"You expect me to what?!" Reno asked, looking at his superior with rejection clearly written on his face.
"We've discovered that some of the younger AVALANCHE members are in fact still in high school, and we need you to infiltrate their high school Halloween party tomorrow night." Tseng calmly explained, though he was enjoying the obvious discomfort of his oft rebellious second-in-command.
"Yeah, but why does that mean I have to…" Reno continued, almost whining.
"Oh for Gaia's sake, man up!" Elena snapped. "The R&D boys have tested their new matera-enhanced gizmo and all it does is reverse your body's aging process to your teenage self. Don't tell me you're afraid of being a teenager again?"
"I'm a Turk, I'm not afraid of anything!" Reno angrily denied her accusation, even though a dread chill came over him at her words.
"Good. Then make your fellow Turks proud and be at the lab at 0900. Dismissed." Tseng told him unequivocally, and Reno grouchily slunk out of his office and headed to his favorite bar.
As soon as he sat down at his usual stool, he ordered a double whisky on the rocks and took out his phone. He scrolled through his numerous lady friends, wondering who he should pick to help fortify him for the upcoming mission. He finally settled on a pair of twins, and by the time they arrived, he had drowned his sorrows just enough to not impede his performance. They ended up in a posh hotel suite, and Reno happily fell into an exhausted sleep as the twins' exotic floral perfumes mingled with the smell of sweat and sex, intertwined just like their bodies still were.
"Where am I?" Reno asked, looking around. He seemed to be in some sort of fancy-schmancy dining room, but he didn't remember how he got there. A red-headed woman in a blue kimono was sitting at the table, patiently waiting for something, not touching the gourmet food in front of them. From his distance from her, she seemed rather pretty, so he approached her. "Excuse me, Miss, is this seat taken?" The woman turned her head to look at him and Reno bit back a shriek…it wasn't a woman, it was himself trussed up to look like one!
"Wh…who…oh my goodness…you're…I'm…" the feminized version of himself blushed as they stuttered in shock before daintily passing out.
"Who's idea of a joke is this?!" Reno demanded to know as he stared disgustedly at his pretty self. His other self not only looked like a woman, they were one of those weaklings he despised…he liked feisty women.
"Huh? What's a joke?" one of the twins sleepily muttered, and Reno was relieved to find himself right where he should be.
"Nothing, just a dream." he replied, thinking it was more like a nightmare, and playfully squeezed her breast before falling back asleep.
Now Reno found himself in a library, which didn't impress him. He was well-educated, but as part of his job requirements. He preferred comedy or action-adventure flicks for leisure time. He thought he was alone until he saw a book being taken on the other side of the bookcase from him, and he caught a glimpse of a man's chest in a sweater and tweed jacket. "Hey Mister, can you tell me where I am?" he asked, walking to the next aisle. Reno got another ugly shock when he was confronted with another version of himself, this time looking like a boring stuffed-shirt professor.
"You…where do you come from?" the professor was also shocked to see another version of himself, but he handled it better than the girly version did.
"I'm the one asking the questions, buddy!" Reno snapped in confusion as to what was going on.
"You know you can ask us anything you like." the other twin said, and Reno was grateful to be back in the hotel suite. He tried to stay awake this time, but he fell back asleep anyway.
This time he was in some sort of…it was a kitchen, but it felt like it was in the basement. And both of the other versions of himself were there as well. "Alright, what in the hell is going on here?" Reno demanded of them.
"I don't know, but if we go over the events just before we all ended up here, we might come to a logical conclusion." his professor self said as his girly self blushed at his crude language.
"I was sleeping comfortably in the arms of a very agile pair of twins." Reno proudly stated as his girly self blushed even harder at the mention of something sexual.
"And I was just about to head home from the university and relieve my lovely wife Tifa from diaper duty." the professor self said.
"Ti…Tifa? Tifa Lockhart? I…my mother told me I was going to meet her as a prospective wife. She's one of the few who can afford the groom price my mother is asking for me." his girly self admitted.
"Groom price?" Reno and his professor self asked simultaneously.
"Yes, I've won four beauty pageants and my embroidery has won prizes." his girly self proudly announced as his two other selves looked askance at him.
"I bet you cook too." Reno said disgustedly.
"Of course, can't you?" his girly self asked.
"Hell no!" Reno exclaimed. "I'm never getting married but if I had, I'd let my wife do that."
"I cook for Tifa on occasion to give her a break." his professor self told him before turning to the girly self. "If your Tifa is anything like mine, snatch her up and you'll never be sorry."
"Oh, it's for her to snatch me up. And I will endeavor to be the best most supportive husband I can to her." his girly self told the professor self.
"You guys are both whipped!" Reno felt terribly annoyed over that fact. "And your plan didn't work, Professor! Only thing we know is you two are suckers for some gal named Tifa Lockhart!"
"Who is Tifa?" both twins asked Reno rather testily.
"Huh? Oh nothing, just a bad dream. Sorry girls, but I've got a long day ahead of me, I'm gonna take a shower and head out." he said as he got out of bed and headed for the bathroom. Reno didn't care if it was only 4 a.m., he wasn't going back to sleep!
"Just stand still." the scientist told Reno. "This won't hurt, and the effect only lasts 24 hours, so it's nothing to worry about."
"Easy for you to say." Reno grumped as the scientist aimed and fired a bright materia beam at him, and engulfed him in light.
When the light faded, the scientist gawked at him and a smile spread over his face. "Well I never…you were a…"
"Yeah yeah…what of it?" Reno groused and took out the pimple cream he bought on his way to the lab and smeared it all over his face. "I was short until I was 17."
"Hey, you can't leave yet, we've got to make you look like a proper high school kid!" the scientist said when Reno started to leave, even though he really just wanted to take some pictures.
"It's Halloween, remember?" Reno pointed out rudely and continued leaving.
"You're a chaperone?" Reno was surprised to see Rude at the high school gym when he arrived at the Halloween party.
"Yeah, I'm keeping an eye on things." Rude said, hiding a smile as he for once got to look down at his longtime partner. "Now go mingle like a good boy."
"Whatever." Reno snapped, upset at his secret past exposed…at least all they knew was what he looked like, they didn't know how much of a nerd he was until he gained extra inches and became quite the punk when he fell in with the wrong crowd his last year of high school, and ended up getting noticed by the Turks. Making his way to the punch bowl past some monsters and celebrity imposters, he asked the pretty dark-haired female student serving it for a cup. "How come we can't pour our own?"
"Oh, I volunteered. The bad boys are less likely to spike anything this way." she answered cheerfully as she handed him a plastic cup of the punch.
"So what are you supposed to be?" he asked conversationally. Her outfit wasn't like anyone else's.
"It's not a costume." she replied. "Well, not exactly. It's my training outfit. I'm a martial artist."
"Oh?" Reno's interested was piqued, though he reminded himself she wasn't legal yet, but in a few years…her figure would get better with age.
She nodded. "So who are you supposed to be? I don't think I've seen you before…"
"If you tell me what's your name, I'll tell you my costume and name." Reno offered.
"Tifa." she answered after a moment's wary hesitation.
Reno's eyes bugged out and he spit his punch out, barely missing her. "Your last name wouldn't be Lockhart, would it?"
"Yeah, but how'd you know?" she asked.
"Oh, fuck me…" Reno muttered.