Authors Note: So... something longer. I guess the only question is... IS IT ANY GOOD?
I would love it if y'all would share your opinions with me on the quality of this fic.
Partial credit for the oc and the premise of the story goes to one of my little sisters. As does the Couch of Despair. Which will be explained later.
-Clears throat-
On with the story!
The main story line is kinda based on Snow White. But don't expect it be very similar.
Oh yeah, this isn't really meant to be taken very seriously... after all, in the actual Naruto verse, they would have simply killed her dead. This is one of those stories that is supposed to lighten your heart! Make you laugh!
I'm just kidding. I do hope that y'all like it though.
Apologies in advance for any oocness and grammatical errors.
DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN NARUTO! If I did, a happy ending would be
guaranteed. :D
"Now."
"Oof!"
Grumbles of discontent filled the room as the two men tried to wrestle the long couch into position, "Remind me again why we're doing this, hmm?" Deidara groused as he dropped his end of the couch on Hidan's foot.
"Owww! That hurt!"
The blond man regarded him with a blank look for a moment, then turned back to Itachi, ignoring Hidan in favor of getting an answer; Hidan growled, "Now look here, you-"
The Uchiha cut him off, disregarding the man's expression of rage as he did, "Pain wants it in front of the Tv." He said in a flat monotone.
The other two Akatsuki members looked at each other in confusion, forgetting their argument for the moment, "What Tv?" Hidan asked suspiciously, giving the Uchiha a sideways look.
"The one you're going to help hook up."
"Aggh! Of course I have to help hook it up! Who else could possibly do anything around here!"
"Shut up, Hidan." A voice broke through Hidan's ranting, effectively stopping Deidara joining in before he could.
"Go away, Kakuzu! And quit telling me to shut up!"
Kakuzu shrugged and walked back the way he came.
"Hmph." The immortal crossed his arms over his chest and sulked.
"Deidara."
The blond turned to where the puppet master stood in the hallway, "Hmm?"
"Go answer the door," the red-head ordered, "Someone's out there."
"What? You do it!"
"No." Sasori said, and walked past them through the opposite door in the direction of his room.
"Arrgh..." Deidara stalked to the front door, muttering indignant insults under his breath; he jerked the door open, expecting a woman with purple hair and paper flowers... and tea, then stopped, staring in shock, "Hey! Who are you? You're not Konan!"
The young woman standing in the door smiled, "Hi!" She said cheerfully, "I'm your new cleaning lady!"
She breezed past the open- mouthed Deidara, a mop over one shoulder and a bucket swinging from her other hand. "Stop!" He said, "You've made a huge mistake here!"
She turned, her smile widening, now showing teeth, "Nope, no mistake. You really need a housekeeper." Her smile turned to a frown as she surveyed the room, "Worse then I thought..." She muttered, running a finger over a nearby shelf; she held it up for the blond to see, dust coated her fingertip, and a clean streak showed on the shelf.
"Hey! Who's she?"
Deidara whirled around, "I don't know!"
Hidan shrugged, "Just askin'. You know Pain isn't gonna like her being here."
"I know that, yeah!"
"Deidara." The low voice originated from behind them and the two Akatsuki jumped straight up in the air, "Who is that?"
Hidan hightailed it through the open door at the sound of Pain's voice, leaving the bomber to face their Leader.
Deidara turned to toward the other ninja, "Umm..." He trailed off, How to explain? He shifted his weight from foot to foot, eyes darting around the room.
"Hello." Deidara almost had a heart attack as the girl suddenly spoke from behind him, "My name is Amaya, and I'm your new housekeeper." She turned to her bucket and shouldered it again, "Where is the kitchen?"
Without thinking, Deidara pointed her in the right direction; "Thank you!" She smiled and walked away, blithely ignoring Pain's eyes fixed on her.
The freakish stare was transferred to the blond as the chipper young woman disappeared from sight, "Well?"
"It's not my fault, yeah! She just breezed in like she owned the place!"
Pain sighed, "Fine." He said, turning away, "Just get rid of her."
"Hey, girl!"
The young woman ignored him, humming merrily to herself as she swished her mop across the kitchen floor.
Deidara's eye twitched, "Don't ignore me, hmm! I'll kill you!"
She mopped on.
The bomber growled wordlessly, "You have to leave."
The girl ignored him, shoving the bucket out of her way as she started toward where Deidara was standing, "Hey!" He yelled, "You're getting water in my sandals!"
Amaya finally looked up at him, an irritated frown marring her features, "Stop whining. They look like they could use it anyway."
"What? Why you-"
"Now, now," She said, taking his arm and steering him out the door, "No need to get so upset. What would you like for supper?"
"Uhh." He blinked, What? Abrupt subject change?
"Never mind that," She smiled, "After all, I'm the housekeeper, I'll just see what there is."
The blond recovered enough to jerk his arm from her grasp, "Argh! You can't make supper!" Why haven't I just killed her?
She blinked wide eyes at him, "Why ever not?"
"You don't cook for criminals!" Deidara wailed, reaching the end of his short rope, "We're evil! We're gonna take over the world, we can't have a housekeeper!"
"But you have to eat," She said reasonably, "And how is it any different then you cooking your own meals?"
He stared hopelessly at her, She's crazy. He bemoaned.
She continued, unaffected by his less then enthusiastic response, "And," She pointed at his painted finger-nails, "You're lucky that no one has gotten over their terror long enough to imagine you painting your nails."
The blond scowled, his face warming as she laughed, she wiped her eyes, still chuckling, "Ahh, that's just funny."
"I could blow her up." He grumbled to himself, and the idea was becoming more and more appealing the longer he talked to her.
"That wouldn't be very nice," Amaya reproached him, "especially after I offered to cook dinner."
