After Danny finished washing the sink with Barkeeper's friend, he decided he would go to the backyard to eat a popsicle. So he put on a swimsuit, sunglasses, and suntan lotion so he could get an awesome tan. Danny also took out his Dog Lover's Monthly.
Suddenly, Comet walked across the backyard and all the blood in Danny's body flew south for the winter, if ya know what I mean.
Danny loved the smoothness of Comet's hair after he brushed it, the coppery wiryness after he bathed him. Danny was reluctant to admit it, but he had zoophilia. Never before had he ever imagined he would be cursed with such a debilitating disorder. But Danner strove to keep away from the one animal he could never have: Comet.
So Danny pretended he didn't notice Comet.
But Comet started licking Danny's fingers and he couldn't help it, so Danny squatted down on the ground beside Comet, tossed his phallus-shaped popsicle into the grass, and ran his fingers through Comet's soft fur.
"I've always loved you, Comet," Danny said tenderly. "Even if you do poo and pee all over the floor and pet dander kills, I always love you despite your differences." Danny tried to french Comet, but Comet bit him and ran away.
"Come back, my love!" Danny screamed, tripping over a mop.
He cracked his head and blood sprayed everywhere. When the rest of the Full House arrived on the scene they all mourned the loss of Danny and tried to shove his body down the garbage disposal.