get it right.
My name is Caitlin. A grade 10 student who is trying to find out who she is, and what she's supposed to do with her life. I live here in Canada, but I don't live in igloos like most Americans tend to think. I live in a normal townhouse that perfectly fits me, my mom and my nine year old sister Sophie. We are very lucky people in some ways but also very unlucky in others. We live in a beautiful house; we have everything material wise that we could ever want, we have the right amount of money and lots of clothes to put on our backs and food to fill an empty stomach. But the one thing I find we are unlucky on is the whole "luck" thing. Luck as in getting what we want that isn't materialistic. Like a successful marriage, a job, or to fit in. stuff like that we aren't necessarily lucky. We work to get what we want. I guess that's what builds character, makes you thicker, stronger for the "real" world. We've been through a lot… divorce, family illnesses, friend troubles, idiotic boys. We've had everything that you could possibly throw at a person and then some. We are strong people who have a lot of faith. But this year I'm hoping we can erase the bad memories and start anew. Become better, successful and more, lucky I guess.
"Cate come on" Sophie calls from downstairs. I come downstairs to find Sophie dancing around the kitchen. Humming to a song that she must have made up by herself and eating at the same time. I take a look at Sophie. She's tall, thin, and has brownish, blonde hair. With big blue eyes and wearing glasses that look adorable on her. She has this Grace Kelly look about her that makes everyone give her a double take when they see her. A pretty girl, hard to believe that school would be hard for her on the social front. She is the kind of girl I would think everyone would kill to be friends with. But, her hyper energy smarts and talents seem to throw some people off. She has a perfect group of friends now who all adore her as much as I do. As I finish eating, she starts laughing at me. I look down myself and find my white blouse has hot chocolate spilled down the front. "Ugh. Mom's going to kill me…" She just kept on laughing as I head upstairs. I am a complete and total Klutz sometimes. I trip over my own two feet and always manage to spill something down me, especially if I'm wearing something white. I change into a black tee and look myself over quickly in the mirror. My hair has been washed, and brushed since the last time I looked, hanging just below my shoulders; face has been makeup hiding blemishes and making myself look more alive. Wearing a black tee and a rolled up kilt and tights. Along with the cute new flats I had gotten for Christmas. I didn't look too bad as far as uniforms go. I grabbed my bag and headed out the door. Braving what the first day back after the new year would have in store for me.
As I walk through the doors, I realize that nothing has changed. There are still your typical social groups hanging around, some snickering at others, some not. I head up to my locker and take a deep breath as I realize who's standing not far off. It's Chase Mason, making out with his slut of a girlfriend Madison Kempf. (Kempf. Funnily enough the same German word used in a book title describing Adolf Hitler's life. That's just how hated and evil she is) Hearing footsteps, or taking a break for air (I'd go with the second one) he looks up and smiles at me. Enough to make me smile and fumble with the stuff I'm holding. Feeling pathetic I slam my locker door and start walking away. Rose comes up behind me and yells at them "GET A ROOM, YOU TWO ARE MAKING US WANT TO PUKE UP OUR BREAKFASTS". Madison makes some snarky remark, as Chase looks over at me. She looks over at me and says "Girl, you really need to get over him". I look at her, disgusted and frustrated I say "I am". Although, in reality I sometimes don't think I am. Chase and I went to elementary school together and liked each other for the last two years. He did ask me out, a waste of time in my opinion because we never worked out. But looking at him still makes heart flutter unnecessarily and makes me lose train of thought. Stupid, I know but what can I do? It's not like I haven't tried. I went out with a guy recently but wasn't on the same level of "like" as him and broke it off before it could go much farther. Sometimes I think he's the reasons why things never work out for me or the reason as to why I never seem to like someone at the same level I did for him. I need to get a life clearly. My mom would kill me if she heard me right now. So I guess I better stop.
Rose is my best friend. She's short, has blonde hair and greenish/blue eyes. I would love to teach her how to use some makeup but she shoots my offers down each time. So we'll just leave that alone. She has a big family and is obsessed with horses and country music. Different from me, but I think that's what makes us best friends. As we walk to class, she scolds me for even giving him a second glance while at the same time saying that I and he belong together. Making my head spin faster than it should first thing in the morning. In class I start to think, so much for starting new.
I'm sitting in last period. The one class I hate this semester and this guy walks in. Completely distracted from the doodles I was making in my book I stare. He's tall and really good looking. He has dirty blonde hair, tanned skin, blue eyes and has an adorable smile. The teacher waves him over to the empty desk beside me. I look over at Rose and she's staring at him the same way I did. He sits down beside me and says "Hey, what's up?" I lose complete thought and say "Hey… so you're new huh?" I could slap myself…. 'hey… so you're new?' what kind of a thing to say is that. Way to go Captain Obvious! But instead of looking at me like I'm and idiot, he smiles and says… "Ya… I'm Nick".