Tainted

by NobodyKnowsMyName

When I was little, I'd been so sure that I could be worth something. That idea had been beat down and when I hit the beginning of my teen years, it was nearly destroyed. And then, that which destroyed all else saved me. Hinata, Akatsuki, Naruto and Sasuke

1. Chapter 1

Mature content. Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.

Screaming. Screaming and blood. All I can do is stare at the dark, dried stains on my hands and fall festival Kimono. Most of it isn't my blood. It's cold in here but I don't dare go outside; they'll kill me. I'm almost positive that there are rats in here and I'm sure it's night outside. I'm not sure how I'm sure, because the lights haven't worked for three days. I don't think the lights will ever come back on in Konaha. I'm unsure how much longer I can stand this waiting; my back is killing me from being huddled in a damp, small corner, I'm starving and thirsty, if they don't find me soon I might just lose it, and if they do find me it will mean death.

I wonder who all survived? I know Shino is dead, as are Kiba and Akamaru. They were the brave ones, the stupid ones that went running straight towards the first explosion, leaving me as I told them I was checking on my family. I had run home to see if everyone was alright to find that they had all ran to go help, leaving me with the sickening realization that I was a coward. How did that get me here; huddled in a dark, cold, wet corner? I'm pretty sure that the thing that pushed me to go hide was seeing Naruto split in two by a shuriken disguised as a citizen fleeing in terror. I'm still covered in his blood. It's too cold to remove my clothes, so here I am, drenched in it. I cough and it feels like I just sucked in water.

I hear a sound like a rock being kicked into a pond and know someone is coming. I am suprised but not surprised that they are still here. I had been dreading this for so long that it was almost a relief for it to be finally happening. I contemplate what I can do and realize there is nothing to do but wait for them to find and finish me. Even in the blackness I know there is a shadow over me; even a weak shinobi can sense the presence of danger.

I do not lift my head, hoping they will think I am dead. He steps closer and my breathing falters to the point of being visible and I know it's all over. A hand cups my chin and I wait, expectantly, for him to snap my neck. I cringe when he reaches for my elbow and lifts me up. It means there will be no quick death for me.

I stare weakly into his cold eyes, not having the strength to even glare. I double think that and start to believe I just don't want to endure more than is necessary; in other words, I am a coward, but I already know that. He looks at me with something resembling pity, but I know it is false, and that he is getting a kick out of watching how easily I crumble. I flinch at any movement and I am silently praying that it will be over soon.

"Come with me," he says; dragging me with him out into the moonless night. The streetlights are out but I was expecting that. I was thankful, actually; if there had been any light at all it would have been very painful to my darkness adapted eyes. His grip does not loosen when we arrive. Dawn is approaching, tinting the sky in a way that produces so many beautiful colors. I'm stricken with disbelief; how could something like that exist on a day like this?

The light is enough for me to make out the faces of some of the men who destroyed my village. I stare at their uniforms and a twisted smile gnarls my face. Red clouds in the sky and on the ground. The smile disappears as I realize I am losing my mind.

"Why have you brought her here?" says the man with the demented calm. I recognize him as the leader or, at least, as the person who was the leader.

"I don't especially like her and I think it would be fun to toy with her for a while. I'll kill her when I'm done. If all else fails she can clean up." says the bastard who organized the destruction. I hate him enough to risk everything by stabbing him with the kunai tucked tightly beneath the bloodied waist ribbon of my Kimono. I don't because I am a coward.

"Get the fuck over it and clean up after yourself. Besides, think of possible consequences if she were to escape," an irritated women said from the front. She stood beside the man in charge. Her hair had a strange purple tint to it.

"I don't take issue with it. She can come. Just remember that it's your head if she escapes," and with that, Pain had sealed my fate.

XXXxxxXXX

"Have you ever wondered what evil's true form is?"

". . ."

"I've always believed that evil would come in the form of a woman. Think about it. Every major religion blames women for evil. There has to be some sort of reason for that."

"If you are trying to trick me into answering incorrectly I'll just refuse to speak."

"No, I'm not. I just can't believe how easily changed I was; I've been thinking about the past a lot recently and the differences are almost too much. It almost makes me think that deep down I've always been this way . . .," We stare at each other for a minute or so before I pick up where I left off, "I've been having dreams about the day you destroyed my village, Pain. It's almost as if I'm still there, which makes me wake up pissed at Sasuke. How dare he even suggest I clean his shit?"

"I can't believe you still remember that."

"Well, I do. Could you go get Sasuke for me, by the way?"

"Certainly, Hinata-sama," and with that Pain left.

The dreams had been bothering me for weeks now. Recurring dreams always meant something. It's always some memory that has some slight error to it; something that stood out. The thing that stood out most in my mind was the blood. I kept imagining myself curled up in a lot of blood. Too much blood; much more than I had actually had on me. It was the only detail in my dream that was off. I needed Sasuke to clear something up for me. He was the one who found me, so he should know. If he didn't know, I could always find out. He would be a fun subject to test my new ability on, since I'm pissed at him anyways and currently I wouldn't mind his death if things went wrong.

