Against the Odds
Many of us have lost someone or something we love. It may be a person. It may be an animal. One of the popular comforting sayings is that they are happier in heaven, free from pain and hunger. I was pondering this the other day, and unconsciously drew parallels between two men in the Harry Potter series who hated each other. These two men were Severus Snape and Sirius Black.
I decided to write a short chapter on the two of them in the land of Death, and decided to base the story around what would happen if they weren't happy in there, if they wanted to return to Life. That in itself is unusual; both neither had anyone in heaven for them, as you will soon find out.
Just a quick note – Snape died from being bitten by an exceptionally dark creature (aka. Nagini) so I like to think for the purposes of this story that the darkness overrode Severus' change to be given the choice in Limbo. Similarly, Sirius fell through the Veil, which is a direct route to the Land of the Dead. Limbo is not included.
At the moment, this is a One-Shot. If you would like me to continue it, please say.
"Moony, please stop snogging my cousin." Black was stood in front of said couple, arms folded. Death had done little to his appearance, merely removing the weariness from his features.
"Err, Padfoot, old friend...we're married, you dope." The werewolf replied, before resuming his previous occupation. Death had treated him kindly – the lines had vanished from his face, as had the scars, and his hair had resumed its sandy brown colour. Severus looked away in disgust, the nausea not vanishing as he spotted Lily and James Potter a little way, holding hands as they looked over the perfect landscape.
Shaking his head, he got up from the grass and moved to sit by the lake which looked a lot like the one at Hogwarts. The one desire which had kept him sane throughout his lonely, dangerous life had vanished as soon as he had died. He remembered Harry Potter's eyes...so like Lily's...before appearing in this shattering landscape to see James Potter and Lily kissing.
Now, he was under no illusions. Lily had never loved him. Her love had always been for another. And what of his love? Had he ever loved her? Or had he just clung to the memory of the only girl...woman...to show him kindness. Minerva showed you kindness. A small, nagging voice replied. Molly Weasley showed you kindness. Poppy showed you kindness. Many people showed you kindness, in their own ways. Severus bowed his head. The voice was right.
As soon as he had arrived, he had been bombarded by questions, mostly from the Wolf and his wife about news from the world of life, because, apparently, the dead weren't informed of what happened down there until another dead person appeared. Lily and James had been dead so long, they had stopped caring. Severus assumed that, as Harry Potter hadn't suddenly appeared and there hadn't been a sudden influx of dead, he had managed to defeat Voldemort. Good.
He never really gave that boy the attention he deserved. He was too caught up in how the boy looked exactly like Potter to really take any notice of his skills. He had achieved an Exceeds Expectations in Potions, for goodness sake! And his charms and Defence was said to be legendary. Too late now.
Severus pondered his position. The land of the dead was all anyone would want, certainly. No pain, no hunger, for one did not need to eat, no thirst, for one did not need to drink. Slowly in the perfect landscape, the inhabitants forgot their life on earth. Severus knew that Lily and James remembered their son. They were content, however, to let life take its toll.
He looked out over the too-perfect waters. He had endured enough. He had no idea how long he had been here – it may have been a few hours, it may have been years. But he sure as hell didn't want to stay here, in this land. He wanted to be in the world of the Living, working, helping, experimenting...listening, eating, drinking, breathing...feeling.
"Enough." He muttered. It was unheard of for the dead to leave the land, save for those who chose to be ghosts. But then again, he had never been given the choice. And because it was unheard of, didn't necessarily make it impossible. Standing, he began to stride away, his back to the woman he had lived for.
"Where are you going, Severus?" Lily called. She too had been changed by death. Her hair was more vibrant than he had ever seen it, her eyes brighter. If he was honest, it scared him.
"Back to life." He replied, heading for the gate. Death had not been so kind to him – he was still pale, with long hair and black eyes. But his hair wasn't as greasy, and his nose had straightened out. Yet, the marks left by Nagini remained. He became aware of someone walking next to him quietly, not speaking. Looking across, he saw, of all people, Sirius Black.
"What are you doing, Black?"
"Coming with you. There is nothing for me here – no satisfaction, no work. And I can't stop worrying about Harry."
