Title: Picking up the Pieces

By: Shadows59

Summary: The Scoobies settle into life after the horrific events of Black and White.

Category: B/X/Ay, T/S, W/Amy

Spoilers: More altered Season Six up to Seeing Red.

Disclaimer: Owned by Joss and Co.

Notes. The fifth part of my Finding Heaven Series. Sequel to Finding Heaven, So Complicated, Get This Party Started and Black and White.

A special thanks to Celine for editing and being able to figure out what I meant. Something not even my family has managed to do...

Now, on with the show!

Chapter 1

One Week after Black and White

Giles brushed the last of the dust off the chest guard he pulled off the wall. Dust covered almost everything and he idly wondered exactly how long it's been since anyone's come back here. He was almost tempted to measure the dust and find out, but he knew he was just delaying.

He strapped the pad into place and took the training staff in both hands as he turned to face his opponent, who was wearing even more padding than he was, if that was possible. "I don't believe this is necessary, Buffy."

Anya finished strapping on the last of Buffy's pads and wrapped her arms around her stomach to try to force down the queasy feeling in her stomach. "Especially in your condition."

Buffy glared at the two of them as she brought her own staff into the air. "Dr. Hilbert said it'd be fine, Giles. Besides, I feel stronger today. I think my Slayerness is coming back."

Giles lowered his facemask to hide his doubt and prayed he was doing the right thing. "All right."

Buffy grinned and slapped down her facemask before he could change his mind. Anya stepped off the mat and watched in silence as they dropped into fighting stances. Buffy made the first move and swung her staff low, hoping to catch Giles in the legs. But Giles slapped it away with his staff. Buffy growled pulled her staff back and knew that her sloppiness had given him an opening. The fact that he didn't try to use it only made it worse. Why should he go easy on her? Demons won't. Buffy growled and tried to unleash a flurry of blows, but her body just wouldn't respond fast enough and Giles managed to slap them all away.

"Time out!" Buffy shouted and slapped up her face guard. Sweat was streaming down her face and she was breathing hard.

Giles lifted his facemask and he looked as fresh as when they started, but now there was no hiding the concern in his eyes. "Yes?"

"I'm not going to get any better if you just stand there, Giles. Attack once in a while, you might like it." Buffy's voice was sharper than she intended, but it was all so frustrating and his treating her like a glass doll was only making things worse.

"I'm not sure…"

"Just do it," Buffy spat out as she slapped her face guard down so hard it stung her chin.

The number of frown lines on Giles' forehead doubled. He had formal training with the weapon that Buffy didn't. The fact that she'd always beaten him had much more to do with her Slayer abilities than his skill, but he knew better than to try and point that out. He just nodded and shifted into an aggressive stance.

When Buffy came at him this time she aimed high, trying to knock the staff out of his hands, but Giles was ready. He slipped through her defenses and swung hard, knocking the staff out of her hands. Then, as he was still turning, he slipped the other end between her legs and twisted.

Buffy fell to the ground in a lump and just lay there. Giles dropped the staff and threw off his facemask and dropped down. "Oh, lord, Buffy. I'm so…"

But Anya beat him to her. She reached down and helped Buffy up to a sitting position and pulled off her mask. "Are you all right?"

Buffy's face was bright red from embarrassment, but she nodded. "I'm fine. He just caught me by surprise."

Giles grinned in relief. "Thank the…" He began when Anya spun around and slapped him hard on his unpadded upper arm. "Bloody hell woman!"

"What were you thinking!" Anya shouted at him. "Beating up a pregnant woman!"

"She made me!" Giles said as he backed away, but Anya followed, completely unmollified.

"Please! Do you do everything she… Well, I guess you do… But that's no excuse!" Anya shouted as she brought her hand back for another slap.

"Anya!" Buffy shouted as she stood up. Giles and Anya turned, and Giles' eyes pleaded for help. "It's not his fault. I'm never going to get better if we don't do this." With that she put her facemask back on and got back in position. But Giles didn't move. "Come on, Giles. Its, like, 2000-1. You deserve a come back."

But Giles shook his head and started taking off his pads. "No, Buffy. Anya's right, I never should have allowed this."

"Course you should have!" Buffy said as she ran up. "Come on, its training! You love training!"

