A Delusion of Happiness

by Blu Rose

Their heritage as sons of Satan was a curse, a stigma, and a burden even by association. Yukio understood that meant they couldn't have all the pleasures of normal lives, even when Rin had delusions of a blissful married life. (Includes very obvious hints of Yukio x Shiemi.) (Happy Yukio Appreciation Week!)

Yukio Okumura Appreciation Week! YAY! It technically starts on Monday, but I've been writing this and another fic for, like, a week so I don't have to go through what I did for Rin's Appreciation Week, and I decided to put it up on a day early before I post the link up on my tumblr account. That's why this one is just based around the headcannon for the topic of "Time" (headcannon for the past, present or future) instead of combining it with the topic of "Words". That's for Tuesday's topic (so I guess I'll post it on Monday.)

As for the headcannon this fic is based around, I can't help but think that while Rin would probably go ahead and get married to a woman he loved (or man, whatever your tastes), Yukio would be a typical worrywart and not want to marry them because he'd imagine all sorts of bad things might happen if they marry a child of Satan—no matter how much he loves them and wants to be with them.

Disclaimer: Blu Rose does not own Blue Exorcist. She only owns this fic.

Summary: Their heritage as sons of Satan was a curse, a stigma, and a burden even by association. Yukio understood that meant they couldn't have the pleasures of normal lives, even when Rin had delusions of a blissful married life.

X-X-X

"Yukio, I need you to get the hell outta here! Kay, thanks, see ya later!"

It took a few seconds for Yukio to register the blur that practically ran past was, indeed, his brother Rin. The 23-year old brunette looked up from the manga he was reading and looked at the kitchen area of their shared apartment. The elder brother was muttering things under his breath as he opened the fridge and began taking things out. "What did you say?"

"I said I need you to leave later and not come back for, like…three hours. Maybe four if things turn out really good," said Rin as he put on an apron.

Yukio gave a half-hearted glare from his spot. "You're kicking me out so you can spend time alone here with Satori-san again." He would've been used to it by now if Rin had only told him about his little apartment-planned dates ahead of time. And when he did tell him, it seemed as if the time of the dates would always change to one day earlier or later.

"Kicking you out is a harsh way of putting it." When Yukio continued to glare, the blue-haired man put his hands together. "Just do your bro a favor, okay? You can go spend time with Shiemi until we're finished."

"Or you can go out to eat."

The older twin clenched his teeth as he slammed his fist down on the counter. "Damn it, Yukio, this is important! You don't know a damn thing about romance! I planned for us to eat a nice dinner here by candlelight and then I can…" He trailed off and got the sort of dopey, lovestruck expression that he usually did when he thought of his 'romance' plans.

"I forbid you from having sex with her," The younger brother spoke curtly, his glasses glinting suspiciously.

Rin snapped out of whatever reverie he was having and glared. "What the hell?! What sort of person do you think I am?!" They both fell silent for a few seconds before Rin spoke up, "Soooo, are you gonna leave?"

"Is it really important?"

"It is! I'm…planning on celebrating something with Satori. Something personal. C-couple stuff…" The older brother sounded timid as he explained, wringing his hands together. "And three's a crowd, so…"

Yukio sighed. "Alright, alright. But this had better be the last time you plan one of these dates without telling me. I mean it."

Rin perked up and nodded fervently. "Yeah, sure! This'll be the last time, I promise! …Hopefully." The brunette arched an eyebrow at his brother's words, but brushed it off. Knowing Rin, he'd be doing the same thing again next month.

X-X-X

Later that night, Yukio had found himself sitting in the living room of the Moriyama's supply store. He had been grateful that Shiemi and her mother didn't mind his coming over to work over there. The Moriyama women had grown as used to it as Yukio was grudgingly used to Rin's impromptu putting him out—particularly Shiemi. The blonde woman would often sit across the table from him, serving tea or cookies or starting a conversation. Her presence was certainly welcome to the younger Okumura brother.

"Yuki-chan, have you ever thought about…getting married?"

Yukio paused in writing a score on a test paper and slowly looked up to stare. From across the table, Shiemi's cheeks were bright pink with a blush and her hands were folded on her lap. "Getting married?" The brunette repeated. "…No. I never thought of it before." And a part of him doubted he would ever consider doing it. He wouldn't want to place the burden of being married to a spawn of Satan on some poor woman. "Do you want to get married, Shiemi?" She'd have to, wouldn't she? To pass down her family's store to her own child.

Shiemi's blush darkened and she began to smile. "I've only started to think about it recently…" She held a hand to her cheek and seemed to begin to fantasize right in front of Yukio. "To be able to marry and start a family of my own…"

An image of Shiemi cradling a bundled up baby appeared in the brunette's mind. He smiled at the thought. "I'm sure you'd make a wonderful wife and mother."

"Really? You think I could?"

"I know it."

Shiemi's smile became larger and brighter, and it made Yukio feel a pleasant warmth in his chest. "I'm sure that you'll be a wonderful husband and father, Yuki-chan!"

Yukio looked back down at his paper as his smile faded. He resumed marking the score on the paper before moving on to the next test. "I doubt I would be."

The blonde woman's eyes widened in surprise. "Why would you think something like that?"

That image of Shiemi and her baby was then engulfed in blue flames. His lips forming a thin line, Yukio adjusted his glasses. "I just don't think I'd be good at either one." He'd never be a husband or a father. He didn't want to put the burden of Satan's stigma on a new generation or a woman who did nothing wrong but marry him.

"Of course you would! You're such a caring person that your family would always feel loved!" He remained silent as he stared at the blonde. In seconds, she began to blush and bowed her head. "I mean…I couldn't see Yuki-chan as being anything but a good husband. I'm sure you'd be a good daddy, too!" Her opinion made him want to cringe, because all he could think about was Shiemi suffering and babies dying and—

Yukio straightened up as he looked back up at the blonde woman's smiling face. "Shiemi, what made you think about marriage in the first place? Is someone you know getting married?"

Shiemi gave her guest a look of confusion. "Huh? Of course. It's Rin."

Yukio's eyes widened in shock. "What…what did you say?!"

"Rin said that tonight, he was going to propose to Yoshida-san. He was making such a fuss over it that he even asked my mother for help in how to propose…" The smile on Shiemi's face as she remembered soon faded when she noticed Yukio. The brunette was gripping his pen so tightly, she was sure it would break if he kept it up. "Yuki-chan? Are you okay?"

No, he wasn't. He was miles away from being okay, all because of goddamn Rin! Why did he always have to do such stupid things? Yukio began to gather his papers and folders. "I'm sorry, Shiemi, but we'll have to cut this meeting short. There's something important that I need to discuss with my brother." Right before he killed him for trying to keep something like this a secret.

X-X-X

When Yukio returned to their apartment, he practically stormed inside. "RIN! WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU…thinking?" His anger decreased a bit when he saw Rin sitting on the couch in a hunched over position, clutching something in his hands with a depressed look on his face. "Rin." His older brother continued staring down. Yukio approached him and, taking advantage of his dazed state, struck him in the side of the head.

"YOW!" Rin dropped what he'd been holding and grabbed hold of his head. "What the hell?! Yukio? I don't remember calling you!"

"I came home after Shiemi told me something about a marriage proposal. Care to tell me why I was left out?"

"You know why you were left out," Rin said as he narrowed his eyes. "Whenever I try to enjoy something like going out on dates or getting a girlfriend, you always snap and tell me that I can't! If I told you what I was planning, you'd just be annoying and complain to me about it!"

"Because there are times when you keep forgetting who and what you are! You can't marry Satori! You shouldn't!"

"Why the hell not?!" The older brother snapped, getting to his feet and glaring at his twin.

"You really want to put the burden of being married to a child of Satan on her? The fact that you can't have children together because of the Vatican's policy? Do you really want to put her through that sort of pain, Rin?!"

"SHUT UP! She doesn't even know we're related to Satan, okay?! And even if she did learn, I'd do my best to make her happy!"

Yukio narrowed his eyes. "She doesn't know? And you thought it was okay to just ask her to marry you regardless?"

"She knows I'm half-demon! That's good enough!" Rin snapped.

"Rin, that's even worse! She doesn't know what she's getting into! Call her and break the engagement. Break up with her, even! Letting this relationship go on for any longer would only end painfully for both you."

The blue-haired man bared his teeth. "Say what?! I'm not doing either of those, you spotty four-eyed bastard! For once, can't you just step back, forget about the crap the Vatican says and let me be happy?!"

