Fandom - Big Time Rush
Pairing - Kames (Kendall x James)
Rating - T
Note -This is for the Sick Fic challenge, a challenge made in the BTR Plot Adoption forum. I was given the illness Fibromyalgia to write about. Obviously this is going to be a Kames BTR fic because I will always love them, but the real reason why this fic is important is for us Rushers to get back into the Big Time Rush fandom. Our beloved fandom is dying and we need to save it. So thank you to those who organised the Sick Fic challenge and good job to those who participated.
I hope that, in time, we can all fall in love with BTR all over again.
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Kendall's leg bounced up and down. His head was in his hands and he felt tired yet fidgety. Everything in the room around him swirled and called his name. He felt like everything was grabbing at him. He couldn't relax. His tired eyes focused on the floor and he grunted.
"Dude?!" James' voice finally reached Kendall's brain. Kendall looked up, heavy bags hanging beneath his usually gleeful green eyes. "I've been trying to get your attention for hours." James stated.
"It's been three minutes." Logan grunted from his spot near the stage entrance. Carlos was by Logan's side and James was sitting on a nearby couch next to Kendall. They were dressed in the appropriate clothing for their Elevate tour and they were nearing the end of the night.
"I don't think I can go out man…" Kendall said in a shaky voice.
"You'll be fine. You're Kendall Knight. You're always fine." Carlos said with proud reassurance. James pursed his lips and looked at Kendall's weak composure.
"I don't think he can.." James frowned when he watched Kendall hold his face. Gustavos roaring voice made a migraine shoot through Kendall's head.
"DOGS! STAGE! NOW!" He yelled. Kendall whined then shakily stood up. He stumbled a bit and James was quick to get up and catch him. Gustavo wanted to question Kendall's demeanour but he refused. The show had to go on. Logan and Carlos ran out onto the stage. Kendall quickly sipped some water and shook his pained head. It was painful for him to move it. Even breathing made his headache worsen.
"You alright?" James asked.
"Yeah. I'm fine. Let's go." Kendall swallowed thick saliva and nodded. James stared with worry before he turned and ran onto the stage with a large grin and a microphone at the ready. Kendall was hesitant but eventually joined his bandmates.
The concert was going well. Until halfway through the chorus of Boyfriend. James was singing his part then led the boys into the most familiar and catchy part of the song. They were in their designated dance areas when Kendall became light headed. The lights on stage became too much for him. His body became hypersensitive and he felt like he could feel each chord being played strum into his blood. Not in the good way where you want to feel the drums beat into your heart. But in a painful way where his veins were stinging. His ears began to ring as the sounds of the concert surrounded him. He could hear each individual girl scream. His lyrics became slurred and he slowed his dancing. His knees began to ache and suddenly he fainted. His body felt weak and he couldn't move. He fell onto the floor of the stage with a thump and the whole concert stopped.
House Lights were turned on and the music was stopped the band put their instruments down to run to Kendall for aid along with some stagehands and the main guys. Fangirls yelled with worry and were taken out of the building.
James' eyes were wide. He ran to his boyfriend and worry crossed his expression. "Kendall?" He moved through everyone to hold him.
Kendall's eyes cracked open a day later. His body was sore and he grunted loudly. He looked around him and realised he was alone in the back of a tour bus. His vision was blurry and it took him a moment to adjust to his surroundings.
"James?" He murmured and wiped his eyes. James perked up from outside the curtain into the back lounge. He stood up and walked in. He wiped his own eyes with the back of his hand.
"Hey dude. You awake yet?" James asked as he walked in.
"Kendall's awake?" Carlos called from the lounge room. Logan patted Carlos and told him to wait.
"James… Obviously I'm awake." Kendall grunted and leaned back. James frowned and sat on the edge of the soft couch. Kendall was wrapped in warm sheets and had soft pillows beneath his head and body.
"Sorry.." James frowned and moved to sit closer to Kendall. "How are you feeling?" James asked.
"Sore… Really sore…" Kendall groaned and pulled the sheets down. James watched Kendall as the blond sat up to rest his hands on his chest and neck. James narrowed his eyes and tried to figure out what Kendall was touching.
"Do you need a massage or something?" James offered; but Kendall shook his head in refusal. A headache formed when he shook his head so he laid back down.
