Mello sighed. Matt was out, shooting stuff or whatever it was his job happened to be at the moment; that fucker had once gone through three jobs in a week. Long story short, he'd be better than everyone else at it, challenge the boss to a battle of wits and get the sack. Idiot. Anyway, Matt wasn't home, and Mello…well, to put it simply, was horny. Very, very horny. And Matt had hid their toys. And wasn't answering his phone. Because he's an evil fuckface. But he loved him anyway, what wasn't to love? The dude was perfect. Perfect face, perfect body, perfect personality, perfect talents, perfect perfect perfect. He was perfect because he was Matt. But, perfect perfect perfect Matt wasn't here, and that meant Mello couldn't fuck.
And boy, he wanted to.
And what do you do when you can't fuck?
Yeah.
So, slightly annoyed, Mello pulled his pants down (on second thought, it was leather…he should probably remove every article of clothing…) and sat on the bed. What could he use? Matt had hidden the toys, Matt's (rather large) ding dang dong diddly doo dah (oh God I'm sorry but I couldn't resist I've just ruined the whole thing sorry XD) was off working…what to do, what to do…
Oh yeah. Mello slapped his forehead with his palm. Idiot. What do you carry around everywhere, every day? A. Gun. Well…oddly shaped, and he'd have to unload it first, but yeah, it'd work, he guessed. But how do you…lube a gun...? And what with?... Just…fuck, he was so desperate it wouldn't even matter. So he rubbed the gun up and down with chocolate flavoured lube (uh…blame Matt….), obviously pretending it was the redhead's ding dang dong diddly doo dah, and gently lowered himself down onto it.
Ow.
You know, he now appreciated how much better it was when there was Matt being all slow and nice about it. This was fucking painfu-oh. Oh, God. How do you aim for a spot with a gun? Mello didn't know. Just push down on that spot, oh, God…
And again.
Again.
And again, he kept on and on at it, until finally he came in pure ecstasy, jets of white shooting from his ding dang dong diddly doo dah.
Of course, it was much better when Matt did it.