"What you're doing won't make anyone happy—including you!"

"What makes you think that?! What on earth makes you think that we won't be happy together?!"

The same images of a wife and child being burned to cinders by blue flames appeared in Yukio's mind. He scoffed and folded his arms across his chest. "As usual, you're taking actions without thinking of the consequences. For heaven's sakes, Rin, you should know by now that we can't have normal lives, even by exorcist standards! Things like a wife and children—we can't have those!"

"Says who?"

"You should! Do you want your wife to be considered a witch by others because she married Satan's child? Do you want your child to go through the sort of trials you did? We don't even know if the power of a demon as strong as Satan would diminish in our bloodline over the generations. You'd probably be condemning your descendants to a living hell!"

At that point, Rin was holding a hand to his head. He looked as if he was getting a headache, but it didn't stop him from glaring at Yukio. "Goddammit, Yukio… Would it kill you to just think positive about this? That maybe things won't turn out so bad?!"

"We can't afford to think positive. Not in this case."

The brothers stared at each other in silence for seemed like minutes. Rin then bent over and picked up the thing he had dropped. It was a little black jewelry box. He opened it and stared at the simple-looking ring inside. Yukio's eyes widened in surprise. Did that mean she didn't—? "I know what you're thinking, and sorry to get your hopes up, but she didn't say no…or yes. She said she wanted to think about it before she made a decision." He closed the box with a sigh. "I'm going to bed." He tried to walk past his brother, but the brunette grabbed him by the arm and held him back. "Yukio."

"I mean it, Rin. Just break it off with Satori before things get worse." Rin didn't say a word as he pulled his arm free and stalked into their bedroom. Yukio collapsed on the couch and rubbed his temples. Dealing with Rin was always annoying, especially when he had delusions of living something even a tiny bit close to normal. Hopefully he would see things would be better off this way…

X-X-X

Weeks passed with no word or sign of Satori. Rin didn't bother looking for her or calling her. Maybe because he dreaded the reason for her avoiding him. Still, he made up excuses for her, saying that she was probably busy with work or was having a personal crisis that made it hard to get back to him with an answer. Yukio never bothered to say his opinion to his brother, but to him, even with her lack of knowledge about their heritage, Rin's proposal had seemingly scared the woman off. It wasn't the way Yukio wanted this proposal business it to end—especially since it led to Rin's constant insistence that she'd give an answer eventually. It was like the denial he went through around the time they graduated from True Cross Academy, after he'd broken up with his last—and also first—girlfriend before she left for a college overseas, but this was certainly more serious than a mere high school romance. Still, it was probably for the best that it happened.

A knock at the door made Yukio snap out of his thoughts. When he got up and answered it, he was surprised to see a familiar face. "Satori-san!"

The 22-year old woman with the black wavy hair was standing outside of their apartment. She smiled, trying to seem friendly, but she was obviously nervous about being here. "H-hello, Yukio-san! Is…is Rin here?" She asked, trying to look over the brunette's shoulder into the apartment.

"No. He left a while ago to buy groceries."

"Oh. W-well, I'll just call him later. See ya." Satori turned to leave.

"Um, Satori-san. If you don't mind, can we talk for a bit?" She stared at the brunette in confusion. "It's about Rin."

"Um…okay."

Yukio stepped aside and allowed the dark-haired woman to come inside. "You might want to sit down for this," he said as he closed the door. When he turned around, Satori was already sitting on the couch, looking at Yukio in confusion. "Satori-san, I know that my brother proposed to you—"

"And you're pissed off that I've taken so long to give him an answer, too. I know! I'm sorry! I'm such an awful person!" Satori exclaimed as she bowed her head in shame.

"N-no, I understand why you might've done that. Marriage can seem like a frightening thing, regardless of who wants to be married to you. So please understand when I say that you shouldn't marry my brother."

The woman's eyes widened. "Huh?! Why not?! Do you think I'm probably not good enough for him either?"

"It has nothing to do with you. It has to do with Rin. You know that he's a half-demon, but you don't know who the demon that sired us is."

"Satan."

Yukio's eyes widened while Satori looked down at the floor sadly. "You know?! But…Rin said he never told you."

