Title: The Facts of Life
Author: lapsus calami
Summary: It's time for growing up – James Potter realises the extent of his feelings for one Lily Evans, Remus Lupin copes with peer pressure, Sirius Black begins to experience the change (and embarrassment) of his developing voice, and Peter Pettigrew... Well, Peter stays the same.
Note: For Padfoot (not Sirius...) – I wrote this mostly for you, as you have filled my head with your Azkaban convict obsessions. Here is what your insane ramblings have done! I have not once used 'Padfoot', 'Prongs', 'Wormtail', or 'Moony' in the entirety of this text – the reason being, they would NOT have had those nicknames yet, it being third year. They all entail to their Animagus counterparts, and they did not become Animagi until sixth year. So... Ja, loves.
Another Note: This chapter mostly deals with Sirius and his whole 'voice changing' thing. It'll probably be more in depth with James in the next chapter, then Remus. +Nods+ However, Sirius will probably be the prominent protagonist throughout the series.
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the following characters. They all belong to Warner Bros. and the original author, JK Rowling. Except Clarissa Dillon. +Coughs discreetly+ I rather stole her from another book – combination of James Dillon and Clarissa Harvill/Oakes, from the Aubrey- Maturin series by Patrick O'Brian.
+++
Third year, Sirius decided, would be the very best yet.
Certainly, his first had been all right – he actually worked, for a bit, trying to get the hang of his new schedule. Yet, as of then, not everyone was familiar with his face, his voice, and his general presence. He had been popular, in his own way, but not yet having achieved school-wide celebrity.
Second year had been excellent – Sirius recalled it with a dreamy smile on his face. However, something had been – well, missing. He hardly had time to contemplate upon what exactly, but it struck him like one of Peter's wayward Disarming Charms.
Of course – second year had missed but one thing! Something he had now... Sirius smirked with amusement, raising the book over his face so that Binns could not see his pleased grin (an unforgivable sin in the ghost's class). He was a teenager, now, of course – thirteen, one and three. His birthday had only just passed, last June. Sirius Black's slate-grey eyes narrowed with glee. Now, he was an angst-ridden, hormonal, bloody good-looking son of a bitch that simply could not be stopped.
At long last, History of Magic had ended, and the glory of Friday seemed to be just about the corner. Sirius hummed a merry tune as he gathered his books from his desk and grinned as James Potter, partner in crime and newly instated Quidditch star, approached him.
"Godric, Sirius," said James, with a bemused smile in greeting, "you're terribly cheerful for a Thursday."
"Yes, well, Jamsie, m'bucko," Sirius replied, "life is almost scandalously wonderful."
James cocked an eyebrow suspiciously. "Wait, a second..." His brow knitted in concern. "Is that girl going to put out t'night, or something? OW!"
Sirius wagged his finger at James reproachfully, shaking off the pain from his knuckles of the other simultaneously. "You've got damn bony arms, mate – and NO, she isn't." Sirius sniffed haughtily. "Godric, James, you ARE so very crude."
"PLEASE," said James, rolling his eyes. "Don't you start with THAT, now." Sirius blinked owlishly as his grey eyes scanned the classroom.
"Eh, where's Pete and Remus?" he mused aloud, but his query was answered even as it flew from his lips.
"Salut, jeunesse doree," said Remus as he plopped down onto what had been formerly Sirius's chair. "Ça va?"
Peter sat cross-legged on top of the opposite desk. "Eh, wha'd he say?" he asked Sirius, who shook his head and shrugged.
Remus sighed audibly, somewhat more dramatically than necessary, and shook his head mournfully. "Good God, what are we to do with you three? Hopeless..." He opened his hands, palms up, to the ceiling, as 'though in prayer. "An ounce of sense in their heads – it's all I ask!"
"Ah-HEM."
