Every family has their own uncomfortable, awkward little moments. Catching your parents making out as if they were teenagers. Lying about finishing your homework and then getting busted. An awkward conversation about sex-ed at the dinner table.
Realizing your sister is in love with you.
One out of four has happened to Mary Margaret Mills, and honestly, she wasn't quite sure how to react. What was one supposed to do in a situation like this, anyway?
She and Regina didn't have a relationship you'd call normal, even they knew that. People have pointed it out many times before, just how codependent of each other they were, how unhealthy and borderline masochistic their sisterly love was. They kept dying and coming back, all for each other, and if that wouldn't have been enough, they were hunters. A hunter's life was already a mess, with imminent death constantly looming over them and breathing down their necks, so that already made them an interesting pair. Two sisters against the world. Two sisters who were ready to go to impossible lengths to save the world, but would also ruin it and watch it perish in a heartbeat if it meant it would save the other, willing to sacrifice everything they worked for because they simply couldn't live without the other.
Well, at least that was true for Regina.
They weren't the same. No matter how close they were, Mary Margaret and Regina still weren't the same person, didn't have the same dreams and expectations, same needs. Mary Margaret wanted to have a normal life, has been craving for that ever since she realized that going from motel to motel wasn't a real way to live. She fought alongside Regina because that's what she was supposed to do, because if maybe she cleaned this world up long enough, well enough, then she'd get a chance at happiness. Real happiness, one that you'd only experience with a loved one, with someone who understands but isn't burdened by this life. She tried so hard to make that dream come true, turn the fantasy into reality, that she abandoned her sister for a man. Then, when that didn't work out, because why would anything ever go the way Mary Margaret wanted, she tried to kill herself. Well, no, she didn't. She didn't know she would end up dying when she started the Trials, but that didn't mean anything. As soon as Regina told her what would happen, in that church, Mary Margaret knew she didn't mind. Dying for the greater good, to seal the Gates of Hell shut forever—who wouldn't jump at an opportunity like that? What decent hunter would back out and let hundreds of innocents perish just so they could continue living?
She was ready. She was fine with leaving this wretched place behind. But Mary Margaret wasn't. They both loved each other, in their own ways, but Regina soon had to realize that her sister's love was more selfish than hers. She couldn't live without Mary Margaret, didn't want to be alone. That made her angry, because they were supposed to be hunters and think of others before themselves. But no, Regina didn't care; she needed her little sister with her, her dependence much stronger than Mary Margaret's. Regina Mills was one great big hypocrite, would die and leave Mary Margaret behind as long as it meant that she wouldn't be left alone in this world, refused to be alone, even if that meant dragging the other back from the dead, from the verge of death, sacrificing the lives of those they were supposed to save just so she could keep her little sister. Making deals with angels and demons, dying and killing, all just so they could stay together, always and forever, so she wouldn't have to face this place, try to survive by herself.
Mary Margaret believed that to be true for so long, but then one day, everything changed.
It was like her eyes just opened. The ridiculous thing was that all it took was one little comment from a demon. "She won't shoot—she's way too in love with you to risk losing you." That's what it said when Mary Margaret shouted at her sister to shoot the damn thing, while it had a knife pressed against her throat, keeping her hostage. Regina had an unreadable expression on her face, and just as the demon predicted, she didn't shoot. At first. As soon as it got too cocky, the woman squeezed off three shots, two hitting the demon in its chest and one in its face, giving Mary Margaret the opportunity the wrestle the knife from its hand and sink it in its chest, killing it. And at first, she didn't think much of it. They both ignored what the demon said, as it's not like it was the first time someone had taunted them, and just moved on.
But…it kept bothering her. Nudging the back of her mind, reminding her it was there, the words swimming temptingly in her head whenever she looked at Regina. Sure, Regina loved Mary Margaret, but it wasn't the romantic sort of love. "In love with you." What a joke.
She didn't think about it for the longest time, but now she was unconsciously becoming more aware of the looks Regina gave her. And maybe it was just her, just her brain playing tricks on her because of that stupid shit the demon said, but she was noticing things. Regina's eyes lingering on her for a bit too long, watching her when she thought she wasn't looking; Regina's face brightening when Mary Margaret smiled or laughed, the women all grins herself; Regina's fingers almost purposely brushing against her's when she gave her a beer, hand staying on her shoulder for longer than necessary after a casual pat. She was noticing all of these small things that she never paid attention to before, and they were making Mary Margaret doubt herself. Because what if? It was ridiculous, was a waste of time even considering it, but what if Regina really loved her more than she expected?