"No. That's where it hurts. And in my elbows and legs too… And my back.. I must have danced pretty hard.." He joked with a half assed laugh. James chuckled and laid back.
"We didn't want to take you to the hospital when you passed out. Gustavo was worried fans would follow. Also we would have been late for the next concert and the arena refused to give us money back." James stated. Kendall stared at the brunet with confusion.
"When did I pass out?" Kendall asked.
"Last night." James answered. "On stage…"
"On stage? I must have pulled some muscles while we performed.." Kendall concluded. "Can you pull brain muscles?" He thought aloud.
"Brian's don't have muscles Kendall!" Logan yelled from the other lounge. There was a bump in the road that made Kendall groan in pain.
"Will you be able to perform tonight?" James asked carefully.
"Probably. I just need more sleep." And it seemed like he did. That night he was able to pull off a killer performance. The rest of the tour went relatively well after that.
Touring took a toll on Kendall's health though. He looked weaker and more tired by the week. No one paid any mind to it considering it was an exhausting tour.
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Kendall awoke to pain in his chest. He felt choked and sat up slowly. He went through his morning routine and sat on the orange sofa. He was finally able to enjoy a nice.. quiet day at the Palmwoods. The sofa was inviting and soft and shaped to him as he sat. He sighed and relaxed back.
"DOGS!" Gustavo's booming voice entered the apartment. Kendall shot up immediately as the front door was slammed open. Kendall had been lost in thought about the time James had broken up with him over the whole being famous thing. He had been thinking about when they fought over Kendall's hockey dream and James' singing career. It took them a few years to get back together and now they were and Kendall was wondering why he wasn't happy. He knew it wasn't James.
But Gustavo had cut his train of thought off. So he rolled his eyes and went into the kitchen. Gustavo looked around and grunted.
"Where are they?" Gustavo asked; Kelly following in behind him. Kendall shrugged and reached into the fridge to grab a popper. His elbow clicked and he hissed at the random pain that begun to grow over the joint. He ignored it and popped the straw in to suck the juice out.
"I dunno. I woke up late." Kendall stated. "I thought we had the day off."
"Well Griffin demands another track for the new album. Apparently it needs to have the same amount of tracks as the old one. So get ready. We're going now." Kelly said as she closed her folder.
"Uhm… can't we just do it tomorrow? I mean… why on our only day off?" Kendall asked.
"Because Griffin is the main boss- and he is stressing me out!" Gustavo yelled. "I pay you. I make you famous. So get your butt into the studio. Now. I'll do your vocals today. And the others tomorrow. There's no time." Gustavo said as he left with Kelly. Kendall became flustered and ran to the door to yell after Gustavo.
"Wait! But that's so not fair! Why do I have to do extra work?" Kendall yelled out.
"The limo's waiting out front Kendall!" Kelly yelled back before disappearing with Gustavo. Kendall frowned and reluctantly went along.
Gustavo decided that day to bring Kendall in more. He didn't like Kendall's sound and kept making Kendall redo. Kendall was forced to stay back extra hours and it was straining on Kendall's health.
Kendall returned home two hours later than the other guys after his long day of returning. Only when he came home, the only person in the apartment was James.
He walked in and looked around with tired, confused eyes. He yawned and put his bag down as he walked further into the apartment. "Uhm…"
Romantic music began to play.
His confusion grew and he looked around. The lights were dim and there was a different scent in the air. A scent that made his stomach swirl and his crotch tighten. James came down the swirly slide in his hockey jersey with a hockey stick in hand. He popped out then smoothly walked over to the orange sofa.
He sat down on it and crossed one leg over the other. He pulled the jersey over to it hung over his body and revealed one shoulder. He rested one hand in his hand and smirked at Kendall.
"Welcome home. We have the apartment to ourselves for a few hours…" James winked. Kendall chuckled awkwardly and rubbed the back of his neck.
"James..?" He chuckled. His elbow was still sore from when it cracked the other day; and on top of it his knees were sore from standing in the booth all day. He admitted that James looked sexy and he licked his lips. "What's all of this?"