Deidara gave up, he banged his against the wall, Crazy, crazy, crazy. "I give up," He moaned, "I'll just go ahead and arrange my funeral."
"Aww, it can't be that bad," She actually patted him on the shoulder, "I'll convince him to let me stay."
"Good luck with that." He muttered, injecting as much sarcasm into his voice as he could.
"Thank you." She said sweetly.
Deidara stared at her, something akin to horror on his face, She is absolutely insane, hmm?
"Hello again."
The blond jumped as her voice chirped a greeting behind; he spun around, WHAT? His jaw dropped, "You're still here." It was more of a statement then a question.
"Of course," She gave him an impish grin that made her look even younger, "I wheedle very well."
He gaped; Pain had let her stay? Why? She was tiny, she barely came up to mid-chest on him, how did she convince Pain to let her stay?
She looked offended at his slack- jawed expression. Which would have been funny except that he was still in shock. "You didn't think I could, did you?" She asked, indignant.
"Of course not, hmm!"
"Oh well." She shrugged, then beamed at him, "Right! I need to do supper." She propelled him from the kitchen, muttering suggestions on food to herself the whole time.
The scraping of chairs over the stone floor signaled the beginning of the meal as the nine Akatsuki sat down at the table.
They sat in silence for several long minutes...
"Umm... Where's the food?"
"I thought Konan was here."
Deidara began to slump down in his seat.
"Maybe she's late." Hidan suggested.
"She's never late." Sasori said, leaning back in his chair.
The conversation ceased, as Deidara had known it would, as Amaya strolled into the room. A long moment of silence prevailed... Then everyone aside from Deidara (Already knew), Pain (Ditto), and Itachi (Too darned composed), leaped to their feet.
"Who the heck is she?"
"I thought she was supposed to leave!"
"That was her at the door, wasn't it?"
Deidara slid down the rest of the way in his seat and covered his ears with his hands as the other Akatsuki members got louder with their questions.
Amaya blinked in wonderment at the sheer volume they managed to produce while speaking/ and/ or yelling at the same time.
"Okay!" She shouted, slamming the spoon into the side of the pot, "Does anyone want dinner?"
They turned in unison to look at her; her grin stretched from ear to ear, "Well?"
Their astonished expressions comprised the response she got from them.
"I'm not really sure what this is... I didn't have much to pick from." She paused, "You really need to buy more food... It's mostly noodles... and some meat..." She peered into the pot, "And spices?"
The Akatsuki continued to stare at her as she rambled, too startled to do anything else. After all, how do dangerous criminals, feared around the world, respond to a girl cooking dinner for them, yelling at them, and for her to have willingly come up to their hideout? How had she even found their hideout?
As they sat in shock, she turned to Deidara- still halfway under the table with his hands covering his ears, "You never did tell me your name."
He looked up at her, a question in his face, "What?" His voice was overly loud in the now quiet room.
She heaved a sigh, shaking her head in exasperation, she plunked the pot down on the table and walked over to the blond Shinobi. She pulled his hands from his ears, ignoring the indignant look he gave her as he cringed, expecting to be assaulted with the clamor of everyone speaking at once.
Instead, deathly silence met his ears.
"I asked what your name is."
"Oh." The blond glanced around, obviously wondering how to respond, "Umm... Deidara?"
The small woman grinned, "Okay!" She set a bowl in front of him; he leaned over it, still looking unsure, then a surprised look flitted across his face as he inhaled, "...That smells pretty... good."
She blushed, "Hopefully it tastes good..." She turned back to the pot, dishing out the food into bowls.
Sasori leaned over toward the blond, "You didn't sound sure about your name," He said snidely, "Do you forget it often?"
Deidara glared at him, "Shut up!"
The puppet master shrugged and leaned back in his chair, looking smug.
Amaya placed the food in front of the other members, then gathered up the pot and spoon, and turned to leave.
"Wait."
She turned around, "Yes?"
Kakuzu glowered at her over the top of his mask, "What are you really doing here?"
"Exactly what I said," She replied, "I'm your new housekeeper. My name is Amaya." She shrugged, "That's it." She stood there in the silence, then seemed to think of something, "Speaking of names, I don't know most of yours."
The Akatsuki just looked at her. Until one in a orange swirly mask jumped to his feet, "I'm Tobi." He said, then pointed to each of the other members in turn, "That's Hidan, Kisame, Sasori, Leader, Kakuzu, Deidara, and Itachi."
"Thank you!" She grinned, "Now that we know each others names, I guess that means you won't be forcing me to leave."
The Akatsuki eyed each other, as if still not certain what to do with her.
"Tobi thinks she should stay."
Her grin widened, "I'm glad you agree."
"Tobi doesn't lead us," Kakuzu pointed out, "and imagine the money she would cost us..."
"Hmph. Whoever said I asked for payment? I just asked for a room, and he-" She stabbed a finger at Pain, who regarded her silently, "already said I could stay."
She put her hands on her hips in a 'so, there' gesture.
They stared at her, Who is this girl?
"Anyway," She said, oblivious to their dismay, "tomorrow I'm going to buy some much needed food..." She waved one hand at the table, "But for now, dinner is served."
The end of chapter 1.
SO, what'd ya think? Huh? HUH?
Please R&R. Constructive criticism, people.
Oh. And I wanted to thank everyone who reviewed my other stories. A HUGE thanks! I love reviews!
I can't promise speedy updates, but, I'll do my best.
And one more thing before I leave, I know that some people don't like ocs. Heck, it has to be a really good oc for me to like 'em. I don't even like some of my own ocs. But, unless it's something that will help me improve her, I would appreciate it if people would avoid flaming her just because she's an oc. And I try not to make Mary-Sue-ish people.
See ya,
UndeadScribe