I was so deep in my thoughts that I barely heard the footsteps on the stone in front of me.

"Hinata-sama," Sasuke adressed me as he bowed. It reminded me of a knight and a king. Yes, I was the king. My eyes were half shaded by the shadow cast by the drape-like canopy. I lightly kicked myself off my throne to stand before Sasuke. He kept his head bowed for a few moments more looking me in the eyes. It was funny how height had nothing to do with power. I mean, my power towered over his, but physically he was a good eight inches to a foot taller than me. Glancing at Sasuke, I started walking towards the end of the long hall.

"Come with me," I said, smiling at something he wouldn't get. I remembered that day down to the last detail. Including what he had said; no detail of that day was too small. Sasuke followed, of course.

Years ago, remembering what time I ate and slept and everything else didn't matter. I had become very attentive to detail since coming here.

XXXxxxXXX

"Damn it, you fucked up again, Hina-chan!" sneered Sasuke, jokingly using my nickname. "I guess I'll just let Sasori-san use you as a puppet, if you aren't any use as a shinobi."

"I-I-I'm s-sorry . . ."

He lunges for me and I'm not quick enough, so he stabs me in the arm as I try, failing altogether, to deflect it. I've come to feel I deserve it. If I can't even see that his Sasori disguise had the wrong eye color I deserved his wouldn't-have-been sneak attack. If I were good enough, it wouldn't have been . . .

XXXxxxXXX

I kept walking until we reached daylight. I hated that the Akatsuki decided to have an underground base, but they insisted it was for our safety. I didn't get it; why hide when we could crush any trouble?

I walked out into the garden, not bothering to lift the dress to keep it from dragging in the dirt. Not that the dress wasn't gorgeous, it was; expensive too, I'm sure. It was an antique gown that was tinged with the slightest bit of lavender, trimmed in pure white lace. I just wanted to be cruel. The Akatsuki treated me like a goddess and I wanted them to know just how much I cared for their worship. Not. At. All.

I took a seat in the full sunlight, gesturing for Sasuke to come sit beside me. When I felt him sit next to me I leaned against him. I felt him stiffen. I smiled. I loved it; loved baiting them with what they couldn't have. I'd always known Sasuke was attracted to me. I'd also known what he had meant when he had said, 'it would be fun to toy with her.'

"Sasuke?"

"Yes, Hinata-sama?"

"You remember the night your attack on Konaha succeeded? The night you found me in that old, abandoned safe house?"

Sasuke pulled away immediately and I could sense that cold fear people sometimes get around me.

"Trust me when I say answering truthfully is the easiest way." I grinned wickedly. I stared directly into Sasuke's eyes to see a barely concealed horror; it wouldn't be the first time I got trigger happy and tested a flawed technique on some random person.

"Alright, I remember. What of it?"

"When you found me, was there a lot of blood?"

I saw the confused look on his face. Could I have worded that wrong?

"Well, around you, there was no blood, the village was a different story."

"I knew there was no pool of blood around me," I confirmed aloud, "There was just the blood on my clothes and hands. Ha, no dream can override my memory!"

"What are you talking about?" Sasuke had a perplexed look on his face.

"Oh, it was just this dream-"

"No, Hinata-sama, not that. I mean what were you talking about when you said something about blood on your hands?"

I scowled at him. "Yes, the blood on my hands and all the blood covering me head to toe. I knew there was no pool of blood because all of it had dried after the three days."

"Uh. . . Hinata-sama, there was no blood. Well, except for the blood where the kunai stabbed you when you stood. You didn't even notice when it started bleeding. You were pretty out of it."

Silence. Utter silence as I took this in. What did he mean? What did he just say?

"Sasuke, there had to be blood," I choked out, my airways caving. I remember Naruto's blood splattering all over me.

"There wasn't."

"You're lying!" I screeched, knocking him over and pinning him by the throat to the ground. I activated my byakugan. I guess I would be testing it out on Sasuke after all. I let my byakugan adjust to the signals coming from Sasuke's mind; letting pictures be picked up along with the wave lengths. All of this taking mere milliseconds. It took about a tenth of a second more for these pictures and wave lengths to become memories.

I was nearly jolted out of my technique by what I saw. It was me, huddled in a corner. I heard no sound but Sasuke's mind supplied the words. It was like remembering an event and, even though you don't actually hear anything, you remember the sound so you almost hear it. I was mumbling to myself. Over and over I kept saying, "dead, dead, he's dead." I saw him pick me up first by my chin to examine who I was. He saw it was me and he decided he would bring me with him; his mind's guarded so I don't know why he decided that, his guard too strong to break. He reached for my elbow to help pick me. He noticed my kunai immediately, I honestly was surprised at my sloppiness, and also noticed that in picking me up he had made the kunai dig in to the skin. I noticed the blood start to soak my Kimono. That's when it hit me that that was the only blood.

I jumped off Sasuke and curled up into a ball. I heard Sasuke gasping for air, vaguely, but mostly my attention was focused on why I remembered blood if there was no blood. I remember every detail about everything that had happend since that day; it was my new beginning. If I don't remember, that meant. . . that meant . . . Naruto could be alive.

