This chapter is rated T+ for brief language.

Disclaimer: Dragon Ball, Dragonball Z, and Dragonball GT are in no way mine, although the script I will be using is mine. Some ideas come from my sister, Little J. Some parts include Toonsai(4kids), Ocean Dub(Canadian), and Big Green Dub(British dub) references. Well, I'm pretty sure that's the right order... Anyway, this Fanfic is designed to entertain, not to gain.

Note: I suck at writing story beginnings.

Other Note: This not the first Fanfic I started, but it's the first one I've posted so far.

Yet Another Note: Each chapter is designed to take about 10 to 15 minutes to read, maybe more if I feel the need to make it longer. Please enjoy this Fanfic, even if it's kinda crappy.

More Semi-Pointless Notes: I edited all the chapters and fixed most errors.

Chapter 1: Enter Raditz, Brother of the Carrot

It all started with a boring old farmer, piling up the hay. When he looked up, he saw what he believed to be a shooting star. Living in an otherwise remote area, he was not well-educated, so he stupidly drove towards it in his Chevy when the object landed, almost killing the farmer. When the dust cleared, the object was revealed as a large hunk of metal.

"Wow," gawked the farmer. "That is one big microwave." He jumped when the front of the sphere opened, revealing a tall man with a long mane of black hair. "GAHH!" exclaimed the farmer. "I'm assuming you're evil, so Imma do this!" He grabbed a shotgun that came out of nowhere and fired. The stranger held out a hand and caught the projectile. When he opened his hand, it exposed a small blue laser-bullet thing.

"It's not very nice to shoot mysterious objects at visitors," said the space tourist. With a flick of the wrist, he flung the little sucker back at the farmer, killing him. "Um… you were supposed to catch that." He stood there for a moment, then shrugged. "Oh well. I just need to find my brother, Kakarrot. He was supposed to kill the locals." He prodded a small green device over his left eye. "There's a strong energy signature over here. 150. That must be him!" With that, he floated up a few feet, and took off.

-DBZBJP-

The sun was well above Piccolo at this time, being late afternoon, as he stood on a cliff overlooking the Spinach Wastes. It really wasn't much to look at, and to this day, no one is really sure why he would waste his time looking at nothing. He did, however, turn away as he felt a large amount of ki approaching.

I wonder who that could be, he thought to himself, right as the stranger landed in front of him.

"Dear Kami," gasped Piccolo. "Don't scare me like that, Goku!"

The alien gave him a blank look. "Who the hell is Goku?" He thought to himself for a minute. "Wait a second. If 'Goku' looks so much like me….Yes! It must be Kakarrot!" He grabbed the scruff of Piccolo's gi. "Tell me where Kakarrot is! NOW!"

"If I knew that, I wouldn't tell you!" spat the green man. "Goku is mine, and mine alone! I'm going to be the one to kill him, got that!" Oh, crap, he realized. This guy's a lot stronger than me! If he's angry, then he might just want to throw me over the cl-

The man kicked Piccolo over the edge of the cliff. Assuming he was dead, he poked his green device again. "There's another energy signature way to the southeast. This one reads 173. That's GOT to be him this time! But he's hanging out with more locals. Sheesh, what was Vegeta thinking, wanting to add this... this softie to our ranks?" A pause. "Oh, well! Orders are orders." He flew towards the energy that he hoped was actually who he was looking for.

-DBZBJP-

Goku was visiting some friends at Kame House. He had a small child next to him. The toddler was much smarter than the man alongside him, and his vocabulary was at least three times bigger. He was the only one of the two actually considering the probability of a pink house resting on an island in the middle of the ocean with an old lech and a talking pig and turtle living in it.

Goku was pleased to find many of his old friends already there: Bulma, Oolong, Turtle, Kame-Sennin himself, and, uh, last but apparently not least, Goku's best friend Krillin.

Goku said hi to everyone, ending with, "Hey, Clearin!"

This upset the monk. "For the last time, Goku, I'm not British." Goku simply crossed one eye, the other pointing slightly upwards. Goku's eyes quickly went back to normal, showing a rare look of concern.

"This can't be good," muttered Roshi. "What's wrong, Goku? Did you lose your lucky Power Rangers figure again?"

"No, I still need to find that," said Earth's savior, his thoughts drifting to his green, black and orange figurine that was actually a Saiyaman figure for reasons only known to DBZ fans and Saiyaman fangirls/haters. "First of all, my best friend's paying too much attention to my son…" Everyone looked at Krillin to see him staring at the young boy, drooling. "And second of all," Goku finished, "how am I the only one sensing some total stranger coming towards us?!"

