DISCLAIMER: Dick owns them all - otherwise I wouldn't be writing about them! " ) Bensler

Detached

By Bensler

Chapter 1

SVU Squad Room – Friday, December 17 – 5:47 p.m.

For a change, Elliot noticed right away. Olivia was different. She functioned but that was all she did. Even so, her job did not suffer. When they went on a call, she was still there at his side. But the only words spoken were his or her short answers to his questions – that is, if he dared to ask. Last week when she had to shoot a suspect, who had drawn his gun and charged Elliot, she did what she had to without flinching. When it was over, she handed her gun to Cragen, her face devoid of any emotion, and silently left the scene.

Testifying in court posed no problem – she recounted her side of investigations coherently. She listened to the medical examiner's explanation of DNA analysis and asked appropriate questions and came up with reasonable theories. Following the evidence gathered at a scene to make a case posed no problem for her. Questioning a victim or interrogating a perp was second nature to her and she did both just as well as she ever did. She was professional in every aspect of her job. But something was missing.

Elliot finally realized her compassion and empathy for the victim were gone; the anger and rage at the perp nonexistent.

It was as though she had been stripped of her emotions.

And Elliot knew exactly the second it happened. Two weeks and two days ago. He was there. He was there and he tried to remind her of her place. He whispered in her ear that it was always temporary. He was there when they ripped the young boy, Calvin, frightened and begging her to not let them take him, from her embrace. He witnessed this dark time in her life. He was there. And there had been nothing he could do to stop it. To save her.

Looking across his desk at her now, he still didn't know what to do for her but he knew he had to try something. Anything. She was his partner. He was supposed to have her back. He watched as her fingers methodically tapped on her keyboard, her eyes dull, staring at the screen. As he saw the untouched sandwich Fin had put on her desk at lunch, it suddenly struck him that she had lost weight these past couple of weeks. The printer across from them hummed to life and she pushed away from her desk to get the reports the machine was spitting out. When her back was to him, his heart plummeted when he saw how loose her jeans were on her and that she had lost way too much in such a short time. How could he have not noticed this, he asked himself?

Olivia eyed him suspiciously when she turned and saw him staring at her. He bit at his lower lip and started to say something but for some reason he could not form words. Munch saved him.

"Liv, we're heading over to McGinty's for a drink. You wanna come? Your partner's welcome, too." Munch grinned at her and nodded toward Elliot.

"Thanks, but I'm gonna finish up these reports then head home," she told him with a forced smile.

It was then Elliot realized he had not seen her smile since he and Calvin were playing rock, paper, scissors, shoot - right before the guy from Protective Child Services and Vivian had shown up. Remembering her bright smile then and how happy she was, made him sick to his stomach to think of the change in her since losing Calvin.

He had to do something to help her. To find Olivia again.

"Come on, Liv. It's been awhile," Elliot told her, hoping against hope she would reconsider the invitation. "Just one drink."

Shifting her eyes from Munch to Elliot, she shook her head. "I've got to get these reports for Cragen and finish this other paperwork tonight." She sat back down and began assembling the papers, stapling them then put them in a pile.

Munch shrugged and joined Fin at the door and headed out.

Elliot helplessly stared at Olivia. He had to do something. "Liv?"

"What?" she answered without looking up as she continued to staple pages together.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

"Olivia…" Elliot began but was cut off by his cell phone ringing. The screen lit up and showed 'Kathy'. He groaned.

Olivia saw it, too, and when he silenced it rather than answered it, she said, "You really shouldn't ignore your wife's call." She picked up the stack of papers and went to Cragen's office.

Elliot was exasperated. He knew there was to be no talking with her right now. She made that clear by going to see Cragen. Besides he was supposed to be at dinner with his family celebrating Kathy's mother's birthday. Reluctantly, he signed off his computer, locked his desk, picked up his cell, put on his coat, hat and gloves. As he left he looked over his shoulder at Olivia just as she looked out at him then quickly back at Cragen.