Sirius, James, and Peter all looked up, and Remus withdrew his gaze from the stony heavens. Professor Binns, who looked as 'though he might have been tapping his foot on the floor impatiently, had he any human feet to tap, was glaring at them impressively with a foul frown. Sirius smiled meekly and nodded politely. "Er, we'll just be going then, right?"
+++
"Um, since when d'you get detention for staying after class for, like, five minutes?"
Peter dropped into a comfortable armchair by the fire, almost disappearing in it's cushy depths. Sirius lent him a quick hand and pulled the boy from what would have been almost certain death – suffocation, no doubt. However, James continued without a blink. Lupin attempted to ignore him – James had been ranting for the better part of the last four hours, even 'though the punishment hadn't been so very bad (twenty minutes after class).
"Wretched old bastard," James continued to grumble. "Cor, s'no wonder he's a ghost! He would'a gone to hell for tormenting his students elsewise!" James, clearly not desiring to die just yet through a fathoms deep lounge chair, sat down on the just as comfortable rug. Sirius made room on the stony perch by the fireplace for Remus, who leaned his cheek upon his hand, looking bored.
"So," said Sirius with a smirk, "got any plans for Hogsmeade on Saturday?" He winked genially at James.
"Who, me?" Remus blinked rapidly as Sirius nodded mirthfully. "'Course not," he replied, almost laughing at the thought. "What d'you mean – why would I have plans?"
"'Cause of all the girls making moon eyes at'cha, o'course!" Sirius chuckled, shaking his head, thinking this terribly funny, especially since the idea was somewhat more inclined to his own person; this prevented his seeing Lupin's frown upon the term 'moon eyes' – nor did James, or Peter, for that matter.
Remus shook his head and rose from his seat. "Yeah, whatever." He brushed some ash from the back of his trousers. "I'm going to bed," he announced. "See you." With that, he trotted up the dormitory stair well and disappeared.
James raised an eyebrow. "Moody, isn't he?" he remarked, just a hint of facetiousness playing about his tone. Sirius smiled.
"Well, we all have our moments, right?" Sirius shrugged. "At any rate, I just brought it up so I could talk about MY plans." He grinned roguishly. "Darling Clarissa is finally going to take me back."
James looked at him dubiously. "Clarissa DILLON?" Sirius nodded in assent. "She's as daft as a – a –" James searched his mind for a moment, hoping to find a word that properly described the exact extent of Clarissa Dillon's stupidity. "As an unconscious cave troll," he ended lamely – a somewhat lacking simile, yet it did the job.
Sirius frowned – that did indeed convey Master Potter's exact point. "Next time I want your opinion, Potter," Sirius scowled, "I'll ask for it. And next time I want BRAINS in a girl," he smirked, "I'll go after Evans." James grimaced and mumbled something about his being not funny, not funny in the least. Sirius grinned at his sudden deficiency of retorts. "Actually, I think old Moody had the right idea – I'm going to hit the hay." He stood and checked the back of his trousers for the slightest mark – of course, they were already a soot grey colour, and he laughed.
James blinked. "Already? It's only – what, eleven o'clock?" Peter, ever vigilant, checked his watch and piped that it was actually eleven thirty- seven. James rolled his eyes at him and turned back to Sirius. "You're joking, right?"
"Nope!" Sirius grinned. "Well, it's the first Hogsmeade weekend on Saturday, right?" James nodded. "Well, I need to start preparing! Can't have big purple bags 'neath me eyes the day before Hogsmeade, can I? Need me beauty sleep, an' all that." He fluttered his eyelashes girlishly. "G'night, James."
"'Night, Sirius," Potter replied as he fought back a yawn. "What a bunch of girls," he said once Sirius too had vanished. "Goin' to bed at eleven thirty... Right, Pete?" He inclined a head towards Peter, who had fallen fast asleep, leaning his head against the armchair and a bit of drool hung from the side of his mouth.
+++
"Good morning, Sirius."
