Kurt has been telling Sebastian about his day for the past forty minutes, describing in agonizing detail the revisions he has to make to a feature that he's pitching to Isabelle…and Sebastian isn't listening.
To be fair, Kurt can talk, and when he gets on a tear he can go for hours on a single breath. He changes subjects as fast as Katy Perry changes the color of her hair, sometimes without completely finishing the sentence prior. At the very beginning of their relationship, Sebastian tried to do the respectful boyfriend thing and hang on Kurt's every word, but after his third bout of whiplash Sebastian began to pare Kurt's ramblings down by what was actually important and what he could feasibly ignore, cued by the subtle change in inflection in Kurt's tone. Sebastian knows that sometimes Kurt uses him as a sounding board, bouncing ideas around out loud without any real want of Sebastian's opinion on the subject. In those cases, a well-timed "A-ha" or "Okay" or "What are you going to do?" will often suffice.
But Kurt has Sebastian figured out. He sometimes slips in outlandish comments about Sebastian's body with regard to anal probing to see if Sebastian will notice.
He hasn't yet, and Kurt has already done it three times.
The minute Kurt starts talking about the leather belt controversy at work, Sebastian tunes him out. His mind starts to wander. Leather belts makes Sebastian think about leather cuffs, which leads to the bondage they'd been experimenting with recently, until suddenly he's full-on hard imagining Kurt throwing his head back and moaning while Sebastian assaults his boyfriend's asshole with his tongue.
Sebastian gets so caught up in the fantasy, he doesn't notice that they've stopped walking. He doesn't pay any attention to what Kurt is looking at, focus completely absorbed as he babbles on and on. So when Kurt says, "I've given it a great deal of thought, and I'm really hoping you'll agree, so…please, Bas? Can we?"
Sebastian looks into Kurt's face – eyes open wide, smile bright and pleading and hopeful - and for the first time he feels like shit for not listening. So when Sebastian answers him, this time around he overcompensates a little.
"Of course, babe," he says, pulling his boyfriend close and kissing the top of his head. "Whatever you want."
"Yay!" Kurt cheers, wrapping his arms around Sebastian's midsection and giving him a tight squeeze. "Thank you, Sebastian! Oh my God! This is so exciting!"
Sebastian rolls his eyes, wondering what boring fashion-related event he mindlessly agreed to accompany Kurt to when he hears a giggle, and for the first time takes a good look at what Kurt had been transfixed on when they stopped.
A few feet from them stands a little girl, about five or six years old, dressed for the cool weather in violet corduroy jeans and a light grey wool coat. A crocheted cap of sparkly mint green yarn sits atop her blonde curls. She throws a yellow tennis ball to a small, cream-colored dog, who dutifully retrieves it, carrying it back with his teeth even though it seems way too large to fit in his tiny mouth, then sets it at her feet with a wag of its tail and a cheerful yip. Sebastian looks at Kurt, whose eyes follow the girl as she stoops down to pick up the ball and chucks it again, giggling when the puppy bounds after it through the freshly trimmed grass. The girl must feel the two men watching because she turns around to look at them. She smiles and waves, sparkling blue eyes showing no fear of strangers. Kurt waves back, bouncing lightly on his feet. When she turns back around, picks up the ball, and tosses it again, Kurt claps his hands beneath his chin and sighs.
Sebastian swallows hard when he realizes what he signed up for – swallows so hard his throat and his head hurt.
Kurt wants a kid…and Sebastian enthusiastically agreed to adopt one with him.
Holy shit!
Suddenly, Sebastian needs to be away. Far, far away to sort this mess out.
"Okay, well, look at the time…I have to…you know, the office…merger meeting…really important…running late, and I have to…love ya…" Kurt doesn't seem to be listening – the same way Sebastian wasn't paying attention a moment before. Well, that'll teach him! Kurt leans in for a kiss, which Sebastian bends to give, but his lips only brush Kurt's cheek before he takes off through the grass for the sidewalk. He dashes at a sprint, giving the impression of a man late to catch a subway, when in reality he needs to get as far from Kurt and that kid as possible so he can breathe right again.
For the rest of the afternoon, Kurt sends Sebastian cutesy texts – happy faces and heart emojis along with I love you's, I owe you's, and a Do you know what I'm going to do to you this evening?
That one Sebastian wants to answer back, but he doesn't have the heart to, not when he knows why Kurt is promising him sexual favors.
Sebastian thinks hard about Kurt wanting a child. He glosses over memos and cancels meetings, unable to shake the thought from his brain long enough to get any work done. But he doesn't want to leave early and go home yet. He doesn't want to chance that an excited Kurt is there, too, waiting for him to discuss this more, and to start making plans.