"Sasuke . . ." I barely managed whisper.

"What?" Sasuke sounded hoarse.

"Naruto's alive. The resistance that the Akatsuki is so afraid of is definitely real if Naruto is alive. That's what my dreams have been telling me? Damn it! FUCK! Sasuke!"

"Yes?"

"Get the Akatsuki ready to dispatch."

"Are you sure you aren't overreacting?"

"What?" my voice became icy.

"I'm sorry," he said quickly, bowing his head.

"Next time you do that I'll snap you in half."

"Right." He disappeared immediately.

I undid the tight buns in my hair and let my dark hair blow freely in the wind. Where have you been all this time Naruto? What was I going to do when I found him? Kill him? Please god, don't let me become a pathetic weakling again. I visibly shook myself. Not possible.

Slowly, I went over everything that happend in my head. The citizen had become a shuriken and Naruto had split in two, I closed my eyes, and when I opened my eyes I was soaked. I let out a little yelp when I figured it out. Fuck, I had known I was a terrible kunoichi, but to be fooled by a water replacement jutsu? What the hell is my problem? I don't believe how fucking weak I was! Physically and emotionally! How did Hiashi not kill me? When I'd saw the shuriken I just broke down, assuming Naruto's death. I would've killed me . . .

"Hina-hime," said the chilling voice of a little girl, really she was about my age even though she looked to be about twelve, "Will I be coming with you this time? Nii-sans normally goes with you . . ." Atsuko purred as seductively as she could. Atsuko loved her onee-chan.

We found Atsuko about two years after I joined the Akatsuki - we found her four months ago- when I wasn't their leader, but I also wasn't their dog anymore. Let's see . . . so if I was very close to fifteen on the day of Konaha's near total annihilation, it took me thirteen months to become an Akatsuki member, and that was two years after that . . . Eighteen. I was eighteen when we found her. Atsuko; meaning warm, kind, honest and child.

Her name was the ultimate irony.

If I had been anyone else, Atsuko would have destroyed the Akatsuki in one fell swoop; easily. For some reason, this little boiling pot of violence liked me. It probably started with that day when we first met.

You see, on that particular mission the entire group had come with me. I was being given an opportunity to rank up, so they hid themselves and watched as I started to carry out my task. As I walked into the small, inconsequential town I felt a sudden extreme burst of power. If I had to give the energy a color, it would be an almost-black purple. It was creepy. I wasn't scared right then, just on my guard.

I searched out the other chakra signals of the people of the town. Everything checked out as normal. The people of the town were moving around doing what they normally do. That's when there was another burst of power so quick and huge that it was actually physically painful. I activated my byakugan and inhaled sharply. Every single person in the town was dead. Understand that this was Atsuko's doing, she has the ability to recreate someone's distinct chakra signature and send the decoy anywhere she likes. At the time, though, I didn't know that. I started to panic but showed no outward signs. I was so used to having to be flawless and I was worried about punishment. My occupied mind would cost me. Atsuko also had no chakra signature. Want to know why? She didn't have a chakra system; like the one every other living thing had. None. So of course I didn't know she was there until she had her ungodly large sword at my throat.

She had stood in the exact spot of the flaw in my vision. I imagined some huge guy with spikes in his head and every other horror movie monster I could think of; the sword was massive. But no, instead it was a girl with white, faintly grey, skin, silvery hair, so short she had to stand on her heals to get the sword at my neck. My knees went weak. My head swam as I realized I couldn't fight someone with the kind of power this person must have; they snuck up on me, remember? That's when the cold steel touched my throat. I knew then I had to try my best. With that I powered up, releasing visible waves of power. The sword was shattered. The attacker then elegantly flipped over me, putting themselves in my vision. I searched for my assailant and was momentarily immobilized to see the shaded figure of a women. I was so entranced to see another really good female fighter that it took me a few moments more to see why it took me some time to see the figure. The bright blue chakra points that would've made her easy to spot weren't there.

I couldn't move and I barely managed to stagger back as she advanced on me. After three seconds of brutal hits from Atsuko, I realized standing there would get me killed; quickly. As I was sent skittering back I positioned myself into my stance and started fighting back. Ten seconds later I would realize that my byakugan was useless against this freakish abomination of power, and that I was wasting chakra. Three seconds later I'd realize I didn't know much but the basic fighting without the byakugan.

Five minutes into the fight I was nearly dead and the Akatsuki was getting ready to help me. I'd screamed that it was my fight and that I'd rather die than be assissted. My opponent had tilted her head and smiled. I spat the blood from my mouth and got up. Silently, while we were staring at each other, I devised a plan and, when she blinked, started to follow through. A simple hand sign that she missed was all it would take to end the fight. My original 'durable' clone carried out the motions of being beat while I was busy making my way behind her. I pulled out a Kunai, poison shaft filled with something fatal from Sasori, and lunged so that the kunai would land perfectly on a hundred percent fatal point of her neck. When I was already celebrating my victory because I was so close to landing, she grabbed my wrist and her other hand grasped the back of my neck and shoved me into the ground so hard that I knocked down nearly an entire forest. God, that had hurt.

