Author's Notes: I'm back with another Rogan story! This is a three parter, taking place at the end of X1, in between the two, and the beginning of X2. It's in the same universe and can be taken as a prequel for To Hold You Close (shamless plug!). Anyways, I'm excited about it. Also, I don't want to hear anything about Rogue not knowing about Mystique being in the mansion, as that is all being explained/taken care of in the next chapter! So anyways, please enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own X-Men.

Sanity Forgotten

-One-

She had really thought she was going to die. Magneto had told her she would. There had always been that little hope that Logan would save her, but he hadn't come. And her fear had increased, and then there had been the pain. The complete and utter agony, and then…then the blissful saving. The nothing, and then Logan…sacrificing himself for her…

Rogue felt that she been in bed for forever, but it had only been an hour that she had lain awake, trying to sort things out. After loading everyone in the jet, it had felt like an eternity to get back to the mansion and she had clutched Logan's hand the entire time, berating him in her mind for what he'd done. Killing himself to save her life? Rogue wasn't worth that, she, the girl who could kill with her touch. Rogue hated her own self-loathing, but she knew it would increase if the odds failed and Logan didn't survive.

And so Rogue found herself questioning his motives. Just why had Logan done that? Rogue was still young, and still wanted to believe in fairy tales, and Logan certainly had saved her. But he was a far cry from Prince Charming, although Rogue thought she preferred him that way. But she couldn't ask him now, and might never get the chance. She wished she could go and see him, sit by his side or something, even though he might say it was stupid. Rogue was convinced her presence would be good for him.

But Dr. Grey had forbidden her from entering the hospital wing, and Rogue was bitter about that. She flopped over on her side, recalling the slight change of expression on the doctor's face when Rogue had told the X-Men what happened. Clearly, Dr. Grey didn't believe that Logan would forfeit his own life for some foolish girl. Then again, Dr. Grey didn't know Logan like she did, but Rogue had a slight suspicion the good doctor wanted that to change. She had caught the slight glances Dr. Grey had given Logan, but she wasn't sure why it made her stomach twist in knots.

And so Rogue couldn't sleep. She was still way too riled up from the night's events, and confused by herself, and her own feelings. She also had an odd desire for a beer, something she'd never had in her entire life. Realizing Logan's presence in her mind, Rogue grinned stupidly, without really knowing why. Slipping from her bed, she pulled on a pair of gloves and a long terrycloth bathrobe, before heading towards the kitchen.

She was surprised to see the lights on. Hesitantly, Rogue peered around the corner and caught sight of Bobby, drinking a soda and reading a magazine. Mustering her courage, Rogue walked into the room. Bobby looked up, startled, but smiled when he saw her.

"Hey," he said quietly. "Couldn't sleep?" Rogue shook her head. "I don't blame you," Bobby chuckled. "I don't think I would be able to either, if I were in your shoes." Rogue bit her lip as he continued to look at her.

"What's there to eat around here?" she finally asked quietly, causing Bobby to jump up.

"Right, sorry! Well, there's all sorts of junk food in the cupboards back there, and everything in the fridge is more healthy, you know, fruits and vegetables and such. You could have a sandwich, or just toast or something…" Bobby trailed off as Rogue began to laugh.

"You make a great host," she sputtered in between giggles. Bobby grinned at her. "So, maybe just some toast then. And maybe an apple." Rogue walked over to the fridge as Bobby hurried to put bread in the toaster. As she pulled an apple out, Rogue suddenly felt guilty. Here she was, having a moment of happiness, when Logan was in pain after his sacrifice for her. With a shake of her head, Rogue tossed the thought out. Logan was strong, and he wouldn't be upset that she was laughing. He seemed to think, seemed to want, her to smile more. Ironically, Rogue frowned, wishing she could go see him.

"So?" Bobby asked as she sat down and took a bite of the apple. Rogue raised an eyebrow in question. "Wanna talk about it?"

"Oh," Rogue said quietly. She looked at him for a minute, and all the laughter she had previously shared with him was gone. "You know…" she began slowly, "I left because of you."