Giles shook his head again. "I'm sorry, Buffy."

Buffy was about to get into his face when Anya stepped between them. "You aren't the Slayer anymore, Buffy. And you have other responsibilities now." Neither of them had to say what responsibility.

Buffy's angry gaze met Anya's steely determination and faltered. She turned away and slipped the helmet off. "Fine."

Anya managed to keep the smile off her face, but not out of her voice. "So you won't train any more?"

Buffy looked like she'd bitten into a bad lemon, but she still agreed. "No more training."

Anya let out a squeal of joy as she wrapped her arms around Buffy and gave her a quick kiss. "You won't regret it. Besides, I'm sure Xander and I can think so some way to burn off all you're excess energy." With that her hand slid lower down Buffy's back.

Buffy's eyes went wide and she jumped away. "Ahn! You know the rules. Not in front of Giles."

Giles polished his glasses for a long time before he slipped them back on. "I would be most grateful. Besides which, the others should be arriving pretty soon."

Buffy nodded and walked over to the table she had left her towel on. It was pink and had Congratulations Mommy written across the front. She still hadn't figured out if Dawn had gotten it as a joke or because she actually thought it was cute. But somehow it was the only towel Anya could find today. "You two go. I just wanna freshen up a bit."

Giles nodded and left, but Anya stayed for an extra moment. She had a familiar gleam in her eyes. "You want any help?"

Buffy gave her a tired half-grin back. "Maybe later."

Anya smiled and almost skipped out of the room. Buffy kept her face frozen until the door shut, then let the smile slide away. She walked over to the punching bag and hit it as hard as she could, but the bag barely moved while her wrist erupted in pain.

She clutched her hand to her chest. "Damn it," she whispered as the tears slipped from her eyes.

Xander and Dawn walked in through the front door together. Dawn went over to the research table where Tara was already sitting and dropped her see-through backpack to the ground with a thump while Xander went over to the counter where Anya was dusting the small impulse buy items. Chicken feet, bags of Troll dandruff, that kind of thing.

Anya grinned when she saw him and leaned over the counter to kiss him, but at the last second he turned away so she only kissed his bristly cheek. He picked up a bag of the dandruff just so he wouldn't have to see the worry in her eyes. "Man that's a lot of dandruff. Someone should tell those trolls that there's shampoo for this."

Anya just nodded and went back to dusting. "Hard day?"

Xander shrugged. "Had worse." Horribly worse, he didn't add. "So what's the what?"

"Giles feels the need to read one of his dusty books to us again."

"Goody. Well, lets get a seat before all the good ones are taken," he said and headed for the table. Anya put the feather duster down and followed him. He pulled out the chair next to Dawn, who was trying to talk to Tara, while Anya took the second one down, leaving the open one for Buffy.

"So I told Stephani that her mom was a know nothing skank who could just go… Are you listening?" Dawn finally asked Tara.

Tara barely looked up from the demon book she had in front of her, but hadn't touched since Dawn had sat down. "Sure I am, sweetie."

"Oh," Dawn said as her face twisted. "It wasn't anything important anyway." She felt a hand on her shoulder and jumped, but when she looked back it was only Spike. He smiled at her, which was hard considering one side of his face was still a bright purple bruise. His own reminder of the fight.

He sat down, but as he did he leaned over for a brief second. "Don't blame yourself, Niblet," he whispered just barely loud enough for Dawn to hear. Then he leaned over and looked at the book Tara was reading. "Interesting book, pet?"

"Yeah," Tara said without looking up.

"Might be a bit easier to take in if it was the right side up." As he said it he reached over and quickly spun the book around and put it back in her hands, but he was careful not to touch her.

"Thanks," she said, her cheeks a pale pink as she gave Dawn an embarrassed glance.

Spike just shrugged and looked around. "So where's the old man? And the Slayer?"

Giles stuck his head out from between two bookcases and glared at Spike. "Old man? That's rich coming from you. I'm not the one who has to dye his hair."

"Score one for the G-Man," Dawn said when Xander didn't.

"Sod off, the whole bloody lot of you," Spike muttered. He pulled a cigarette out of his jacket, but Anya leaned over the table and pulled out of his mouth before he could get it lit. "Now, that's going too far!"