The dark-haired woman flinched. "I know… That's why I couldn't face him for so long. The fact that I had to hear about it from my friend…that he couldn't tell me to my face. It made me a wreck, to say the least." She started to stroke her hair as she continued, "At first, I was scared. Even an exorcist dropout like myself managed to learn just what sort of demon Satan is. The idea that Rin could turn out to be something like that was frightening. But then I thought: 'if he wanted to do something really awful, he'd have done it by now, right?' So after that, I got mad. How could he suggest we get married when he couldn't tell me a secret like that? Because married couples aren't supposed to keep big secrets like that from each, right? That's bad for the relationship, right?"

"Um…" To be honest, Yukio could at least understand why Rin would be afraid to say anything to her. There'd been numerous times when people's reaction to his being the son of Satan was…less than friendly. He probably wouldn't have been able to stand it if the same happened with Satori. But it didn't make up for how wrong it was to do that.

"For a good while, I wanted to just wring his neck!" Satori muttered darkly as she gripped the cushions on the couch. "And then I thought… 'Maybe he doesn't trust me? Maybe he thinks I'd be shallow-minded and reject him if I learned the truth. Does he think I'm that bad of a person?' Thinking that I wasn't worth his trust made me wonder if we should even get married in the first place." She began to wring her hands and bite her lower lip. "Rin probably thinks I've dumped him, hasn't he?"

"...Actually, he still thinks you're going to tell him whether or not you accept. So please let him down gently." If she seemed too harsh or too cold, Rin would probably become a zombie for days.

"Hm? Let him down? I wanna talk to him first before anything else.'

Yukio's eyes widened. "You're not actually considering accepting Rin's proposal, are you?"

Satori shrugged. "Maybe… It depends on what he says when I see him."

"Satori-san, I'm telling you this for your own safety. Marrying Rin will most certainly not be easy."

"I…kind of expected that. But husbands and wives are supposed to support each other during their toughest times, right? If—and I mean if –I marry him, I would simply do my hardest to bear through it for him."

"But—!"

The door opened and Rin walked inside, carrying a bag of groceries. "I'm home, Yukio! There was a sale, so I managed to…" He trailed off when he saw Satori sitting on the couch. "Sa…Satori!"

"Hi." The dark-haired woman got up and approached her boyfriend. "Sorry for taking so long to get back to you."

The blue-haired man smiled. "No, it's okay. Marriage is a pretty big jump. It must seem pretty intimidating. So…wh-what do you say?"

"I say…HOW COULD YOU?!" The woman suddenly exploded, making both Rin and Yukio jump in fright. "Why didn't you tell me that you were Satan's son?!"

Rin stared in surprise with his mouth open. His expression changed when his eyes fell on Yukio, turning into a glare. "You told her?! I knew you were against us getting married, but I didn't think you'd do this!"

"Yukio wasn't the one who told me. I had to hear it from Asuka! Do you know how it feels to know you've been left in the dark from something like this?!"

"I didn't tell you because it's not important!"

"You're a terrible liar! If it wasn't important, you would've just said something! You wanna get married when you keep secrets like this from me?!" Satori cried as she poked Rin in the chest. She then took Rin's face in her hands and forced him to lean down a bit. "I want to marry you. I just don't want to be left out in the dark if we go through with this. So you have to promise me that you won't keep secrets like this from me. The same goes for me."

"You…still want to get married? To me?" Rin asked timidly. "Even though you might get shit for it?"

"Well, do you want to marry someone like me?"

"There's nothing wrong with you!"

"And there's nothing wrong with you."

Rin started to smile and bumped foreheads with Satori. He looked at Yukio, who was staring at them blankly. "As much as I'd like it if you would give us your blessing, I won't be surprised if you don't."

After a few more seconds of staring, the brunette twin sighed in defeat. "If you two are serious about this, I won't continue to go against it." Out loud, at least. He knew he'd regret letting them do it, but if he tried to put his foot down, they'd probably decide to do something stupid like elope.

The blue-haired twin's eyes brightened and he started to smile. "Does that mean you're gonna give us your blessing?"

"Whether I give you my blessing or not, you'll go and get married, anyway."

Rin closed the distance between them and grabbed a hold of Yukio's hand. "Maybe so, but it's important that you give your blessing so Satori can feel like she's welcomed into our family!"