When she had walked casually over to my beaten and bruised body and offerered me her hand, I nearly exploded from the shock.

"You're a shitty strategist, but you're honorable. I suppose that's what you call it, anyway," Atsuko had said.

She had been with us ever since.

"That was a nice story . . ." Atsuko said, smiling happily.

"You wouldn't have won if you weren't a freaky, mind reading demon. My plan was flawless."

"Yeah right, you know that you're wrong. Besides, I can hear when you're lying." Atsuko laughed.

I stared at the newest Akatsuki member -even though she refused to wear the 'ugly outfit' - as she laughed. She had that strange lolita-like style; even if she dressed like a normal person. Her face and body were petite and she was lovely. If I were not into men -

"Which you shouldn't be, because they don't know what a woman wants. Besides, I'd always know what you wanted; no matter what we're doing."

"Haha, I hardly see you as the pitcher," I laughed.

"You're only about half an inch taller. And you have all the curves. I'm the flat chested one, so I'd be the man."

I rolled my eyes. "Whatever. It's not happening so no need worrying about it."

"Some day, Hina-hime. Trust me."

Anyway, I'm don't swing that way, did you get that Atsuko? I can tell you're still listening.

"Fine, I'll just go bother duck butt Nii-san." Atsuko slid herself off the stone railing and I suppose went off to bother Sasuke.

I stared out into the gorgeous expanse of grassy meadow separating us from civilization. My appreciation of it's beauty was short lived as I returned back to my troubled train of thought. Luckily, I didn't have to languish in my own dark, now erratic thoughts, because as soon as I began to get sickened by my own thoughts everyone arrived. They were fully equipped with any weapon they could possibly need; we'd learned from Atsuko that being unprepared could be disasterous. Sasori had even brought his new favorite puppet; a kunoichi who had given him quite a bit of trouble a while back. Her hair was a vivid pink, the exact color of Sakura's. It wasn't her, although I'm not sure it would bother me to see my childhood rival the play thing of one of my subordinates. She's one of the people I'm sure managed to escape.

I turned to face my new family - a family, ironically, that treats me much better than my real family did- and gave them the go -ahead.

It took us an hour to get out of the fields and into a place with trees. As we jumped from tree to tree I heard someone getting closer to me. I looked from the corner of my eye to see it was Sasuke.

"What do you want?" I asked, focused on something far away from here.

"Where are we going?"

I stopped immediately. I had no idea.

"Hahaha. . . she has no fucking clue. Oh, Hina-hime, that's part of the reason I love you," Atsuko laughed while clutching her side. "What the fuck, Hinata? Your planning is still terrible . . ."

"Shut up, Atsuko," I glared. Everyone else still looked on in shock. I don't blame them; here are the two most powerful beings known and we're acting like children.

After Atsuko's laughter died down I looked at the rest of the team and saw that they were waiting patiently for instruction. Although, you could see the pissed expression on Sasuke and Hidan's faces; and the others' faces didn't conceal their exasperation well, either.

I turned to them and my face quickly melted into the darker, colder version of myself. It wasn't necessarily who I was; but it was a person I could so easily be. I had, at very least, gotten the part down quite well; even though there were times when I had no choice on whether it was a part I played or not. There are still times when I'm overtaken by the urge to lash out at some unnamed thing that has taken away something of mine that I held dear. It's a product of the harsh 'training' of the Akatsuki. I'm not the girl I was but . . . I am not what they think I am. I now have some . . . issues; like the one where if you get too close without my permission your chance of dying is one shy of certain, and the one where sometimes I can't sleep because of the idea that I will be attacked in my vulnerable state by one of my previous 'sensei's, there's also the one where sometimes I . . . I love the thought of pain; of death. That's why Hidan is the only man I've ever slept with. I had been on one of those blind rages and he was there, taking the damage happily when I wanted to see weakness. Sex got me weakness. It didn't happen often, twice exactly; needless to say Atsuko wasn't fond of him. There would've been others in the 'Death to Hidan' club but Atsuko is the only one that knows.

"I was planning on Konaha, actually, as our destination. You guys haven't heard because, even though you are all super paranoid of a rebellion, you have become lazy since you lost what you wanted when Naruto escaped; the kyuubi. I, on the other hand, have sent my clones into villages to gather information; like the now relevant information about the reforming Village Hidden in the Leaves." I stared at them in the way I knew made their skin crawl. Atsuko rolled her eyes as she listened to me pull a destination out of a hat labeled 'forgotten things.' I had, indeed, heard about Konaha, by chance, but I had long put it past me as a civilian's fancy. Right now, it was the best lead we had.

"Konaha, huh?" Sasuke looked deep in thought. He lifted his head to look me dead in the eyes. "Are you sure you can handle that?"

I probably would've killed him if not for the genuine concern in his eyes.

"I'm sure." I said, solemnly.

"Then what the fuck is there to wait for? If I remember that has-been great Village, I'd say if we stop for an hour a night we might get there in four days," Atsuko declared.

