SEQ CHAPTER \h \r 1Confusion of the Heart
by Cap'n Dampeal
Padme gripped the edge of the balcony as the world spun for an instant. The stars stirred shakily and pinpricks of color exploded between the lanes of speeder traffic. She took a deep breath, the sensation passed. One hand slipped off the railing to touch her rounded belly and her grimace of pain brightened into a smile. Not too long ago, she had told her husband of her pregnancy. But already the baby's birth was near.
She knew Anakin feared for her safety, but she was certain that she would stay alive and well through the delivery. Besides, Ani, you've always wanted a family. I think you ignored the possibility of me getting pregnant because it's what you've always wanted but knew you could never have if you were to be a Jedi. You didn't dare dream this forbidden fantasy. I want to give you this family, Anakin… then maybe the hopes and fears tearing at your heart will be quelled, and hope will shine through the darkness that troubles you.
Padme jumped when she heard the door to her apartment slide open, and her thoughts scattered to the early morning breeze. But it was not her husband who entered through the unlocked door.
"Hello? Padme?" called Obi-Wan, her husband's mentor and friend. Friend to Anakin and Padme both, truly, since she had moved to Coruscant three years ago.
"Obi-Wan," she greeted him, immediately feeling calmed by his presence. She smiled and left the balcony to meet him in the living quarters, her long robes trailing behind her. If she had expected to meet anyone but her husband tonight, she would not have worn this dress. It trailed behind her due to its oversize, but it was comfortable over her swollen size.
"Are you well?" he inquired.
"Yes, and yourself?"
"Good… it is fortunate that Supreme Chancellor Palpatine's spies have discovered the location of General Grievous. Now the Jedi Council can finally move in," he said conversationally, but without making a move to sit down or relax.
"Yes, that is a small concession in this war," the senator replied. "The Supreme Chancellor has appointed Anakin, however…"
"No, Padme. I wanted to tell you that the Council has chosen me to go to Utapu. Palpatine cannot make decisions for the Council, and perhaps for this reason they have chosen me instead."
"Oh," she replied, shocked and relieved at the same time. Anakin wasn't to be sent on this dangerous mission—but Obi-Wan was. And she could not ignore the implications of war between their Council and her Senate. "This mission troubles you."
"Yes. Something about it doesn't feel right. It's all too convenient… I doubt that I will find the Separatist leader on Utapu. I fear I will find a great danger, however, and I will be without Anakin's help…"
Padme let silence permeate the room for a moment. True, Obi-Wan was a close friend, but he had never revealed any weakness to her before or been so completely honest about his feelings.
"Obi-Wan, you will come back alive, whether or not the intelligence turns out to be correct." She refused to accept this meeting as the last she would ever have with him, or these words his final parting speech. She regarded him, trying to discern what else he was trying to say to her. There was a secret in those blue eyes. She noticed especially how they stayed focused on her face, as if afraid to gaze upon the rest of her.
He knows, she thought. No, not quite, not on a conscious level. He's protecting himself, and me. For if he doesn't know of my pregnancy, he can't be responsible for whatever happens…As his eyes remained averted, she realized with a great sadness that they had grown as apart as they had grown close. As the baby within her womb developed, so did a chasm between her and Obi-Wan that comprised of this issue they could not acknowledge. She was as guilty of perpetuating it as he was, she thought as she looked down at her hands. They were clasped in front of her, hiding her abdomen with her voluminous, dagged sleeves. If I never see him again, shouldn't I… no…
"You will return," she repeated. "Anakin wouldn't have become so great if his mentor wasn't at least his equal. And my work in the senate has convinced me that this is not merely a ruse. If High Chancellor Palpatine has a trap in store for the Jedi, this is not it." She forced level of certainty into her voice that she did not feel.
"Until I return, then," he said, preparing to make leave. "You haven't by chance seen my pupil this morning? I'd wanted to… well, I wanted to talk to you first. I'm worried about him."
"Worried, why?"
"You're close to him, Padme. Surely you can sense the confusion in his heart. Can you tell me what ails him?"
"I wish I knew," she replied, frowning. He's afraid for me and the baby. He thinks I will die in childbirth. But there is something more, something that evades me. I saw the smallest glimpse of it when I challenged his loyalty to the Supreme Chancellor.
"I fear it has to do with his friendship with Supreme Chancellor Palpatine," Obi-Wan said as if he was inside her thoughts instead of across the room. But he was also a million light-years away. "Perhaps we can sort through this mess after the Separatists leader has been dispatched," he added.
"Good luck, Obi-Wan."
"Thank you. Good bye, Padme."
We will meet again, she said silently to his retreating back. She wasn't just trying to reassure herself about Obi-Wan's safety, but her own as well. Anakin's intense belief that her baby was endangering her life distressed her, and her conversation with Obi-Wan had awakened these feelings that she normally tried to ignore. She fought them with reason. And my baby will grow up to be strong like you, Obi-Wan. And like the bright star that you are, he will be named Luke. Or if it's a girl, as Anakin is utterly convinced it is, then she will be named Leia.
Long moments after the Jedi Master had gone, she turned her attention back to the sky. Though the sunrise paled in comparison to those on Naboo, already the sun had climbed high into the morning sky. She had a lot of work to do today and she could not do anything to jeopardize her work on the Council, her husband, or the mission being carried out by Obi-Wan.