"Me?" Bobby had the grace to at least look surprised. "What are you talking about?"

"You told me to get out of here. That everyone was gettin' freaked out, and that the Professor was furious with me." Rogue felt the same lump form in her throat that she had felt when he said those words to her, and she blinked, trying to stop tears from forming. Bobby looked stricken.

"Rogue, I never said any of that, I never would have said it!"

"Bobby, you looked me straight in the eye and told me I should go." Rogue's voice almost broke, and she set her apple down. Bobby stood up and walked over to her. He touched her gloved hand lightly.

"Rogue, that wasn't me. On the day you left, I was looking for you, because we were supposed to meet for lunch. I never saw you, and I certainly never would have told you to leave!" Bobby looked at her earnestly, and Rogue wanted to believe him, but she wasn't sure she did. It had been Bobby who had said those things to her, she knew it was him. The only mutant she knew who could pretend to be others was with Magneto - there was no way she could have been on the grounds of the mansion. Still, Rogue swallowed and smiled half heartedly at Bobby.

"Ok," she said. He took his hand off hers, and tried to smile back.

"Are you ok?" he asked her softly. "Do you really believe me?"

"Sure," Rogue answered tiredly. She looked at him. "I think I'm goin' back to bed now." The toast popped up as she turned and left, ignoring Bobby's hurt look.

Rather than going back to her room, Rogue had gone to one of the rec rooms and curled up on a couch, putting the tv on low volume to distract herself. She finally managed to get to sleep, but she only had a nightmare about what had happened. The pain felt as real as it had in the dream, and Rogue woke up screaming, tears streaming down her face. It wasn't Logan who appeared in the doorway though, it was Mr. Summers.

"Rogue?" he asked her softly. Rogue turned to him, her fright still in her.

"It was just like it was," she sobbed, and Mr. Summers crossed over to the couch. She hadn't taken her gloves off, so he grasped one of her hands very tightly. Rogue wondered if Logan would have hugged her.

"It's over now," he said consolingly. "You're safe, and alive, thanks to Logan. Focus on the good."

"How can I?" Rogue whispered, tears still falling. "He might've died because of me. And I'm not even allowed to see him!"

"Standard procedure for a critical patient," Mr. Summers said. "And I don't think Logan'll die anytime soon. He's too stubborn, for one. And we've got state-of-the-art equipment here, which will keep him safe until his healing factor kicks back in, don't worry. And besides, Jean is a top-notch doctor. She'll take good care of him." He squeezed her hand. "It will be alright. It almost always is."

"I hope so," Rogue sniffed. After a moment, she looked at him, feeling more in control of herself. "Mr. Summers?" she began, wanting an answer to something that had been bothering her.

"Really, call me Scott," he said. "We're not in class." He smiled at Rogue, and she would've sworn he winked, even though she couldn't see it.

"Ok," she said. "I was wondering…what took so long to stop Magneto? When Logan was about to stop the machine." Through the pain, she had known Logan was there, saw him struggling against Magneto's power. She couldn't understand why she had been made to suffer so long.

"It was difficult to get a good shot," Scott said slowly.

"But Magneto wasn't moving!" Rogue protested. Scott sighed.

"It was an incredibly tense situation. Usually Jean and I work together; she's a little extra help to make sure the shots are good if lives depend on it. And if the shot is fifty-fifty, we usually wait until the odds are better."

"I suffered because of that?" Rogue asked, incredulous. Scott looked rueful.

"I had a decent shot at one point, almost just before the shot I did take, that I would have taken without fear for your or Logan's safety. Jean asked me to wait. I did, until the next opportunity came. I took that shot." Scott sighed. "I should have taken the first one, it was wrong of Jean to ask me to wait. But she's not always certain of her powers."

"Oh." Rogue sighed. Was she surprised it was Jean again?

"Do you feel a little better?" Scott asked her. "About the nightmare at least, not so much the rescuing."

"Yeah," Rogue said softly. "Thanks Scott."

