Chapter One/ Zhang He

"Good work troops!" I turned and waved. A minority waved back as I turned to head back into the palace. Another hard work day just meant more tire. A million steps later, I busted into the castle to see my father, standing in front of me, tall and proud.

I bowed, and with odd respect, he bowed back. "Hello, Zhang He." He smiled dearly. "Good fighting going on?"

"Lu Bu hasn't stationed any attacks on us." I smiled back, fixing my hair worriedly and grunting when it didn't fluff. Xiahou Dun, my father and one of the main Generals for Lord Cao Cao's forces, had always seemed so in command. He stood 6 feet tall, which was very unusual and even taller than Lord Cao Cao. He had a scruffy, small beard on his chin and a black eye patch over his right eye from being shot with an arrow ages before, before my birth. He always wore his large, blue armor, with his gold sword in a pouch on his belt. "The troops are well."

"Look at you." His smile widened. "My son, growing to be such a powerful General of Wei. The Gods are smiling on our family." He never takes the time to compliment me. I never get complimented! Since I am an only child and my mother died in my birth, I felt that my father was my only friend. That, and my best friend and the soon to be Empress of our kingdom, Zhen Ji. She was a beautiful woman, with long legs and a stern face that could kill a man in fear and beauty. Her sleek, black hair had always make me jealous. I felt like I was in competition with her! My hair is nice, too! I do my best!

Father placed a hand over my shoulder. "Son, I do need to talk to you." He began to walk through the warm palace, passing a column and scanning it. His eye was like an eagle, catching every movement and shifting as I did. I leaned on another column, staring into the deep distance. The milky pink sky was slowly wavering, creamy clouds drifting and dropping snow. A hint of sun blinked in the distance for a brief moment before being swallowed by the clouds. My father let out a sigh.

"Zhang He, son," he began, crossing his arms. "You know the force you are in is very powerful."

I nodded calmly.

"And only real men can get out there and defeat Lu Bu."

I cringed like he stabbed me. "Am I not a good general?"

Another sigh passed his lips. "You seem to be more like a woman, Zhang He." He spoke slow and confused. "Focusing on colors and beauty and elegance."

I blinked fast, processing what he was saying. "Father?"

"And those kind of men," he momentarily stared into the sky. "They are not welcome in the kingdom. Moreover, they are looked down upon."

I felt like my father had just killed me over and over. He was calling me a disgrace. "Father, I was born the way I am. The only thing that can interfere with that is our Gods and they will not! If you are unhappy with who I am, then—"

"Ah, if it isn't Xiahou Dun!"

Shock enveloped me, and I dropped to my knees and bowed my arms to the ground, not daring to look up. I heard my father do something similar. Muttered words escaped the two as I felt sorrow. At least now I could not be seen, my face tucked neatly between my arms, facing the floor. One tear dripped onto the ground, its liquid residue splattering and drifting.

"My son, rise."

I slowly stood, keeping my head down. "Lord Cao Cao," I stood straight, keeping my eyes at my feet. His gold-plated shoes came into my vision, and his gloved hand was placed under my chin. He slightly lifted my head so I looked straight at him. His brown eyes sparkled like a king's crown, his smile so complete. His face was shapely and perfect, his long hair tied in a gold-covered loop on his head. His blue robes drooped onto the floor.

"You have promised my troops victory against Lu Bu." He smiled. "You are strong and great. You— What's this?" His thumb barely tracked my cheek where the tear had fallen.

I guess my relationship with Lord Cao Cao is one sided. He, though Lord of Chaos, also is a kind-hearted man and father to his many children. He treats me like his own, raising me like a father when my father was in battle. He has always been here, kind and yet so powerful. On my side, I see him as my Emperor, Lord Cao Cao. I bow when I see him, but every time he tells me to rise.

"My Lord, please do not pay attention to such an individual as me," my lips trembled.

"Why are you so afraid of me, General Zhang He?"

I guess that made me smile. That name made me feel powerful and tough. "I do not fear my Lord."

