Chapter One: Kara Danvers Was A Mistake

SIX MONTHS AFTER THE DAXAMITE INVASION:

The rapping was a welcome distraction. It was constant and relentless and annoying but it cut through the darkness of her disheveled apartment and drowned out the incessant honking and obnoxious Perd Hapley broadcast about how Supergirl had lost her touch. The nerve of it all. She had had enough. The covers were a far better sanctuary. If all they wanted was the invincible warrior and not the human girl that had suffered enough then fine that was what they'd get...but not yet. Not now. Then the noise stopped...Only to start again.

"Go away!" Kara groaned flipping to the other end of the bed and flinging a pillow in the direction of that stupid vibrating door.

"Come on Kara! I know you can see me!" Winn's shrill voice ached in her ears as her x-ray vision confirmed it was in fact him. What? Did they take turns?

Her head fell face first into the covers with a whine matted golden curls falling around her face. "I just want to be left alone!"

"You know that ain't good for let me in!"

"Why?" She moaned dragging out the word

"I bought food?"

"Pizza and pot stickers?"

"You know it!"

Far too much pep for this particular day but the food was worth it and the company healthy so she pulled herself up from the bed.

"Fine...Use your key..."She breathed covering the bruises and last nights black combo in a cream knitted cardigan and pulling her nightmare of a hair day into a bun.

The girl Winn found in the dark was a far cry from the one six months ago. She was sullen and uninspired with her apartment in shambles.

"Geez Kara this place is a sight and in it's five in the afternoon?! Did you just get up?!"

The winter darkness had come earlier and earlier as the chill set in and it had seemed to welcome her. The night grew longer in winter and it was more calming and all encompassing. She could disappear right into its blanket of stars and not feel a thing. But Flying had only filled the void for so long.

"Surprise. Kryptonians are nocturnal" she snatched the food without warning.

"Wait no!" Winn snatched the boxes back receiving a glare that made his blood run cold but he held his ground. At least in that, he had grown. "What's the deal with you?"

"What do you mean?" She kept that same harsh look with the tension just radiating off her. Her hair was a mess her clothes bloodied and muddy. What in God's name?!

"This! Th-th-This angry hermit of person! Who are you right now?"

"I am dealing with it in the best way I know how!" she did that horrid dreadful thing again where her strength brimmed right beneath the surface and she got right in his face and God if he wasn't so mad he knew he'd be quaking.

"Oh! By getting hurt!? That's the what the cardie's for right? So I wouldn't notice?! Kara you were...You were fine. You were handling it. You were holding up your job and your friends. Taking a break from the DEO I understood after everything but it's been two weeks. Noone has seen. Noone has even heard from you. W-what are you doing?" That rush of anger slowly faded to concern.

"It's nothing Winn, I'm fine. I just can't be around there anymore." She took the food back and he joined her sitting on the couch.

"Why? What's going on?"

"It makes me feel human" she admitted through a mouthful of pizza "And I'm not"

His brows dropped and eyes narrowed as he felt her slipping away from all of them. "What do you mean?"

"I mean being Kara Danvers was a mistake! Fabricating this whole life of rainbows and sunshine. I'm not that person. I'm not a mid-twenties budding journalist. I'm a thirty something alien who was stuck in a coma for her life!"

"What does that have to do with Catco"

"People get hurt when I try to have both!" she finally cracked a little and it was almost pleasant to see. To know this was really her shining through for a brief moment but he felt the fear in her voice. He knew that pain.

"No you mean you get hurt! People get hurt either way, Kara. You know this. We've talked about this. Why- why give up now?"

"It was our anniversary two weeks ago. It seemed like the right time. Now please go" His eyes widened for a moment as his cheeks flooded at the thought that he hadn't known.

"Kara I-..."

"Leave!"

"James and Cat will keep her job as long as you can and J'onn will have you back when you're ready" He gave the obligatory messages from all her loved ones as this week's baby sitter and slunk out the door. As he drove home he couldn't help but wonder over how far she had fallen. How deeply she had slipped in such a short time.

They'd given her two weeks of breathing space that first time. To throw herself into her work and to forget about it but when the time came to check in she actually seemed...happy? Like she was coping.

There had been a tiredness to her manner and tone. An exhaustion no sleep would fill but not this harsh bristled creature.

