There was no doubt this was the night. Tonight she was going to tell Rachel the truth. She was sick of hiding, pretending. For the past few months they'd been fooling around. Practically as soon as her divorce to Jesse was finalized she had been in Santana's bed. The sex was amazing. But there was more to it than that.
It was the way Rachel smiled at her when she said something more stupid than funny or when she came home from a bad day just to be cheered up by a voicemail she had yet to check from the brunette. Santana wasn't sure when it happened (it had probably been longer than a few months if she was being honest) but she knew it had happened. She had fallen for Rachel. There was one problem though.
When they started this arrangement they had done so win the agreement it was simply adding a physical aspect to their friendship. It wasn't love it was lust. At least it was supposed to be. But now everything had changed. Santana wanted...no she NEEDED more. She knew Rachel was the one. Had known that without a doubt she would be the one that she would spend forever with.
Anxiously she sat in her apartment rubbing her hands together. She had made a decent living writing songs and had one digital album out that had sold much more than everyone expected it to. But it still felt like she wasn't worthy of THE Rachel Berry. The girl was a celeb write in every sense of the word. They were just thirty and already Rachel had a Tony, Grammy and had been nominated for an Emmy as a guest star on a popular TV show. So, yeah even though it had been anything but a modest living Santana it paled in comparison to Rachel.
Santana was so caught up in her own thoughts the arms wrapping around her from behind startled her.
"You look deep in thought."
"You could say that."
"Well I wonder what I could do to take your mind off of things." Rachel husked in her ear beginning to kiss the side of her neck.
"No!" Santana moved away quickly and shook her head in an attempt to regain focus.
"No? So you don't want to have sex tonight?"
No one could ever accuse Rachel of not being blunt.
"Yes."
"Yes, you want to have sex or yes that you don't." Rachel was extremely confused when Santana began to nervously fidget with her hands.
"Can you be unsexy for a minute?"
"Well considering I'm in one of your old cheer t-shirts and a pair of sweats I don't think I'm dressed sexy."
"Oh, please! You know you're sexy at all times! And I love you wearing my clothes so that doesn't help."
"Would it be better if I took them off?"
"Yes!" Santana nodded happy that she had come to a solution but once she saw the t-shirt being pulled up the victory was short lived, "No! Don't take them off!"
"Well that's the first time I've ever heard that."
"I need to talk to you about something and I can't do that when you're taking your clothes off."
"So you would rather me stay in your clothes and have your name written across the back of the shirt?"
"Raaaacchhheeellll," Santana whined as the other girl looked on in amusement, "Damn it I'm trying to be serious."
"Okay, I'm sorry. Please go ahead."
"You're like crazy sexy."
"Thank you."
"Wait, no. That's not what I meant."
"So I'm not sexy?"
"Of course you are! You're the sexiest woman alive. I just can't seem to get this right." Santana shook her head in frustration and Rachel smiled sympathetically.
"Talk to me, San."
"I need to tell you something but it's all coming out wrong."
"Okay, so let's try it this way." Rachel interlaced their fingers and started to lead them to the bedroom."
"No offense Rach but sex doesn't usually make me focus on words so, the bed is not our best option."
"So, you've said. But I thought we could sit and talk. No funny business I swear." Sitting on the bed Rachel looked up at Santana.
"I need to talk to you."
"You might have mentioned that a few times already." She paused and kissed the hand of Santana's she still held, "We keep having the beginning of a conversation but nothing else. Just say it, San."
"I like you."
"I like you too. I'm pretty sure that's an established fact."
"No, I mean I like you a lot. I like your body and your smile and your eyes and..."
"I do enjoy the way you appreciate my body."
"But it's not just that. Like I like the other stuff too. When I come home and you're waiting or when we hang out on the couch. Which I know is what friends do but I don't feel that way about Brit or Quinn. Like I just wanna be around you and it's an awesome..." A finger on her lips made her stop talking. Santana looked into Rachel's eyes that twinkled with amusement. At some point the other girl had gotten on her knees on the bedspread putting them practically at eye level.
"I'm not sure how I feel about you being the one rambling. It's quite the change." Replacing her finger with her lips Rachel pulled away, "San, are you nervous?"
Shyly Santana nodded her head confirming that she was nervous, "The most nervous I've ever been."
"Don't be nervous. Santana Lopez doesn't get nervous. She takes charge without hesitation and lets the world know what's on her mind."
"I just can't mess this up."
"This as in us?"
"Yes. Which is what I need to talk about. Us being an us."
Rachel pulled her closer and wrapped her arms around the taller girl's neck, "This way you can't run away." The wink Rachel sent her way helped to ease away some of the nerves.
"Smart woman. Rachel, I don't want sex anymore," She shook her head, "I don't just want sex. I want you. And I know that you're like totally out of my league and you could do so much better..."
Leaning forward Rachel captured her lips and smiled when they pulled apart, "You are not out of my league. I can't believe I ever made you feel that way."
"It's not your fault. You're just ridiculously talented and sexy. It's a lot for a girl to handle."
"San, think about this. We've been practically dating since my divorce was finalized. I haven't slept with anyone else, I spend all of my free time with you or thinking about you."
"Why didn't you say anything?"
"I guess I just took it for granted that we would eventually make it official. If I had known that you were struggling this much then I would have mentioned it earlier."
"So, I can tell people I'm dating Rachel Berry?"
"Well, I've told every single woman that you come into contact with that you were off the market. So, yes you can feel free to tell people."
"That explains why Erin hasn't been as friendly lately when I go to pick up a latte in the mornings."
"Yes, I may have had something to do with that."
Santana couldn't help but be amused by her girlfriend's antics (she was still silently freaking out that Rachel felt the same way).
"Do you remember earlier? When I told you not to take off your clothes?"
"I seem to recall that happening." Rachel smirked at the look in Santana's eyes.
"I think I would like to revisit that."
"A very smart decision, Santana." The diva unwrapped her arms from Santana and took off the shirt slowly.