the days will pass

disclaimed.

March 20, 2001

My name is Lux. I like hats. I am seven.

March 21, 2001

I have two hats. One is green and warm and goes over my ears. The other one is white and ugly.

March 22, 2001

My green hat is gone.

I hate Sunnyvale.

November 20, 2004

My name is Lux. I'm ten. I lived in a lot of different houses. Right now, my foster family is baking cookies. I accidently spilled the sprinkles so they made me go outside. It's cold.

November 25, 2004

It's supposed to be Thanksgiving but I'm not thankful for anything.

April 8, 2008

Spring is by far my favorite season. Winter is nice, but my hands freeze off. Summer there's nothing to do. Autumn is just the in between season. Spring is sunny. It's that time of the year where it's not too hot and not too cool, there's that anticipation of school's almost over but we've still got time, everyone seems so much happier and things seem to go right.

Tasha and I stopped by 7-11 for our slurpees today, like we do every Sunday. There were some annoying girls from school hanging out outside, gossiping and giggling. It's disgusting.

"Wannabes," Tasha snickered as we entered the store.

"No kidding," I agreed, heading towards the slurpee machine. "Why hang around 7-11? It's not like you're going to get picked up. Just mugged."

"Only if we're lucky," came a voice behind me.

I turned around. A guy; tall, shaved head. Wicked web tattoo. Eyes, blue eyes. I laughed.

"Hey, Bug," Tasha said, continuing to fill her cup.

"Long time, no see," he replied. He nodded at Tasha, then at me, grabbing a cup for himself. "Where've you been?"

"Around," Tasha said, capping her cup. She gestured to me, "This is Lux. She's been at Sunnyvale too."

"Cool name," Bug said.

"Right back at ya," I said (with what I hope was a smile).

We finished paying for our slurpees, I asked Bug about the web on his neck, couldn't stop looking at it (in hindsight, I guess I should have kept my distance and probably could have done a better job of not slurping), stepped out the store, heard the bell ding, blocked out the annoying giggles, then—slurpee's on my shirt and (stupid) girls are apologizing, It was an accident.

"Accident my a—" Tasha started for the chicks (they flinched).

I looked down at my shirt, stained with red slurpee. Not only was it completely embarrassing, but when you're a foster kid, you don't get much and when clothes are stained, they usually stay stained and are rarely replaced. Did I already say embarrassing? Plus, in front of a cool, older guy? Unfair.

"Don't worry about it," Bug told me, witnessing what a girl I am, crushed by a fashion mishap.

I straightened up quickly, "Worry about it? Me? Never!" I shook some of the slurpee off and put on a smile.

"Come on," he opened the door, "I'll buy you another one."

My heart skipped a beat.

June 7, 2009

I may never meet my parents. I may never get adopted. But I do have a family.

Tasha, for one. And I guess Gavin counts by default (but to be honest, he's unworthy). For two, Bug. A year we've been together, granted with a few bumps along the way, but we always end up back together. He's sweet and thoughtful and cares about me.

He's taking me down to the beach tomorrow. I've never been to the beach, I'm excited.

I think I love him.

June 8, 2009

Forget what I wrote last entry. Today changes everything. Not only did it being to rain (Oh, Portland, how I love thy weather), but he bailed on me, again. Just like the other times. Why does he do this to me? He likes inducing pain? And hurt. And betrayal. He's irresponsible and self-centered.

Why have I kept going back to him?

I felt like I needed him. Having him beside him meant having someone who cared about me as more than a friend beside me, around me, thinking about me. It felt amazing. But all this pain… It isn't worth it.

June 9, 2009

I forgot to mention that I had bought a swimsuit just for the occasion yesterday. Pink, polka dots, cute. Waste of forty dollars. Lousy jerk.

a/n: Recently got into Life Unexpected, thanks to theycallherkaush. I'm on the last episode of season one right now, so no spoiler please!

Anyways, the place I was going with this: just to see how easily someone can be crushed and how it effects them. Could have gone deeper, but I'm losing sleep as it is, so tell me what you think in a review. Kthnxbye (: