What Have We Done?

Clang!

The sound of metal screeching against metal was nowhere near as deafening as the silence that ensued after the echo was long gone. The scratch of the lock triggered her movement before she could even process what had just happened. She slammed her shoulder against the door, convinced that she had just imagined it all.

Once.

Twice.

"Beckett."

Kate turned around, almost surprised to see Castle there, and oddly relieved and terrified at the same time. "It's Jamal." Castle's face looked too serene, too accepting for her comfort. One hand still on the door, Kate stepped forward into the freezer. What had she done?

Castle hadn't even noticed the temperature of their hide-out when they ran in. The only sound he could hear was Beckett's controlled breathing and he focused solely on that. If Kate was calm, then everything was okay. They had been in tight situations before and almost every time Kate had been the one to pull them out safely. The door closed and the lock turned with a sinister snick. For some reason, instinct perhaps, he turned at the sound. That's when he found Jamal. Shot and frozen.

Castle called her name, fighting the lump that had just appeared in his throat. "It's Jamal." That was all he could say. Usually so loquacious, he found himself at a loss. His brain was whirring in overdrive, but the words would not come. What he wanted to say was, "This is our fate, isn't it?" That sentence in itself seemed to hold all of his emotions, but Castle did not have the courage to voice it.

In a fraction of a moment, everything came crashing down on her. Her racing heart sounded like war drums in her ears and the white walls of their captivity seemed to taunt her with a dare: break through, come on, we're only walls. Her vision darkened to block out their overwhelming color (and to think that white was considered pure…), but one thing illuminated everything else despite being the darkest in the room: Castle.

Once again, a wave of relief and terror overtook her. Beckett could only manage a blank stare, mouth slightly open. What had she done? The question snuck back into her mind and she couldn't ignore it. Her hand left the door and pulled her hair back from her face, revealing a look of uncertainty. Her breath appeared and disappeared in small puffs like clouds - something she might not ever see again. She concentrated on her breathing to slow it down. Not only would they need to conserve the air and their energy, but it was a way in which she could quell the madness that threatened to control her well-trained body and mind.

She wished she could speak. Say something, anything. Anything to break the tension and looming doom that was all too familiar with in these few seconds. Beckett swallowed, fighting the fear that blocked her throat. "Castle," she tried to say confidently. Her voice came out as but a whisper and that frightened her even more. The only words she could think of were, What have I done? She let them continue the investigation, suggested that they go check out the place for the bomb, and then told Castle to run in here. And for what? Now they were locked in a freakin' cold freezer with a dead, frozen man with no way out.

No.

This wasn't over yet. Just because the terrorists locked the door didn't mean they had stopped her. She was the best damn detective in the 12th precinct! This reanimated her. Stepping further into the freezer, Kate turned to face the door and glared at it. "Stay behind me," she warned, not a lick of fear leaking through.

Castle didn't have to be told twice. Her whispering his name nearly sent him into sheer panic, but he fought it, locking his body from moving instead. But as Castle fought his own emotions, he watched Beckett very carefully. Some sort of spark seemed to rise within her dark green eyes, and that helped bolster himself again. Immediately moving behind her, sidestepping so she would have as much room as she needed, Castle swallowed. The gravity of the situation hadn't truly sunk in yet. There were still options left to pursue, and he was glad that Kate was on top of her game - like always.

The gun fired off three times in rapid succession, each blast causing him to flinch horribly. The sound of metal deflecting metal came late to his ears, but he ducked his head under his raised arms to defend himself. In reality, there was no ricochet of the bullets, but the noise had kicked his writer imagination into overdrive. "Hey whoa, whoa, WHOA!" Castle's voice overpowered the ringing in his ears, but more importantly caused Beckett to lower her gun.

She turned quickly to look at him, the traces of her glare were fading slowly. "What?" she hissed, making Castle flinch.

"Just…can we just look at the door to see if that's doing any good before we blow out our eardrums, please?" Castle kept his hands up as if he were protecting himself from Kate's on-edge expression. He stared right back into her eyes, noting that they had gone from narrowed slits to slightly wide pools of uncertainty and exasperation. Sure that she wouldn't snap at him or resume emptying her gun on the door, Castle stepped forward to examine the damage.