Kurt said he'd been giving this a great deal of thought. Sebastian, feeling like he's been dumped into this on his head, still needs a bit more time.
How come Kurt hasn't brought up the subject of a kid before?
He was probably waiting for the right time.
Now's the right time!? They're not married! They're not even engaged, though, in reality, that Sebastian can blame more on himself than Kurt. They used to be mutually agreed that they were too young for marriage, but Kurt has grown into the idea. Every time the subject comes up, Sebastian does anything to change it. Last time, he pretended to have stomach cramps and faked throwing up.
That's right – the Asshole Boyfriend of the Year Award is safely within Sebastian's grasp.
It's not that Sebastian doesn't want to marry Kurt. He's actually given the idea more thought than Kurt probably realizes. Sebastian has gone as far as picking a ring out – a platinum and diamond band from Tiffany's that seems to measure up to Kurt's stringent requirements – but he doesn't want to buy a $7,000 ring just to have Kurt turn up his nose at it and then berate him for not taking him to pick one out.
Sebastian smiles to himself.
It would be like Kurt to turn down Sebastian's proposal because he fucked up picking out a ring.
That bitch.
And Sebastian loves him.
But a kid? That's different from getting married. It's not even close to the same ballpark. He and Kurt have been dating forever – they share the lease on the penthouse, they eat lunch together every day, they spend every vacation and every holiday together. They're pretty much grotesquely inseparable. As far as Sebastian is concerned, getting married would just be adding matching jewelry to the arrangement they have now.
Is Sebastian ready for a kid? What in all the years they've known each other makes Kurt think that Sebastian is mature enough to raise a child? Maybe Sebastian should take it as a compliment, that Kurt would consider Sebastian dad material, even if he will ultimately turn out to be an epic failure.
Sebastian has a hard time ironing this out in his head. He's always been a visual learner, always needed lists and notes in front of him in order to make sense of things. He pulls a piece of lined paper from his planner and starts a list of pros and cons. He titles it "adopting a kid". He divides the page in half, writes pro on the left and con on the right. In the pro column he jots down his first item – tax deduction.
He looks at those two words with a grimace when he can't immediately think of anything else. He folds the page and shoves it in his pocket, disgusted with himself.
Raising a kid can't be that bad, Sebastian muses as he catches the subway back home, finally peeling himself from behind his desk after Kurt's 36th message asking him where he was, why wasn't he home right now, and if he wanted Kurt to be sitting naked on the sofa when he got there. Tons of people have kids. Even teenagers have kids, and even though Sebastian doesn't recommend that course of action (he and Kurt are long past that anyway, so it wouldn't matter), if those people can make it work, Sebastian surely can. If nothing else, he's got money. He can hire governesses, nurses, au pairs, babysitters...
Not that Kurt would let him, but it's still an option.
In the end, Sebastian decides as he stops by Kurt's favorite florist for a bouquet of his favorite sterling and white roses, Sebastian isn't getting any younger. And he loves Kurt. He wants Kurt. He sees himself growing old with Kurt, being nagged till the day he dies, and then for an eternity after, and that's the way he likes to picture it. A life without Kurt would be unlivable.
Besides, Sebastian had imagined having kids at some point. Later isn't necessarily better than sooner.
Yes, Sebastian agrees to his own rationalizing. Now's the time. If Kurt wants a kid, he'll get a kid.
And a husband to go with it.
By the time he reaches their penthouse door, Sebastian has every word of his speech planned, his whole-hearted acceptance of becoming a father, how they're going to break it to their parents, and then…well, he'll ask Kurt to go help him pick out a ring.
Kurt meets him at the door, dressed (which is a disappointment to Sebastian), but with that same bright smile from earlier, and Sebastian can feel his rigid, stubborn gears clicking into place. Yes, this is right. This will work. All Kurt has to do is keep smiling at Sebastian like that every day for the rest of the conceivable future, and Sebastian will be completely on board with this kid idea.
"Oh, great!" Kurt says. "You're home! I made us reservations so we can go celebrate."
"That's wonderful!" Sebastian says, his own smile a bit too bright, thrusting the bouquet of roses into Kurt's arms. "But, I want to be straight with you, so before you say anything else, I want you to know that I wasn't listening." Kurt's brow furrows, but Sebastian doesn't give him an opportunity to ask. "I didn't hear a word you said when you were talking about adopting a kid, and I'm sorry. I'm really, really sorry." Kurt looks almost slapped when Sebastian admits that. Hoping to make it better, he continues on. "But I've spent the whole afternoon thinking about this, and at first I was trying to find a way out of it, but then, you know, I gave it some real thought. I even made…" Sebastian pats down his pockets while he talks, "I even made a list of pros and cons." He pulls the piece of folded paper out of his pocket and shoves it Kurt's way, letting go before Kurt gets a hold of it and he has to snatch it from the air. Kurt unfolds the page and frowns at the list that indeed has columns for pros and for cons, and only one thing written – tax deduction.
