AN/ This was fun to write and it helped me with my anger at Twilight for existing. Review!
Disclaimer: If I owned Twilight, there would be character development and plot.
"Oh Edward…" Bella sighs.
"Oh Bella…" Edward sighs back.
"OMG! It's Edward Cullen!"
Bella and Edward look around wildly, wondering where the fangirl shriek came from. Then it hit them.
"Oh. My. Edward!" Bella cries, "It's the fangirls! They've found us!"
Bella and Edward run for their immortal lives, because nothing is more deadly to a fictional character than a mob of rabid fangirls.
They ran and ran until they were cornered; but the scream, they realized, was not the fangirls. It was something much worse – the Flamers.
It was indeed the Flamers – with their pitchforks, torches and Molotov Cocktails, ready to destroy a terrified Bella and Edward.
He throws Bella on to his back and calls her a monkey, then begins to try and climb the nearest building.
The Flamers are on the roof – it's no use.
Edward jumps down and faces the mob. He doesn't want to die, so he tries to strike a bargain.
"You can have Bella; I'm too perfect to die." He says.
"But Edward, I thought you loved me!" Bella screams and Edward looks at her with disgust.
"That's the problem, you airheaded moron!" Yells one of the Flamers, brandishing her sword.
"Yeah!" adds another, this one with a torch. "You're a freaking Gary-Stu and MUST BE DESTROYED!" He is obviously some kind of leader, for the whole mob roars with agreement and shouts and boos fill the air.
Edward is scared, and justly so.
He screams like a little girl as he burns alive.
Bella watches with smug satisfaction as he does.
Then the Flamers turn to her and the smile slips off her face as the one who spoke previously shouts
"You're next Mary-Sue!"
Before she can bite her lip, Bella has been run through with a pitchfork.