Hawaii Five-0 is property of CBS and its creators.
A/N: Another one you can blame my mother for. She put the idea in my head around Easter, and I couldn't resist, even if it is late. :)
"You've never had corned beef and cabbage?" Danny Williams stared at his partner, Steve McGarrett, in shock.
Steve shrugged. "I've never seen the appeal."
"You've never seen the appeal?! What kind of Neanderthal are you? Never mind, I know. You're the kind who eats Spam and has pineapple on pizza. We've got to change this." Danny leveled a finger a Steve. "I am going to make you corned beef and cabbage and for St. Patrick's day."
Steve tried not to grimace. They'd had corned beef and cabbage in the mess hall for St. Patrick's Day when he'd been in the Navy, and he'd thought it looked decidedly unappealing, lying there all brown on it's bed of faded cabbage and blah-colored potatoes. Plus, the smell was slightly nauseating. "You really don't have to do that."
Danny wouldn't be deterred. "Of course I do! If I don't introduce you to the pleasures of civilized life, who's going to?"
"Are you going to make me drink green beer?" Steve asked warily.
"Of course not! Now that is an abomination, a creation of American bar owners to sell more beer. No self-respecting Irishman would be caught dead drinking that stuff."
Steve sighed in relief. He may have to put up with corned beef and cabbage, but at least he wouldn't be subjected to green beer. Thank goodness for small favors.
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St. Patrick's Day was quiet, so Danny left early to get what he needed for his "culinary treat", as he called it.
When Steve got home, he found Danny in the kitchen, pot boiling on the stove, his dog Bullet on the floor by his feet, and Steve's cats Ninja and NJ lined up on the counter, all watching Danny carefully. Steve might have been imagining it, but he swore he saw a look of disdain on the cats' faces.
"How's it going?" Steve asked.
Danny whirled around, startled, a piece of cabbage dropping from his spoon to the floor. Bullet eagerly moved towards it, sniffing. He pulled back, and Steve swore his nose wrinkled. The dog looked up at Danny as if to say "Don't you have anything better than that?"
Danny didn't notice. "Don't do that, you stupid ninja! Didn't your mother teach you not to sneak up on people? You almost gave me a heart attack."
Steve ignored him and peered into the pot. The stuff nestled in the boiling water looked—and smelled—worse than he remembered. He must not have done a good job keeping his disgust off his face, because Danny swatted him with his spoon.
"Don't look like that. It's not going to poison you."
"Are you sure?" Steve asked, the words slipping out before he thought better of them.
Danny glared at him. "Don't be dissing my heritage, ye-who-eats-Spam." He broke off a small piece and held it out to Steve. "Here, try it."
Steve backed away, hands out as if facing an armed criminal. "That's okay; I'll wait until it's done."
"Suit yourself." Danny offered the piece to the cats, who turned up their noses. Smart cats, Steve thought. Danny then offered it to Bullet, who gobbled it up. "See? Bullet likes it."
"Bullet will eat anything," Steve retorted. Except cabbage, apparently. The limp piece still lay untouched on the floor where it had fallen.
Danny just glared some more. "It's almost ready. Just let me dish it up."
Steve couldn't keep the sarcasm out of his voice. "I can hardly wait."
Danny ignored him and placed generous slices of the corned beef on plates, then added liberal helpings of potatoes and cabbage. The rest of the corned beef he left on a platter on the counter. Steve thought he'd know better by now, but he didn't say anything. Steve watched the cats who were crouched low, eying the corned beef, tails twitching, acting like it was prey to be caught and eaten, though Steve hoped they were smart enough not to actually swallow the stuff. He'd be severely disappointed if they did.
Danny placed one of the plates in front of Steve with a flourish. "Here you go."
Steve stared at it as though it would bite him. "Don't look at it like that," Danny said. "I promise it won't bite." He took a large forkful of his own corned beef. "Delicious."
Steve dubiously cut off the tiniest bit he could manage and tasted it. It was okay, but nothing special.
Danny watched him carefully. "Try some mustard. Or horseradish."
Steve briefly debated burying it in horseradish. At least then, maybe he'd burn out his sinuses and wouldn't be able to taste it. He settled for mustard instead, slathering it on and taking another tentative bite. Better. Still not great, but better.
Danny beamed at him. "See? Isn't it delicious?"
Steve didn't want to disappoint Danny with the truth, but he didn't want to lie, either. "It's. . . different," he settled on. He wondered if he could sneak his portion to Bullet without Danny noticing.
Steve's musings were interrupted by a clatter. The cats had pounced on the corned beef, knocking it to the floor. They were now circling it warily. Ninja darted forward, swatting it with his paw, then backed of and NJ took his turn. The younger cat tore into it enthusiastically, shredding it with his claws, but not, Steve was pleased to note, eating it.
"Hey, hey, hey, scat!" Danny clapped his hands at the cats, who scattered. Steve took advantage of the chaos to slip Bullet his food. Danny whirled on him, finger pointed accusingly. "I saw that."
Steve tried to look repentant, even though he wasn't really. "Sorry, Danny. I guess corned beef just isn't my thing." He heard an answering "Meow" from one of the cats, as if he was reaffirming Steve's opinion. Bullet thumped his tail and panted, as if to say "It's my thing. Can I have some more?"
Danny glared at the world in general as he went to clean up the mess. "Neanderthals, the lot of you. Completely hopeless. See if I ever do this for you again."
Steve sincerely hoped not.
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A/N: No, I'm not a corned beef fan. :) My apologies to those who are.