Author: Jojo
E-mail: randomleaves@yahoo.co.uk
Website: www.randomleaves.com
Spoilers: Abyss
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 is an original MGM, Greenburg/Anderson, Gekko, Top Secret, Kawoosh! production. Any material relating to Stargate SG-1 is for entertainment only, and is in no way meant as an infringement on copyrights. In other words, I own nadda.
A/N: With BIG thanks to Emry.
*
*
*
"Sorry."
"S'okay."
Her voice was drowsy, tinged with the very beginnings of the sleep that Jack craved.
Grumpily, he wondered why she was finding it so damned easy to sleep with him. As if it wasn't a big deal, when to Jack it was probably the most exciting thing that had happened to him for months.
To punish her and, inevitably, him, Jack's hand slid back down to where it could comfortably nestle in the dip of her waist, where her top had risen a good couple of inches from her pants. His fingers rested lightly over warm, smooth flesh.
He waited for her to say something, for the repressive 'sir' to issue from her lips. Waited knowing she ought to say it, that he oughtn't to touch her like this.
Nothing.
Experimentally, he slid his fingers around her, more of his hand coming into contact with the skin of her stomach. He smoothed his hand along until he felt the dip of her belly button, then he let his index finger circle around the hole.
She wasn't moving.
Jack lifted his head to check her features but nothing showed on her face except for the usual sleeping expression of peace.
He dropped his head back onto the rock hard pillow. His internal clock told him it was probably only about nine in the evening. Thanks to the ridiculous sleeping patterns of the natives, Jack was in bed hours before he usually was. He hadn't thought the prospect too bad an hour ago, when they were preparing for bed. Of course, then he'd been helplessly envisioning all kinds of unlikely events that he and his professional, cautious, intelligent and ultimately right Major could occupy themselves with until a more suitable hour knowing that Jonas slept like a rock and Teal'c was meditating outside in front of the doorway.
Naturally, nothing had happened. Just like Jack had already known. Still he couldn't help but wish something had. A goodnight kiss, maybe. At the very least some talking. He would have liked to talk. Sara had found out pretty early on that the best time to get something out of him would be at night, when the darkness and intimacy rendered Jack fairly loquacious. Relatively speaking.
So, Jack would have liked her to find that out. Now. When he needed to talk. When there were things he wanted to say. Finally.
He sighed.
Loudly.
Still nothing. All he could hear was the sound of her soft breathing and Jonas's distinctive snuffle.
*
Movement awoke him. He was surprised how far into sleep he'd actually gone. It was rare for him to sleep properly off-world - instead he aimed for an alert doze, always wanting to be ready for anything. Habits were hard to break, particularly for Jack, whose habits had been ingrained into him since the beginning of his career, and it was with some difficulty that he struggled up through the distinct layers of sleep to an awake state.
The woman in his arms was wriggling. At first he was worried that it was some kind of a nightmare, not that he'd ever known her to have one, but her eyes were open and something was going on under the covers. The moment he decided to voice a question, the wriggling stopped and she sighed, pulling something out from beneath the sheets. It dangled from her hand, distinctly familiar, distinctly feminine.
A bra.
Jack blinked and tried not to think about what that meant.
Carter half sat up and flung the practical cotton item across the room to where her pack and other clothes were lying, just by Jonas's feet. When she was sure it had landed in the right place, she lay back down, turning on her side so her back was to him. She hadn't managed to dislodge the arm about his waist so he assumed she didn't mind that so much. His other arm was under the pillow under his head, very proper and correct. Maybe she thought it was an accident. The bed wasn't very wide after all.
He closed his eyes, ordering himself to go back to sleep.
She sighed and shifted.
Shifted again.
Turned *right* around and faced him. He kept his eyes closed but he knew she was watching him.
"I'm bored," she whispered, like it was a state secret.
Jack's eyes opened straight away, wondering how she'd known he was awake. "Carter it's...," he glanced over her at his wrist, "four in the morning."
"I know. I've been asleep for my nightly dose. I can't sleep any more."
"Well then... think about something and I'll sleep."
He closed his eyes again. It had, after all, taken him several hours to actually get to sleep so he was feeling fairly tired.
She sighed. "All right. Night, sir."
"Night, Carter."
*
Jack had never noticed it before, but Carter thought really loudly.
He opened his eyes to find her watching. She blinked at him curiously. "What?" he demanded.
"I'm thinking."
