Len never really had a lot of people he cared about growing up. There was Lisa, who felt like she'd always been a part of his life even though she was seven years younger. Once upon a time, there had been Lisa's mom, before she died. His own, once, probably. He doesn't remember her very clearly, but he knows she loved him. He's never been sure if she left and stayed gone of her own volition, but even if she had he doesn't blame her.
And there was Doc.
Len never knew the details of why Doc's report never resulted in him and Lisa being taken from their dad. He wasn't surprised by it, accepted it as an inevitability before Doc even filed it.
It all always boiled down to one thing: his dad was a cop, a charming man who would "never lay a hand on my kids".
But unlike the others who Len tried to tell, Doc didn't stop when nothing happened. He couldn't take Len and Lisa out of their home, but he did whatever he could to make sure they were okay anyway.
He let Len stay over on nights that were really bad-Lisa could only rarely sneak out too, but Doc made sure she was welcome also. If Len needed medical attention, he knew he could come to Doc to get patched up. It helped as much as anything could, and Len knew how much Doc wished he could get them out of there.
A few months after the first time Len stayed overnight, he saw Doc's son for the first time. Len was nearly sixteen then, a full twelve years older than the little boy. Doc was stitching up a cut on his arm from one of his dad's broken bottles when the kid blearily walked into the kitchen with a little red blanket under his arm. He wasn't afraid of Len, just curious.
He supposes that's probably how it started.
Len stayed over more and more often after that. Not of any deliberate choice, but perhaps an unconscious one.
A few weeks before his seventeenth birthday, Len ended up taking Lisa with him while their dad slept off a drinking binge. Despite their age difference, Lisa and Barry seemed to be fast friends, which made Len relax for the first time in weeks.
Of course, things didn't stay good. A few months later, Len ended up with a broken arm and a sprained ankle and face full of angry bruises.
He stayed with Doc for a week after he got his cast. The hospital bill was too high, and Len wasn't entirely sure that he would survive another night with his dad once the man knew.
He didn't go home when he left. He set out on his own with nothing but his backpack and a cast full of little Bartholomew's drawings and the five hundred dollars Doc and his wife stuffed in his jacket pocket when they said goodbye.
The first few months were hard. He'd tried, at first, to keep on the straight and narrow side of things. But no matter how much he tried, he couldn't do it, couldn't keep to it.
He's not quite comfortable with it, stealing things. But he's good at it. He's good at it and he makes enough to start saving for Lisa. He sleeps in shelters mostly, at first, but then he starts staying with members of his crew, pays his way some nights.
It's not comfortable, but it's a living.
Even the danger doesn't feel quite as dangerous as living with his dad.
He visits Doc every few weeks, and he finds himself getting attached to Bartholomew. The kid is bright and wants to learn, and Len thinks that maybe he'll have the chances that Len's life didn't afford him.
He's got a good family, after all.
When Len is twenty three, he goes with a crew all the way to Gotham for a job. He's gone two months, which is the longest he's been away from Bartholomew in two years.
He helps the kid with his homework the day after he gets back, shrugs off Doc's questions about where he was, and tells the kid he's family.
Two days later, he stops by the Allen house to find crime scene tape and a news crew.
"Cops are saying Doctor Allen killed his wife... Kid was so traumatized they found him like blocks away screaming his head off, barefoot in his pajamas. Saw the whole thing."
Len takes up with the new crew the next day. He tells Lisa he's getting out of town.
The last thing he does is sneak into the house that Bartholomew's apparently staying in. The kid is sitting on a bed with his arms wrapped around his legs, head on his knees.
"Bart-"
"Lenny? Lenny, they said my dad killed her but he-"
"Shhhh, kid. I'm not supposed to be here."
"Oh..."
"Hey, it'll be okay. All right? Just take some time. Look, I gotta go. I won't be... I won't be back for awhile. But if you need to talk, you email me okay? I'll always check it, no matter what I'm doing, okay?"
"Okay... Lenny?"
"Yeah, Bare?"
"Never mind."
-x-
out_there1989 *****.com
Iris's dad thinks they're gonna let me stay here. He'll be my foster dad until my dad gets out.
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sleonard1977 *****.com
You doing okay, kid? I just saw the news.
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out_there1989 *****.com
Lisa was on the news. I think they arrested your dad. Joe wouldn't let me watch the whole story.
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sleonard1977 *****.com
Hey, kid. Going to away for awhile. I'll respond when I can, okay?
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out_there1989 *****.com
High school sucks, Lenny.
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sleonard1977 *****.com
Why don't you just ask her out already?
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out_there1989 *****.com
Okay, so... forensic science?
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sleonard1977 *****.com
I'm sorry I missed graduation. I sent you something.
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ballen2012 *****.com
Hangovers are terrible.
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sleonard1977 *****.com
On page three, would it be better if...
