A/N: So this is a prompt i found on IrishSwanff's tumblr, I made it a modern AU since that was easier to write. I don't know how many parts this will have i'm thinking maybe 2 or 3 who knows so anyway enjoy part 1 and please review xx
Emma's eyes snapped open and immediately groaned inwards at the intrusive bleeping of an alarm clock that didn't belong to her, whilst the alarm was set for her it wasn't her alarm clock she just used her phone and had a less obnoxious sound to wake her up with but Killian had to be an actual adult and have a separate device just for telling you when to wake up despite technology allowing you to do that and multiple other things from one device secretly she found it cute and endearing that he had to have an alarm clock because that supposedly what an adult was supposed to own not that she would ever say that out loud,to him of course.
Just as Emma was about to get up an arm shot out from next to her to turn the alarm off before coming to rest on her stomach and pull her closer to the center of the bed closer to Killian's chest, she hummed as his hand found its way under her well his shirt.
"I have to get up" she groaned as his hand moved further up her stomach.
"Mm s'early love" was he replied before burying his face into her neck and mumbling "Go back to sleep love" and whilst he wasn't wrong as it was early it was 5:30 that was the point she was supposed to leave before anyone could see that she spent the night at Killian's just as he was supposed to leave her place early when he spent the night there. To which she told him as much only to have him grumble something incoherent and tightened his hold on her, no one was supposed to know that Storybrookes two deputies were sleeping together and secretly in a relationship but today he was making it difficult for her, he never usually grumbled this much when she had to leave to go home because he would see her in three hours when he would be waiting outside the station for her with her morning coffee from Granny's, so why is he making it so difficult for her today she wondered.
She rolled over to face him, he had his eyes closed clearly trying to chase down sleep again for what little time he had before he would have to get up his hair was disheveled in a way that in the early morning light made him look younger, he looked peaceful she thought there was no trace of any of the pain he'd faced in his life, she gently moved to push the hair back from his face that had fallen forward in front of his eyes.
"Killian" she whispered trying to carefully rouse him again"Killian I need to go I'll see you at the station" he didn't move assuming he had fallen back asleep she pressed a light kiss onto his forehead and got up and began to dress. Once she was dressed she began to move towards the bedroom door to leave the apartment when she heard the bed sheets move and Killian spoke up
"why?" he asked in an irritated tone, was he angry with her she wondered, if so why? This is what they always did, this was what they agree'd to 9 months ago when they they first started seeing each other.
"why what?" she huffed and turned around to face him he was sitting up with the sheet pooling low at his hips, it has to illegal for someone to look that good at half five in the morning she thought.
"why the sneaking around, why the having to leave at half five in the bloody morning when we could get up at a normal time and just go to work together like normal people would, Emma its been nine months! why the secrecy still?" he tilted his head with the last question in exasperation.
"why is this suddenly an issue for you now?" her voice rising as the irrational fears and thoughts ran through her head, why wasn't this enough for him? why did he need people to know? does this mean he's going to just leave like everyone else that was close to her? is she too difficult for him and he's giving up on her, despite what he always tells her that he's in this for the long haul?
"BECAUSE MAYBE I WANT TO BE ABLE TO TAKE THE WOMEN I LOVE OUT AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT PEOPLE SEEING!" He shouted back, her mind was racing through so much that she almost missed what he said entirely except for the one word that broke through her thoughts like a bullet through a thin pane of glass and bounced around her mind as loud as the alarm clock did earlier.
Love. He couldn't mean it, surely not it had only been nine months and even then she wasn't a person who could be loved, Neal made sure of that and just when she thought otherwise Graham had shattered that thought and then later Walsh had cemented the deep foundation of the walls around her heart that Neal had forced her to put up all those years ago. So yeah she was pretty sure Killian couldn't possibly mean it when he said that and she was pretty sure he would probably be taking it back any second now and with the panic rising inside her she didn't want to wait around to find out, so Emma Swan did what she did best and ran leaving a hurt looking Killian in her wake.
He sat and watched as what he had just said registered in her head more specific as a certain word he hadn't quite meant to say registered. Love. out of the things to say to her why did he have to say bloody love, he meant it of course in fact he'd been in love with her for a long time a lot longer than the nine months they had actually been together, he's pretty sure he's been in love with Emma Swan since he came to Storybrooke 2 and a half years ago after his friends Victor and Robin told him he should try it and get out of the city and place that was causing him more pain than anything they practically dragged him here and pushed him into the sheriffs station that day to apply for the deputy position.
Walking into what he supposed was the main room and bullpen of the station he was met by no one until he heard what has now became one of his favourite sounds in the world, he spun on his heels and it was then when he saw her for the first time sitting on the corner of her adopted brother David Nolan's desk, who happened to be the sheriff and still is, she was laughing a real laugh with her head thrown back and everything her light blonde curls tumbling over her shoulder and down her back like a goddess and her emerald eyes shining like the precious gem they resembled when she fully turned to look at him he was a goner she introduced herself with a shy smile before biting her lip when their eyes met.
He knew as soon as he said the word love it was a . he thought to himself as if becoming more disgusted with the word by the second he knew Emma wasn't ready to hear how deep his feeling for her ran mainly because she doesn't think she deserves to be loved which he can understand but cant possibly see ow anyone could meet her and not fall for her its utterly impossible, but the fact of the matter now is he did say it and as he predicted she ran literally and figuratively whilst she may of physically ran to her apartment he knows she emotionally ran behind her skyscraper walls that he was attempting to scale and was possibly more than halfway up and now because of one word, love, she's pushed them up higher and he fell back down to the bottom looking up to start again. Fuck he cursed to no one but himself he'd fucked up everything they had built with one fucking word. Love.
Killian groaned and flopped backwards on to the bed again and closed his eyes in frustration jut as a loud obnoxious beeping started up again. it was his alarm clock the timer for snooze and gone off it had only been 15 minutes since they woke up and in that 15 minutes everything had changed gotten messy, blindly Killian reached for the button on the clock, unable to find the button he grabbed the alarm and threw it against the wall causing it to smash. He groaned to himself again and put wiped his hand across his face trying to figure out how to fix what he'd broke.