XXXxxxXXX

Fires can be so calming. For the past thirty seconds Konaha has been blocked from my mind. It isn't cold here, just as I remember it, but the fire's comforting. In less than twenty-four hours I will be returning to the place of my greatest weakness . . . but there's more. I feel like vomiting every time I think of my previous teammates, or my sensei, or my family, or even the other teams. I'm so confused that focusing on moving towards that place is almost impossible. The only one who notices is Atsuko, because outside there aren't any signs, but Atsuko's always been really good at knowing exactly what I'm thinking; almost like it's a demonic ability.

"Damn right, even in thought you are a smart ass," Atsuko responded to my thoughts; it's fine because it was directed at her anyway. No one even flinched, even though it was silent seconds before; they were used to it. "Besides, if you don't quit I'm going to destroy your village and everyone you hold dear," Atsuko baited me. She knows that the Akatsuki's already done that, she just wants me to hate them and run away with her -"Completely right, so far, keep going," - so she likes to remind me that she hasn't done that. Oh, and I can't bring Hidan with me when we run away together -"That's a given. I can't stand Hi-" she caught herself as I glared visciously, "-Can't stand him. Happy now?"

I nodded. Can you leave me to my thoughts now, Atsuko?

"Fine, I'll leave you alone." And with that she went away with her dance-like steps. I liked to think of myself as graceful but she made me look like a newborn giraffe. Making a Hyuuga look clumsy is no small feat, either. I sighed when she was completely out of view. She meant well; she probably thinks the incident that happend three and a half years ago doesn't bother me at all. She probably likes me because I'm so detached, so cruel. Sometimes I get stuck in a state of mind where I believe I'm evil so that is what I become. I was having one of those days, that had happend to have taken two long months, when I had called Sasuke out to the garden, only to be woken up by the thought of Naruto. It pissed me off that, in a way, Naruto was still saving me.

Exasperated, I got up; knocking over a good bit of supplies. I needed to talk to somebody, and there was only one person I could go to.

XXXxxxXXX

"Hinata-sama, what are you doing here?"

"I need to speak with you." I noted he was in his sleeping bag, probably trying to sleep. Sounds like a reasonable explanation to me . . .

"Alright," Sasuke reached to get his shirt rebuttoned; had to hand it to him, his body's fantastic. I turned away while he redressed himself so I could zip closed the tent's entrence. I turned to see Sasuke staring at me.

"What?" I asked, uncomfortable; he looked so serious.

"Nothing. . ."

"What is it?" I was getting irritated. I hated when people refused to give me a legitimate answer.

"It's just that, the last time you came to talk with me about an issue, it hasn't happend for about two and a half years," Sasuke stared at me, trying to see the reasons behind my eyes.

"Two years, seven months, twelve days, eight hours, fifty-two minutes . . ." I looked at my hands because I knew his reaction to my impeccable account of time, which I'm sure would come across as obsession, would probably be bad. I was just really good with details . . .

"How the hell-"

"My memory is something close to perfection; faultless. Anyway, yes, I need to talk with you."

I try to wait patiently as he yawns and gets out from under his sleeping bag. I'm about to explode with words when he finally gestures for me to tell him what's going on.

"It's Naruto," I saw how his face fell with that one word, "Yeah. . . yeah, I knew you would have the same feelings I did about him! Well, maybe not exactly, but still. He's going to be our enemy,our target, when we find him. I haven't had to deal with my childhood for years and now, being so close, I just - I just . . . Damn it! I was so weak, and no one even knew I existed, I was a wall flower! I could be seen but I wasn't a person! You know how many people knew what I was beyond skin deep? NO ONE! When I was little I was sure that if anyone would see that I had a fucking personality beneath my weak little perservering shell it would be Naruto! Yes, I tried to get better to be noticed. Yes, I even became slightly louder, so that people might hear me when I spoke. Yes, I was a nice girl that you could depend on, but DAMN IT I'M NOT JUST SOME THING!" By now there were tears rimming my eyes. I could feel the snap that was so fucking close. "He didn't have the chance to know me. And I'm so afraid that if I see him I'll become a part of the scenery again. There's just so much I don't get! I have so many feelings that just don't go together!" Then Sasuke, the Sasuke, the one who put me through hell to make me stronger, put his hand on my shoulder to comfort me.

And then I felt it. About time . . . I had thought that I could at least have held back the breaking point for a few years more.

My nails dug into the floor of the tent so hard I knew they had to be bleeding. Slowly, the tears started to fall. When the first tear hit the cheap, blue plastic, that's when. That's when I knew there was no turning back. I couldn't pretend that I had just wanted to freak him out, make him think that I wanted him to break down and confess he was worried about the enemy, couldn't put this on him at all. As soon as I realized that, I didn't hold back. That day, Sasuke saw the only thing that I wanted to hide from the rest of the world, my only secret; weakness. I think I cried for hours and that scared me; it's the first time since Konaha's destruction that I didn't have complete recollection of how much time I spent on what. My focus was so off that only after being involved in this conversation for ten minutes did I realize I was giving Sasuke information that had been mine alone for my entire life without any thought. I almost stopped until I comprehended that I felt lighter than I've ever felt in my existance.