Severus stared at him for a second. Black, Sirius Black, was coming with him. He wanted to go back. Slowly, he nodded. The two men walked and walked, neither tiring, and yet the gate was only marginally closer.
"We all hated you. And yet, you saved all of our lives countless times." Black said softly. Severus struggled with himself for a minute, and then nodded.
"Yes."
"Why?"
"What do you mean, why?"
"Why did you bother?" Black burst out. "We all disliked you – many of us from school. We shunned you, despised you. And yet you put your life in danger again and again for us. If it were me, I wouldn't have."
"There are no secrets in the land of the dead, Black." Severus said truthfully. There weren't. That was what was strange. Whilst the dead were not informed of the life below, they seemed to know everything about a person. "I thought Lily's love would keep me going – that she would accept me. You know that I wasn't always a spy. For a while, I did support Riddle's ideas. Then, when he threatened Lily, I changed. I thought, throughout my life, that what I was doing, I did it for Lily. I thought she would forgive me. And she did. But she already loved another."
"You got that pretty wrong." Black laughed a harsh, fake laugh. It wasn't a taunt. More of a confirmation. "If I were alive, I am sure I would envy you."
"Why? You have...had...everything I had ever wanted. You had a godson. You had freedom of choice."
"Did I?" Black asked softly. "It is true, I had a godson. Harry was the focus of my life from the minute Lily and James died. I never wanted him to go to the Dursleys. I wanted to look after him myself. And I was right. Look what happened. He lived, under-nourished, in a cupboard for ten years of his life."
Severus was sure that, had he been able to feel, he would have been horrified. As it was, the land of the Dead was slowly purging him of emotion. Black continued.
"I was wrongly framed for fourteen murders I did not commit, and spent twelve years in Azkaban. What happened in there...it changed me. I became obsessed with Peter, stopping him, saving Harry. And I did. But the baby boy I had once known had grown up into a fourteen year old boy, having been through much more than I ever would have wished. Suddenly, I wasn't sure he still wanted me."
"He did. Believe me, Black, he did. Whenever I made a small jibe, Potter was there, fighting back. He regarded you as a brother, a father."
"I could never care for him properly, though. And then, that night, he had a vision of me being tortured. And what did he do? He flew to the Ministry to save me."
"It wasn't your fault, Black. If anything, it was mine. I refused to teach him properly."
"He didn't make it easy."
"Neither did I."
They walked in silence for a while, and it may have been hours, and it may have been minutes. Black walked quietly next to him as the gate neared. They could just make out the endless stream of new arrivals. All looked ludicrously happy. Unconsciously, Severus rubbed his neck where Nagini's fangs had pierced the skin. It was a superfluous gesture, but it still drew Black's eyes.
"Is that...?"
"Where Nagini bit me? Indeed."
"Why? I didn't think Voldemort was too keen on murdering his followers." Black became silence, no doubt remembering his brother...who had been murdered by Voldemort.
"Usually, he's not. He assumed I was the master of the elder wand," he saw Black's eyes widen, "so, to gain its alliance he killed me."
"But..?"
"If I had disarmed Dumbledore on the night I killed him, I would have been the Master. But the wand's power would have been lost, because he and I had negotiated a previous agreement for me to kill him, and therefore the wand's power would have died with him. However, it wasn't me that disarmed him, but Draco Malfoy."
"So Draco Malfoy is the master of the Elder Wand?" Sirius asked in disgust. "I can't think of anyone worse – except for perhaps the remainder of the Death Eaters, my dear cousin Bellatrix, and Voldy, of course."
"Indeed. Well, yes, when I ...left, Draco Malfoy was the master, although I doubt he knows."
At last, they had reached the gates. Massive, twisting, intricate, they towered high above the two men. No-one stood guarding them. Taking a deep breath, Severus put his boot in the gateway. Black did the same. The two black boots bordered the line between life and death. To his surprise, he could feel his toes tingling. It wasn't unpleasant, more like when the warmth comes back after a cold walk. He brought his other foot to join it, and the two men balanced on the thin dividing line.
A hooded figure materialised out of thin air. Severus instinctively reached for his wand, and then remembered he didn't have it. He could see Black doing the same.
