The Heart of Hart
"You came all this way just to tell me that?" I couldn't look him in the eyes. Those eyes got me every time, so I opted to look out into the pasture instead.
"I came all this way to tell you that you saw more in me than I ever saw in myself. And I was scared I couldn't live up to that image. It was easier just to wreck it all, which I did. I know how much I hurt you Zoe, but everything that I have done since, everything that I want to do, is to be that man that you saw. And if you would even consider giving me another chance, I'm ready. I'm ready to be here for you in every way. I love you Zoe Hart." I was not expecting that, but I couldn't say I was surprised.
"Wow." I had to tell him, there was no lying my way out of this one. I was done trying to please everyone now. I was going to be honest with him.
"Gotta admit, I was kinda hoping for more than a 'wow.'" He couldn't have expected for me to say it back, could he?
"Look, it's become clear to me that I still have feelings, deep feelings, for you too. I hear what you're saying, but I'm still getting over everything. Which is why now, I need some distance, some perspective. I need some time."
"Yeah, well you know, go to New York this weekend, and I'll see you on Monday, right?" Wrong.
"I just called my old chief and he offered me a job. So I'm going to spend the summer in New York."
"What?"
"It's only 3 months."
"Yeah," Wade cleared his throat before continuing, "I'll see you in 3 months Doc." I had to leave. Every second I was around him I felt too many emotions. I was heartbroken, I was sad, I was tired, I was in love, I was ready for a fresh start. Most importantly though, I was in need of a break; a break from Bluebell; a break from Wade; a break from the practice and the town gossip.
I didn't dare turn around to look at Wade. I just kept walking down the dirt road until I was positive that he couldn't see me. And then I let myself cry. I cried until I felt that I couldn't cry anymore. I willed myself to stop crying and gather myself together enough to at least get back to my house. I still had some things to pack, mostly just clothes. The rest I was either leaving here, or would be sent to me after I was already in New York. It was only 3 months, right? I'd be back before I knew it.
I walked back home and entered my room. I dragged the suitcase from under the bed and started throwing my clothes. I checked online and the next flight was in 6 hours out of Mobile. That gave me enough time to pack and say goodbye to a few people.
I looked out of my window to make sure Wade wasn't hanging around, but from what I saw, he hasn't even come home yet. I walked with my head down and entered through the kitchen. I looked up and saw Lavon standing there, it seemed like he was waiting for me, in a strange way.
"You come to say goodbye this time?" His voice was low and soft, unlike Lavon. I just nodded because I knew that if I opened my mouth I would just break down again. He pulled me into a hug and we stood like that for a few minutes. I broke the hug because if I wanted to say goodbye to all of the people I wanted to, I needed to move on to the next one.
"I'll be back, summer always goes by so fast anyway." I smiled through my tears as he nodded at me. He held my hand for a few seconds before I left from the front door. I wiped the tears from my eyes for a second time, but it didn't help much.
I made my way to the Rammer Jammer to see Shelley and Wanda. They were sad to see me go, but they understood that I needed an out. After that, I walked to the practice.
"You know I prayed that this day would come, but honestly, I'm sad to see you go. I'll keep your office seat warm, that's for sure." Brick hugged me and I smiled, I might actually miss him while I'm gone. I was growing tired of hugging people, that's for sure. I made the short trek from the practice to George's office.
"News travels fast in Bluebell. You sure about this?" He knew I was coming to say goodbye.
"I am positive, I need to breathe some nice, fresh, New York air." We both smiled at the irony. New York isn't known for its fresh air.
"Well, if you change your mind, you know Bluebell will always be here for you, even if Wade isn't."
"I know that. Thank you George. I'll see you when I get back."
"Or maybe sooner, I might be heading your way sometime. I'll let you know Zoe Hart."
"You do that George Tucker." I gave him one last look and left the office. I headed to the ButterStick to see Annabeth and Lemon. Annabeth made me promise to call her when I got there and I told them that when I was settled they should come visit me in New York. Lemon seemed apprehensive, but I knew Annabeth would work on her. I moved on to my last stop.
"Don't you dare cry, if you cry, I'm definitely going to cry and I've cried too much today anyway." I warned as I approached my last prospect.
"Yeah right, do you know me at all Zoe Hart? I'm a 15 year old girl, of course I'm going to cry!"
"Rose! I'm going to miss you the most out of everyone." I pulled her into a hug and started to cry. Rose was my only friend at times in Bluebell. She was there when no one else was. Growing up in New York you could say that she was the best friend I had ever had, even though she was only 15.
"You are definitely coming to visit me! No excuses Rose Hattenbarger! I will pay for your plane ticket and you are going to stay in my apartment for a few days and it will be like a string of slumber parties all tied together. We'll order room service and eat pizza at 3 am and watch trashy movies. I promise. I love you."
