Spoilers: Post-Episode "Weak" Season 6
Summary: ' I just had to go and open my stupid jealous mouth. Christ, what was I thinking?' Olivia POV
Rating: PG-14 for strong language
Disclaimer: I don't own any of them, they all belong to Dick Wolf. Although, I'd take Chris Meloni off his hands any day grin
Author's Note: I don't like MSM or her character. As an E/O fan I can't wait for B.D Wong to return so she can return to the rock she crawled from underneath. Even the producer says she's there to create conflict. So yeah, if I bash her a little, don't get upset.
The moment the words left my mouth, I wanted to take them back. Elliot was staring back at me I think half from shock that I had just said what I did. I saw a flicker of hurt in his eyes and I winced. Before I could say anything, he turned on his heel and walked away from me. His shoulders were hunched and his hands were shoved in his pockets. I would have called after him, but how did I explain what I just said to him. I wasn't even sure why I said it to him. 'That's a lie' a voice inside me whispered. I knew exactly why I said it. It was a very common thing known to the human race as jealousy. I'm not exactly sure why I was jealous, because Rebecca posed no real threat to me. Maybe it was because Elliot was my best friend. Or maybe it was because a part of me hoped that if he would want to be with or date anybody if he ever got divorced, it would be me. Don't get me wrong, I respected Elliot's marriage vows. Hell, I respected Kathy, although you would probably never know that with as many times as I have lusted after her husband. I think it's the eyes...he has the most magnificent blue eyes I've ever seen. It's true what they say about the windows to the soul. I wasn't sure about that theory until I met Elliot. Everything he's thinking you can read in his eyes. At least I can.
Maybe that's the problem with me though. I look into his eyes and I still see a married man. I guess I think he should still act like one. So when he was backed Rebecca's theory, I couldn't help but snap on him a little. I think part of me must have been channeling Kathy. I was jealous for me...and I was angry for his wife. Part of me believes they are going to work this out, but another part of me knows that Kathy is tired. I can't believe I am saying this, but I want them to work things out. Kathy and his kids are Elliot's world.
I'm his partner and when we first started working together, I thought that maybe there would be something between us someday. He made me want to break the rule I had about not dating people I work with.. However, I guess hearing he and Kathy have split, old feelings have risen to the surface. Which brought me back to the present, which was feeling pretty shitty right now.
I had hurt Elliot at a time when he needed a friend at the most. I just had to go and open my stupid jealous mouth. Christ, what was I thinking? 'You weren't', there went that same annoying voice in my head from earlier. I sighed and looked in the direction Elliot had gone. What right did I have anyways? It wasn't like I didn't bring personal issues into my work. Two names rang out in my head and I shuddered. Brian Cassidy and Andy Eckerson. Boy, did I need to go apologize. So I set out in search of Elliot, who hopefully would forgive me for my foot in mouth disease. Yet somehow I doubted he was really in a forgiving mood right now.
I finally found him on the rooftop. He has his back to me, but I could see him tense up. That sixth sense about your partner really is bitch. With Elliot and me, we're always very consciously aware of when the other was around. It was kind of windy and chilly on the roof. He was staring down at the city when I came to stand beside him. We were silent for a moment before he looked over at me.
"Come to take another pot shot at me, Benson" he asked scathingly. I winced. If he was calling me Benson, he was either really hurt or really mad. I wasn't sure which one I wanted to face right now.
"Elliot..." I began. He held up his hand to cut me off. I shut up. If I wanted to fix this, I would have to take my fair share of anger from him. He was justified after all. 'Stupid jealous mouth' I thought.
" You know I would hope you of all people would understand how hard this is on me. I go home to an empty house. My wife just walked away after twenty years of marriage. Do you really think I'm trying to fuck some shrink" he said
I looked down in shame. He was right. I knew him better than anyone else and I still accused him of trying to rebound with Rebecca.
He turned to me when I looked back up and those big beautiful blue eyes were glassy with tears. I wanted to kick myself as I put my hand on his arm.
"You're right, I know better than that. I really am sorry. Rebecca brings out the worst in me. I was just angry that you took her side over mine. Hell, over the evidence. I didn't think before I spoke. Honestly, Elliot you know I would never try and intentionally hurt you. Especially not right now" I finally replied.
He gave me a small smile before reaching down and giving my hand a squeeze. I sighed in relief. What surprised me was he didn't let my hand go. He just turned back to the skyline and together we watched in silence. It wasn't until we turned to go back in that he spoke again.
"Oh and Olivia" he questioned with a slight smirk starting to form on his face.
"Yeah" I responded as we stopped and he turned to look me in the eye.
" Next time you think I'm trying to hook up with someone, could you at least accuse me of trying hook up with someone hot " He grinned. My jaw dropped before I could say anything. I recovered quickly.
" So you mean someone like Munch" I teased.
With a shit-eating grin, he leaned towards me and whispered in my ear. It was barely audible, but I heard it.
" I meant someone like you."
I stood shocked as he let go of my hand and walked back inside. Did he really just say that? Elliot thought I was hot? I grinned as I followed not too far behind him.
'Well, that was definitely something I could work with' I thought.