"Just because they won't hurt you doesn't mean you shouldn't be considerate of others," Anya said as she broke the cigarette in two.

"No, I'm inconsiderate because I'm EVIL, remember? Besides, when did you start caring?" Spike leaned back out of Anya's reach and started to pull out another cigarette when Buffy walked through the door that lead to the training room. "Right then." He shoved the pack back into his jacket.

"What's going on?" Buffy asked as she wrapped the towel around her neck and looked around the tense table. It was more than the fact that it was the first Scooby meeting since… She let the thought die as she kept her eyes off the two empty chairs that still sat at the table. Then she saw the broken cigarette on the table. "Oh." More protection. She crossed her arms and started counting to ten. Xander didn't look up, but Anya saw the anger and just looked lost.

Buffy sighed and let the anger melt away. It was her fault, really. She never should've left Anya alone in the waiting room at her OBGYN. Not with all those pamphlets. She sat down between Xander and Anya, but didn't look at either of them. No sense in letting them off the hook that easily.

No one said anything else for a long time. Finally Spike leaned back and shouted, "Come on, Giles. All the suspense is boring us."

Giles finally walked around the bookcase carrying three leather bound books. "You're immortal, Spike. A little patience won't kill you."

"Might kill you though," Spike snarled as he let his vampire face slip out.

Giles wasn't impressed. Neither was anyone else. "Really bucking for an Advil, aren't ya?" Buffy asked.

Spike smiled for a brief second, then morphed back to normal. "Gotta get my jollies some how, Slay - Buffy." It was a small slip and he regretted it the moment he said it. Buffy looked like she'd just been slapped, but it was too late to do anything about it now.

"That's actually what I wanted to talk about," Giles said. He took off his glasses and shined them, hoping that somehow something would prove him wrong when he put his glasses back on. But he wasn't. "It's clear that Buffy is no longer the Slayer."

Buffy pushed herself out of her chair. "No! I told you, I felt stronger today!"

Giles shook his head and waved at the books he had placed on the table. "I've done all the tests I know and the Council could recommend. Whatever force powers the Slayer, its no longer in you. When Willow stole it…"

Xander looked up from whatever world he was in. "Buffy said that Wil… she did the same thing to Buffy that Glory did to Tara. Couldn't we fix it the same way?"

Tara answered before Giles could. "N… no. Glory was alive when…" She gestured at her head. "Besides, Willow was the only one who knew how to undo it."

Spike glanced over at his girlfriend and looked a bit cheated. She just said more to Droopy than she had to him in three weeks.

Giles kept going, but he kept his eyes locked on the center of the table, not daring to look Buffy in the eyes. "Besides that its clear Willow didn't receive the energy she stole. It must have dissipated. There's nothing to steal back."

"That's great!" Anya broke out and wrapped her arms around Buffy. "You're a normal girl, just like you always wanted!"

Buffy didn't move. It only seemed fair considering everything else was collapsing. "Yeah, great. Any more good news?"

Now Giles did look up. "The Council has also decided that the Hellmouth needs a Slayer."

"Nice to know they got on the 'duh' bandwagon," Xander said.

But Buffy caught on first. "No, I don't want her here."

"I don't think they're giving us much of a choice, Buffy," Dawn pointed out. "They never have."

"Actually, in this case, they have," Giles said.

Buffy felt a chill pass over her body. "What?"

"They can arrange for Faith to be released from prison and come here, or they'll call a new Slayer."

Buffy's eyes went wide with horror. "What kind of choice is that?"

"The kind those Wankers like," Spike muttered. "Where either way we loose."

"It's even worse. Buffy has to decide," Giles said. When Buffy began to protest he cut her off. "Travers was quite specific on that. He told me to tell you that 'since you have proven wiser than this ancient organization, we'll leave the choice in you're most capable hands.'" Giles shook his head in disgust. "He's gotten even more pompous since the last time."

Buffy shook her head so hard that her hair went flying. "I don't… I can't…"

"Do it. Get Faith here," Xander said, his voice flat.

"No, I don't want her here with us!" Buffy shouted as she stood up so fast that her chair went flying.

"You'd rather have them slit her throat? Enough people have died." Xander pushed his chair back and walked away, ignoring the concerned looks that followed him.