"It's not a very good list," Sebastian admits, "but that's not the point. The point is…" Sebastian takes a deep breath quickly, not wanting to lose his place, "I love you, Kurt. I love you. And if you want to adopt a kid, or even…two kids, then I'm okay with it. I can't promise that I'll be a perfect father, but I'll do the best I fucking can…oops." Sebastian puts a hand to his mouth. "Probably need to stop that, huh? Cursing around a kid…not really a good idea."
Sebastian stares at Kurt, who's still looking at the ineffectual list with a blank expression on his face, the bouquet of roses cradled tight in his arms.
"Kurt?" Sebastian kicks gently at Kurt's leg with his foot. "Kurt, say something? Please? Can we go to dinner now? Can we…can we talk about this?"
Kurt puts the bouquet of roses down along with the list, and Sebastian gets a sinking feeling. Kurt doesn't look impressed – not at all. They don't even have the kid yet and he fucked up! How did he fuck up this royally? Kurt looks like he's going to turn and walk out. With any luck, maybe he'll just go for a walk and be back in an hour. But where did he go wrong? Was it not listening in the first place? Was it admitting he wanted out of it?
Was it his pathetic list?
Kurt doesn't leave though. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out his iPhone.
"Cavapoo," Kurt says, opening a browser on his iPhone and handing the phone over to Sebastian.
"Cavapoo?" Sebastian repeats with relief. Okay, Kurt doesn't necessarily look thrilled, but he seems willing to give him a second chance. "Is…is that the name of an adoption agency or…" Sebastian raises an eyebrow in confusion at the photos on Kurt's screen. "I don't understand. There isn't a kid in any of these pictures."
"Cavapoo is a breed of dog," Kurt says with a smile at the edges of his lips. "Half Cavalier King Charles Spaniel, half poodle." Sebastian looks up at Kurt over his phone, the lines in his forehead growing deeper, still not quite understanding. "I didn't want a kid, Bas," Kurt clarifies with a chuckle. "Well, not yet, at least. I want a puppy. Something small. Something that won't take up too much space."
"A puppy?" The scene from the park replays in Sebastian's mind and he sees it again with 1000% clarity. The little girl with the blue eyes and blonde hair was playing with a dog – a fluffy fur-ball that looked exactly like the pictures on Kurt's iPhone screen. "Oh…" Sebastian says, and that's all he says, with the same expression on his face that one might see on a person facing down a bull moose while driving down the highway, and as much as Kurt would rather let sympathy take over and lead Sebastian from the headlights, he doubles over laughing.
"Oh, Bas," he says, choking on the supportive things he would like to say. "Your face. You should see…your face…" Kurt peeks back for another glimpse at his stricken boyfriend, but the foreign mixture of hurt and disappointment he sees on Sebastian's face stops Kurt's laughter dead. "You…you really thought I wanted to adopt a child, didn't you?" Sebastian doesn't answer, but he doesn't have to. "And…you were really going to say yes, weren't you?" Kurt asks in amazement. "You were willing to adopt a child…with me?"
Sebastian clears his throat.
"Yeah, well, before…when you weren't laughing at me…I guess…"
Sebastian's words drift away and Kurt takes the bitter man in his arms.
"Oh, Bas," Kurt says. "That has to be the sweetest thing you have ever been willing to do for me."
Sebastian lets himself melt into Kurt's embrace with a heavy exhale.
"I'd do anything for you," Sebastian says, dropping down onto the couch and bringing Kurt with him, holding his boyfriend in his lap. "I kind of…sort of…you know…love you and shit…"
"You love me?" Kurt gasps in playful surprise, as if the very idea of Sebastian loving him is unthinkable.
"I do," Sebastian says, swatting Kurt on the ass. "And it makes me want to do things for you…be nice and stuff. It sucks."
"Oh," Kurt coos, kissing Sebastian's cheek. "Poor baby."
"Yeah, well…" Kurt kisses Sebastian's ear and Sebastian sighs. "So, since the topic's on the table and all, do you think that you…you know…might want to have a kid with me someday?" Sebastian takes his turn nuzzling into Kurt's neck, laying kisses on his skin.
Kurt laughs at the tickle of Sebastian's scruffy chin scratching down his neck.
"Buy me that Tiffany engagement ring you've been looking at," Kurt says with a wink, "and we'll talk."