Running his fingers gingerly over the blasted metal, he was rather thankful that he stopped her. He bent down to get a closer look, careful not to stick his face on the door. Getting my face stuck on the door would just take the cake right now… that only be funny if it were an ice cream cake, really. Castle snapped out of his tangent as he noticed that there weren't any holes. None of the bullets had penetrated the door. One was stuck in it, and two had deflected off to the side. "It's a good thing you hit the ridge or I'd imagine one of us would have some sort of wound right now," remarked Castle with a solemn voice. He followed the trajectory of the bullets from the two dents on the side of the ridge. His steel blue gaze fell upon what looked like half-shredded bullets lying in the corner, beaten from all the different points of impact. "See?" Inquiring with his hand as well, Castle turned to look back at his partner only to find him inches from his face.

Kate fired off those first three shots, the energy from her handgun coursing up through her arms. The heat from the smoking nozzle spread across her icy hands, and the familiar sensation almost became electric. Lost in the warmth, she raised her gun and sighted the door once again for another round. She hadn't realized how cold she was until just now. It settled on her skin like glitter, latching on and never letting go. Her weapon had always been comfortable in her hands, but now it felt heavy. Her fingers were a little stiff as well. Despite this discouragement, Kate inhaled as if to strengthen her resolve when Castle's shouts broke her concentration.

"What?" A snappy comment came quickly to her mind, but it never made it past her throat when she regarded his posture. It was then that Beckett realized that she had let herself slip into that state in which power usurped her rationale. Her glare began to disappear as she regretted her split second lapse and rooky mistake. It was almost as bad as panic, and panicking never helps the situation. The cold was getting to her, settling in as stubborn as Castle himself, and clouding her judgment (just like Castle). She conceded wordlessly, only holstering her gun. The weight of it still felt to heavy on her hip.

As Castle went up to the door, Kate followed him and immediately realized that she probably never should have fired at the door. His voice only sank her realization further into regret with little hope of redemption. At least I hit the ridge, she echoed in her thoughts. Those words triggered another attack of the ultimate question: What have I done? She let her eyes wander over Castle's crouched and intent body briefly, pushing any and all thoughts from her mind… except for that one.

"See?"

Kate brought herself from her reverie, flicking her eyes over to the corner. She already knew what would be over there: more evidence of her rooky mistake. Best damn detective in the 12th, my ass. A fool, more like. What the detective had not realized was exactly how close she had gotten to Castle in her thinking process. So when he turned to look at her, the lack of preferable distance caused her to inhale sharply.

Bad move.

The shock to her lungs made her cough, only just managing to turn her head away from his face in time. Her eyes widened again at the dual meaning of shock, and she immediately straightened her body. Clearing her throat to regain both composure and breath, Kate averted her eyes to the ground.

"I'm sorry, Castle. Er… good call on the bullets, I should have foreseen that." Being truthful to Castle was no longer a forced communication, but a way of habit. They had always been generally open to each other, and that's what she loved about him their relationship. She swallowed down the rise of multiple emotions, opting to plunge her hand in her pocket instead. Pulling out her phone, Kate noted how much her hands were trembling, unwillingly and traitorously. She tried to make it unnoticeable as she began to unlock the touch screen. "Do you have signal?"

Her heart plummeted. The signal bars were a teasing translucent gray, complete with a little x. Walking around the freezer, she held it at all heights possible in an attempt to something. Anything. She made three full rounds before resigning to a corner with an animated sigh. At a momentary loss, Kate pulled her bottom lip between her teeth and chewed it lightly.

Castle's breath hitched at her proximity. They were breathing the same air… but before he could go any further in his head, Beckett coughed; and in an instant, she was gone again. As always, his emotion trumped rational thought and let a momentary pout slip into his lips. But rational thought wasn't so far behind, removing that pout almost instantly, and replacing it with concern. Straightening his torso, he made a move toward her in case she needed his help, but he proved to be unnecessary. The writer shook his head at the thought, used to these demons. He couldn't tell Beckett how many times he thought about quitting because he thought himself to be unnecessary, how many times he's asked himself What have I done? after butting into an investigation. But no matter how many times those demons plagued him, Kate had managed to unknowingly restore his sense of significance.

