Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
A/N: This is just for fun and not in any way related to my other stories, though I do suppose in ways it might echo some of the events in terms of Jasper and Bella's relationship. It pretty much takes place in the 'Who the Hell Cares Where the Cullen's Are' verse.
I'm thinking about turning this into a series of silly little drabbles... or possibly leaving them as separate one shots. For now I'll mark as complete (cause technically it will be) but lemme know what you guys think. Wanna see more?
*ADDED NOTE* I've decided to go with making these stand-alones, so be sure to check out the ones I just posted! I promise they're just as fun.
"My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard..." Bella sang, shaking her own milkshake along to the beat. This usually wasn't her type of music, but she'd been bummed to realize that she'd forgotten to charge her IPod last night and had been forced to snag Char's instead.
The fact that she knew all the words to this particular song was completely coincidental.
She continued to dance as she wiped down the kitchen counter. Though she hadn't been human for almost ten years now and neither she nor her family had any use for the kitchen (other than for Board Game Night) anymore, she still enjoyed the mundaness of doing chores around the house.
"You know you want it, the thing thaAWK!" she squealed when she suddenly felt a hand on her ass, giving it a hardy squeeze before it was removed. Ripping her earphones out, she whirled around to face the grinning vampire behind her. "Peter," she spat. "You realize Jasper's gonna rip that hand off now, don't you?"
He shrugged unrepentantly. "Hey, I was just following orders."
Orders? Bella thought, frowning in confusion. She rolled her eyes when she realized she must have accidentally pulled on the yoga pants with JUICY spelled out on the back that Rose had bought her last year instead of the plain ones she'd been aiming for. Most of the time, she never really paid attention to what she was wearing, content in the knowledge that if she looked like she got dressed in the dark (red and orange do to go together!), Rose or Char would be there to set her straight.
"It says JUICY, not 'grab me'."
Peter smirked. "You sure about that?"
Bella's eyes narrowed in suspicion and she threw the damp rag in his laughing face as she darted out of the kitchen and up the stairs to her and Jasper's bedroom. Not even bothering to shut the door behind her, she shimmied out of her pants and flipped them around.
There, spread across the ass of her pants in white letters big enough for even human eyes to easily see was:
SQUEEZE ME
She just about swallowed her tongue. I wore these to the mall today, she thought frantically. She had thought all the whispers and leers were because they were enthralled by her vampire glamor... not that she was full of herself or anything. She wasn't. Honest!
Why hadn't Rose or Char said anything to her, they had been with her almost all day. And Jasper! Here she thought he was just being frisky when he grabbed her ass when she bent over this morning.
Her whole family had known and they didn't say a word.
"Traitors!" she hissed lowly, curling her fingers in the black fabric as she plotted her revenge.
But first, she had to figure out who the culprit was.
Looking down at the white letters, she realized this prank had one vampire written all over it.
"EMMETT!" she bellowed, hearing a distant, "oh shit," as her roar echoed through the house.
A predatory smile stretched her lips, her teeth glinting as they caught the afternoon sun streaming through the open bedroom window, as her sensitive ears caught the sound of his thundering retreat. She threw the pants to the side and gave chase.
It was his turn to be squeezed... preferably till his head popped off.
The others she'd deal with later. Right now, the hunt was on.