Buffy knew that he wasn't thinking of Faith, but that didn't mean he was wrong. She sat back down and buried her forehead in her hands as another piece of her life slipped away. "All right. Tell them to get her down here. But if she screws up again that's it."

"Right, good," Giles said with badly hide relief and his lips twitched with pride. He pulled out one of the empty chairs and started to sit down. "I'll contact the…"

"Giles!" Dawn's voice was a strangled whisper while Tara turned away and Buffy stiffened in her chair. Even Spike closed his eyes.

It took Giles a half second to figure out what he had done, and then he stood up like the chair was on fire. "I'm…" Giles began to apologize, but it was already too late.

The room was quiet except for the soft whirl of the air conditioner high overhead. Buffy opened her eyes and glanced over at the clock. 1:47. A few weeks ago she would've been out in some graveyard fighting for her life. Now she's in a warm bed, just like everyone else, and for some reason it felt wrong.

The few days after she found out she was pregnant was like paradise. No more slaying, Giles moved back, Xander seemed to be getting as much over Willow's death as he could, and him and Anya doted on her every whim. But some time after that it just started to grate.

Maybe it was too much doting, especially after Xander's nightmares started and Anya started to lean on her more for support. She glanced over at the two people who were in bed with her. Xander was lying on his back in the middle of the bed, his eyes closed. He had completely healed from that day, at least physically. There was a new crease between his eyes that never went away, even when he was asleep. And he was so tense all the time. They'd even gotten a call from his boss a few days ago, wondering what was going on.

Anya was next to him, sleeping surprisingly well. This was only the second night she'd slept through, all the others were broken up by horrendous coughing fits. The first one had sent them running to the hospital only to have the doctors say there was nothing they could do. But that was the last mark that either had from being shot. Well, not the last. They still had scars that were almost unnoticeable, but Buffy knew were there because they were marks of her failure.

If they could get shot when she was the Slayer, how could she protect them if she wasn't?

That was the question that kept her up long after they had gone to sleep. Spike had taken some of the load, but he was dealing with his own injuries and Tara's. The Wicca had been quiet before, but now she made Oz look like a rambler. And it got worse whenever anyone brought up Willow, which was once in a blue moon.

"Who came up with Blue moon anyway?" Buffy mumbled to herself. "I've seen plenty of moons, but they've never…" She shoved her hand over her mouth when she realized that she was babbling out loud and glanced over at the other two, but they were still sound asleep.

She closed her eyes and sighed silently in relief. Then she pushed the covers off and sat up. She'd stalled for three weeks and couldn't wait another night. Not if she was going to prove that they didn't need a new Slayer in Sunnydale. She grabbed the clothes she'd left on the chair before she went to bed and left the room without looking back. She knew if she did she'd never leave.

She passed Dawn, who was asleep on the sofa. They'd put covers on it to make it seem like a real bed, but it didn't fool anyone or make the guilt any less. But what else could they do? Giles was in a hotel until he could find a new place, and Buffy didn't want her sister sleeping in a crypt. Going back home was out of the question. Dawn would barely step foot in it. Spike and Giles had gone over one night last week and packed everything that Buffy and Dawn would need, which were now in the boxes and suitcases that filled the living room. It wasn't the best solution, but it would have to do for now.

Then she heard Dawn whimper in her sleep and curl up in a ball. 'At least there's something I can still slay,' Buffy thought as she sat down on the arm of the couch and ran her hand through Dawn's long brown hair. It was an old trick that's worked since Dawn was… Since the monks… No, damn it, since Dawn was three.

And it worked again. After a few moments Dawn quieted down. If she could only deal with Xander's nightmares half as well. But since… He hasn't smiled since that night. He went to work almost religiously, and has done everything else, but not one smile. Just another casualty of Will's little rampage.

Buffy shook the thoughts free and stood up. She went into the bathroom and got changed into dark sweatpants and an even darker blouse. Then she started sliding in the weapons. Extra stakes and holy water. Even a cross, which she hasn't used in years. "But just because I'm reckless doesn't mean I'm stupid." She could whispered to herself now that she was alone.

Once she was ready she turned off the light and walked out of the apartment.