"I don't need company right now" Her voice swum around his head as his key's hit the bowl of his living room and he slumped into the welcoming dark turquoise sofa.

"Yeah well, I do. Lyra is great and all but sometimes you just need a break and-"

"Ew gross! Winn!"She had laughed and swatted at him in her usual way. So what had changed? What had happened to that girl?

"No! Not like that...Well yeah phew! but just...ick people!" He'd shuddered at the thought of the busy world and chattering crowds and smiled softly as she buried herself beneath the blankets echoing that sentiment.

"Tell me about it"

"Hey hey hey!" his wrestled for the covers as she groaned and whined, finally managing to expose her "No, no more hiding. We are eating takeout and watching musicals and you are going to at least try to be happy ok? Just for one night. Take your mind off it? Promise?"

"Fine but I'm eating all the potstickers!"

"A boy scout always comes prepared!" He'd whipped out a second pizza for himself covered in Kara repellant anchovies and for a moment she had actually smiled.

What he would give to be back in that warm glowing apartment that day rather than in this empty cold shell of a place. Lyra was out as always and James had his new girl and so he was left...quite alone.

"Supergirl will come back and when she does we have to be ready. We have to be reporting on the hopeful few that remain. Those that are standing are for justice in absence to...inspire her to get back into the field. Wherever she may be..." Cat trailed off as her eyes wandered to Kara's old desk.

"She is back" James tried to encourage gently but the CEO quickly countered in that usual contemplative tone.

"Not fully. You of all people must have noticed the lack of energy, of spark. The strain her blaze approach is putting on the police and /other/ crime fighters of this city..." she sipped her coffee as the sun slowly rose and workers started to seep into the office. "So where is she?"

"We're working on it" James voice, at last, slipped to a soft honesty which was enough for Cat and with a solemn nod, she dismissed him.

"James wait, change the headline to Supergirl No More...See if that provokes her. Two whole weeks that girl has made me wait. I need a good story" James found himself checking Kara's desk one last time. Every day was the same. The barrage of orders from Cat who refused to leave on vacation until the real Supergirl would please stand up - her words. Supergirl had been fighting crime happily at first after...what happened...then less energetically...then solemnly, Now barely at all. What had gotten into Kara?

"Ready to go?" a sudden peck to his cheek shook James from his thoughts and brought a beam to his face and Cat's frustrating voice rattling in his head once more tugging him back in time.

"Look, I know you haven't had the most illustrious love life"

"Excuse me?" He had been thrown at the sudden infiltration of privacy. Then again this was the Queen of frankness Cat Grant. He shouldn't have been surprised.

"Between that goddess Lucy Lane and little Kierra and whatever happened back at the planet you areleft quite alone Mr Olsen and I am about to change that" She swanned about the office as if this was just another business deal not possibly the rest of his life was orchestrating right now.

"Well ever since Carter and Adam have come back into my life I've felt the need to give back. To connect with other working moms, plus it looks good on the resume. So...I've been a part of a coffee group or book club or whatever silly thing the suburban moms come up with next but the point being...I found you a date"

"Aren't single moms are little too cautious to take blind dates?"

"That's while she'll be at the press event tonight." She had chirped and busied herself shutting down the lights and computer while he laughed.

"Of course, of course, you would only spring this on me with hours to spare."

"Enjoy!"

But she had been right Victoria was everything he needed. Driven, creative, caring...gorgeous. With her dark glossy hair pulled back and a prim short dress she was every bit the professional and her smile was so warm and wide at times he had to stop for a moment. But that was all only honeymoon phase butterfly feelings, beneath all that she was fascinating and intelligent and he assumed an amazing mother. The left for lunch hand and hand chatting over Morrocan about everything from sports to her son and back. Never about work. Cat had plucked her up from her PR job and placed her in Catco much to his protest at first. He had thought he was the new deputy head and everything was going smoothly and now she had outstripped in work and Cat's favor yet their romance still somehow managed to bloom despite all that bubble beneath the surface. It wasn't that he wasn't man enough to take such changes, Cat, Kara, Lucy they were all powerful women but it meant he adjusted back into the Arts Department rather than the leading stage and that was an odd change. If anything the rivalry had added to their office fling.

"You seem mopey, didums, Boop!" Lyra saved Winn from falling asleep just in time with a tap to the nose as she suddenly appeared at his desk. "Didn't get much sleep?'

