Disclaimer: CSI:NY belongs to CBS.

AN: Iwrote this fortheLivejournalsmacked community.If you likesmacked you shouldcheck it out.
And this song by The Beatles just makes me think of Stella.
Cheers

Nobody's Child a.k.a Constant
by: La Suede

As I was slowly passing
An orphan's home one day,
I stopped for just a little while
To watch the children play.
Alone a boy was standing
And when I asked him why,
He turned with eyes that could not see
And he began to cry.

I'm nobody's child,
I'm nobody's child.
Just like the flowers
I'm growing wild.
I got no mummy's kisses
I got no daddy's smile.
Nobody wants me,
I'm nobody's child.

No mummy's arms to hold me
Or sue me when I cry,
'Cos sometimes I feel so lonesome
I wish that I could die.
I'll walk the streets of heaven
Where all blinds can see.
And just like for the other kids
It will be a home for me.

Nobody's Child (The Beatles)

11 years old

Some days had been better than others, some days she had actually fooled herself that there would be a future. That day had not been one of those days. That night she couldn't sleep, she had been lying awake for hours just tossing and turning in her bed, trying to fall asleep, but her efforts had been in vain. So she had done what she always did when sleep deserted her, she had got up from her rickety bed and tip-toed down to the kitchen to warm some milk. When she was almost in there she had heard low, muffled voices speaking in the superintendent's office. She tried to ignore them and carry on to the kitchen but her curious nature got the better of her and she had walked closer to eavesdrop. It was the superintendent, Sister Anna, talking to Father Joseph. Sister Anna had seemed very distraught and when Stella looked through the key hole she could she the Sister dab her eyes.

"...rejected again, such a sweet child, oh if she could just make an effort and be interested in the 'visitors' she would soon find herself a nice family, but the way she is behaving now," Stella wasn't stupid she knew what this was about "... I've almost given up on her ever finding that special family, Father" that last bit seemed directed to the other person in the room, but the last sentence froze Stella's blood to ice in her veins, "oh, poor Stella".

25 years old

Waking up with a start Stella sat straight up in the bed, forehead covered in sweat and her sight blackening from the sudden loss of blood to the head. Feeling her heart slow down a little she reached for her glass of water, faithfully standing next to the bed. It was constant, it never changed, and Stella would have half a glass of water with just one slice of lime in it next to her bed, and beside it, resting against her bedroom wall, would be a stack of magazines, the newest on top the bottom one dating five months back. It was apparent that she couldn't go back to sleep now, that her night would be spoiled, so Stella got out of bed and wobbled her way over to the living room. She had left it in a mess the previous evening, being too tired to place every item she had used back where it belonged, but that would be taken care of now Stella thought. Ever since she got her first flat Stella liked to have her belongings in fixed spots, it helped her feeling like she belonged.. Her flat, her things, it was the one thing that was constant in her life.

Folding the blanket in two Stella threw it over the couch back and smoothed out the creases, she ventured into the kitchen and turned on the coffee machine. Returning to her bedroom Stella carefully made her bed, took off and folded her nightgown neatly and placed it under the pillow. She moved to take a shower, like she always did while the coffee was brewing. Then she got ready for work, poured the coffee into a traveler's mug and then took the underground to her work place. She knew all of this before it happened, because she always did this in the mornings. Yes, life was made of routines.

37 years old

Life was routine. Childhood was supposed to be final rehearsal of the play "Life" starring Stella Bonasera. But every premier could go wrong, that's why actors and actresses are taught how to improvise. The man resting next to her in their bed had not been part of the original script; he was an improvisation, a good improvisation. Slowly Stella had learnt that the spice of life was improvisation, un-expected events and the lack of planning. In the beginning of her adult life romance was nothing she would even consider, it was too much up and down, and an emotional rollercoaster was not something she would want to ride. Then she had got to know this lovely couple. They were newly weds and saw the world through rose colored spectacles. She had sneered at their naïve look on life and love. But despite that negative initial reaction to them she couldn't stop herself from envying them; knowing that she would have liked to have something like they had, because despite the peaks and dales they were the one constant thing in each others life.

She had found her constant thing in a friend. Through good and bad they were right next to each other. When her best friend, her 'sister', from childhood died, he held her while she cried. When he got married she was his 'bestwoman', and the first one to propose a toast to the couple. When a few years later his wife died, it was she who held him while he cried. Now, when she thinks of all the heartache they have both been trough she is amazed that they still got love inside of them at all.

She had found her constant thing in a life partner, a partner, after many a wrong turn, had finally found his way to her side. He was her rock, her rollercoaster and her soul-mate. He was her Mac. Though she still liked to have her home in order, it was not the same obsession as before. Though she still liked to have her morning routine, it wasn't a crime if it was broken. Because she knew, that even if the little things were suddenly were set free, the big things, Mac, their family and their life would always remain constant.