Things Unnatural

by maddiej93

When he looks at me, I feel the closest to being loved as I ever have. His look is pure love, pure unadulterated love and he gives me it every single day. His smile gives me light in the darkness, his laughter and jokes give me hope to live another day. Someone I never expected to love me, loves me. Someone I could never love, because who is he? I didn't know then, but now I do.

1. Chapter 1

I never understood love. People always say that the love between a mother and a father and their child is unparalleled to any other love. People always say that sometimes you don't understand this type of love until you yourself have a child. Maybe that's true, maybe it isn't. I don't know. I don't have a child.

Not knowing is like being afraid of the dark as a little kid. I'm blind, succumbed to darkness and enveloped in fear. I like to think that I have more knowledge than the average seventeen-year old high school student. I like to think that I have complete control of all aspects of my life, but I don't. My screams wake me up in the early hours of the morning, affecting my closest friends, some of the few people who truly hear me, who truly see and understand me for who I am, who I'm not and who I want to be.

The terror of sensing death and the unknowingness of when it will find me is like drowning. Suffocating, my lungs bursting with fright, seeing and hearing things that should never be seen or heard. Things inhuman. Things unnatural.

But in every dark place, there is a light. A small beacon of hope, a glimpse of happiness and love. What is love? I still don't understand. How can one who has never been truly loved understand? But love finds you when you least expect it, sometimes in the person you never expect. Someone you could never love, because who is he? I didn't know then, but I do now.

When he looks at me, I feel the closest to being loved as I ever have. Not even my parents, who have been with me since birth, have ever looked at me the way he does. His look is pure love. It is pure, unadulterated love and he gives me it every single day. His smile gives me light in the darkness. His laughter and his jokes gives hope and joy to live another day.

My friends, my pack, are my rock. They are the family I never had. They are the family that answers my calls; they are the family that drops everything to ensure that I am safe and protected. I think they might love me. They say they do. But how do I really know when I have never felt it?