"About what? And can you do it quieter?"
"You want me to think quietly."
Now it sounded stupid. "Ye-s."
She smiled. "Yes, sir. I'll think quietly then, sir. Sorry, sir."
"Carter, shut up." He laughed silently at himself. Hoping she wouldn't berate him, he pulled her a little closer, tentatively. Carter didn't protest. She even wiggled a bit to accommodate him. Their legs slid along each other and he felt her feet moving. She probably didn't even realise she did it but when she went to sleep and when she started to wake up, her feet moved forwards and backwards under the covers, in sleeping bags, on mattresses - wherever it was that she had fallen asleep. Jack found the sound almost ridiculously comforting. Even when he was at home, alone in his bed, he expected to hear the noise.
They fell into silence again, with Jack dozing and Sam occupying her thoughts elsewhere.
Mid-doze, Jack experienced what he reluctantly called a nightmare. For him, they followed a specific pattern - strange flashes of unpleasant thoughts or images, actions. It was fairly predictable, he told himself each time he'd had the same one recently. The sensation of being trapped in close confines, of that bright white light and a feeling of hopelessness.
He jolted awake, eyes open wide. Heart racing.
She was already hovering over him, having moved out of his arms, mouth moving as she spoke words he could not hear.
For a moment, all Jack could think of was that she looked just like Shayla. The same hair, the eyes, the shape of her face. And it was very easy for him to slip back into that place, back into that gravity defying room where Daniel had but could not have been.
Sound suddenly connected with his brain and the first word he heard was the inevitable, "Sir?"
He winced, automatically. Though he understood why she did, why she was doing it right then - they were in bed, for God's sake and if there was any time to be professional now was it - but all of a sudden it felt wrong. More wrong than it had ever been.
"Hey," she continued, softly, mindful of their other roommate, "you okay?"
"Fine. Sorry. It's nothing." He closed his eyes firmly, but the image came back at him with full force. He sat up abruptly, the air catching in his throat and they nearly knocked heads. Only some swift maneuvers by Carter kept their heads apart. "Okay. Move," he ordered when, suddenly, her nearness was cloying. Or was it her lack of nearness?
Yeah, that was it.
Any moment now and he'd grab her, pull her to him and that wouldn't do at all. In the state he was in, the state she was in, they would cross a line that he couldn't control. For all his fooling around earlier, he knew their limitations like he knew the backs of his hands.
She shifted swiftly and allowed him the freedom to get up off the bed and walk across to the other side of the room where the air tasted clearer and his mind was able to move away from the darker thoughts that couldn't be reasoned with.
Carter watched him from the bed without qualms, her eyes blinking slowly, her body still.
Jack breathed deeply a few times, then gave her a weak imitation of his usual cocky smile, leaning against the wall as he did so. "It's nothing," he said, half whispering, half mouthing. Jonas was lying against the wall on the mattress, an arm cast over his eyes, mouth half open. He did not have the soldier's manner of sleeping and Jack was almost pitifully glad of that now.
She wasn't convinced but didn't say anything in response, instead reached up to rub the tops of her arms. Casting a look at the top of the bed, she made a decision. She crawled back to the head of the bed and slid her legs under the sheets, lying on her side and propping up her head so she could watch him.
"Bad dream?" she asked, quietly.
"No."
He didn't know why he did it. Lied like that. People were allowed weaknesses. Even she had them, tiny, minuscule weaknesses. Of course, he couldn't think of what they were at the moment, so consumed as he was with memories.
He noticed that his hands were shaking and he hurriedly hid them behind his back.
Carter rolled onto her back and stared up at the ceiling. "I can't go back to sleep until you come back to bed."
It was so weird hearing those words leave her mouth. 'Come back to bed'. Oh, how he'd like her to use that phrase in more cheerful occasions.
Pretty sure he'd shocked the inclination towards another nightmare out of his system, Jack walked back to the bed slowly, keeping calm. "Move over then, Carter."
That's right, Jack, use her surname. Distance yourself. Be the CO.
She shifted towards the wall and turned on her side towards him. Not sure what she was expecting, he slid back under the covers and was extremely surprised when she cuddled up to him, placing her head on his chest and wrapping an arm about his waist.
Really, he ought to say something appropriately CO-ish. But for the life of him he couldn't think of anything to say. Anything he wanted to say.
He had a feeling she didn't go back to sleep that night. He knew he certainly didn't.