"Why do you wish to return to the Living World?" it asked. It sounded neither male nor female, old nor young, with no distinguishable accent. This unnerved Severus, who was used to being able to work out the relative threat from the person's voice.
"Neither of us were ever given the choice to go back to the world of the Living as a ghost." Sirius replied.
"But, had you been given the choice, would you have gone back?"
"Yes." Sirius replied. "I was just starting to get to know my godson, someone I hadn't seen in twelve years. I wanted to look after him, to make sure he never went through what I did."
"You speak the truth." The figure said. "But what of your friend?"
"The figure speaks true." Severus said wearily. "If I had been given the choice, I would have declined it for I believed my love waited for me here."
Sirius shook his head at him, eyes worried. "But..."
"Continue your reason for returning." The figure commanded.
"But when I arrived, my illusions were shattered and I have come to the conclusion since that the hope that kept me going throughout my life was a lie. I want to be able to live my life properly."
The figure was silent for the longest time yet. Eventually, to Severus' great surprise it nodded.
"You are honest, and not afraid to be. Therefore, I will let you take the test."
"Take the test?" Sirius asked.
"Of course." The figure replied, without a hint of sarcasm. "The test which will determine whether you are worthy enough to return."
"So for this test, what must we do?" Severus asked. Sirius echoed him. The figure smiled – or at least, Severus assumed it smiled, for he could not see its face.
"That was the first test. To show you are willing to be tested for something you believe should have been granted to you anyway is worthy of those you call Ravenclaws. The next test will try your cunning." The figure waved its hands, and the gates slammed shut. Severus and Sirius were on one side, the figure on the other. "If you can get through the gates, you will have completed the second task."
Severus and Sirius looked at each other. Both walked to the gates and began to push, to little effect. They tried looking for a keyhole. There was none.
"Cunning." Severus thought ponderously. "Cunning."
"I think I have it." Black whispered.
"Go on."
"Well, how are those coming from the Living world going to get in here if the gates are shut? I say, we wait for the next newly-dead to come and then slip through."
Severus stared at him. "You know, Black, sometimes you aren't as stupid as you look."
The mutt just shook his head at him, and moved to stand next to the opening. Severus did the same, so that as soon as the gate opened they could slip through.
"Here they come." Black whispered. A small, wizened little Chinese man with a pointy beard was hobbling up. The figure appeared and talked to him quietly, and then the gate opened. Severus and Sirius shot through the gap, smirking at the slightly surprised-looking Chinese man who hobbled through. The figure nodded.
"Well done. There, you have completed what you would call a Slytherin test."
"We have a test for every one of the houses?" Black asked. The figure just looked at them, and gestured for them to follow him. The two men did so hesitantly as they walked far from the gates, to a small pair of weighing scales.
"I thought this only happened on judgement day?" Black asked, confused. The figure nodded.
"In normal circumstances, yes. But this will test your compassion."
"Hufflepuff." Severus muttered.
"Please take from your pockets the feather you will find there. Mr Black, if you could place your feather on the scales."
Sirius reached into his pocket and pulled out a jay feather, his face mirroring one of surprise. Carefully, he placed the feather on the scales, and they watched as one side fell dramatically.
"Now, if you could take out the coal you will find on your other pocket and place that on the other side." Black did so. The feather was higher, and the figure nodded. "And now you, Mr Snape."
Severus repeated the exercise, and the two men watched as the eagle's feather rose higher, yet again, than the coal. The figure nodded.
"You have passed. Come."
They walked back to the gates. The figure nodded to them, and gestured into the light leading away from the gates. Severus and Sirius stared at each other, and then both began slowly to walk away. Then they sped up. Then, they began to run. Suddenly, there was a loud thunder crack, and a shining gold barrier appeared. Whilst Severus was on the side leading to Life, Sirius was stuck on the side leading to Death. There was no way around it.
"Go." Black said. "Go. You deserve it more than me."
Severus stared at him. Once upon a time, he would happily have accepted Black's decision. But not now.
"No. I wait for you. Either both of us return, or neither of us."
Black stared at him. And then, with a soft pop, the barrier vanished. The figure reappeared as Sirius hesitantly walked forwards to join him.
"You have passed the fourth test. There is only one more, and then you may return."
"Why five?" Black asked shakily.
