So we defeated A.L.I.E but now we have a new threat, one that we may not be able to stop. So far there's no signs of the nuclear power plants going off, but only time will tell unfortunately. As Clarke put it, it is my job to try and find these damn plants and see if I can stop them from either going off or progressing if they have already started to go off; you know no pressure or anything, I just have to help save the world yet again. I love saving the world, I love using my brain for things that people can't think are possible but god it's so tiring I think I'm on like week five of little to no sleep. I lost count but I think it's been five weeks since we stopped A.L.I.E. Thank god I have Monty helping me because I think if I were to do this my self I would be dead or on my way to being dead. Everyone seems to be on edge too, I hate seeing that Clarke and Octavia have yet to grieve the lovers they lost. More Clarke then Octavia, at least Octavia is staying away from all this and I assume she's getting her anger out besides killing the person who killed Lincoln. I haven't seen her that much since I came to Polis; I think she makes it a point to not see us unless she really needs too. Clarke on the other hand is too busy saving the world again to sit down and really cry about Lexa. She is also now the acting Commander because the grounders think she still has the Flame in her. Even though she doesn't but I guess it's a good thing that they trust her. I know Lexa would trust Clarke with her people so it makes sense for her to be the Commander for now at least. I just hope no one questions her as the Commander.
Lately Octavia has only wanted to talk to me; I guess I'm the only one not asking her to come back to Polis to help us. I'm letting her deal with her emotions the way she wants too. I know Bellamy is her brother and he wants what's best for her but he needs to let her be and leave her alone. She'll come around when she's ready; she's talked to Clarke here and there as well. I know Clarke isn't tell her to come back and help because I'm sure Clarke would love to get away for a while and deal with her emotions about Lexa's death as well but she knows she has a job to do and she will not let Lexa's people down or us for that matter.
Anyway back to what I am supposed to be doing for the reactors. I still have over a dozen to locate and then we have to travel to see if they're even in the same spot. The last two that we went to check out where about a mile off of where the map said they were. I'm hoping that at least one or two are where the map says they are. But we can't know that until we get to the site; which by the way I've always wanted to travel the grounds but I never thought we would be going all over what used to be the United States like god damn it's a lot of traveling; and I am in no shape to travel that much with my leg. Right now Clarke is in a meeting with the grounders to round up a group of people to come with me whenever I track down the reactors so we can get started on shutting them down.
"Raven, you need to take a break.", Clarke said to me as she entered my rom with a knock on the door.
"Hello to you to Princess.", I said to her with a smirk knowing she didn't really like that nickname but I use it anyway. "And I'll take a break when we are finished saving the world.", I said to her as she sat down next to me; I looked at her and saw that she was worried. "What's with the long face?", I asked her getting back to finding the reactors.
"You should take a break and go talk to Octavia. I saw her earlier today and she wanted to speak to you.", Clarke said to me.
"Okay, I'll go see her. She's not injured is she?", I asked Clarke looking away from the map again.
"No, but she did say she needs some help with figure out her feelings and she wanted someone who wasn't going through the same thing to help her.", Clarke said to me as one of Lexa's Warriors knocked on the door and looked at Clarke; as if telling her silently that she's needed.
"Okay, you go do your Commander thing, I'll go talk to Octavia and I'll see you for dinner.", I said to her as we both got up and headed out of my room.
Now I have to remember where Octavia is staying. I know she's not far from Polis but I just can't remember if it was a right turn or left turn that I had to make. Oh well I'll find it eventually.
"I figured you had no clue where you are going so I waited for you.", Octavia said appearing out from a tree that was near the gates of Polis.
"Geez Blake, warn a woman before you pop out of nowhere.", I said to Octavia as I jumped a little; which got her to smile a little. It's good to see her smile she hasn't done that much since Lincoln has died.
"Sorry, but don't be so jumpy.", Octavia said as we headed to where she was staying.
"Clarke said you wanted help with something? What can I help you with?", I asked Octavia as we reached the little hut that she was staying in.
"Yeah, I know you went through this with Finn when he died but I needed someone who wasn't going through it now like Clarke is.", Octavia said as we sat down on her little couch to have a chat.
"You know I'm here for anything you need.", I said to her with a warm smile. I know we're not really that close but the 100 or what's left of them are my family. They're all I have left and I'll be there for any one of them that needs me.
"Did you feel like giving up? Like on everything when Finn died?", Octavia asked me with a serious tone to her voice.
"I did. I was so focused on my anger at Clarke that after I got over that I just wanted to be done and not have to survive anymore. But what changed my mind was the day that I was tied to a tree and cut a bunch of times; I knew then that Clarke saved Finn from a horrible death and I began to thank her for it. Getting revenge is good but it's not going to fix what's hurting inside.", I said to her as she started to tear.
"It felt so good to put my sword through Pike's chest; but at the same time it did nothing to bring back Lincoln and it just made me hurt even more inside. He was my home and I don't know how to live without having him near me.", Octavia said to me as she started to cry more. I slowly moved over to her and she leaned her head on my shoulder.
"I know, trust me I wanted Clarke to die for what she did to Finn. I wanted to do it my self for that matter. But I knew that even if she were dead it would have done nothing to bring back Finn. Plus just think if she wasn't alive right now we would have never defeated mount weather we would never have been invited into the Coalition, and we would have never been able to take down A.L.I.E. And you would have never become a grounder. Everything happens for a reason even if that reason is something we do not understand. Finn was my home too; he was the last family member that I had yet I moved on because I knew that he would have wanted me to do that. You don't think Clarke wanted to kill Titus her self for shooting Lexa, she would have killed him in a heartbeat but she knew that it happened for a reason and she didn't know that reason until we had to defeat the City of Light. I saw the code, I saw that Lexa helped Clarke get to where she needed to go; I saw that she helped keep Clarke safe. That would have never happened if she didn't die. I know now it seems that you'll never be able to move on and that's okay. I never thought I would be able to either but I found it in my heart to forgive Clarke and get over what happened. Killing Pike may have felt good but in the long run you still have a broken heart because someone you loved died because of his foolishness.", I said to Octavia; I don't think I've even been this open with someone before.
"That is true, she does hold us together doesn't she. I feel bad that she never got to mourn Lexa.", Octavia said to me as she started to wipe her tears away.
"Yeah, she has to play Commander until we save the world. I'm right next door to her and at night I do hear her cry every once in a while. She's trying to be strong but I know she's hurting inside. Lexa was her home too and she doesn't know how to move on from that. But in time you both will move on and you'll always remember Lexa and Lincoln and the memories that you had with them. But eventually that's all they'll be is memories.", I said to her as she lightly smiled at me. "You have a way with words Reyes. Thanks.", Octavia said to me with a smile on her face.
"Yeah yeah, and you're welcome Blake.", I said to her getting embarrassed that I shared the soft side of my self to someone other then Finn.
"Aww you're blushing how cute.", Octavia said mocking my niceness.
"Shut up Blake. Go fuck your self.", I said to her with a laugh to my voice as she started to laugh her self; it was nice to hear her laugh after what she's been through.