Falling Silver

Prologue

Too slow.

Not fast enough.

There are too many of them.

You have to go faster.

You have to make it.

You have to get there in time.

You can't let him do this alone.

You can't let him take this on by himself.

He needs you for this.

You're his sensei.

This is your job.

And you are the best there is at your job (so they say).

"Gai! I'm pushing ahead. Can you take care of this here?" I asked my green-clad friend as I impale yet another enemy with Raikiri. My chakra was low, too low, but I pushed on anyway. (And to think that Naruto was always considered the reckless one on my team.)

"You can count on me! I leave Naruto to you!" he said, much less exuberantly than his usual, but we were in the middle of a war. Still, his seriousness seemed out of place for him and felt unsettling. It made me want to end the war that much sooner. (Of course, I was too powerless. I was too insignificant. I was just trash among beasts and legends.)

I gave a quick nod to Gai before rushing on ahead, burning through my chakra reserves as I pushed forward.

Faster.

You have to go faster.

You can't be late this time.

Finally I could see the blond locks I'd been searching for. But I heard an unsettling sound. I heard the crackling and screeching of my attack, but my hands weren't glowing with the deadly technique.

My stomach churned with the irony at the image of that important person dying by the technique that I passed on.

Faster. Go faster, I ordered myself as I pressed on.

Then the sound was gone.

Screams rang out. The sounds of last words and last breaths and cries of comrades rang from every corner of the battlefield.

But I heard nothing. Nothing. Not a single sound reached my ears because none of them were the sounds I was searching for. I listened hard but heard nothing as I pressed on towards my blond student, knowing that I would find my black-haired student there too. (And I prayed to every god I knew that the blond was still standing, knowing it would be too selfish to ask for both to be there. Trash like me had no right to ask that much of the gods.)

Finally I broke through the crowd, and though there was no sound, the loudest silent scream of all was echoing and tearing through the field. Blood was everywhere, and a cooling heart lay in Naruto's hand.

I was too late.

Trash was too kind a word for the filth that I was.

I couldn't save him.

Seeing that scene threatened to crush me with the weight of my emotions. I was joyous that he was breathing. I could break under the weight of my guilt for failing him again. My heart broke knowing that his was shattered as he held Sasuke's in his hand.

But I knew.

When I spoke to Asuma back then, he was right.

Even I wasn't immune to falling in love.

But I also knew that those silent screams were all his as he saw and said nothing. I knew that my heart was throbbing in my chest because I knew that he was in pain and wanted to be dead too, and I knew that my heart held joy in spite of everything because I was so glad that the was standing and was alive. And I knew that I had to keep him breathing, so I rushed forward.

"Naruto! Calm down. We have to fight right now," I told him, covering his eyes from the bloodied, cooling body lying in front of him, wrapping my other arm around his waist to pull him away. (I couldn't help reveling in the fact that he was so warm, so alive, even as the blood of his best friend cooled and dried on his clothes.)

Quickly, I felt him nod against my hand, and then he pulled away, surging forward, destroying every enemy in his path with a precision that even I found incredible.

I knew that he locked himself away and became a weapon—I was familiar with doing that myself, after all. I knew that he wasn't himself. I knew that he was tired and about to break—already broken. And I finally knew that I loved him so painfully much. (And I knew that I would never have the right to tell him, to show him, to touch him.)

It hurt to see him like that. I hated it, but he was alive, and being a weapon would keep him alive.

Just fight, Naruto. I'll bring you back soon.

oOo

Too-white room. Scratchy sheets. Excessive air conditioning. Overwhelming smell of disinfectant. How long have I been in the hospital this time, I wonder?

I looked around a vague memories of being carried after the final battle returned to me. He was exhausted then, I knew, but he still made took me to Sakura the moment Obito's body fell for the final time.

I sighed, wondering for the umpteenth time if the Sandaime made the correct decision when he assigned me to that genin team back then.

No, I thought, mentally shaking myself. I shouldn't have been given that team, but there's no changing it now. At least I was able to pass on Obito's Will of Fire from when he was younger. That's the best I could do as a sensei.