"Well… things have been kind of tense lately… with all of your extra work with Gustavo and what not… so I figured I might uh… destress you… if you know what I mean…" James smirked. Kendall sighed and kissed James' forehead.
"As romantic as this is," Kendall started. He looked down and noticed James' expression changed into instant guilt and regret. He wanted to give in and have James do what he liked. But he couldn't. "Just… not right now… okay…" Kendall sighed. James ran his hands up Kendall's shirt and Kendall leaned in to the sweet touch. James' hands were warm atop Kendall's tired skin. It almost stang it felt that good. Kendall leaned down and James kissed at Kendall's neck and jawline.
"Are you sure?" James asked. Kendall sighed and pulled away completely.
"Yes. I'm sorry… Just give me some more time."
And that's what James gave him. More time. He tried coming onto Kendall weekly. At least once a week he was trying to get into Kendall's pants. The pressure of pleasing James like that only added to Kendall's stress. He pretended like it wasn't happening. Like James wasn't trying to sleep with him. He wasn't in the right mental space for it.
[ ]
"JAMES!" Kendall screamed as he shot out of bed. Blood rushed into his head and he grunted. He whimpered and felt tears and hot perspiration define his features. "JAMES?!" He called out again.
James woke up and opened his eyes. He looked up at Kendall and groaned. "What dude? It's like- not even morning yet? What happened?" James sighed. Kendall looked down at James and sighed.
"Sorry. I had a bad dream…" Kendall said as he pressed a hand to James' chest. James spread his arms and invited Kendall to come and snuggle. Kendall looked down at James and got comfortable with his body pressed to James' chest. He sighed and got comfort. James pulled the sheets up and over them and made sure Kendall was in the best position possible. He securely wrapped his arms around the shaking blond and sighed.
"What did you dream about?" James asked.
"Can you guys shut up? Some people are trying to sleep!" Logan yelled from the other side of the room. James chuckled and held his partner and best friend closer to him.
"I'll tell you tomorrow morning." Kendall decided.
He didn't tell James about the dream. And there was no need to. Because the nightmares became more frequent and Kendall was becoming more tired and sickly.
The morning was still fresh and the air reeked of summer. They finally had a day off. Kendall included. But Kendall could barely enjoy it. He was struggling to hide his sadness today. He had been feeling like shit lately. He felt like everything was suffocating him. He felt scared in large groups of people and he felt a heavy pain in his lungs when he was in certain situations. Today was more of a sad then pained day.
James noticed Kendall was off so he took him down to the pool. Everyone was at the pool today. The warm summer sun was shining down onto the teens surrounding the pool. There was laughter and singing and music and diving. Kendall sat on a beach chair with his legs curled up and his eyes closed. He tried to block out all the voices but they grew louder by the second. His lungs tightened and he felt like he was choking.
He silently collected his things and took his things into the apartment. He didn't want to be around so many people so he resorted to playing guitar in his lonesome silence. He was enjoying himself until a worried James showed up.
Kendall felt like crying. Which was ridiculous for a man. So he sniffled and sucked it up and played his guitar harder. He couldn't cry. He couldn't allow himself to do that. He felt sad and deep and it was as if a huge pit of darkness was sucking his life away. James didn't want to bother Kendall any more than he already had. Once Kendall knew he was alone he couldn't help but cry. He cried hard and tried to play his feelings out on to the guitar. But eventually he was too sad even for that so he went to his room so he could work up the courage to pretend like nothing was wrong.
The next morning came harder and faster than Kendall expected it to. The boys sat at the table; all with their preferred cereal before them. Kendall stared into his bowl and his skin crawled. He wanted to enjoy the delicious cereal but he simply couldn't. He wanted to. But he couldn't. His eyelids were heavy and he found it hard to keep his head up. He dipped his spoon into the cereal when everything went black and his face was cold.
Everyone at the table jumped up when Kendall passed out. James quickly pulled Kendall's head up and he grabbed some cloths to wipe Kendall's face clean. Everyone looked worried and they collectively decided to take Kendall to the hospital. Or at least to Doc Hollywood first.
Doc Hollywood was useless a majority of the time. Until he stepped out of his room with a clipboard in hand and a worried look on his face. He had been runnin stupid tests that Logan and not even Carlos could agree with all day long. He hummed in thought and tapped the clipboard with his own as his brain racked for a way to describe the words he had I say.