At her prompt, Castle extracted his own phone from his pocket. The task was more difficult than he anticipated and his fingers struggled to slide away the lock and access the home screen. The awareness of the frigid air instantly sent ice picks through his skin. His teeth began to chatter and his hand shook with vigor. "How could do you think it is in here?" It would have sounded more like an offhanded comment if his chattering teeth didn't slur his words. His gaze focused on the signal meter at the top of his phone, but as he suspected, it was empty. He moved to the middle of the freezer. Still nothing. "Of course. Just like any good story, our phones don't work when we absolutely need them," he muttered darkly. Somewhat frustrated, Castle tossed the device onto the floor, but resisted the urge to stomp on it. Even that was a little too extreme for him.

"Well below freezing."

He shivered involuntarily at the last word, but it was her tone that surprised him. Facing her, Castle scrutinized his partner and noted several things that were just… off. She didn't look like she had resigned herself to their imminent doom yet, but she looked defeated. That was a first. And it broke his heart. What have I done? echoed into his being once more, strengthening with every quiver of his legs. Setting his jaw, Castle marched over to the door and shoved his weight against it.

"Castle, there's n-"

"You coming?"

If she had the heart, Kate would have smiled a little at the way Castle cut her off. Those two words were so familiar to their relationship and so very them. She commended him mentally for being able to improve the situation, even if it was only for a moment. If she were ever to be trapped in a freezer with one other person and little hope of escaping, she would want that one person to be Rick. Hands down.

Kate nodded and joined him at the door, pulling her hood up so her hair wouldn't get caught on anything. She expected a little bit of warmth from the fabric, but she gained nothing by it. Pushing the warning signal out of her mind, she positioned herself and tensed, looking up at Castle. What she saw was determination, enough for the both of them. Despite everything, warmth spread from within her and crawled valiantly across her skin. She felt a little more comfortable, a little more confidant that they would get out of this together. "On three, then."

They counted to three simultaneously, never once breaking eye contact. Kate felt like it was her lifeline, her way out of here. Green locked with blue, belonging together like a summer sky meeting a field of grass. On three, they both rocked back and then slammed forward with all their might. Beckett had quite literally thrown herself at the door and had it not been for Castle, she would have fallen to the floor. He grabbed her by the arms, nearly buckling under the unexpected weight, but managing to straighten her out and regain balance. Kate found herself completely embraced by Castle and the familiarity of it scared her more than being trapped. "Thanks, did it budge?" Her voice was a little weak as she tried to extract herself from his arms. The task was a little difficult; lethargy had settled into her limbs because of the temperature. Finally able to stand on her own, Beckett stepped back to examine the door.

"Didn't feel like it… doesn't look it either. One more?"

Castle only sounded half-hopeful. Chewing the inside of her lip, she shook her head lightly. "We might as well just save our energy." She needed a moment to catch her breath anyways. As fit as she was, the frost just stole away the air from her lungs… and she had thrown as much strength as she had at the door. That thing wasn't going to budge at all. Exhaling and inhaling slowly, Kate buried her face in her hands. What was there left to do? She barely felt the pressure on her face; it didn't register until she felt a slight pull as her fingers brushed her hair back into the hood. Curious, Beckett touched the point of impact and studied her hand. Was that her…? Yeah, that's part of you. A part of you that you shouldn't be looking at right now. "Castle, it's not good," she pointed out, bringing his attention to the piece of her skin on her finger.

The tendrils of despair had long wrapped around her heart, but as time passed with every attempt to escape, they wrapped tighter and tighter. Panic began to dance in her wide eyes as she turned to her only comfort.

What have I done? It was the first thing he could think of as that look of hers struck him in the face. "No, it's not." Great choice of words, Castle, he chided himself. But what else could he say? Nothing at this particular moment could lighten their situation. A grim line tightened his lips, his eyes reciprocating her sentiments. This wasn't good at all. Frustration took over his jaw. Gritting his teeth, Castle wanted to bash his head against that door. He had pushed her too far; the attack on the door had been no help to their situation. If anything, it was now worse.

Only worried about Kate's safety now, he sought her gaze with exploring eyes. He wanted to reach out and hold her, ask if she was okay… but it was exactly those desires that froze him. Whatever she had pulled from her head - it looked like skin, but he didn't want to believe it - made him cautious to even touch her. His hand hovered over her shoulder, but he retracted it when she made to turn and face him. Rick almost melted into a puddle, his heart threatening to shatter into pieces. Kate's eyes were searching his, searching deeply, frantically for an answer or a sign of something, anything.

"I could really use a silver lining right now."