XXXxxxXXX

"Earlier I couldn't tell if you were talking about Naruto or about your life in Konaha." Sasuke said into my ear. His arms were wrapped around me and his chin was on my shoulder. His back was propped against the tent and my head was leaning back against his chest. I would object if I weren't so tired from my utter meltdown, he had no excuse. After I had finished crying I had found that I had crawled into his lap and I had tried to get up only to understand that my legs refused to function properly so I fell backwards onto his lap again. I apologized and tried to get up again but he had wrapped his arms around my waist and told me I wasn't going anywhere. So that's how I got here. It took me a minute to remember that Sasuke was waiting for a reply.

"Oh, right, I don't believe it was about either of them. It was everything. You have to think that I haven't shared what I felt with anyone since mom died. I'm sorry that it was you that I threw all that on."

"I didn't mind," he said as he rubbed circles on my hand.

"No, really," I paused for a minute as I let reality re-enter my thoughts, "I'm going to really regret that as soon as I walk out of here."

Sasuke tensed. Curious reaction . . .

"Why would you regret it?" His hand had stopped in it's tireless circular motion; I noticed this only because I had been staring at his hands and the patterns they traced for the last few hours. Convenient that this happend on the last day of the trip when everyone gets a full night's sleep to prepare for the difficulties ahead.

"Because I don't trust you not to tell this to anyone. Tomorrow, I'm sure that I will have to do something to reinforce my role as leader. I won't use you as a example because, although you would have told on me, in the end you did help me," my tone was matter-of-fact. There was no accusation and no, overall, emotion.

"Hinata . . ." Sasuke's voice sounded more choked than when I had actually choked him.

"Hinata-sama to you." I know it seemed cruel to do this, but I didn't want to lead him on. He liked me; a lot. It would be worse if I left without making myself clear. Feelings are something I don't like to deal with, so I simply refuse to feel them if I think it will lead to any type of pain.

Sasuke's face went from a hurt confusion to a cold, blank mask. "I see. . . I apologize Hinata-sama. Would you like me to help you to your tent?"

I nodded. I expected him to be rough and angry when he helped me up; spiteful. He still helped me up as though I were made of broken glass; something you didn't want to be so close to because it hurts and something that you wanted to keep from shattering further so it wouldn't become any sharper.

I discovered that his help was only minimally needed, so I let him leave when we got close enough to my tent. As soon as I laid down I knew sleep would come any second. I let my eyes close and I saw orange and yellow on one side, black and red on the other . . . Life from now on would be a whole new kind of hell.

XXXxxxXXX

"Get up, Onee-chan! We're over an hour late! Do you want somebody to find us?"

I could've killed Atsuko at that moment. I hadn't needed someone to wake me up since I turned seven, and believe me when I say I don't miss it. I regretted immediately my decision to try to ignore her. That kick to the leg is going to hurt for a long time.

"See, Atsuko, this is why I'm not interested in you," I grumbled.

"Oh? I thought you were against the idea of being gay."

"No; you're just unpleasant."

Atsuko laughed good naturedly. I glanced at Atsuko. I really wasn't at all against same sex relations; to me, sex is sex. I don't need any kids so I don't have to have a male partner. But, if it did turn out that way, Atsuko really would turn out the pitcher. I'm definitely the female in intimate relationships. I've always been incredibly open minded to ideas, so this thought didn't disturb me as it would've disturbed Hinabi and Hiashi.

"Huh, that's interesting. You're pretty damn different, Hina-chan," Atsuko observed; completely serious.

While she was absorbed in her own thoughts a sharp throbbing had started in my head that slowly started to numb me. I tried to yell for Atsuko but I had no control over my voice and, though I was trying with all I had to scream for Atsuko, no sound at all was coming out. I guess she'll know something is wrong when she hears the thud of me hitting the floor. I start falling and feel relief in the fact that soon someone will know that I need immediate help.

That's when I saw Atsuko go down.

My heart raced as I understood the pain that had started at the base of my neck; poison or a paralyzing dart. We were under ambush. My mind fought the overwhelming exhaustion to buy as many precious seconds as possible. At the very least I could use my minimal control over my mobility to make a life saving hand sign. This simple jutsu would wipe out enough chakra to knock me out directly afterwards. With difficulty, I managed to get my hands together. My fingers took many of the precious seconds of my time to form the correct positions. Blackness started streaking my vision. Now or never, I suppose. The otherwise easy to perform disguise-type justsu was complete. I thought about how much had been taken out of me by my meltdown if all I had the strength to do was that as I drifted off into either sleep or oblivion.

Damn you, any and all, that have ever made me feel. It ends up hurting everyone. Sasuke . . . this failure is your fault . . .

And mine . . .

XXXxxxXXX

God, that was the best night's sleep I've had in a while. I moved my arms to stretch. It took me a split second to comprehend that I was restrained and everything came rushing back. It was dark and cave-like in here, but there was a stream of light coming from a hole high up on the dark wall that allowed me my eyesight. I turned to see that at a glance my team was unrecognizable. I had left signs of who they were that would be caught by only me. They were those oddly specific details that no one else in the world noticed aside from myself. The only one that you could never guess who it was is me. I always choose a disguise that looks similar to myself, but obviously not me, for every detail is similar but different. That's what had fooled even Sasuke when I had been training with him and we were testing our abilities to hide our identity. He had come behind me, grabbed my shoulder, said, "Damn, you didn't even try," saw it wasn't who he had at first thought, apologized, and left. I found him every time; he was bad about leaving tiny traces of who he was for all to see. I was good, extraordinary, even, at hiding who I was.