What if it wasn't selfishness but desperation, not hypocrisy but crazy longing, not the fear of being alone but being without Mary Margaret?
She thought about just asking Regina, but even if it were true, she would have denied it. And if it wasn't, Mary Margaret would feel like a total idiot afterward. So she stayed silent instead, keeping an eye out for any strange behavior from her sister, and after two weeks, she couldn't take the pressure anymore and decided to settle this once and for all. She couldn't live like this, constantly wondering if her own sister was harboring any forbidden feelings toward her. It was driving her mad, even getting to the point where Mary Margaret could barely sleep at night, mind wandering and spinning, going in circles, and when she did actually manage to fall asleep, nightmares took over her head and imagination, concocting scenarios that left her waking in cold sweat and feeling pretty traumatized.
In order to put an end to this, she needed to find a solid proof. Something undeniable, something that would convince Mary Margaret of either truths, and since she has established that asking her sister about it was not going to happen, she had no choice but to take matters in her own hand. She chose a Sunday night for it. They were in a motel, done with a hunt, ready to hit the hay, and it was her turn to take a shower. Usually, they always brought their clothes with themselves into the bathroom, but this time Mary Margaret left it outside, then after a long moment of contemplation and reluctance, marched out of the steamy room with only a towel wrapped around her body, lying about how she left her fresh clothes in the duffel. Regina just rolled her eyes and didn't seem too bothered, made a stupid comment about how Mary Margaret showed off her body her eyes still lingered on Regina's long legs and her back, even on her ass, though not like that was anything new, because she had noticed her sister doing that quite often. A few intense stares wasn't what she was looking for, so after she went back into the bathroom and put her clothes on, she pretended to go to sleep, told Regina that she couldn't keep her eyes open any longer and flopped into the bed while her sister prepared for her own shower; however as soon as she heard the water running, Mary Margaret crawled out of the bed and snuck over to the door. Pressing her ear against the wooden surface, she listened closely while reminding herself that she was not a creep, was only trying to find out if her and her sister's relationship was even more fucked up than she thought, and it wasn't long before she began hearing the sounds. The quiet, muffled groans.
They weren't clear, were obviously difficult to hear with the shower going and the door blocking the sounds, but Mary Margaret still strained her ear and managed to pick up a few moans and curses. She felt her face flush, knew what her sister's doing and felt incredibly dirty and guilty for listening in , knew that this experience would probably leave her scarred if all of this turned out to be a huge misunderstanding. But after a while, she had to realize that all her suspicions were correct, because amongst the groans were words. Well, one word, repeated over and over again, especially by the end, and Mary Margaret was so shocked that she nearly forgot that she was supposed to be sleeping and barely managed to dive back under her blanket before Regina exited the bathroom.
She couldn't sleep anything that night, mind too haunted by the memory of her big sister moaning her name while jerking off in the shower.
After that, life went back to normal. Mary Margaret didn't pay close attention to her sister's behavior anymore because now she knew the truth, knew that the demon's foul words were correct, so she didn't need any more proof. And sure, at first she was shocked. Very much so, even disgusted a bit, since come on, they were sisters. But they weren't normal, might have been the world's most extraordinary and fucked up siblings, living a life that would send even the bravest of them all running in fear for their mental health. So, honestly, she couldn't blame Regina. She just couldn't hate her for the way she felt, not even if she tried. It was unnerving, that much was true, now that she was aware what the stares and the idle touches secretly meant, but Mary Margaret decided to ignore them all. She had no idea how long this has been going on, but since Regina had never made a move on her or acted on any of her feelings, Mary Margaret was positive their relationship didn't need to change just because she figured out her sister's dirty little secret. Nothing had to change, and nothing would as long as she forgot all about her discovery.
She was just going to ignore it all and go back to the way they always were, going to pretend that everything was fine and shove this new, disturbing knowledge to the very back of her mind, bury it deep and never take it out again, put it next to all the crap she never thought or spoke of. This wouldn't be the first time she had to erase her own memory like this, so it shouldn't be too hard this time either, right?