"I love you too Zoe. Call me as soon as you can." I headed back to my house as quickly as I could to avoid getting caught by anyone else so I didn't have to say anymore goodbyes. I grabbed my suitcase, but grabbed a last minute item from my closet. I felt the material between my thumb and index finger. The thick material gave off a scent as I rubbed it. The flannel was familiar and I debated taking it or not. If I took it, it would just be an unfriendly reminder of what Wade did to me. If I left it, I might regret it. I threw it in my bag, just incase. I'd rather have it and not need it than need it and not have it. I heard a noise and turned around, hoping to God that it wasn't Wade and he hadn't witnessed me do that.
"You ready to go?" It was Lavon and he was driving me to the airport.
"Yeah." I pulled my suitcase out of the door and turned around to look at my room before I left it for three months. I flicked the light off and left my room, my house, my friends, and Bluebell in the dust.
The flight was 4 hours and by the time I arrived at LaGuardia, I just wanted to be back in my apartment, in my own bed. Well, my old old bed. The motions were familiar, but the apartment wasn't mine anymore. It was dusty, it was dark, and it wasn't Bluebell. This wasn't home anymore. I pulled my suitcase up to my bed and unzipped it. I was suddenly glad that I had packed the shirt. It was the only thing that comforted me in this shell of a home tonight.
"How you doing Bud?" Lavon sat on Wade's bed as he paused his video game.
"I couldn't have expected her to stay. She needs time and space, so that's what I'm gonna do. I'm going to give her plenty of space, that's for sure." He took a sip of his beer and went back to his game. He was already pretty drunk, but he wasn't stopping until the pain in his heart stopped hurting. At this rate, it was looking like that wasn't going to be anytime soon.
"I'm such a fucking screw up. I hate this, I hate myself. Why do I have to screw everything up Lavon?" He threw his controller at the ground.
"Wade, you can let this mistake define you, you can go around getting drunk for the next three months, having random one night stands, or you can do yourself a favor, get drunk tonight, wake up tomorrow and start fresh so when Zoe gets back, she can see that you're making a change and trying to be a better guy."
"You know what Lavon, I've got money that she doesn't even come back." And with that, Wade slammed the door.
It had been a month since I moved back to the city. I spent most of my time at the hospital, but when I wasn't working awfully long shifts, I was at my apartment, alone.
"Hey Zoe, we're all going out for drinks after work, do you want to come?" One of my colleagues, Jane, asked me when I was pulling off a pair of gloves after we came from a surgery. I contemplated the decision, knowing if I stayed in another night I would start to look like a hermit. It might make the days go faster if I spent some time out of my apartment.
"You know what, why not?"
"Good! We're meeting at McClafferty's at 9." That gave me time to go home and shower and make myself look presentable for a night out with my friends. I put on a black dress, but it was a bit chilly outside, so I grabbed the flannel that kept me warm. I had definitely warn out this shirt over the past month.
I stepped out and hailed a cab because I didn't want to get on the subway when I looked nice. I stepped in the taxi and told the driver where I wanted to go. I was in the cab for about ten minutes when I pulled out my phone and texted Lavon.
Score one for Zoe Hart. First night out on the town since I've been here. Whatcha up to?
Not even a minute later, my phone vibrated.
You go girl. And dinner at the Rammer Jammer with AB, Lemon, and Wade. Not as fun as a night on the town sounds.
I smiled as I read that, he was trying to make me feel better because he knew I was really lonely in New York. I put my phone back in my purse as I felt the back of the car start to fishtail. I looked up just in time to see the side of the car colliding with a pole.
"Apparently he's in like Connecticut or something, doing like a show every two days. I don't know, I guess if he's happy, than why not? George Tucker is becoming a star." Lemon was going on about how George was on tour and all, but no one was really listening.
"Sorry, Mayoral duty calls." Lavon turned his chair away from the table as not to be rude when his phone rang.
"Hello?"
"Um, hello. Is this Lavon?"
"Yes, it is, may I ask whose calling?"
"This is Candice Hart, Zoe's mom." Everyone at the table noticed Lavon's startled expression when he heard that.
"Oh, hello, is something wrong?"
"Now, I don't want to worry you, but Zoe's been in an accident. It doesn't look very good, in fact, that's why I'm calling. The doctor said that I should let everyone know that if they want to say goodbye, to do it now. I know it's a long trip for you to make, so I don't expect you to make the trip, but I just thought you would want to know. Zoe would understand, and she probably wouldn't want everyone to make a big fuss, or to come up and see her."
"Oh my god, no, we'll be there as soon as we can. Um, where are you?"
"We're at Bellevue Hospital." Lavon ended the call and stood up in a panic. He was walking out before Annabeth stopped him.
"Sweetie, what is it?"
"Oh, sorry, uh, we have to go to New York." Lavon grabbed his coat off of the chair and everyone else stood up.
"Why, what happened?" Lemon asked, following the group.
"Zoe was in an accident."
The whole way to the airport Wade was asking questions.
"What do you mean an accident? What kind of accident?"
"Wade! I don't know! All her mom said was an accident, but I can only guess a car accident. But her mom said that it was serious." The car was quiet the whole way to the airport. Luckily the next flight to New York was in an hour and they were on the plane before they knew it. They arrived a few hours later and were all exhausted, but they went straight to the hospital. Wade, Lemon, and Annabeth were all taking in the magic feeling of New York while they took a cab ride to the hospital.
