MerDer after the shooting.
This one-shot is my view on the 'let's make a baby' scene from episode 2 of season 7.
"You're amazing at this." Meredith chuckled.
He kissed her again and she totally loved it.
But then he stopped. "Let's make a baby."
Derek took his shirt of while Meredith was processing what he just had said. And how she could get out of this.
"What?"
Derek pecked her lips. "Let's just go for it. Jump in the dark."
Crap. He was being serious. "Now? Here? Shouldn't we talk about this first?"
"Less thinking, more doing. I learned that on the day I was shot."
Meredith froze. "I can't, Derek." She bit her lip.
"What? Why can't you? Don't you wanna have a baby with me?", Derek asked offended, but mostly worried.
"I just... I can't." She tried to walk out, but Derek stopped her. He looked at her, took her hand and went to a chair.
"You can't say that to me, just out of nowhere. You can hesitate, you can give me a good reason, but you can't say no like that."
She sighed. "I was pregnant. On the day of the shooting. And I had a miscarriage. On the day of the shooting." Meredith was crying now.
Derek stood up and took her in his arms. He rocked her, gently.
"You didn't tell me. I didn't know," he kissed her, "I could've helped you."
"How? You couldn't stop him. You got shot, trying to protect the hospital."
He sighed. "I would've protected you. And our... our baby, Mer. I would've protected my family. But I tried to do my job, when I should have been a husband. I'm so sorry, Mer."
"You're not the one to blaim, Derek. You didn't want this."
He hugged her again, the only place where she was safe, was in his arms.
*** Later that night ***
Meredith and Derek were in bed, talking about their day. When they came to the subject of the miscarriage, there was a long silence.
Derek was the one to speak first.
"How... How long did you know?"
"That I was pregnant?", she asked, a question she had expected.
He nodded.
"I did the test that morning. I was going to tell you, but you were too busy with work," she said, "And I didn't mean that the way it sounded. I just wanted you to have a special moment."
He sighed. "Being chief hasn't been good for me and you."
She kissed him. "It's okay."
"Were you... far along?"
"5 weeks."
A tear rolled down his face. He wiped it away quickly.
"But it made me realize... I want it, Derek. I want to have your baby. I don't want us to be us alone."
He sat up now. "You don't know how many times I dreamed of this moment, when you'd tell me you wanted to have a baby. And I feel so bad that you had to lose the baby. I would've protected you more, Mer. I really would have protected you," he paused a second to get the emotion out his voice, "I was so glad that you didn't got shot. I thought you weren't hurt. But you were hurt. And I wasn't there to hold you. I'm sorry, Mer. I'm sorry for everything."
She kissed him. Laid her finger on his mouth. "You don't have to be sorry. You didn't have a gun, you didn't ask for this to happen. And I never knew I wanted this so badly. You are the love of my life, you know that right?"
He smiled. "You are mine too. And I'm really happy you want to have my baby. Sooner or later."
"Sooner is good for me. I want to be pregnant before you know... The other baby would be here."
He smiled, slightly worried. "Are you sure?"
"I am sure, Derek. Now I've told you, we can make a fresh start."
"Okay... Here we go."
"Here we go..."