I looked around to see that no one else was up. I observed that they had got everyone, even Sasori and Pain. The people that attacked us must be highly skilled if they could sneak up on Pain, and get Sasori with a fucking poison dart- ironic - without him being accustom to that level of toxicity. He's a fucking puppet! How the hell did these people put him under? All of a sudden I remembered that it didn't matter because I was fully recovered; as soon as Atsuko woke up we would be unstoppable. I decided to sleep for a few minutes more when I heard someone moving.

"Crap, you heard me. I thought I could manage a few more minutes of sleep before you realized I was up, too, but I was just so uncomfortable in all the ropes. I just had to take them off. I didn't think they'd make so much noise. . . They're chakra restraining ropes so they don't affect me, but you would have had a hell of a time getting them off."

Atsuko came out from around the corner, rope in hand. She looked like normal because, well, jutsu didn't work on her.

"Atsuko, you really are incredible." I rolled my eyes at the demon. Well, she might not be a demon, but she wasn't human. Same with Hidan.

"I'll leave you here to rot if you compare me to him again. I don't care how pretty you are."

I raised an eyebrow. At first she pretended to glare at me but eventually she just shrugged.

"Maybe I lied. So? I'm sure you lie," she joked.

I stopped breathing. Time seemed to stop as I felt the crushing weight of being discovered. Atsuko was talking to me but I was too far from myself to hear what she was saying. A sharp sting on my cheeks woke me from my mental collapse.

"Hello, are you alright? Hinata!"

That little shock right there brought me back to earth. She'd never used my real name before. She shook my shoulders.

"Yes, I'm fine. Sorry, sorry. I just felt really . . . sick for a minute there."

"Oh, good. I'm glad that's all. You became all grey-white; scared the shit out of me."

"I'm fine. Now, can you untie the ropes," I asked, rattling the heavy, vine-like ropes around my wrists.

A wicked smile twisted Atsuko's face. Shit. Not good.

"Or we could play a little game. You must like it rough if you fucked Hidan, and the handcuffs are free; can't get much better than that, can we?"

"Or you can untie me. Now, Atsuko," I demanded. I was starting to become concerned she would wake everyone up and that she might say something to get me in a hell of a lot of trouble.

"Oh, uglier version of Hina-chan, no need to be so stern," Atsuko was slowly lowering herself onto me and was soon straddling me, "It wouldn't be all that bad."

"Atsuko, the 'cuffs' are life draining monstrosities. Get off or I am going to bash your head into one of the sharp rocks in here," I bluffed. I knew Atsuko caught my bluff when she smiled that sickly sweet smile of hers and got even closer to my face.

"Oh, Hina-chan, you wouldn't be doing anything of the sort with your hands tied like this. It sucks for Onee-chan, doesn't it?" Atsuko leaned even closer towards me.

I sighed. Oh well, I guess I was going to be raped by a four foot, seven inch girl. Atsuko's arms wrapped around me and she leaned her head into my shoulder.

"Wow, you are no fun, Hina-chan," Atsuko whispered into my ear as she cut the rope with her hands that were now behind my back.

Atsuko quickly lifted herself off me, holding the rope, and smiled. And, believe it or not, I laughed. I thought it was funny that she had acted the way she did just to cut the ropes on my wrist. She certainly didn't let anyone get in the way of her fun.

"You're a weird girl, Atsuko."

"And you're normal? Who gives up and just thinks, 'Oh well, I'm going to be raped' like you did? You have issues," Atsuko scoffed. She smiled, though, and helped me up. "Sorry I freaked you out. I just couldn't resist. Your expression made it worth it. Go ahead and hate me for a week, but in the end your face made it worth it," she laughed. She started laughing so hard that you could barely hear when I joined in.

"Shut the hell up," a voice grumbled from somewhere in the corner. I couldn't even recognize the voice it was so twisted up with sleep.

"Actually, I won't shut up, whoever said that because everyone needs to WAKE UP! WAKE UP, EVERYBODY!" I started quietly shouting, grinning at my stupidity.

Atsuko hit me in the stomach so hard that it knocked the breath out of me.

"What was that for?" I half yelled at her.

"Shh, you're going to get more than the attention of the people in here if you keep going on like that," Atsuko whispered.

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see that Konan had got up, glanced at her tied wrists, folded into paper, and slipped out of her chains; ropes, whatever you'd like to call them. She needed no more than the chakra a person needs to live to get out of that trap, so it worked. The ropes only prevent above normal- normal for average citizens- chakra levels. If you have an escape technique that uses almost no chakra then you were fine. Most of us . . . wouldn't have been.

"Should we pretend to still be bound and sleeping until they get here, or should we go explore our kidnapper's base," Konan asked; all business.