My mind continued to wander as I stared out the window, but then I saw an explosion of dirt and trees in the distance, near one of the training grounds. And reflexively, I was concerned, wondering if the peace was only in my hospital room, but the instant my Sharingan was revealed to try to see the cause of the explosion better, Tsunade and Sakura appeared in my room, looking to be in worse moods than normal, and when they noticed my Sharingan revealed in the next moment, the aura around them both just darkened further.

"What the hell are you doing with that eye open, Kakashi?" Tsunade asked, eyes narrowing as she approached.

Out of instinct for self-preservation, I immediately closed my eye and smiled a little, lifting my hands in a placating manner.

"I just saw a little explosion out in one of the fields, and since I don't really recall how I got here, I just thought I'd make sure that there wasn't a battle going on still," I told her, but with the mention of the explosion, the anger in their aura faded to exhaustion and worry, though they both tried to conceal it.

"The war is over, Kakashi, in no small part thanks to your student who is the cause of that dust cloud," Tsunade replied quickly before pulling out a clipboard from the edge of my bed. I frowned and looked at Sakura, but she seemed to push her thoughts aside for the moment and looked back at me.

"In any case, Kakashi-sensei, you've been in here for two weeks now. You'd be dead if it weren't for Naruto giving you Kurama's chakra, so please don't be anymore reckless and just rest," she told me, and I just nodded absently.

"How long was Naruto in the hospital?" I asked, amazed as always by his fast recovery, but the looks on Tsunade and Sakura's faces just grew more worried, tension lining their shoulders.

"You don't need to worry about that, Kakashi-sensei. Just get some rest," Sakura told me, giving me her best fake smile. I returned it before Tsunade asked her to go check on another patient. I watched her leave before I turned to Tsunade.

"Tsunade-sama, how long was he in the hospital?" I asked again, staring her down.

I could tell that she was tired, more tired than any Hokage should be, but I wasn't going to let her dodge the question. She stared back at me for a while, but then sighed, deflating.

"He never did come into the hospital."

"Then how long was he on bed rest at home?" I asked, but this time she just shook her head. I frowned more.

"Then what has he been doing?"

She looked out the window and I followed her gaze, seeing a dust cloud grow.

"That," was all she said, and my head snapped back towards her. After seeing Sakura's reaction, I wasn't that surprised, but I didn't want to believe it. This was bad.

"Have you tried to—"

"Of course I have, Kakashi. I tried to order him home to sleep when we came back, but he said he still had plenty of energy left, saying he needed to cool down and training was the best thing for it, so I let him."

I stared at her for a while. I hated it, but I understood. Even if you're the Hokage, Naruto doesn't take orders well.

"Then let me talk to him," I said, but immediately she shook her head.

"He may have asked for a sparring partner, but you're in no condition."

"If he's been out there for two weeks, he's I worse condition than I am," I retorted, but she just shook her head again, a more distraught look marring her face this time.

"He's destroyed the entire training ground, Kakashi. He's got more chakra than either of us can imagine," she nearly whispered, suddenly looking even more tired, and I frowned again.

I knew that he hadn't rested for days before his fight with Sasuke, and I didn't see him rest once after that. While we were fighting, he kept giving me and everyone else Kurama's chakra, and even then I still blacked out because I used too much in one go. And he still hasn't rested.

"How long has it been since the battle ended?"

"Three weeks."

"He didn't rest any before we returned?" I asked, and she shook her head again.

"He helped clean up and gave chakra to everyone that was exhausted and the med-nin while we healed everyone else up, and even sent out his bunshin to help clear the battlefield and rescue survivors."

This was very bad.

Over three weeks, and he still hadn't rested, and I knew that he and Kurama both were exhausted when I last saw him.

I wanted to rush out there. To do something, anything to fix it. But I had no idea how, and I could tell that neither Tsunade nor Sakura knew either, and if they didn't know, neither did anyone else in the village.

Eventually, I gave a short nod, and Tsunade left shortly after. All I could do for the moment was rest. I wouldn't be able to help him when I could barely stand, so I pulled my sheet back up and forced my mind to clear as best I could.

oOo

"You are on bed rest still, Kakashi. Strictly bed rest," Tsunade told me, giving me a hard stare as I pulled my gloves back on, and I smiled innocently.

"Of course, Tsunade-sama."

She frowned for a moment, but then gave a huff and left, grumbling under her breath.