Everyone looked towards the shoreline to see the mysterious man just landing. "Wow," said Bulma. "He looks just like you, Goku. Aside from the long hair, armor, brutish face, and bulk. Yeah, pretty much just like you."

"So," said the man, "you must be Kakarrot." Goku looked behind him, then thought of something.

"I dunno who Kakarrot is, but I'll see if he's here." He ran into Kame House and yelled, "Kakarrot! A friend of yours wants to see you!"

The "friend" face palmed with an "Ohmygod…" then yelled, "YOU'RE Kakarrot, you rube!"

Goku came back outside. "Uh… I thought I was Goku." The man yelled in frustration and slapped Krillin with his tail, launching him and leaving a hole in Kame House.

"Did you hit your head or something, Kakarrot?! You were sent to Earth to wipe out its inhabitants so we Saiyans could sell the planet! It would've taken two or three years to do so! Why haven't you performed your duty, Kakarrot!" He looked down past Goku's sash. "AND NOW YOUR TAIL IS GONE, TOO! HOW COULD YOU HAVE LET THAT HAPPEN?! YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT YOUR TAIL IS WHAT UNLOCKS YOUR FULL POTENTIAL UNDER THE FULL MOON! Most importantly… HOW COULD YOU FORGET YOUR DEAR BROTHER RADITZ!"

Goku stared at him blankly. Raditz had used a lot of words he only heard his son say before. Suddenly, he started laughing. "Why's your name Radish?!" His older brother responded by kicking him in the gut, causing him to double over. His son, who had been hiding behind him the whole time, went over to aid his father. "Daddy, are you okay? Daddy!" Raditz reached his hand down and grabbed the tyke by the collar.

"Huh. You have a tail. You must be my nephew, then. Hmmm, I can use you to my advantage." He looked down to the crippled warrior. "Kakarrot, I'll be taking your son. If you come work for me, and kill one hundred humans by the end of the day and bring their bodies here, come find me and I'll give you your son back. If you fail to do even that and still won't join me… I'll wipe out the entire race! As for my nephew, I'll think of something nice and slow for him. So long!" Raditz flew off with Goku's son, who was crying his eyes out.

"NO, GOHAN!" Goku tried to get up, but his bruised stomach hindered him. "You never told me what dishabille means!" Krillin and Bulma helped Goku to his feet as Roshi wet himself. Oolong quickly followed suit.

"So, what are you gonna do now? You wouldn't seriously murder so many people to save your son, would you? Well, if you're gonna do that, start with Krillin, or better yet, Yamcha!"

"Nah, he'd rather team up with his worst enemy and beat up his own brother and kill himself in the process."

"Actually, that's totally tru-wait, Piccolo?!" Sure enough, the green man was standing on the island with them.

"Yeah, yeah. It's the Demon King, so let's all run like morons and try to drown ourselves. You in this or what, Goku?"

"Uh… okay, but why are you offering to save Gohan?"

"Because that raggedy Saiyaman wants to eradicate humanity! That's MY goal! I'm just doing this to erase him so I can rule the world! I promise you, you're next!"

"But... why do you want to rule the world in the first place?"

"I'm an incorruptible supervillain! Duh! Get with the times, man!"

"Okay, whatev's. Let's just go save Gohan. KINTO'UN!" Out of nowhere came a small yellow cloud.

"I don't get WHY you could never just fly, Goku," muttered Piccolo. "Oh, well. Let's just go."

"WAIT!" screeched Bulma. "Gohan had a dragon ball on his hat. Take my Dragon Radar so you can find him faster."

Goku took her Dragon Radar and pressed a button. The radar started beeping, but Goku looked disappointed. "I thought it was a muffin button… Oh well. Thanks anyways, I guess. Bye, guys!" With that the two rivals finally flew off, believing they hadn't forgotten anything. However, they never thought about going to Korin's Tower to get some Senzu beans…

-DBZBJP-

"WAAAH! WAAAH! WAAAAAHHH!" Despite Raditz's warnings, Gohan had refused to shut up the whole trip back to the pod.

"Alright, THAT'S IT!" bellowed the Saiyan. "I told you to be quiet, but NOOO! You just HAD to make it more difficult for me by SCREAMING IN MY FUCKING EAR!" He unceremoniously threw Gohan into the pod and slammed the door. Although this somewhat muffled the demi-Saiyan's cries, they were still clearly heard by Raditz, especially with his acute hearing.

"I might as well find something to eat," said Raditz. He flew off to find some food. When he came back with some fruit, he was glad to find that the brat had quieted down, even though he was still crying.