"Well, first we need to take care of the people that wouldn't be pretending to be asleep and tied up."

She nodded and went about waking and untying everyone. I spun around to say something to Atsuko, and there he was; awake. Even with his pure black eyes covered in a false blue you could still see the utter hatred and betrayal. Sasuke had heard us. He'd heard about Hidan. I met his glare with a blank face; even though, on the inside, I was horrified and I felt guilty. The fact that I didn't understand what I was feeling made my mouth twist into a slight frown. On the outside it probably looked like I was slightly unhappy at something I had found out. Inside, Pandora's box had been opened and someone had already robbed hope from the box. Among the chaos inside me only the weakest of evils escaped to be seen on the outside; like a frown.

I did all that I could do then; I smiled. I pretended to not notice his look that showed how he felt; that he'd been let-down, deceived, double-crossed. I smiled and untied him in as brief a manner as possible.

I turned around and heard him say something that made me stop cold.

"I was so sure you weren't any different now than you were then. That's why I put up with your cruelty, why I took you with us that day when no one else saw a reason to: because I was sure that you were the same person somewhere under there. The person I saw way before you realized that you wanted that person to be seen. You were never a wall flower to me. I saw a person when I saw you, Hinata. You weren't some thing that kept trying and was polite, quiet, and nice. I have -had- always saw that there was more to you. And now I don-"

A sharp thud and red painted cave floors.

No one had been paying attention to what Sasuke had been whispering, but everyone turned around when they heard the sound of me punching him with everything I had. Blood had been coughed onto the ground when he collapsed into himself. When he didn't stumble off my fist that was still at his stomach I knew he was out. At first I was pretty sure I'd killed him, until I saw that he was breathing. Emotionlessly, I glanced down at him and then carelessly threw him off me.

"Not that I'm not tempted to occasionally just punch Sasuke in the gut, but, why the hell'd you do that? There are better times for that," Atsuko scolded me.

"He was being innapropriate," I was entirely unsure of why I'd hit him, actually, "If the need arises I'll heal him later."

Atsuko looked doubtful but she nodded.

" 'Kay. You're carrying him, though. Anyways, what are we going to do?"

Well, I sure as hell didn't want to stay here.

"I guess we're heading out-"

The door creaked open. I signaled for everyone to blend in or hide. I absorbed into the wall, taking Sasuke with me. I studied the approaching shadow carefully. Female, short hair, multiple weapons' satchels. She had the on-guard walk of someone well experienced. Upon coming into view I knew immediately who it was. She was maybe two or three inches taller than me, pink hair, green eyes; Sakura Haruno. I analyzed her every movement with my now activated byakugan. She was moving purposefully towards something; sure steps like that of a jounin rank at least. It didn't take long to see she was heading towards the cut ropes left behind by some idiot that I plan to thoroughly thrash later.

As she was walking my byakugan picked up the slightest tilt in her right foot. She was going to turn around and try to catch me off guard by making a show of going to exam the rope.

"SHE KNOWS!"

Instantaneously everything, except the unconcious Sasuke, was moving. I was surprised that everyone was coming at her. She had no chance now.

Since everyone was charging her, I pulled Atsuko and myself from the fight. She dodged amazingly well for everything that was being thrown at her, but with all her attention focused on dodging the never ending rain of sharp objects she couldn't possibly evade the oncoming death blow from Kakuzu. I was about to intervene for the sake of fairness when Kakuzu went in for the kill. I sighed and closed my eyes. Then I heard a scream of agony.

It was Kakuzu's. I opened my eyes to see Sakura had grabbed the black threads that Kakuzu was going to use to kill her and used them to drag him in front of her to absorb the blows. Deidara's bomb alone took out two hearts and a third heart had been pierced through with the tail of one of Sasori's puppets. Kakuzu violently removed the spear-like extension from his now useless heart. He turned to face his opponent. Everyone recognized that it was now a battle between Kakuzu and Sakura so I wouldn't have to intervene for the sake of a fair fight.

"You pepto bismol BITCH! You'll start repaying for the damages with your heart."

Sakura merely fell into her fighting stance. Kakuzu was in a rage, so I knew who would win this fight. Sakura had the sense in this battle, and Kakuzu would get sloppy in his anger anyways. If I didn't want to lose a person I would intervene now.

What I wanted more, more than preserving the life of a teamate, was to see how far my secret childhood rival had come.

This story is my apology to everyone who has been waiting for me to update my other story. Weird stuff happens to me and I just got internet back on my new computer. I will have something up for that story soon.

As for this, I hope you like it, because I really like it. It's been an idea I've had for months now and I finally got around to writing it and it's turning out really good. I apologize again for my prolonged abscence.

Reviews make me happy but I'm not forcing you to leave reviews. It drives me crazy when people put a 'price' for the next chapter. So please review, because it makes me happy and I feel appreciated when someone takes their time to write something nice, but you don't have to. Normally I wouldn't be so pissed about this but one of my favorite stories is holding a fifty review price and their settings are for log in only so I can't just type in a different name every five seconds. Grr. . .

Anywho, I hope you liked it.