Dying was more peaceful than I expected, really.
From an outside point of view, I suppose my death was more violent than expected- a gunshot through the back- but it was certainly less painful than literally coughing up my lungs, forced to suffer my days as the work I loved destroyed my health. At least this way, the pain was brief; now I'm numb, and have some time to think about things. Why am I talking in the past tense? Because I'm dying, probably. Much more quickly than I thought I would. I can smell the blood from my wounds, the gunpowder, and... ozone? It must be from that reaction on the ceiling... It seems Eduard was right all along.
Right about his 'alchemy', his 'other world' that I so derided him for. He's going home, finally. He must be so happy. He'll see his little brother again, the one I was merely a replacement for, in his mind. He'll never know of how I thought of him, as more than a coworker, more than a friend. As a lover. One I lusted after, but affected to ignore simultaneously. It was a sin to have such thoughts; double the sin if he felt the same, and double the torture if he rejected me and left.
Right about the Thule Society. They were only using me for their own ends, but can we complain? Eduard is going home; my rocket was launched. I don't care about it getting to space anymore. It's being used for something better now. At least one of us can be happy. I should have known better than to trust an organization led by a woman. Or to let that gypsy, Noa, into our apartment. She's turned into a traitor. How can I argue in their defense, when it is by their hand that an entire world may be ravaged and used?
Right about me having a foolish dream. What did I expect? My luck has always been terrible. Even if I continue in my work, assuming I somehow survive this wound, the rocket fumes will simply degenerate my lungs at an exponential rate. It's like fuel: the less there is, the faster it disappears. Perhaps Eduard might find a way to make that lithium-based, liquid fuel of his, someday, if he ever comes back.
Right about how I should have lightened up and enjoyed the life I had left. There's so much I haven't done, so much left to do. I should have told him how I felt, should have paid attention to the world around me, should have done so much more than stay cooped up with my work, ignoring everyone and everything not related to it. I've got so many regrets, it's a wonder they haven't killed me before now.
My mind is fading, too, now... soon I'll be gone. Ich liebe dich, Eduard... Aufenthaltsafe, und lebt zum Glück. Viel Glück für Leben.
A/Ns:
Disclaimer: I don't own FMA, characters, etc, etc...
Warnings: Implied (possibly) one-sided HeiEd, character death, no spoilers unless you haven't seen the end of CoS.
Translation: Ich liebe dich, Eduard... Aufenthaltsafe, und lebt zum Glück. Viel Glück für Leben. I love you, Eduard... Stay safe, and live happily. Much luck for life.
Please note: Because he's German, Heiderich's pronunciation of 'Edward' is slightly off. 'Eduard' is a German name (according to my teacher, who is from Germany) and essentially pronounced like 'Edward' with a German accent. If Edward is 'ehd-word' then Eduard is 'eh-du-ward'.
I have no idea how HeiEd slipped in there. Why am I obsessed with yaoi recently?
Reviews are welcomed; flames will be used to cremate the dearly missed Herr Alfons Heiderich.