Disclaimer: Do not own Mai HiME
Summary: Crack Pairing for new Tea Party for Muses: One shot project of Maiuniverse.
A/N: Well…I did say I'll be writing crack pairings, and this is shoujo-ai. I hope this won't be too long…
Shipunzel: The Comedy that was Eros
Once upon a time, there was a beautiful woman who was married to such a handsome man, they were happy despite their middle class way of living. One day, they found out that the fair woman was conceiving the handsome man's child and he was ecstatic. But the excitement died down when he found out that his wife is craving for nothing but Takos. He was afraid because in their area…there's only one house that has a pond of Takos…it was the black witch. But he can't refuse his wife…so at night he would go to the witch's house and steal some Takos.
One night, unsuspecting, the witch caught him stealing. The witch wanted to curse him and his family but he begged, he said he loves his wife so much that's why he's doing it. The witch frowned at first then smiled when a thought hit her. The witch said, "Okay, I will supply your wife all the Takos she want, but there is one condition." The father was nervous but he can't do anything, his wife needs Takos as if her life depended on it. "Okay," the father agreed without knowing the condition first (well he's handsome but he's stupid that way!), "Once your child is born, I will have her." The witch said then she started laughing.
"NOOOOOO,"
Rewind-rewind-rewind
"Once your child is born, I will have her." The witch-
"NOOOOOO,"
"HAHAHAHAHAHA, it is true my dear, so you got to believe it!"
"You're lying, my father can't agree to such stupidity!" Shiho said frowning at the black witch
"Well…he was so relieved actually," The witch sighed and propped her chin on her hand, "I do regret what I did you know!" The witch sighed again, "I tried giving you back to them but they refuse my offer! And I was willing to give them more Takos…you're mother doesn't want it though,"
Shiho huffed, "For your information, I don't believe your story…okay I might be the daughter of one of the fairest couple in town but to be given away? You tricked them!" Shiho looked out her window, "As if I liked to be cooped up in this tower of yours! I've been singing out loud I almost lost my voice and there's no prince coming for me yet!"
The black witch's eyes rolled, "Oh please…I don't think there's a sane prince who would be attracted to your voice! Frogs sounds better! And didn't I tell you a hundred times? I left the door open! You can go find your prince anytime you like!"
Shiho glared at the black witch, "You're not helping at all!"
The witch stood up and shook her head, "Sometimes I wonder who the witch between the two of us is!"
"Hah! You should have not eaten all those Takos and get yourself fat!" Shiho said to the retreating witch, "Damn you Hanhan, jailing me in this tower of yours,"
"Oi don't be too cocky, I need to go down, so get that octopus hair of yours out so I can go to the market to buy something!"
"The hell! You said so yourself you left the door open!"
"I know, but hello? This is the 50th floor and we have no elevator or escalator yet! I'm not going down there and have a hard time breathing, so get your hair the hell out or I'll be kicking you out of my tower whether you like it or not!" The witch said and Shiho got no choice but to let her hair down.
The horrible witch grinned and starts climbing down…slowly
"OI! Make it faster, you're too heavy you're gonna pull all my hair off my head!" Shiho shouted
"Don't worry…I put a special spell on your food to make your hair attached to your head no matter what!" The witch shouted back
"AACCCKKKKK…I'm going to have a terrible headache after this again! Hurry up damn you Hanhan!"
The witch grinned and continued on her slow decent
-maiuniverse-
"Where are you going?" Yukino said as she carries her child
"Away…for good I hope," Haruka said defeated
"I'm really sorry Haruka-chan, but…I didn't expect to fall for Chie, she was just…"
"I'm just too good Yukino, admit it, and at least I don't burst your ear drum all the time!" Chie said patting her baby in Yukino's arm.
"Damn you Harada, soon I would find my own princess!" Haruka said huffing before riding her horse, "To think you were once a centaur! You were never really human!"
"Hah! You are too spiteful Haruka-sempai! Don't worry I'll take care of Yukino and our baby!"
Haruka frowned more, "Damn you!" she said before she pushed her horse forward
-maiuniverse-
Three days after
Haruka was feeling lonely, traveling for three whole days without a definite place or path in mind, "I've been working on a RAILROAD just to pass my time AWAY!" she looked around when she heard 'choo-choo sound, "I've been working on a RAILROAD just to pass my time AWAY!" and another choo-choo sound
"CAN YOU HEAR THE WHISTLE BLOWING…DYNA BLOW MY HORN!"
"What the hell is that?" Haruka said stopping her horse and covering her ears, "Its doomsday!" she shouted at no one and then a sand storm passed her, "Haruka shook her blonde head, "Where the hell did all these sands come from! I'm on a sturdy brick road got damn it!"
"AH-ah-ah…(to the tune the Little Mermaid sound)"
"ACK! That sounds awful! I'm so gonna kill that witch trying to dorment people with her singing!" Haruka said pushing her horse once again towards the awful sound
-maiuniverse-
"Mother! He is gone! And he's probably with that IO girl!"
"Oh come on…now we are in deep trouble, I told you not to let him out of your sight!"
"But I need to use the garderobe!"
"Find him before he do something unthinkable!"
"Okay!" The older man said before he turned his back to his mother, "Well…what could a baby do anyway?"