"Five is an arithmetically magical number." Severus replied.
"The final test is this. When you return, before you awaken you must experience the pain of dying over again."
"Stupid Gryffindor." Severus muttered. "So, I have to face Nagini's bite once again?"
"And I must face my cousin's curse, and then falling through the Veil."
"Yes. And neither of you can ever tell a soul about what happened here. If you do, you will immediately be returned."
Severus and Sirius looked at each other. Both were thinking of the excruciating pain they were about to be in.
"I will go." Severus said boldly, stepping forwards. To hell with his Slytherin heritage.
"So will I." Black nodded, stepping forwards. The figure raised a pale, thinly boned hand, and both men felt as if they were falling.
Darkness surrounded Sirius as he felt himself falling. He tried to cal out to Snape, but his voice didn't work. He watched the other man vanish. Suddenly, there was a sharp pain in his chest. He looked down to see a massive green and purple bruise forming. The pain accelerated, until Sirius felt he couldn't breathe. Alone in the darkness with the pain ever growing, images began to flash out of the darkness. His parents' faces appeared, glaring at him. Then, Sirius felt a burn on his nerves. They were crucioing him.
"Worthless..."
"...you defy our family..."
"...scum..."
"...you sully our blood..."
"...you shame our family..."
The pain built and built, until Sirius could barely take any more. More images flashed up as the Cruciatus pain vanished – of Azkaban, of his cell, of the Dementors...one floated nearer. It raised its hood, and he caught a glimpse of its mouth as it came ever nearer.
"No," he tried to move away. "No. I'm innocent. I'm innocent!"
The Dementor vanished. Harry appeared, and Sirius tried to reach out to him. He turned away, emerald eyes horrified. Look at you, Sirius. Why would I ever want you? I'd much prefer Molly and Arthur. He began to walk away.
"No. Please, Harry, please..." Sirius whispered desperately. Snape's words came back to him. Believe me, Black, he did. Whenever I made a small jibe, Potter was there, fighting back. He regarded you as a brother, a father.
"You're not Harry." He whispered. The figure gave a scream of rage, and vanished. To his surprise, Sirius could see light infiltrating the dark prison he was in. "Am I dead?" he asked. Silence. He began to shake, alone in the lightening darkness.
"No." A voice, startlingly familiar, spoke up. He tried to turn to it, but it seemed to resonate from everywhere. "You're alive, Sirius. Very much alive."
"Harry?" He asked in amazement. Light seemed to be beating against his eyelids. Slowly, he cranked them open. A pair of intensely bright emerald eyes smiled at him.
"Yes. Dear Merlin, Sirius...you really are alive!"
"Well...I must admit the land of the Dead didn't really suit me." Sirius joked. "Not enough people to play pranks on." He was promptly enfolded by two arms, hugging him tightly. Summoning the remainders of his returning strength, he managed to hug the boy back. Tears were leaking from the emerald eyes, and tears were running down his face. "Let me get a good look at you." He said gruffly. "I haven't seen you for two years."
Harry sat back, and it was then Sirius noted he was lying in the Hospital Wing. Harry was sitting on the edge of his bed. The green eyes were still there, full of light and laughter, but they were tired. Lines were already starting to appear on the boy's face, he had dark circles under his eyes and scars across his face.
"You've changed, Harry." Sirius said softly. The boy nodded seriously.
"So've you."
Sirius frowned up at the boy. "You're still Harry, though?"
Harry laughed. "You bet. A little more hungry and tired than when you last saw me, but yes."
Suddenly, Sirius remembered his companion from the Land of the Dead. "Snape. Severus Snape. Where is he?"
Harry's expression changed to one of surprise. "O-Over there. It's very weird – your body suddenly appeared in the Shrieking Shack next to his, and both of you had pulses."
"Is he alright?"
"Coming round slowly."
"Is that Sirius Black's voice I can hear?" a gentle voice asked. Sirius laughed, and another figure moved over to them. "It is."
"Minnie!" he grinned up at her. "You made it through too!"
The pale, worn face cracked into a small smile. "It's Minerva, young man, and yes, I did."
"Aww, come off it, Minnie, I've just come back from the dead!"
