The first time afterwards
"Not tonight Marius...Please" Cosette said, as she felt Marius's hand slowly working its way up from her waist. She had taken herself to bed earlier that evening and when she heard Marius enter the bedroom a few minutes ago to join her she had hoped he wasn't going to be wanting anything physical from her tonight.
Marius had wrapped his arm around her as she lay on her side with her eyes shut and she smiled when he kissed her hair gently. It felt nice having him hold her like that, she had hoped that was as far as he would go, but when she felt his hand on her hip and felt it wander further up her body she thought she had better stop him before he got himself worked up, she just wasn't in the mood for it tonight.
In fact she hadn't been in the mood for a while now, you see her father had died only three weeks ago and she had been through the most terrible grief because of it, she felt so empty inside at the loss of her father. But she also felt angry too because of all the lies Marius had told her and she felt betrayed by her father for leaving her so suddenly.
There were so many things she didn't know how to deal with, but she knew in her heart she couldn't stay angry at Marius forever. She had been able to understand why Marius did what he did in regards to her father and she forgave him, but that didn't mean she was ready to resume her marital duties yet, in all honesty she didn't know if she would ever be ready for that again. It wasn't that she didn't love Marius anymore, it was just the betrayal of trust she hadn't moved on from yet, and she couldn't be with him until she had come to terms with that.
Marius sighed against her shoulder and moved his hand off her; he had expected her to say no to him, but he was still disappointed. It was his own fault though, he had caused her so much pain recently and he knew he shouldn't be rushing her to resume her wedly duties so soon.
"I'm sorry, I'll leave you alone". He said as he moved away from her to the other side of the bed, leaving a gap between them. Cosette didn't like this, just because she didn't want to make love to him didn't mean that she didn't like the feeling of him close to her, of him holding her and comforting her. She felt like that gap between them had been getting bigger, not just in the bed either but in their marriage too.
"No, wait" Cosette said, turning to him, although she had no idea what to say next that wouldn't sound like she was rejecting him. "I'm...It's not that I don't want to Marius, I just don't think I'd be any good right now".
Marius looked at her and smiled sadly, he felt a little ashamed of himself for wanting something from her she clearly couldn't give right now, but then again how could he be expected to not want her? It would be so much easier on him if she wasn't so beautiful all the time; this was like torture for him. Still he knew he was being selfish, she was still grieving and he knew he was part of the reason for causing her to feel like that, after all he had betrayed her trust so deeply.
He would have given anything to make her feel better but it wasn't that simple; this was something she just had to go through, something she had to feel. Only then would things be like they used to be, before all this awfulness happened, but God only knew how long it would take.
"I don't mean to rush you Cosette" Marius said "I know you've been through a lot lately".
"I just want to be everything for you Marius and right now I don't think I can give myself to you fully; I don't think I can be what you want me to be, like I was before". Cosette said sadly, and this made Marius sit upright in the bed.
"Oh Cosette no, It's not like that". He said worriedly "I don't want you to be anything, I just want you to feel better. God...everything's been so messed up lately hasn't it? Us, your father… I swear if I could change what happened to him I would Cosette, just so this pain you're feeling would stop".
"I just need time Marius" Cosette told him, sitting up on the bed as well.
"I know, I'm sorry" He said sadly, "I'll wait for you I promise".
"Thank you" She said with a gentle smile, and then she kissed him on the temple softly. "I do love you, so very much" she whispered to him.
"I love you too Cosette" Marius replied, and he lay down again. "Come here" he said, opening his arms to her, knowing that she just needed some comfort right now and nothing more physical.
Cosette lay down with him as he wrapped his arms around her and she settled her head in between his neck and shoulder. She placed one of her hands on his chest as he kissed her forehead gently. This was exactly what she wanted from him right now, it was just asking too much from her to do anything else.
As Marius lay there with Cosette in his arms he knew he still wanted her so badly, but he also knew it wasn't about him right now, she was still grieving and she needed time to heal, he knew he should stop being so selfish, but he also hoped that it wouldn't be much longer until he could make love to her again.