Dear God, Raditz thought. He better not ruin the seat. Suddenly, the device on his face started beeping. "What is this?!" he cried, his eyes widening in shock. "A power level of 710! That can't be right!" He looked around frantically, searching for the source of energy. When he laid eyes on his pod, the device created a circle around it and beeped again, marking it as the source.

Damn, thought the Saiyan. The Scouter must be busted. There's no way a toddler can have a power level of 710. Besides, he obviously isn't fighting. Like 710 would be a crying brat's usual power level.

His Scouter beeped, again warning Raditz of a high power level. He looked in Gohan's direction again, and his signature still read 710.

"Damn this lousy machine!" bellowed Raditz. He was about to grab it and throw it to the ground when it beeped again, signaling two power levels coming at him. "No," he muttered. How can it be that they've found me! This time, they read 213 and 248! But how could they have found me?!" Raditz took in a deep breath, calming himself. "So be it. If it's a fight they want, it's a fight they'll get. Oh, if only they knew what they were getting themselves into."

-DBZBJP-

The trip to Raditz was proving pretty uneventful so far. Neither Piccolo nor Goku had said anything so far. It would probably take another ten minutes to get to the Spinach Wastes from where they were. Piccolo was just beginning to think the trip would go smoothly, when…

"Nya nya nya, nya nya nya nya, nya nya nya nyanyanyanya nya nya nya-"

"What are you doing, Goku?'

"It's the Nyan Cat Song. I just think it'll pass the time."

"Well, it's extremely annoying, so NO MORE NYAN CAT!" Goku looked crestfallen. Satisfied, Piccolo smiled and kept flying.

"…Beeng bip, badda bong, bong, beeng bip, badda bong, bong, beeh, beh, brah, buh, beeh, beh, brah-"

"GOKU!"

Goku looked really upset now. "Awww, not even the Crazy Frog Song…?"

"ESPECIALLY not the Crazy Frog Song! Now SHUT UP unless you want me to push you off that cloud and kick you into the depths of-"

"Okay, okay, I get it! Yeesh, just trying to lighten the mood…"

Relieved, Piccolo decided not to further upset Goku. He didn't want him to start crying. It would be even worse than his knack to sing annoying fast-paced music.

The next eight minutes passed in silence. But Goku was bored. "Dam dadi doo, dam dam da-doo-di-dum…"

-DBZBJP-

It had been five minutes since Raditz's Scouter picked up Goku and Piccolo's energy. He had decided not to get rid of it, since he decided he could get one of Freeza's other men to fix it. Gohan was still crying, and the Scouter still said his power level was 710.

I can't wait to get this thing fixed, thought the Saiyan, and I doubt that Kakarrot would kill so many humans OR join me at this point. Maybe I should just kill the brat and be done with it. Yes, I think that's what I'll do.

Sadly enough for Raditz, Goku and Piccolo picked that moment to show up. "How did the two of you find me?" inquired the Saiyan. "I made it impossible for you to find me!"

"I find it kind of stupid that you would make such a deal with Goku, and then decide to go into hiding," mentioned Piccolo. Goku looked at a flash card to see what 'stupid' meant.

"I'm guessing that you came here for the boy."

"Yep!" said Goku. "And we're gonna fight you so that we can take him back! Piccolo even promised to fight me afterwards, so we're gonna do that next!" As he said this last sentence, he took off the top part of his gi, letting the blue shirt drop to the ground with a thud. He put the gi back on and took off his shoes. He finished by taking off his wristbands, letting them fall to the ground as well.

"Weights, huh?" asked Raditz. "Now Kakarrot's power is at 316."

"I guess I'd better do the same," said Piccolo. He removed his turban and pulled off his shoulder pads.

"Now the green one's at 308," said Raditz. "I wonder how much stronger they can get. No matter. I can take both of them on at once."

"Uh, we can both hear you," said Piccolo.

Goku, who had been looking onto Raditz's pod making baby noises at Gohan, looked up and said, "Huh?" Piccolo face palmed.

"Oh well. Shall we get started?" asked Raditz with a smirk.

Goku grinned stupidly. "Honk yeah!" The three warriors got into fighting stances, preparing themselves for the battle of their lives.

I hope chapter one was at least somewhat enjoyable. I tend to overdo the jokes whenever I write a comedy. I'm new to Fanfiction, so I won't ask for subscribers or reviews, although those would be appreciated. Go ahead and say something bad about this if you want or need to. It will help me out in future stories. If you want to, you can give me advice. If you feel like saying something about this, I'll do my best to answer as many of you as possible. If you have a Dsi, I have a Hatena account as Big J if you want to talk to me there. I spend most of my time there, so chapters won't be coming in very fast. I hope you continue to enjoy the story, anyways!

Shout-out to Queen Bulma-Chan!