"A-Am I alive?" A voice, harsh from screaming, asked. Harry and Minerva jumped up, the first looking down at him worriedly.
"Go." Sirius said. "He needs your attention more than me for now."
Severus fell into the blackness. Black was flying further and further away from him, until he was swallowed into it.
"Black! Black!" he yelled. No answer. "Sirius Black!" Still no answer, and now pain was beginning to build from his neck. It scourged his nerves, and he cried out loud. A second wave of pain shot through him, like thousands of needles being shoved under his skin. He yelled, tears springing from his eyes for the first time in years. Images began to form. The first took the shape of his parents arguing.
"No, stop." He muttered. "Stop. Please, stop."
"Don't tell us what to do!" his father yelled at him. Severus felt a blow across his face, like someone had struck him. The pain in his neck was still building. The image vanished, and Lily's dead body appeared.
"No, Lily. Lily." He moaned, and then remembered that Lily couldn't hear him, and certainly didn't care. The image disappeared, and Voldemort's red eyes appeared.
"Kill him." He hissed, and Severus saw Nagini coming closer and closer, fangs bared. The white snake reared up, cold eyes staring into him.
"No." He tried to shuffle away. "No."
"Hold on, sir. Just hold on. You're going to live." A soft voice said.
"Who are you?" Severus tried to force out, but his mouth would not form the words. Not a single sound passed his lips. Am I dammed to live in a half life, then?
Suddenly, he was aware of a vial being pushed against his lips. The pain began to vanish. Nagini and Voldemort dissolved into nothingness. Light seemed to be pressing against his eyelids.
"A-Am I dead?" he asked. His voice was raw and painful. It hurt to speak.
"No." The voice said. "You are very much alive."
Shivering, Severus wrenched open his eyes. At first, he could not see.
"What...?"
"Let your eyes adjust." The voice said. Slowly, things began to come into focus. He could hear the voice talking to others.
"Is he awake?"
"Yes, Harry. His eyes are adjusting."
"He's awake?"
"Yes, Ron."
"Really?"
"For God's sake, everyone."
"Please." He murmured. "Please."
"Give him space." Another voice, startlingly familiar, ordered. "Mione, go with Ron. You need to sleep. Yes, you stay here, Professor."
The other voices drifted away as his vision focused even more. The first thing he saw was an pair of surprised, worried green eyes. Then, slowly, Harry Potter's pale features appeared.
"Welcome back to the world of the Living, sir. You gave us quite a fright." The boy said.
"Black." Severus choked out. "Sirius Black."
"He's over there. Woke up three minutes ago. Hasn't stopped asking for you."
Severus attempted to move his head, but found he couldn't. He was lying on a soft surface – Hospital Wing, he decided.
"Don't try to move too much yet. The venom hasn't completely gone from your bloodstream. You'll still be sore for a couple of hours." A surprisingly familiar voice said. Minerva McGonagall's white, smiling face came into focus above him.
"Minerva." He whispered.
"I'll leave you guys for a minute." Potter said, and Severus felt the bedsprings decompress as he got up. Minerva moved to sit on the edge of his bed, smiling.
"How do you feel?" she asked. Severus attempted a twisted smirk.
"As though I've died, gone to heaven and risen again."
She laughed softly, and the sound soothed his ears.
"I'm sure you'll want to know what's happened, but for now, I'll fill you in on the basics. Voldemort is dead, killed by a rebounding curse. Most people are still alive, save for Remus, Tonks, Colin Creevey and forty-six others. Fred Weasley is still unstable – we're hoping he'll pull through." Her voice had stumbled over the names of the dead.
"I know, Minerva. And Remus and Tonks are happy where they are, believe me."
"That's what Sirius said. What has happened to you two?"
"I'm forbidden to say, otherwise I'll be sent back." He murmured. "I'm just happy to be here."
"I'm glad you're back." She murmured. "Harry told everyone what you did for us."
"That boy." Severus muttered good-naturedly.
"Severus, I'm sorry. I should never have doubted you." He was shocked to see tears leaking from her eyes. Minerva McGonagall never cried.
"There is nothing to be sorry for." He murmured, gathering his strength to brush a few tears away. She smiled at him.
"All the same. You and Sirius are alive. That's more than any of us could ever have hoped for."