Elliot had called Olivia so many times over the weekend he thought it had to be nearing a hundred, not to mention all the texts. If Kathy were to see his phone right now he would never be able to convince her he and Olivia were not having an affair.

Apparently, Olivia was ignoring him so he went to her apartment. Four times but she wasn't home. It was now ten o'clock Sunday night and he wanted to talk to her before tomorrow - away from prying eyes and burning ears so he went to her place one more time. From the street he could see the apartment was dark. No matter, he was still going up. He knocked on the door so long two neighbors had peeked out, the last one threatened to knock him upside the head if he didn't stop. Elliot glared at him, flashed his shield and kept knocking. When the guy slammed his door shut, Elliot put his ear up to Olivia's door. Nothing. Not a sound. Frustration poured over him but he didn't know what else to do.

On his way back home he made the rounds of all her favorite restaurants and bars; even ran by the precinct to see if she were there. When he entered the squad room he simply glanced at her desk then ran up to the crib, checked the gym and the locker room. No sign of Olivia. He fell heavily to the bench in front of their lockers. Where could she be, he wondered? His eyes drifted to their lockers and he idly read the names posted on them. 'Stabler' and… what?

Elliot raced down the stairs and through the squad room to his desk. "No," he whispered, his heart banging forcefully against his chest. "No!" he screamed as he cleared his desk with one rake of his arm then tore out of the precinct and headed across the city.

When he arrived at his destination, he pounded on the door with such fury he was surprised it did not splinter. His fists ached from the contact with the thick wood. "Come on! Answer the damn door!" he hollered.

Finally, a light came on and the door opened. "Where is she?" he demanded as he pushed his way inside.

"Calm down." The command was given in a quiet, authoritative voice.

"Calm down? Tell me where my partner is and I'll calm down!" Elliot screamed.

"After you calm down," Cragen sternly told him as he motioned for Elliot to take a seat in a nearby chair.

Chest heaving, Elliot was barely able to catch his breath. He felt he may very well black out and was suddenly aware that he was shaking like a leaf - from adrenaline for sure, but also from a gut wrenching fear. He obeyed his captain and dropped into the chair then cradled his head in his hands. Cragen handed him a drink. Elliot didn't bother to ask what it was before he downed it in one gulp.

Cragen took the glass from him and sat on another chair near Elliot. Several long minutes passed before Elliot quieted and seemed to have gotten a better grip on himself.

"Where is she?" Elliot asked nearly inaudibly.

Cragen looked at his detective and saw his eyes were glistening. How he hated this. Hated the pain Elliot was going through; the pain Olivia was going through; he hated the whole situation. Most of all he hated that she put them in this position again. She should be the one to tell Elliot – not him.

"Captain? Please?"

Cragen patted Elliot's knee and looked him in the eye. "I don't know where she is, Elliot."

"Then what? Why is her name gone from her locker and her desk cleared?"

His voice was so gruff he didn't even recognize it. He swallowed the thick lump and blinked hard to keep the tears from falling.

"Today was her last day," Cragen told him.

"Last day? She doing another undercover stint? Computer crimes? What?" Elliot demanded as he stood up. "Tell me!"

Cragen stood, too, and watched Elliot carefully as he told him what Olivia should have told him. "She resigned."

Elliot's face scrunched in confusion, disbelief. "From SVU? She…uh…she…where…is she…why…I-I don't…" He struggled to ask his question but could not quite formulate it. His mind had gone blank.

"She resigned from the force, Elliot," Cragen spoke softly hoping to keep Elliot under control but knowing it was useless.

Eyes narrowing, Elliot's hand went to his head. "From NYPD? No. Olivia's not a quitter. She wouldn't have…no,no. There's no way she would have…" he stammered but knew she would leave without telling him because she had done it before. "Why, Don? Why?"

The captain slowly shook his head. "She said it was time for her to go."

Elliot stared at him for a long time then ran from the house and jumped in his car. Captain Donald Cragen stood on his porch and watched the taillights of Elliot's car disappear as its squealing tires pierced the night.

~ ~ ~ eoeoeoeo ~ ~ ~