This isn't enough. I've been taking these ever since Mum gave them to me when I was younger. Even when I was recovering after sugeries I took these pills but they aren't enough.
Not anymore anyway.
Looking around everything is blacken like it's always been. Ever since the accident with Murdoc I've never really seen clearly anymore. I think I'm in the hospital again though.
I remeber being in the car with my band, heading to a pub to play at for the evening. In fact, one of the many pubs we started out at, but now here I was being wheeled down a long white hallway. Noodle was walking next to me, watching in awe as blood ran down my face. She dared not touch it. Probably afraid that she might injure my fragile body further.
I wasn't one of those type that you would call masculine, or even normal. I was consider lankey, too skinny. Some times Murdoc would call me skinny ass and laugh sadistically.
It never bothered me though, I liked when he was at least nice to me in some way, shape, or form. I looked to the other side of me and saw him actually look concerned for my well being. That must have meant Russel was behind me, pushing me into the waiting room, hoping to get me in and treated before anything else.
Russel had a good heart. Even though he was a man of few words, he always made his thoughts known through his actions. He was a damn good drummer, and to be all honest I felt bad for him sometimes. Noodle, Murdoc and I got most of the glory. Murdoc enjoyed it all but Noodle not so much. I was netrual to it all. It made things more stressful at times, trying to get along with the man, but over all his spirit was good.
We come to a highly brightened room, cold and too quiet for my liking. Words are uttered in what feels like miles behind me, even though the ones who are speaking are the desk attendant with a clip board, handing it to the other recipient of the conversation, Murdoc.
He huffed, taking it in his frighteningly green hand no longer arguing with the woman with apparently no sex appeal. He sat down in one of the many empty chairs, scanning over it and huffing once again, irritated. Noodle sat next to him, taking away the clipboard and instead filling out the information. Some times I wondered where we would be without the small asian girl. I want to laugh but everything hurts. I hear heavy footsteps from behind me start to trail off. Russel is probably gone. It was his car after all that we crashed in.
Standing, Murdoc leaned over probably trying to look into my pitch black eyes seeing if I was still home. I was and I knew he was there but of course he didn't know that. He really was a scary guy that was for sure. He patted a handkerchief he had pulled from his pocket to my head, soaking up some of the red fluids still on my face.
I hear myself whimper slightly from the pain I'm feeling. I'm tired of being here. I want to go back home. Boston isn't my home and nothing is normal.
He looks me over, wondering if I'm coming too. Lucky for me, he doesn't know me like he thinks. The tips of my fingers twitch in my lap nervous and excited all in one. Finally remembering I suppose, Murdoc pulls a small bottle from his pocket with a few blue pills in them. Opening the container he takes out four, letting them rest in his palm before prying open my mouth and shoving them down my throat. It hurts only for a moment.
I want to smile, knowing the feelings I'm feeling now will subside in only a few minutes and I can pretend to be a zombie again.
I really was excited about performing tonight. But, performing isn't the same as how it use to be. Murdoc always got what he wanted, and we only just got Noodle and Russel back.
Nothing was the same as it's been. Tonight was the first we'd been together as a band for a while now. Even as friends if you could call it that.
My breathing is starting to grow shallow. Murdoc looks at me in one of those concerned ways, probably attempting to care or at least show it.
"Hey Stew? You okay?" He askes and the whole room went black.