"So… I don't actually know what's wrong." He announced. Jennifer sat up and held onto her chest. "His body is probably just overworked from everything you guys have been doing lately." He shrugged.
"Pfffft!" Logan exclaimed. "Bullshit!" Everyone turned to look at him. He wasn't one for swearing but they all knew something was up if Logan called BS on someone. James sat on the edge of his seat and he pursed his lips. "He is not overworked. We're all in this group together. Mama Knight always ensures we get eight hours. Junk food is a sometimes food. Gustavo even has his limits. We're healthy and not overworked." Logan stated.
"Well sometimes Kendall doesn't get his eight hours." Carlos said in a teasing tone while winking numerously at James. The brunette looked up at his Latino friend who was still winking and expecting a laugh. James shook his head because he knew now wasn't the time. Doc Hollywood stared for a bit before clearing his throat.
"I can't really diagnose anything. Taking him to the hospital might be a better option.." He sighed.
"You guys need to stop worrying about meeeee…" A groggy Kendall whined as he walked out of the doctors room. James stood up and walked over to the blond.
"Dude.. You shouldn't be walking around." He sighed. Kendall laughed and leaned into James. "It's okay. I'm just achey that's all. Let's go home. Or to recording. Do we have any new songs?" He asked tiredly as he wrapped his arms around James. James looked around at everyone as confusion and awkward amusement crossed his expression.
"Uhm- guys."
"You're so beautiful Jamesy.. So beautiful.. I'm so lucky… I can see why Jo didn't mind." Kendall said as he tapped James' cheek. James awkwardly chuckled and patted Kendall's lower back.
"I guess we'll be taking him to the hospital then," James chuckle again. Everyone else nodded in agreement.
[ ]
Kendall felt sore in his chest. And in his legs. He blinked his eyes open and there was an intense, cold darkness surrounding him. He was short of breath and looked down to see that he was running. He panted instinctively and kept running. His legs we aching. But they wouldn't stop moving. He felt scared and heard all kinds of creepy voices call out to him.
"KeNdAlLLL kNiGhTt!" Their scratchy voices called his name and he shivered. He wanted to stop running but he couldn't. He was gasping for air but it wouldn't come to him. He felt tears run down his face. He had begun to cry. He felt like there was no escape. He was gasping and crying and sniffling. His legs were in fiery pain.
It didn't stop. He couldn't stop.
Then suddenly he hit something large, warm and hard. He hunted and stepped back. His heat was heaving and his body was weak and sore. He was in a level of pain where he was sure his body disagreed with its own existent.
"James?!" Kendall gasped when he looked up to see his lover. He hooked his arms around James' neck and chuckled. "Oh James.. Dude I'm so scared. I'm so sore.. And the voices.." He kicked his lips and shook his head. "It's okay. Cause you're here now." He nodded. James cracked a smirk and closed his eyes.
Kendall returned the smirk, only he was breathless. He then pulled James down a by and stood on the tips of his toes a little so he could connect their lips. James' lips were soft and smooth and.. Oddly wet. Kendall didn't mind a little saliva if it was James but there was so much more than normal. He felt James' tongue flick over his bottom lip and he opened his mouth. Only he realised he wasn't kissing James anymore. Whatever he was kissing had sharp teeth and a long tongue that slithered down Kendall's throat. He cried out with disgust and fear but the doubt was muffled as the creature bit into him.
Kendall's eyes snapped open and he grabbed the sheets beside him. His heart was about to beat out of his chest and he was sweating everywhere. His fists balled so hard into the sheets his fingers went numb. That wasn't the only thing numb though.
Kendall tried to move his legs but they wouldn't move. He tried and tried but they were heavier than lead. They felt slightly staticky and he closed his eyes and was ready to admit defeat. He calmed his breathing and wished he could get himself a drink. He turned his head to look at the bed across from his and considered waking Logan. But he didn't want to bother the sleeping boy. So he laid there and decided to wait for sleep.
He waited. He tried. He kept his eyes closed. He was confused as to whether he had even gotten sleep or not. He was in and out of sleep and he didn't even realise it. He was awake for some hours then asleep for very few minutes.