"Do not be so polite," he stepped away and placed his arms in his robe sleeves. "You are a kind man. Now tell me, Zhang He, what is bothering you?"

I got a glimpse of my father. He was giving me that look that screamed not to talk. I peered at Lord Cao Cao. Tell him or not, I lose my family respect.

"My child, homosexuality is nothing to be ashamed of." Lord Cao Cao promised. "If it is how you feel, it must be."

"My Lord, forgive me, but my son—"

"Xiahou," Lord Cao Cao swiftly turned and stared down my father. "You speak when I speak to you."

My father did not even bow. He stood tall, slightly arched, his shoulders back and his hands curled into fists. His eye stayed angry at the Lord.

"Zhang He," the Lord turned back to me. "You can always come to me with such problems. I see you as a son of my own, and—"

"You bastard."

The Lord's face froze, his eyes reflecting anger. He spun around to my father, yanking his sword out and pointing it to my father. In response, he drew his own sword, pointing it to Lord Cao Cao. I gasped in a fast breath. Two things thrusted into my mind—my father could kill Lord Cao Cao, or vice versa. Neither would be good. Do I join the argument or watch? Adrenaline raced in my veins, my heart beating hard against my chest. I had to act—quick. I yanked up my silver spear, passing the Lord and pointing its trident-like tip at my own father.

"Do not hurt our Lord." I held the spear tensely with both hands, leaning in and staring down my father. His eyes reflected despair when he realized whose side I was on. He drew back, stood tall, and dropped his sword to the ground. Lord Cao Cao replied by sliding his sword in his sheath and grabbing my fathers sword. My father got to one knee, bowed his head and sat still. The Lord places the sword at his chin, lifting his head, and placed the tip at my fathers throat. My eyes widened.

"Lord, no! Please!"

Lord Cao Cao glanced at me, then his head fully turned when he saw tears draining out of my eyes. My father didn't even look. I was a disgrace to him. Lord Cao Cao threw the sword in front of my father and looked back at me.

His hand touched my arm. "You are a good man, General Zhang He. Your mother was kind and beautiful. I introduced her to your father." He put a hand on my spear and lowered it. "Did you know that? She was a graceful woman, like you, always with beauty. When I heard of her death, I was deeply saddened as well." He nodded to my father. "I would never kill such a dear friend as General Xiahou Dun. Now please, go to your quarters and rest."

"Yes, my Lord." I responded after a moment, bowed, and rushed to my room.

On the long, paved walk to my room, I had time to think. Had my father really not wanted me to be this way? Many people passed me and stepped back. My face had always been stern when I wasn't smiling. My spear in my grip rather than resting on its strap on my back made me intimidating. Finally, I made it to my room, where I threw my weapon down and then threw myself on my comforting, soft bed. I let out a tired groan and closed my eyes, falling into sleep.

I was awoken by a slammed door, and a shrill, high pitched yell. It was cut off by a familiar 'oh', and something was laid by the wall. I acted calm, for this was my quarters, when something bony was plopped straight on my spine. I hacked and squealed.

"Hi, Lady Zhen Ji…" I croaked.

"Don't 'Lady' me, Lady Zhang!" She crossed her legs, leaning on her knee.

"You're sitting on my spine…" I like that Lady Zheng stuff.

"How was the army stuff?" She ignored me. I tried to look up at her, only to see her blue-red gown.

"My spine…" I coughed. "Ow…"

"Whatever," she mused, rolling onto the bed. I laid next to my best friend and peered at her. Her face was clean, no make up.

"Where were you?"

"I had a new whip designed for me. My husband says I need protection from any danger abound."

"He's always at your side!" I threw my arms up. "How did you even get in here?"

"This is my room." She pointed to the western wall. "That's your room."

I grunted. "Oops, I'm tired."

"Did something go on?" She leaned on her side.

"My father thinks I'm…" I paused. "Well, gay, more or less."

She laughed. "You are not!" Then she immediately paused. "Are you?"

"No! I mean, I don't know."

She laid on her back. "Well, it'd suck if you were. I was going to set you up with one of my friends!"