Soon after, I finally found myself back in my apartment. It needed a good dusting, but I wasn't even given the chance to care before I heard knocking at my door and a familiar boisterous voice calling.

"Kakashi! We have not had a chance to celebrate since we returned since you have been in the hospital!" Gai declared loudly once I opened the window he was hanging outside. I thought about refusing for a minute, Tsunade's orders for bed rest lingering o the tip of my tongue for an excuse, but then I found myself agreeing to go.

A drink was just what I needed.

"Kashhhii! 'Snot good to keep that mashk on all the time, ya know?" Gai slurred after slinging back a third bottle of sake. I raised a brow.

"It's not like I keep it on all the time, you know," I told him, but then he shook his head and waggled a finger at me.

"'Snot za one I meant! Za other! 'Stha one you aaallways wear!" he managed. I just sighed. I knew I shouldn't have let him order another bottle. I stood and paid for the drinks before hauling my drunken friend up, maneuvering us out of the establishment.

"Kashhhii! You're not lisenin to me are ya!"

"I'll listen when you're sober, Gai," I told him, pulling him along.

"No! I'm shober enough! Lishen! Stop wearn' zat mashk! 'Snot good for you!"

"I don't wear it all the time, Gai."

"'Snot that one! Z'other!"

"Right, right. Whatever you say," I told him, feeling more and more exhausted. Maybe bed rest was a good idea.

"No! You-you… Idiot!" he suddenly shouted, thrashing enough for me to lose my grip on him. I nearly toppled over, but somehow Gai retained his balance as he glared at me. "Your emoshional mask! You… You always keep everything hidden from ush! 'Cause you think you should be alone, but you're jusht a big idiot! And ya can't help anyone elshe like zat!" he yelled, slurring his words slightly less than before. I stared at him, somewhat surprised, but then I just nodded a little and pulled his arm back over my shoulder, hauling him back home as I mulled over what he said. Even a drunken Gai could give good advice. (Or maybe only a drunken Gai could give good advice.)

As soon as Gai was safely home and dead asleep on his couch, I went back to my apartment too and crawled into the bath, sighing as the hot water relaxed muscles that I didn't even realize were tense.

Memories of countless failures flowed through my vision as I soaked, but two stood out among the others, making me sink deeper into the steaming water. Twice I'd failed to prevent the fights between those two. Twice I failed to save Naruto from the pain of losing his best friend, but my failures were countless.

Can't help anyone if I don't help myself too, huh?

I sighed and sunk down farther, letting my head submerge.

If he wanted to know… If he asked, I could tell him.

If he asks, I will tell him.

Only him.

It felt selfish to want to talk to him, to want to confess my sins to him, to want to be forgiven (to want to be cared for), but if relying on him somehow made him trust me enough to rely on me in return would help, I could do it. I would do it. I wouldn't even mind if he crushed me with it, if it made him feel better. If it brought him back.

Suddenly, I pulled myself out of the water and dressed quickly before rushing off to the Hokage's office, entering through the window and ignoring the scolding that the Godaime was about to give.

"Two days. I'll rest all you want for the next two days, but then I'm going to see him."

Silence prevailed for several long moments as she frowned at me.

"Sensei and student are both a pair of idiots, huh?" she said finally, and I gave a signature eye-smile. She sighed.

"Get down off that window sill and sit, then. I have work to do."

I did as ordered and after sending Sai to go check on Naruto, she sat behind me and I heard her chakra humming at my back.

Whatever it takes, whatever you need, whatever you want, Naruto, I'll do it.

I hope you enjoyed the first chapter of Falling Silver! (This first one is a little shorter than I expect the rest to be.)

Thank you to all of my Red and Black readers for the support and interest! I'm going to try to get the next chapter of Red and Black out soon, and hopefully another chapter of this too, plus I have some oneshot ideas floating around that will need to get written down eventually!

I might be a little slow, though, because I still have a paper to write for class, and I'm studying abroad this semester, so for the next week or two I'm going to be devoting a lot of time to trying to find an apartment near my campus.

Anyway, I'll do my best to update regularly still, and let me know if there's anything you want to see or if you have any predictions!

I hope you enjoyed it and will be looking forward to the next chapter!