"No, actually" he tried not to bite, getting up from his seat to check the main screen "I waited up for you"

"Oh well, no need to worry, love. I was fine"

"Not what I meant" he sighed preparing the brief for J'onn who would arrive any minute. Alex had felt strained with the stress of Kara and the wedding and so Winn had stepped up into a more leadership position over the passed few months. Operations almost solely ran throw him and his minions freeing up Alex to take some time off here and there and J'onn to go out more in the field. It was a good change. refreshing and rewarding, but a lot of responsibility.

"Oh, baby, I'm sorry. Let me make up to you hm?" she slipped into his eye line intentionally and adorably seeking his full attention with a sweet little pout "Um Pizza and Board Games? Or museum sneaking again?'

"Look, Lyra not here please. I'm busy" he brushed passed her and back to his desk regardless of how tempting her offers were or how much he did genuiniely love her he had bigger fish to fry right now.

"Tonight then?"

"Yeah, tonight...wait" he suddenly realized something as she turned to walk away and it shook him slightly "Did you and James go out without me?"

"You don't have as much time anymore, darling" she pecked him quick. "It's OK, we understand..." she smiled with a wrinkle of her nose and padded off. Team Guardian had to go on, He guessed, but still...it felt a little wrong

With Supergirl acting alone the DEO was run out if it's feet. Kara could only catch so many crooks on superhearing alone and the tasks she normally excelled in had to be filled by extra men. When they did arrive to the same scene Kara was all business, quick and aloof, in and out job done. It was startling to see and unerving to watch as she slowly had whithered from bright and optimistic to this empty shell over the past six months. It kept J'onn and Alex distracted in their duties as every other thought to drifted to her or every other mission was connected to her in some way. Even in the midst of J'onn training Winn and Alex planning her wedding with Maggie their minds still wondered. It was hard not to...they were a family. Maggie and Winn tried their best to break through, to keep them smiling and happy but it only went so far. M'gaan now and then word emerge from the shadows and Winn would sigh in relief as J'onn unwound for a day or two at time for once. Then she'd slip back into hiding again and the enthusiasm would fade as Kara's abscence revealed how integral she had been all along. It ached for all of them to be without her.

And yet, in her eyes at least, that pain was nothing compared to her own agony. They at least knew where she was. Mon-El was out there somewhere, anywhere, in time or space, he could be dead or dying and she could be old and gray by the time he returned , if he ever did at all. Where Flying had brought a numb neturality to her senses, cool and calming, it mantained a sense of control over her life which soon lost it's comfort. She wanted mindlessness, to be taken completely out of her body and away from the pain rather than just holding onto her life and friendships by a thread. So that brought her here now.

The crowd cheered and beer flew. Metal platters clattered against the chained lining and sand crunched beneath boots. The bunker was full of sweat and smoke and thick hot air as the crowd pressed further and further in. But they couldn't get passed the cage. The chains that hung from the roof in a sloopy lattice formation rattled and clanged as she and her opponent circled one another. Blood was racing throw her veins the lack of sunlight and sleep heavy in her bones but her heart pounding with exhilartion all the same, despite her chances. her hair pulled back and her clothes black from head to head she had formed another person all together. No Kara, No hero, just pure Kryptonian. Then the bell sounded and the hits came. Sweet relief. Money exchanged hands, men cheered, women cheered, others hecked, the colourful assortment of aliens and human were in uproar at the power of the fight. Powers were used freely, scars and blood and burns and breakages all free game so long as they were healable. But that was little matter to her in this state. She wanted the suffering, the punishment, to feel like the fool she thought she was. Blood trickled from her lip as wounds quickly healed and sweat poured down her face but she remained unharmed in stupid Kryptonian state. If only there was some way to meet her proper match. To really feel challenged on her back foot and really take a beating. Even with Roulette gone this underground scene had remained. You cut off one ugly head and another grows in it's place so what was the point in ratting them all out. They do something for her, she gives something to them. However in the tiniest dustiest little corner of her mind some sense remained. A little hopeful sunshiny Kara Danvers was waiting to get back out. To feel alive and free again instead of all this misery and it was that little part of her mind with begged her to stop, it was that tiny slither that remembered how stupid this all was and it was for that reason that she paused long enough to catch M'gaan's eye in the crowd.