Remus was, like clockwork, fixing his sheets and comforters, already in his trousers and shirtsleeves. The sweater vest hung from his waist, clinging to his hips where he had tied the arms, and his gold and maroon tie dangled from his right shoulder. Sirius propped his lazy head against the pillow, left cheek pressed against the white down. "'Wake? Already?" he mumbled groggily – his voice was curiously low for ''Wake', and for the first two syllables of 'Already'; however, the last part was peculiarly high. This escaped Remus's notice, however.
"Yes, you've to wake, already," Remus answered, as he did each morning. "Come on – get up." He attempted to tug Sirius's pillow from beneath his black head.
"Five more minutes, Mum!" Sirius cried – again, his voice broke. This was, 'though, from the safety of his pillow, which he had lodged safely over his head. Muffled as they were, Remus did not notice once more.
"Just – get – up!" Remus finally managed to tug the pillow away, launching himself backwards and into his own four-poster in the process, and wrenched Sirius from his own bed and onto the floor.
"Oooow," Sirius moaned, but it came out rather differently than his usually baritone, it was a shriek that pitched from bass to alto and back again. Remus started, standing up abruptly, looking out the window and back at Sirius.
"Was that a BIRD?" he asked, and Sirius himself did not look so very certain. Remus stared at him for a few moments before bursting into laughter. "I can't BELIEVE THIS!" Remus cried, tears almost pouring from his eyes. "Your VOICE is CHANGING!" He collapsed back onto his mattress and tried to hold back any further cries of mirth.
Sirius reddened and clasped his throat. He opened his mouth again, and, indeed, it was a sharp, uncontrollable yelp. Just as quickly he shut it again, and gazed bleakly at the laughter stricken Lupin. "Aw, cripes," he groused, but realised again that to speak was to humiliate – 'cripes' was a barely coherent screech. Again, he clamped his mouth shut. Reaching for the notepad that always rested on Lupin's nightstand, he quickly wrote a few words with a Muggle pencil he found there. Sirius, uncharacteristically solemn, held it up, recalling his date with the none too clever and social conscious Clarissa the very next day. 'What am I going to do???'
Author: lapsus calami
Summary: It's time for growing up – James Potter realises the extent of his feelings for one Lily Evans, Remus Lupin copes with peer pressure, Sirius Black begins to experience the change (and embarrassment) of his developing voice, and Peter Pettigrew... Well, Peter stays the same.
Note: For Padfoot (not Sirius...) – I wrote this mostly for you, as you have filled my head with your Azkaban convict obsessions. Here is what your insane ramblings have done! I have not once used 'Padfoot', 'Prongs', 'Wormtail', or 'Moony' in the entirety of this text – the reason being, they would NOT have had those nicknames yet, it being third year. They all entail to their Animagus counterparts, and they did not become Animagi until sixth year. So... Ja, loves.
Another Note: This chapter mostly deals with Sirius and his whole 'voice changing' thing. It'll probably be more in depth with James in the next chapter, then Remus. +Nods+ However, Sirius will probably be the prominent protagonist throughout the series.
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the following characters. They all belong to Warner Bros. and the original author, JK Rowling. Except Clarissa Dillon. +Coughs discreetly+ I rather stole her from another book – combination of James Dillon and Clarissa Harvill/Oakes, from the Aubrey- Maturin series by Patrick O'Brian.
+++
Third year, Sirius decided, would be the very best yet.
Certainly, his first had been all right – he actually worked, for a bit, trying to get the hang of his new schedule. Yet, as of then, not everyone was familiar with his face, his voice, and his general presence. He had been popular, in his own way, but not yet having achieved school-wide celebrity.
Second year had been excellent – Sirius recalled it with a dreamy smile on his face. However, something had been – well, missing. He hardly had time to contemplate upon what exactly, but it struck him like one of Peter's wayward Disarming Charms.
Of course – second year had missed but one thing! Something he had now... Sirius smirked with amusement, raising the book over his face so that Binns could not see his pleased grin (an unforgivable sin in the ghost's class). He was a teenager, now, of course – thirteen, one and three. His birthday had only just passed, last June. Sirius Black's slate-grey eyes narrowed with glee. Now, he was an angst-ridden, hormonal, bloody good-looking son of a bitch that simply could not be stopped.
