A/N: I never thought I'd write a Thane fic, but then the opening sentence of this popped into my head and it just kind of happened. Many thanks to the ending theme of Darker Than Black for keeping me company as I write.
She knew she had no hope of a future with me; our relationship was doomed before it had even begun.
She's stood by all this time awaiting the inevitable, we both have, even though one day the memories together will wither away like a lone and beautiful rose, fighting for its life but with nobody in the world who'll care for it. She is not like us; she can't lose herself in the fleeting moments of years gone by; the warm touch of a mother's hand, the embrace of a lover, the first smile of a newborn son, the feel of an angels soft lips pressing against your own. These are the dearest memories which I'll always hold closest to my heart.
My chest gives a painful heave.
I think of Irikah and of the first time she grew to love me: the expression on her face from then is lost to me, a quickly fading memory, one which I know I can no longer bring back. I've spent years lost in times which should have dissolved into the past, stolen moments which have been paid for with my very being. It was foolish of me; the dead should be left as there are, not repeatedly pulled back into the world of the living as a torment to those who have done them wrong. My Irihah, taken before it was her time, I can only pray that they didn't make her suffer as I have been forced to; I can only try to find solace in the fact that she has found her peace across the sea, found someone better for her, as I have done. I can only hope that she has forgiven me.
Help is mere metres away, but I do not want it. They cannot save me, for I am already lost.
The only lasting imprint which I will ever make in this life, my only son, the only thing I ever wanted to do right. I could not foresee what impact my actions would have on his soul, I only ever saw the anger I felt towards those who victimised his mother and the guilt which would forever brand my conscience. For someone so young, he has already endured much, he's seen suffering which others couldn't imagine, felt the harsh sting of loneliness when he needed a friend the most. I paid a heavy price for what a poor father I had been, but none the less, it was a fair one: to leave someone so young and angry at the world to fend for themselves is a despicable thing to do, it shamed me. I am thankful that I have spoken to him once again, he's given a dying man a second chance at being the father who he always should have been. I can now leave this life knowing I've made peace with what grieved me the most, all he needs to know now is that I am proud of him; my only remaining regret is that I'll never see him grow up to be the fine man which I know he will one day become.
Each breath has become more laboured and difficult; each a battle in a war I know I shall eventually lose.
There are no words which can describe how I feel about you. You are selfless and strong; I was a blind man before I met you, confined to never seeing the light again. You gave me something which I knew I could never return; it was very selfish of me to want you, but I followed you anyway, my warrior angel, my guiding light. I can only say how sorry I am for leaving this world so soon, for not fighting for a few more precious moments together. I know I am passing a great burden onto you and it pains me deeply, but understand, the love which burns for you in my heart will last for an eternity. You've given me so much, made things happen which I only ever dreamed about, and you only asked for my body, a worthless vessel, in return. You were the only pure thing left in my existence and there is not a second spent together which hasn't been treasured dearly.
I know this is the last memory which I will ever have; I can now hear the distant sound of the sea in my ears. It calms me, one day she will join me and we'll find peace together, for all of eternity.
Siha, know this, my last few moments in this life were spent thinking of you; the room which I am sitting in is beginning to fade away, but I know that you will always be standing by, protecting me as you always have. My soul is forever yours.
A body slowly slumps forward onto the table, useless.