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ballen2012 *****.com
You were totally right.
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sleonard1977 *****.com
You were safe, I hope?
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ballen2012 *****.com
Finals are almost over, ugh.
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sleonard1977 *****.com
I'm not in town for long, gotta jet out in a few hours.
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ballen2012 *****.com
It's not like I was expecting anything, but it would have been nice...
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sleonard1977 *****.com
I saw your dad a few days ago. He's doing okay.
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barryallen89 *****.com
Thanks for the graduation present. So, I was thinking...
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sleonard1977 *****.com
Congratulations on the job, kid.
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barryallen89 *****.com
I'm going to Starling City. There's something I need to...
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sleonard1977 *****.com
Where are you?
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sleonard1977 *****.com
Saw the report on the news. I'm going to be pissed if you...
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sleonard1977 *****.com
This isn't fair.
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barryallen89 *****.com
I'm okay. They told me I was in a coma for nine months. It doesn't feel real...
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sleonard1977 *****.com
I'll be in town soon.
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Len is aware that it's been a few years since he saw him. Bartholomew isn't the same kid that Len had left before.
He's grown into himself. He's still skinny but he's more muscular. He doesn't look like he just spent nine months in a coma. He looks like he just spent a few months working out.
And, if Len is honest with himself, which he rarely ever is, Bartholomew-Barry-is definitely his type.
Not that Len will do anything about it.
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barryallen89 *****.com
Who are you?
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sleonard1977 *****.com
I never wanted you to know.
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Barry doesn't respond.
Barry doesn't respond and Len is Captain Cold and the Flash is his nemesis.
And maybe Len should have told him. Maybe he shouldn't have done all he could to hide who he was and what he did from him.
But... Barry... Barry was the last good thing in his life. And he didn't... want to be another disappointment.
-x-
Barry is the Flash.
Barry is the Flash and everything makes a startling amount of sense anymore.
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He agrees not to kill any innocents.
He does it because of the look Barry gives him. Like he doesn't know him anymore. Like he never did.
Maybe it's true. What basis did their relationship have? A child's enduring view of a cool older kid? Reluctant affection for a kid who's parents loved him?
Len doesn't know. He isn't sure he wants to know. Maybe he's just too fucked up for friends, definitely too fucked up for whatever else he had started to want.
-x-
"Because now they all owe me. Something tells me they'll be a lot more use to me as part of my Rogues than rotting away in the North China Sea."
"You gave me your word."
"Haha, it's true I did but here's the thing, I'm a criminal. And a liar. And I hurt people. And I rob them. What did you expect me to do, not be what I am? I saw an opportunity to turn things to my advantage and I did. Who you're really mad at is yourself. This is on you, Barry."
"Then why didn't you just kill me?"
"Well I guess you owe me one now too. Good luck with... all of this. I'm actually really excited to see how it all turns out."
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barryallen89 *****.com
Is anything about you real?
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sleonard1977 *****.com
I think you already know the answer to that, don't you, Scarlet?
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When Len was twenty-three, the person he trusted the most in the world went to jail.
The one person he admired, respected, was arrested for murder.
It was hard to give a damn about the lines after that.
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barryallen89 *****.com
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barryallen89 *****.com
Wells killed my mom.
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Len isn't sure what he's doing here. He's lucky, he supposes, that none of the guards so far recognize him.
Len picks up the phone.
"Doctor Allen."
"Lenny... It's... been awhile."
-x-
"You went and talked to my dad?!" Barry's voice is loud as it carries through the empty apartment.
Len doesn't know how he found him.
"I thought he did it, you know?"
"What? I told you-"
"You were a kid, Bartholomew. You were a kid, and my dad wasn't..."
-x-
Len is quiet as Barry goes through the entire story. As Barry narrates the truth of everything that's happened since he woke up from his coma. Len is quiet and Len is listening.
He's listening because he once promised an eleven year old boy he would, but never truly did, did he?
"Why did you come find me?" Len asks when it's done, when Barry has spilled every terrible moment of it.
"We were friends, once. That's... that's why I trusted you at your word... But... you were right... Not for the reasons you said, but you were right."
"If I'd have told you about what I really did, back then..."
"I might not have had a massive crush on your brain in college," Barry laughs. Len takes it, even though it doesn't quite reach all the corners of Barry's face.
"You had a crush on me?"
"Hot older smart guy who actually talked to me? Why wouldn't I?"
"I said we were family, once," Len reminds him. Barry shakes his head.
"I always used to imagine two lives, you know? One where Iris and I got married... and one where we were together. But, I thought you thought of me as a little brother, you know? Of course, Iris was my foster sister, so maybe I was just wishing for things I could never have."
-x-
It doesn't magically make things between them better. Barry still doesn't trust him, not really.
But Len's okay with that.
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barryallen89 *****.com
Got a problem that could use some professional hands. Care to help me Cool things down?