At long last, History of Magic had ended, and the glory of Friday seemed to be just about the corner. Sirius hummed a merry tune as he gathered his books from his desk and grinned as James Potter, partner in crime and newly instated Quidditch star, approached him.
"Godric, Sirius," said James, with a bemused smile in greeting, "you're terribly cheerful for a Thursday."
"Yes, well, Jamsie, m'bucko," Sirius replied, "life is almost scandalously wonderful."
James cocked an eyebrow suspiciously. "Wait, a second..." His brow knitted in concern. "Is that girl going to put out t'night, or something? OW!"
Sirius wagged his finger at James reproachfully, shaking off the pain from his knuckles of the other simultaneously. "You've got damn bony arms, mate – and NO, she isn't." Sirius sniffed haughtily. "Godric, James, you ARE so very crude."
"PLEASE," said James, rolling his eyes. "Don't you start with THAT, now." Sirius blinked owlishly as his grey eyes scanned the classroom.
"Eh, where's Pete and Remus?" he mused aloud, but his query was answered even as it flew from his lips.
"Salut, jeunesse doree," said Remus as he plopped down onto what had been formerly Sirius's chair. "Ça va?"
Peter sat cross-legged on top of the opposite desk. "Eh, wha'd he say?" he asked Sirius, who shook his head and shrugged.
Remus sighed audibly, somewhat more dramatically than necessary, and shook his head mournfully. "Good God, what are we to do with you three? Hopeless..." He opened his hands, palms up, to the ceiling, as 'though in prayer. "An ounce of sense in their heads – it's all I ask!"
"Ah-HEM."
Sirius, James, and Peter all looked up, and Remus withdrew his gaze from the stony heavens. Professor Binns, who looked as 'though he might have been tapping his foot on the floor impatiently, had he any human feet to tap, was glaring at them impressively with a foul frown. Sirius smiled meekly and nodded politely. "Er, we'll just be going then, right?"
+++
"Um, since when d'you get detention for staying after class for, like, five minutes?"
Peter dropped into a comfortable armchair by the fire, almost disappearing in it's cushy depths. Sirius lent him a quick hand and pulled the boy from what would have been almost certain death – suffocation, no doubt. However, James continued without a blink. Lupin attempted to ignore him – James had been ranting for the better part of the last four hours, even 'though the punishment hadn't been so very bad (twenty minutes after class).
"Wretched old bastard," James continued to grumble. "Cor, s'no wonder he's a ghost! He would'a gone to hell for tormenting his students elsewise!" James, clearly not desiring to die just yet through a fathoms deep lounge chair, sat down on the just as comfortable rug. Sirius made room on the stony perch by the fireplace for Remus, who leaned his cheek upon his hand, looking bored.
"So," said Sirius with a smirk, "got any plans for Hogsmeade on Saturday?" He winked genially at James.
"Who, me?" Remus blinked rapidly as Sirius nodded mirthfully. "'Course not," he replied, almost laughing at the thought. "What d'you mean – why would I have plans?"
"'Cause of all the girls making moon eyes at'cha, o'course!" Sirius chuckled, shaking his head, thinking this terribly funny, especially since the idea was somewhat more inclined to his own person; this prevented his seeing Lupin's frown upon the term 'moon eyes' – nor did James, or Peter, for that matter.
Remus shook his head and rose from his seat. "Yeah, whatever." He brushed some ash from the back of his trousers. "I'm going to bed," he announced. "See you." With that, he trotted up the dormitory stair well and disappeared.
James raised an eyebrow. "Moody, isn't he?" he remarked, just a hint of facetiousness playing about his tone. Sirius smiled.
"Well, we all have our moments, right?" Sirius shrugged. "At any rate, I just brought it up so I could talk about MY plans." He grinned roguishly. "Darling Clarissa is finally going to take me back."