"Oh Lavon, I'm so glad you're here! I know Zoe would really appreciate it! And you brought Wade…Nice to see you Wade." Candice leaned aside to greet Wade, Lemon, and Annabeth.
"Yeah, uh sorry about that, they were with me when you called, and they all really care about Zoe, too."
"No, it's fine, I'm glad they're here."
"So what's the story? What happened?" Wade butted in.
"She was in a taxi and her taxi got cut off by another one, the driver swerved to avoid rear ending the other taxi and ended up wrapped around a pole. All I know is that she's having surgery in a couple of hours, after Ethan gets here. They didn't even tell me on what." Candice started to cry as she became overwhelmed.
"Well when will w-" Lavon was cut off by Ethan who came running through the door.
"I'll be right back, I'm going to scrub in and then I'll come and brief you. I promise, everything's going to be okay." He kissed her forehead and rushed off. He arrived ten minutes later in scrubs and a hair cap on.
He pulled Candice aside, but the group could still hear what he was saying.
"Listen Candice, they're prepping her for surgery now. We have to repair tissue that was sliced during the accident. It was near her heart, which is why we have to act now. She has a dislocated kneecap, and she's pretty banged up, but if we can fix this, than she should be fine, but this is what's keeping her down right now."
"Why do you have to move the surgery up? They said a few hours!"
"Because they need to start working on her!"
"But can't they wait until I see-"
"No Candice! They can't! She's bleeding out in there and if we don't go in now, she's going to die. Now I'm sorry, but I have to go." Ethan walked back down the hallway and disappeared. Candice wiped her tears which were coming at a faster past now.
"Well, she's going to be in surgery for awhile, you guys should go back to Zoe's, sleep a little, it's late. She has an extra bedroom, there should be enough room for all of you. Um, here's the key to her apartment, I'll write you the address." Candice mumbled as she shuffled through her purse to find a pen.
"Are you sure, we don't want to impose? And we can really get a hotel room, it's not a huge deal."
"No, no, I insist, go for it. I'll probably head home too, I feel better now that Ethan's here, and sitting here worrying isn't any different than sitting at home worrying. At least there I can wear pajamas right?" The group started to head out when a nurse stopped them.
"Excuse me? You're Mrs. Hart right? Zoe's mom?" Candice nodded.
"These are the things that were found on her body; there's her dress, her jacket, her watch, her purse, and her ring. I bet she's glad that it wasn't ruined, but I bet her fiancé is even more glad. That is quite the sparkler." The nurse handed the bag to Candice, who looked down at her things.
Wade was mad. It's been a month since she left! A month! How could she be engaged already. He tried to keep his emotions under control because he didn't want to upset Candice anymore. He balled up his fists and clenched his jaw. Of course she moved on. It was probably Jonah, or Chris, or George for all he knew.
"Oh, so she's engaged…" Annabeth started, knowing that Wade was getting upset and they'd need some answers.
"No! She's not engaged, she just wears that ring because she doesn't want guys to hit on her when she goes out. She got it from Chris and when they broke up, he didn't want it back. She doesn't wear it to remember him, God knows that, but it's convenient." Wade felt like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. Of course he wasn't engaged! His eyes caught something familiar in the bag.
"Why don't we take all of this home to her apartment." Wade said, he wanted to investigate more.
Candice walked out with the group and made sure they got in a cab. The cab ride took only a few minutes and they arrived at a swanky building with a doorman and everything.
"I really should call Daddy, let him know what's going on." Lemon said once they entered her apartment. Lavon was shocked at the lack of decorating at this apartment. She lived here for six years before she left for a year, but came back a month ago. He expected it to be at least a little Zoe-fied. They looked around and saw a small kitchen and a living room.
"So Annabeth, you and Lemon can take the guest bedroom, I'll take the couch, and Wade, you can uh…" Lavon looked around for a place Wade could sleep.
"You can always sleep in Zoe's bed. I mean, it's not like you haven't slept in her bed before." Lemon suggested once she got off the phone.
"Yeah, but she's not here Lemon! And that was a long time ago…"
"It's that or you're sleeping on the floor." Wade shook his head, but headed to the room. He put the bag of Zoe's stuff down on the bed and looked around. Her room was boring, and Zoe Hart wasn't boring. He decided to look through the bag of things. He emptied the contents onto the bed. A small black dress came out first. He grabbed it in his hands and felt every fiber of it. He knew the dress, he loved that dress on her. Her smell began to overcome him. That smell was what he needed. The next thing he picked up was even more familiar. Except it didn't smell like him anymore, but that was okay with him. It smelled like her. He put the rest of her things on her dresser and undressed. He got into bed and sat for awhile. He wasn't tired. He couldn't sleep knowing Zoe's life was hanging in the balance and they wanted him to sleep. He got up and paced the room a bit. He was tired of waiting. He yanked his jeans back on and put on his white t-shirt. He threw on his old flannel and almost ran threw the door.