Te Quiero
I still remember the first time we met. It was a bright Monday morning during a European tour. I had the most refreshing breakfast in Italy (while the others coming were just crap) and boarded the coach with no intension in getting to know any of my tour mates. My sister snuggled next to me for another wink of sleep as I admired Rome when blue birds chirped joyfully in the swaying emerald trees. Not far away, the corn field stood tall under the brilliance of the golden sun. But your darling voice, complaining your dad was nowhere to be seen, pulled me away from the utopian Roman scene. There you were, standing proudly beside your seat, scanning the coach in such grace that it was barely impossible to think of you as a man. While everyone was in their morning, dull faces, you held yours high up, and let your face shine angelically under the beaming sunlight. Never had I seen someone this beautiful, every feature on your face gradiented in a way that it seemed more like it was from an artwork from Le Louvre.
Now, you are sitting next to me, arms wrap tightly around your music bag and toy around with the strap. Even when you are in your uninteresting school uniform, your radiance does not deteriorate. In such environment like we are in now, in this discreet corner next to a public basketball court, we are surrounded by high brick walls and vegetation. The afternoon sun seeps through the leaves and lands its illumination onto you. Though this is not the first time I see you in your uniform, I personally think you look way better than the time during our first date. We were in downtown at that time, when the tall buildings blocked the most beautiful light. Seeing you , shy and uncertain, within the chaos of automobile and crowds, to me it seemed like a snowy white swan trapped inside a polluted pond. I knew you were nervous about the date, or Elizaveta would not have tagged along. She certainly was an amiable girl, but I would still choose you, Roderich even if the world's hottest chick approaches me, for your aristocratic personality attracted me, your frail being urges me to stay beside you and protect you.
Then, why, oh why, do you have to say that?
You sit straight with your legs crossed, eyes looking straight ahead, firmly onto the basketball court behind those round spectacles. Your breaths become unstable and you are shaking all over. You finally speak, but from your wavering voice, I can sense something terribly wrong is going to happen.
"Did anyone tell you, Antonio, that you are the best person in the world?"
I answered no, and attempted to wrap an arm around you. But you sat up even straighter to avoid it, take an even deeper breath and continued, "I'm sorry, Antonio. That examination to Vienna is very important to me. It had been giving me such intense pressure that I can't deal with it anymore. And schoolwork is piling up day by day too. I'm sorry, Andy, however much I had loved you, I just can't keep it if it is just another source of stress for me. I'm sorry. I'm sorry…"
You break down, finally, bead-like tears come streaming down your rosy cheeks. Not giving myself a second thought I wrapped an arm around you and hold your hand with another. You, too, let down your guard and buried your head in my shoulder, crying and repeating, "I'm sorry."
Please don't say that, Roderich, I had wanted to say, it is not your fault. Haven't I told you not to say this? When we returned home and you added me in Facebook out of curiosity to find out who that mysterious Spaniard is, hiding at the back of the coach. We started out with inbox messaging, then to text messages then to even meeting up in nearby cafes and libraries. When you turned me down the first time I asked you out, you kept repeating "excuse me" and "I'm sorry" throughout the rest of the conversation. Why do you always have to blame yourself? Please don't do that, Roderich, it is not your fault. I understand that piano exam is almost like your life. It is your dream to get into the Vienna Music Institute. I could still recall that night, that fateful night when you agreed to be my boyfriend, you had warned me that would be overly busy preparing for the exam to even see me for an hour. I remembered telling you that I would support you whenever and whatever. I had made promises to you voluntarily that I would support from behind while you shine of the stage. I promised you that I would pamper you and treat you cakes and all those other desserts you were fond of. I promised I would hold you close to me when you were scared to death during a thunder storm.
A gust of wind caresses your skin, lifting your brunette hair in elegance that make you look more beautiful than ever.
"What date is today?" I ask.
You answer a faint "17th".
"It has been the best week I've ever had."
No one make a noise, even the wind stops. You stir in my embrace and break free from it. Straightening your uniform and casually combing you hair with you fingers, you turn to me in such calm composure despite your puffed eyes and still slightly tousled hair.
"I have to leave now. I have to fetch my grandmother to a cousin's homecoming part. Pray you will excuse me and I shall see you around someday." Then you go off, not allowing time for yourself to regret.
Your sudden formality freezes me on spot. As you unregretfully walked away from me, I watched you guiltily from behind as tears overwhelmed my eyes. That phrase sits on my lips, urging to be able to jump out and be freed from the captivity of my teeth. How I have regretted for not telling you this sooner, what has be hidden in a dark corner in my heart.
Now seeing you disappear around the corner, I know at once I have lost my chance forever to tell you, "I love you, Roderich."
Heyy everyone, Kaoru is back with a one-shot from APH! interesting though, this story is based on my own breakup scene with my boyfriend a few days ago. It is a tough decision but I am slowly recovering from it. I know I've made Roderich such a bitch (crowd: aren't you one then!) but then this is roughly what happened. It is such a coincidence that my ex is called Antonio too haha.. that's why I chose Boss to be in this story while I absolutely support Prussia and Austria (horray to german speakers!)
Anyway, I hope you had enjoyed the story and R&R :)
Kaoru
23rd September 2010