James looked at him dubiously. "Clarissa DILLON?" Sirius nodded in assent. "She's as daft as a – a –" James searched his mind for a moment, hoping to find a word that properly described the exact extent of Clarissa Dillon's stupidity. "As an unconscious cave troll," he ended lamely – a somewhat lacking simile, yet it did the job.
Sirius frowned – that did indeed convey Master Potter's exact point. "Next time I want your opinion, Potter," Sirius scowled, "I'll ask for it. And next time I want BRAINS in a girl," he smirked, "I'll go after Evans." James grimaced and mumbled something about his being not funny, not funny in the least. Sirius grinned at his sudden deficiency of retorts. "Actually, I think old Moody had the right idea – I'm going to hit the hay." He stood and checked the back of his trousers for the slightest mark – of course, they were already a soot grey colour, and he laughed.
James blinked. "Already? It's only – what, eleven o'clock?" Peter, ever vigilant, checked his watch and piped that it was actually eleven thirty- seven. James rolled his eyes at him and turned back to Sirius. "You're joking, right?"
"Nope!" Sirius grinned. "Well, it's the first Hogsmeade weekend on Saturday, right?" James nodded. "Well, I need to start preparing! Can't have big purple bags 'neath me eyes the day before Hogsmeade, can I? Need me beauty sleep, an' all that." He fluttered his eyelashes girlishly. "G'night, James."
"'Night, Sirius," Potter replied as he fought back a yawn. "What a bunch of girls," he said once Sirius too had vanished. "Goin' to bed at eleven thirty... Right, Pete?" He inclined a head towards Peter, who had fallen fast asleep, leaning his head against the armchair and a bit of drool hung from the side of his mouth.
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"Good morning, Sirius."
Remus was, like clockwork, fixing his sheets and comforters, already in his trousers and shirtsleeves. The sweater vest hung from his waist, clinging to his hips where he had tied the arms, and his gold and maroon tie dangled from his right shoulder. Sirius propped his lazy head against the pillow, left cheek pressed against the white down. "'Wake? Already?" he mumbled groggily – his voice was curiously low for ''Wake', and for the first two syllables of 'Already'; however, the last part was peculiarly high. This escaped Remus's notice, however.
"Yes, you've to wake, already," Remus answered, as he did each morning. "Come on – get up." He attempted to tug Sirius's pillow from beneath his black head.
"Five more minutes, Mum!" Sirius cried – again, his voice broke. This was, 'though, from the safety of his pillow, which he had lodged safely over his head. Muffled as they were, Remus did not notice once more.
"Just – get – up!" Remus finally managed to tug the pillow away, launching himself backwards and into his own four-poster in the process, and wrenched Sirius from his own bed and onto the floor.
"Oooow," Sirius moaned, but it came out rather differently than his usually baritone, it was a shriek that pitched from bass to alto and back again. Remus started, standing up abruptly, looking out the window and back at Sirius.
"Was that a BIRD?" he asked, and Sirius himself did not look so very certain. Remus stared at him for a few moments before bursting into laughter. "I can't BELIEVE THIS!" Remus cried, tears almost pouring from his eyes. "Your VOICE is CHANGING!" He collapsed back onto his mattress and tried to hold back any further cries of mirth.
Sirius reddened and clasped his throat. He opened his mouth again, and, indeed, it was a sharp, uncontrollable yelp. Just as quickly he shut it again, and gazed bleakly at the laughter stricken Lupin. "Aw, cripes," he groused, but realised again that to speak was to humiliate – 'cripes' was a barely coherent screech. Again, he clamped his mouth shut. Reaching for the notepad that always rested on Lupin's nightstand, he quickly wrote a few words with a Muggle pencil he found there. Sirius, uncharacteristically solemn, held it up, recalling his date with the none too clever and social conscious Clarissa the very next day. 'What am I going to do???'