Nice Guys Finish Last
A Pokemon Fanfiction by Kayley Laskitt
Disclaimer: Oh, come on, these things are about as useful as a hip pocket on a singlet. But, here it is just for the record - I own a sleek Cooper St dress, a '77 Mazda, but I do not own Pokemon or anything associated with it. Thank you. That is all.
Rating: PG-13, I guess. Might be some language in there for all I know, but nothing you wouldn't have heard if you've ever been to school.
Author's Notes: As if anyone is reading this. Pairing is indigoshippy - that is, Kasumi x Hiroshi. There's a bit of Shigeru x Satoshi as well.
Dedication: To Jesse, who got a major 97.35 for her TER score and got into Bio-Med at Melbourne Uni. I'm so proud of you - my little Jess is all grown up!
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Chapter 1 - Admittance Is the First Step
Shigeru looked pained – really pained. The expression on his face was almost exactly like the one he'd worn when Satoshi had accidentally – accidentally – run over his foot earlier that year.
Meters away, a dark-haired angel screeched her pretty little lungs out and threw herself on the tiles below her, pounding her chubby little fists on the ground.
Shigeru's expression changed to the one he'd worn when he'd found out that Satoshi was in hospital because Kasumi made him drink paint. An unusually amusing hybrid of horror and detachment.
"I can't do this," he stated firmly, stepping away from the west-end entrance to the Tokiwa Mall. "I may be with a guy, but that does not mean I have to try to fit some stupid stereotype and start clothes shopping." He said the last two words with a shudder.
Satoshi's hands set impatiently on his hips and he eyed Shigeru sharply. "Oh, for God's sake, Shigeru," he said exasperatedly. "You and I both know exactly how this is going to go. You'll refuse, I'll whine and eventually you'll give in. Why don't you just save us all the time and give in now?"
Shigeru flushed with the embarrassing realisation that not only was Satoshi absolutely right, but that he was absolutely whipped. Mumbling under his breath, he followed Satoshi into the Tokiwa Mall, Hiroshi right behind him.
"Observe Hiroshi," Satoshi said authoritatively, spinning to face his two companions. "I'm sure he doesn't jump at the prospect of shopping, but he doesn't complain."
Shigeru rolled his eyes. "Well, obviously Hiroshi's the perfect guy," he retorted sarcastically, arms folded. "Why aren't you with him?"
Satoshi waved a dismissive hand. "Please. We all know Hiroshi doesn't have hormones."
It was Hiroshi's turn to flush. Unfortunately, his complexion was fairer than Shigeru's and his blush was more prominent – coincidentally, almost exactly like Kasumi's Maybelline Express Blush in Cherry Blossom - leaving him open to attack.
Tormenting Hiroshi fell somewhere between feeding his ego and training Pokemon on Shigeru's list of hobbies.
Shigeru slung an arm around Hiroshi's shoulders, who was fervently wishing he was anywhere but the Tokiwa Mall at this point. "Now, now, Hiroshi," he said, in a veiled mockery that was so subtle only few would catch on to it. "You've obviously repressed your hormones for some psychologically damaging reason. Are you gay? Because you can tell us, you know that?"
"Shigeru," Satoshi warned.
Hiroshi took the opportunity to wriggle free from Shigeru's grasp. "As much as fun it would be to stand around and discuss my sexuality," he said dryly. "We're here for a reason, remember? Kasumi's birthday?"
"Right." Shigeru rolled his eyes, which was something that was also featured on his list of hobbies. "Kasumi. My most favourite person in the whole, wide world!"
Satoshi, who knew that Shigeru actually enjoyed his and Kasumi's love/hate relationship but would die before admitting it, rolled his own eyes, grabbed Shigeru by the hand and dragged him to the escalators.
As they headed up to level two, Hiroshi leaned against the rail of the escalator and eyed Satoshi. "So, do we know what we're supposed to be getting her?"
Satoshi jumped off at the top and nearly tripped over the floor. "She told my mom that she needs a new swimsuit," he informed him as he and Shigeru stepped off the escalator.
Hiroshi, who had thought they'd be buying her something harmless like a book or jewellery, fought down a blush. "A swimsuit?" he echoed, following Satoshi as he weaved his way through the crowds with a little too much ease. "We're buying Kasumi a swimsuit?"
Shigeru laughed. "Hey, calm down, Hiroshi," he taunted. "It's not that bad. You probably like shopping for women's –"
"Shigeru!"
Shigeru fell silent at Satoshi's reprimand, then winked and added quietly. "You never know. If you're really lucky, maybe Satoshi will try it on for you."
Satoshi stopped walking abruptly, so abruptly that Shigeru walked into him. Satoshi turned and stabbed a warning finger at him. "I'm warning you, Shigeru. Stop picking on Hiroshi."
Shigeru seriously invaded Satoshi's personal space. "Or what?"
Satoshi lifted an eyebrow. "Remember the time you put a Caterpie in Kasumi's bed?"
Hiroshi didn't remember what Satoshi's punishment had been but Shigeru clearly did. He stepped away from Satoshi and nodded. "Right." He glanced at Hiroshi. "Sorry."
He actually sounded sorry, which meant that whatever Satoshi's punishment was, it was unusually cruel.
Satisfied, Satoshi led them into a surf shop. Hiroshi glanced around at the masses of swimsuits in the store and turned red, Shigeru alternated between studying a pair of boardshorts on display and studying Satoshi with a speculative smirk on his face, and Satoshi began flicking through a rack of bikinis. He pulled a folded scrap of paper from the back pocket of his cords and studied it.
"My mom said she wants a bikini," Satoshi told Hiroshi. "But one of those triangle ones, you know? And she's a size four, so get looking."
"You asked her what size she is?" Shigeru asked, approaching the two with a pair of the boardshorts in Satoshi's size dangling from his left hand.
Satoshi snorted. "Hell no. I value my life. I went through her stuff."
Shigeru rolled his eyes. "Much better."
Satoshi ignored him, flicked through the rack and pulled out a red set printed with yellow, blue and white stars. "What do you think of these?"
Shigeru shook his head. "No way. The top's okay, but those boy-leg bottoms are so not Kasumi. Her ass is too small, and Hiroshi, why are you looking at me like that?" he exploded. Before Hiroshi could speak, he glared. "I have a sister, okay? There's a dozen chick magazines around my house all the time. It has nothing to do with the whole gay-cliché thing."
Hiroshi took the rare opportunity to turn the table and taunt Shigeru. "Right," he drawled. "I am so sure."
Satoshi put the swimsuit back on the rack and faced Shigeru, arms folded over his chest. "Well, since you're our resident expert, why don't you pick one for her?"
Shigeru made a face but flicked through the rack anyway. He pulled out several swimsuits and handed them to Satoshi. He worked his way down the entire rack and by the time he was finished, Satoshi was nothing more than a head of spiky hair drowning in a sea of brightly coloured Lycra.
"Hmm," Shigeru said. "We may need to narrow it down somewhat."
Some were set aside being deemed too skanky', others were deemed too not-Kasumi'. In the end, Satoshi was left holding two – one was plain yellow edged in white, the other striped in shades of blue and green. "So, which one do you guys like?" Shigeru asked, frowning thoughtfully.
Satoshi shrugged. "Both, I guess."
Hiroshi angled his head. "The blue and green one," he decided. "It kinda matches the colour of Kasumi's eyes, you know, that really gorgeous bluey-green that's just like the colour of the water in Hanada Bay . . . "
He trailed off and blinked. He hadn't really just said that out loud, had he?
Judging by the way that Shigeru and Satoshi were gaping at him, he had.