We shared a laugh when the door slightly opened. The tall, black-haired Cao Pi staggered in, tired, placing his sword down. His eyes met mine briefly, and he looked away. Then, he shot his glance back to me.

"Get out of bed with my wife!" He screamed, and I shook and rolled to the floor, sitting up and pausing. He marched to me, his sword now in his hand. He raises it as I realize I am cornered, when Zhen Ji jumps in.

"Cao Pi! I was simply talking to my friend." She assured. "We were just sharing our day with each other."

He glared at me. "General He, please leave this room."

I stared at Zhen Ji, and she nodded, so I jumped up, grabbed my spear and made my way to the door.

"Bye Zhang He!" Zhen Ji yelled.

I waved, opening the door and slipping out.

Cao Pi had never liked me very much, so I was fine with being kicked out of their room. When they got wed, Zhen Ji almost forced me to move in next to her. She made it clear, very clear, where I was to stay.

"Not here," She had said, pointing down the hall. "Nor here, nor here." She walked into a large, empty room next to hers, and pointed down. "Here."

"But, Lady Zhen, that is where the—"

"That is final!"

I popped into my own room, sitting on the comnforting floor and staring around. My father was a dear figure in my life. Yet in all my days he had never said he loved me. He had fathered me, but nothing more. As I questioned his thoughts (and to be blunt, my own sexuality), the door creaked open and his head poked in. He smiled when he saw me and came in, sitting by me. I stood, turning away.

"Son, you are not a disgrace." He sighed. "I simply needed to know if—"

"Why did you need to know?" I called. "Whose business is it who I love? Why should you care?"

"Son…"

I twirled to look at him. "You do not need to know about any of this. It is my business!"

The two of us fell to silence. I was not supposed to break into the tears that had fallen on my cheeks, but it was too late. He moved to me, put his hands on my arms and pulled me into a tight hug. His arms felt odd, for he had never hugged me before. I didn't know how to respond, so I hugged him back, trying to end my sobbing.

"Son, I love you." He whispered. "I could never be more proud of you. I love you for who you are and what you have become."

I felt no need to reply, and he pushed away from me. His hand brushed tears away, like the Lord Cao Cao had done. He seemed worried. Scared, and yet hopeful.

"Get some sleep." He moved back. "I need to discuss something with Lord Cao Cao."

"Okay, Father." He turned to leave. I walked through my room, before seeing his sword on my floor. I turned to the door. "Father!"

But he had already passed through it and into the darkening skies of the night.

Sleep had overcome me hours before I was shaken awake by a tear-struck Zhen Ji. She had yanked my covers off and was pulling at my arm.

I blinked. "What?" I hissed.

"Your father and Cao Cao!" She sobbed. "Come quick!"

I jumped up when I heard the pair of names, grabbing my spear and following her into the corridor. The two going all out? That was the only thing I could think would put Zhen Ji in tears. She spoke as we ran, saying Cao Pi had awoken her and informed her of a fight between the two. She heard the words 'blood', 'death' and 'Lord Cao Cao', and she was up to get me. Our bare feet stepped fastly on the ground, and she spun around to see the big doors opened to the front of the palace. I followed her in, where Lord Cao Cao was standing by his throne, with a bloody sword. His robes were ripped, blood trickling down his body. Cao Pi was there, ready, with his own weapon. He held it to a crumpled body on the floor. A tan, bloody body. One with an eye patch on his right eye.

I dropped to my knees, my spear clinging with the tile. Now I couldn't even think of tears. My heart thudded in my chest, my mind unable to even correctly see what was before my very eyes. The last person I ever had at all, the only one, out of my family, was before me in a torn vision of death. Something inside me made it hard to see Cao Cao, my Lord, kill my father. He was sprawled on the ground by the throne. Zhen Ji placed her hand on my shoulder, but I shook it off.

Lord Cao Cao looked at me with a hurt, sad expression, but I didn't acknowledge it. I stood, grabbing my weapon. With no words escaping my lips, about me or my dead father, I turned and walked from the palace.