-maiunverse-
Haruka looked up at the tower where she swore she heard the awful sound coming, "Damn you witch! Stop this dormenting sound or I'm going to go up there and kick you until you stop!"
The sound stopped
"And who are you to stop me! I will sing when I want to, this is my damn tower!"
"STOP THE SINGING!"
"Ah-ah-ah-ah…"
"AAACCCKKKKK!"
-Freeze-
IO and the missing eros were flying, IO dictating the younger one to where he should shoot his arrow. One man got hit and fell in love with another man passing by. One arrow hits a cow and saw a maiden milking and he starts running after the maiden with hearts in its eyes. One nun was hit and saw the unsuspecting young boy, of about 13 years old who was playing and the nun started removing her clothes in front of the boy and started to grope…to the boy's surprise, he started calling for his mama…
"I saw a witch! A fat Witch! Hit her!" Io said and Eros looked to where IO was pointing, he pointed his bow and arrow and shoot
The witch grinned, she was nearing her tower and saw the blond woman making a scene, then she heard the arrow so she stepped aside to not be hit…
The arrow hits the blonde woman…
"Oh-oh," IO said
"Oh-oh," Eros said
"We big trouble…"
"Tobol,"
-maiuniverse-
Haruka felt it…it was like a balm to her soul, and then all of a sudden the annoying voice becomes clear, "she's no witch…she's a damsel in distress…she's lonely…just like me…" Haruka thought, "I'm going up there to save you!" Haruka shouted
Shiho can hear the woman from below was surprised and got excited at the same time, "Someone's saving me! She's coming up!" she thought, "There's a door and a stair going up at the back side!" she shouted back
Haruka frowned, "What? You expect me to go up by stairs? Don't you have elevator or escalator at least? You're about 50 stories High!"
"Sorry we don't…" Shiho grinned, "Wait, I'll throw my hair at you so you can climb!"
"Climb? What do you think of me a mountain climber? Get real Princess!"
Shiho giggled, "She thinks I'm a princess…Okay, I'll pull you just get on it!"
Haruka smiled, "Okay!"
And Shiho threw her very long hair down.
Haruka tried the hair by pulling hard on it, "OUCH!" the blond woman heard, "Sorry!" Haruka replied, "I'm ready PULL!"
"ARGGGHHHHH!" Shiho exerted as she pulls hard, "DAMN YOU PRINCE! YOU'RE AS HEAVY AS THE WITCH!" she yelled but still she pulls, she stopped when she felt the weight off, since Haruka was already clinging to the window's sill, "OMG… You are a…woman?"
"Yeah? Why don't I sound like one?" Haruka said frowning then smiled, "Oh…princess..I'm here to rescue…"
"SHIHO LET DOWN YOUR HAIR!"
"Come on then, I'm going with you, the witch has returned!" Shiho said
"I'm a wom-"
"I don't care, opportunity knocks only once!" Shiho said pulling Haruka towards her
"…LET DOWN YOUR…Damn you Shiho…you really want me to take the stairs!"
"Someone is asking…"
Shiho grinned, "That's the witch, let her take the stairs…"
"Ohhh…you are feisty…" Haruka's words were cut when Shiho connects her lips to hers…"Hmmpphhh!" Haruka flails her hands on the air as she was being kissed
-days later-
"Damn you Shiho!" The witch angrily said as she opened the door to the tower with a 'blag', and her anger vanished when she saw an obviously naked Shiho cuddling a tired and obviously naked blonde woman, Shiho's long octopus hair covering them. "WHO ARE YOU TO INTRUDE IN MY TOWER!"
Haruka's eyes widened, as well as Shiho, "And who are you to come in my room!" Shiho asked bewildered
"Who am I? I'm the witch you fool!"
Shiho looked at the witch up and down, "You're not, you're too sexy to be her!"
"Damn you Shiho…I went up using the stairs!"
Their bickering stopped when Haruka yawned
"So are you taking her home?" The witch asked "Oh please-please, let her take her home…I promise to stop being a witch if she does…" the witch thought
"Ahhh…"
The witch hurriedly kneeld before the naked woman, "Please! I'll give you anything just…"
And the sudden appearance of a young, gorgeous man with a naughty looking winged boy stopped the witch
"AHHHHH!" Shiho shouted and pulled Haruka to cover her from a wide eyes good looking man
"Who are you?" The Witch asked
"I'm sorry to intrude, but my name is Cupid and this is my brother Eros, I think my brother had made a mistake and shot her," he pointed at Haruka "…with his love arrow, I'm here to reverse…"
He wasn't finished yet when A now sexy witch that goes by the name Hanhan and a very naked Shiho came at him, "YOU ARE NOT REVERSING ANYTHING…OR HELP ME ZEUS!"
-maiuniverse-
"That isn't even funny!" Haruka said glaring at her friend Shizuru who was reading her new story, "There is no way in hell I'll be with Shiho that way!"
"And what's wrong with being with me that way?" Shiho said who surprisingly appeared out of nowhere
"Whoah! Are sure you're not the witch in the story?" Nao said when she too was surprised by Shiho's sudden appearance,
"Now-now Children…I'm trying on pairing Shiho to everyone…I'm thinking Shiho and Natsuki…"
"Oi-oi don't include me in this messy story of your messy head Shizuru!"
"Ara…"
-End-
Hahaahaha…okay a Haruka-Shiho fairy tale story.