"Alright… Satori-san, I'm so sorry that you'll have to deal with him," Yukio nodded his head at Rin as he smiled, "For the rest of your life. You have my blessing and my prayers that you'll be able to stand him."

"Hey!"

Even as Satori laughed and Rin growled, Yukio could still feel a slight twinge of annoyance towards them both…and strangely jealousy.

X-X-X

Months later, Yukio had been sitting in the Moriyama's home yet again, looking over schoolwork. Even though Rin and Satori had left on their short honeymoon, leaving the apartment empty save for Kuro, he wanted some company that night. Looking up from his papers, he stared at the set of flowers in a vase in the middle of the table. "You still have it?"

"Hm?"

"The bouquet from the wedding." Shiemi had been the one fortunate enough to catch it. Her expression upon being told what it meant was cute.

Shiemi smiled and nodded. "Well, technically, they're mine. And it'd be a waste to just let them wither away!"

"Oh. I thought you kept them because everyone said catching the bouquet meant you'd be married in a year's time."

"O-of course not!" The blonde women exclaimed, flustered and blushing. "It's not like with you, Yuki-chan. I'm sure you just threw the garter away afterwards!"

Yukio cringed at the memory. He hadn't intended to catch the garter—hell, he wasn't even among the group who was trying to! He'd been standing off to the side with Shiemi, who was still flustered about catching the bouquet, when the thing had landed on his head. It was embarrassing, especially when he was standing right next to Shiemi. Although, and he'd never admit it aloud, it made him strangely happy as well. "Of course I did. What sort of man keeps a piece of a clothing a woman wore? Especially when the woman is his sister-in-law? It's just indecent to me."

"Exactly! That's what I thought. It wasn't as if you threw them away because you didn't want to…" Shiemi trailed off and stared at Yukio for a few seconds before looking away, her face bright red. "N-never mind! There's no point in bringing that up, is there?" She asked. "After all, it's only a superstition from those Western-style weddings, right?"

The brunette smiled. "Of course. Besides, with or without those flowers, you're sure to get married."

"So are you, Yuki-chan! Except with or without catching the garter."

"Actually, I'm not sure if I'll ever get married," he said, returning to his paperwork in the hopes of ending this conversation. However, he could feel Shiemi staring at him as he tried to keep his head down. "I'm not like Rin, who can charge into something as serious as a marriage only thinking about the good things. All I can do is worry about the bad things that would happen because someone married me." He couldn't help but give a wry smile. "Like I said before, I don't think I'd make a good husband."

"Of course you would."

"You're only saying that to be nice."

"Yuki-chan is the kind of person who worries so much because he cares, right? To worry so much about what marrying him might lead to, while it is sad, is how he'd express his love to the person he wished he could marry, right?" Yukio remained silent and stared at Shiemi a she continued, "But to bear each other's burdens is what a husband and wife are supposed to do, right? A woman who really loves you would always try to support you, even if you try to push her away."

The brunette flinched at her words. They caused a warm sensation to form in Yukio's chest that he both liked and feared. "Shiemi… You… Would you like to go out tomorrow morning?"

The blonde's eyes widened and her mouth hung open in surprise. "Huh?"

"Would you like to go out tomorrow morning? For breakfast."

She blinked, looking confused. "Out for breakfast?"

"Eating at home alone while Rin is away is strangely lonesome now. So if you don't think it'd be a nuisance—"

Shiemi shook her head fervently. "No, no! I don't mind at all! I'd love to have breakfast with you!"

Yukio smiled, happy that they were off the topic of marriage. But he couldn't forget the feeling that came about when Shiemi spoke. Maybe one day, he could be as reckless as his brother in regards to love.

X-X-X

I KNOW I GOT SOMETHING WRONG! I just know it! I'm sure someone's out of character! Seriously though, it's hard for me to write Yukio without thinking of angst, even when I was writing those scenes between him and Shiemi. Damn those chapters during and after the Kyoto arc… Anyway, the fic I have in store for the next topic is luckily more light-hearted.

A side note: Yoshida Satori (whose name can mean "Lucky Field" "Enlightenment".) was a character written for another, short-multi-chaptered Blue Exorcist story. The story itself didn't have romance—it was more me playing around with ideas for how certain creatures and demons would be portrayed in the Blue Exorcist world. I really would like to post it…eventually. Maybe.