"Of course," he said. "Always feel free to talk to me, or any of the others. We're here to help, and in more ways than just learning how to use your powers. You've always got friends in the X-Men." He gave Rogue's hand one last squeeze and stood up. She smiled weakly at him. "You should go back to your own bedroom," he added, flipping off the television she had left on. "You'll sleep better."

"Thanks," she said again. He smiled and left. Rogue sighed and stood up, then followed his advice and headed towards her room. Once there, she flopped back on her bed, exhausted, and sleep came once more, only this time she dreamt of intense pain, blood on her hands, and the murder of lab coated figures.

In the morning, Rogue was grouchy. That was why, when Dr. Grey asked her how she was, Rogue only grunted and muttered something like 'fine'. She slouched through breakfast and spent the rest of the early morning outside, by herself. It didn't help her mood that she heard Dr. Grey mention how she was exhibited Logan-traits to the Professor. Talking about her behind her back! Rogue couldn't explain her animosity towards the doctor; all she knew was that the woman made her inexplicably angry.

Things changed when she heard Logan had woken up a little later in the morning. Elated but suddenly shy, Rogue didn't go down to see him. She told herself it was for the best, that he probably didn't want to see her anyway. That he probably questioned why he had even saved her. She tried to not think her decision was perhaps influenced by who else was down there with him.

And so, later in the day, when Bobby asked her to join him and John in the rec room, Rogue only said yes to give her confused mind a break. She didn't really want to hang out with them, but she didn't want to be an outcast either. Playing foosball with the two of them was more fun than she thought it would be though, even with John being a bit of a show-off.

They were halfway through a second game when she got the feeling she was being watched. Rogue glanced up in time to see Logan walk through the doorway into the mansion's foyer and panic suddenly hit her. Pausing for a split second, Rogue wondered miserably why she hadn't gone to see him before. Then she turned to Bobby.

"I'll be right back," she muttered to him, and he nodded, still into the game. Rogue hurried towards the closing door, and caught it just before it shut.

"Hey," she called out, trying to keep her tone light. Logan turned around suddenly, his eyes wide with wonder, and she tried to smile at him as she stepped into the foyer. He looked up, to his left, anywhere but at her, and refused to say anything. After a breathless moment, Rogue asked, "You runnin' again?" Her question cast a guilty look on his face, and he shifted his pack as she stepped closer.

"Not really," he said, as he looked down at the floor. "I have some things to take care of up north." He glanced up at her and looked away again. Rogue smiled at him, unsure of why she felt so sick to her stomach, why every fiber of her being was wanting to scream no, don't leave. Suddenly he reached out and brushed the white streak in her hair, and the guilty look on his face strengthened. Rogue suddenly realized he felt as guilty and responsible for it, for her, as she did for not going to see him.

"I kinda like it," she said, feeling it was important that he knew it was ok. It had happened, but he had saved her in the end. Logan only nodded though, as if he only half heard her, and Rogue caught his chin wobble, just the slightest bit. "I don't want you to go," she said impulsively, wanting the lump that had appeared in her throat to disappear. As soon as she said it though, she wished she hadn't, and could only wait, wide-eyed, for his response.

Logan paused for a moment, and then looked her right in the eyes, but Rogue couldn't read his expression. He looked as though he were struggling to say something, then he nodded to himself, and took off his dog tags, blinking a few times. He took her gloved hand in one of his and she marveled at how large it was, and a thrill ran through her body as he placed the tags in her hand, and he closed her fingers around them. He kept his fingers pressed over hers as he looked back at her.

"I'll be back for this," he said, still looking right at her. His gaze was intense, looking deeper into her, and Rogue wondered what, or who else he would also be back for. Another thrill shot through her, and she found she couldn't speak. The moment passed and he turned and left, quietly. As the door closed behind him, Rogue looked down at the tags.

Wolverine, they read, plain as the first time she'd seen them.

Rogue smiled slightly to herself. "I know you will, Wolverine," she thought, and that strange little thrill ran through her again.