Many nights continued on like this. Night filled with bad dreams and barely enough sleep.
Then one night he opened his eyes and he was staring at a white, bright roof. His eyes took a moment to adjust and he sat up with a grunt.
He looked around him and saw his mother and boyfriend sitting in chairs beside his hospital bed. He yawned and sat up. He felt stiff. His chest, elbows and knees were sore and he felt like he couldn't move them.
"Psst. James." Kendall tried to wake James and not his mother. "Bro. Wake up." He whispered. James didn't budge. So he picked up a little bread crust by the side of his bed. He could tell James had eaten a sandwich since James barely ever ate the crust. He tossed the crust at James' head and wished he hadn't got his hair. James' eyes opened and he looked over at Kendall groggily. He wiped his eyes then sat up quickly. His hazel eyes widened and he was about to awaken Jennifer but Kendall interrupted.
"No! Dude. Just. Come here." He whispered as he patted the bed. He scooted over slowly. He was hooked up to some machines and he felt sore. James looked at Jennifer. He promised to wake her if Kendall woke up. But he didn't. He moved to sit beside Kendall.
"How are you feeling?" James quietly asked.
"Not good. I'm all sore and tired and stuff… Why am I in hospital?" Kendall asked.
"You passed out and didn't wake up. We were recording in the studio and Gustavo turned the music up after you said you couldn't handle it. Then you just. Fell. I guess. So we're here now. It's only been a day." James stated with a small shrug.
"I don't remember going to the studio. I remember not being able to fall asleep.." Kendall stated. James pursed his lips as he thought. He then sighs and leaned into Kendall a bit. Kendall hissed and closed his eyes with a groan. "James.. You're hurting me.." James sat up immediately.
"Sorry. You should lean on me." He chuckled and watched as Kendall rested against him anyway.
"The doctors said you have Fibromyalgia." James checked his hand to make sure he said the right word. He had written it down to tell Kendall so he sounded smart. "They said they did some tests on you. Like. Proper tests. With your brain. They say you have it from depression and anxiety. And PTSD. Is that true..?" James asked carefully.
"I don't know… I'm not the doctor…" Kendall said in a small voice. He suddenly felt right in the chest and he tried to hide himself a bit from James.
"Are you depressed? And anxious..?" James asked carefully. Kendall closed his eyes and just paid attention to James' heat.
"I guess so. Not clinically. I don't think. I do feel a bit anxious a lot and like.. Sad.. But I didn't think it was that serious." Kendall stated.
"Yeah but how sad? How long?" James asked. He reminded himself to lower his voice. "Does this have something to do with not wanting sex?"
"What? No!" Kendall exclaimed a little too loudly. He watched his mum change sleeping positions in her chair but she remained asleep. "No." He whispered. "It has nothing to do with sex and wanting it or not."
"Then why don't you want it?" James asked with offence.
"Why does it bother you so much? I thought we were talking about why I'm in hospital." Kendall crossed his arms and sat up. James sighed and rubbed a hand through his hair.
"Yeah. The doctors say it's Fibromyalgia. Whatever that is." James shrugged.
"Oh.. Okay.. Uhm.. I guess I'll ask them tomorrow…" Kendall sighed.
"I guess so." James said in a rotten kind of way. Kendall sighed and laid back down. He grunted and sighe.
"James.. Why am I here?" He asked after a few minutes.
"I just told you." James grunted and stood up. Kendall looked over at his boyfriend with confusion. "Where are you going?"
"Home."
Kendall watched James leave before grunting and rolling over then going back to sleep himself.
[ ]
Everything was becoming harder for Kendall. He ignored what the doctors said about Fibromyalgia and his depression. He didn't want to believe it. He's a famous popstar that doesn't have those kinds of feelings and illnesses.
The stage was bright and the arena was full of commotion. Everyone was setting up and preparing for the concert. Everyone danced on stage as if everything was okay. As if everything was fine.
But it wasn't.
Not to Kendall at least.
The band played the background music and Kendall's last solo of practice was coming up. They decided to end the rehearsals with 24/Seven. The song required vigorous dancing and Kendall was confident he was able to do it. He was sweating more than usual and his body felt tired. As he sang into the microphone he knew he could do it.
He remembered passing out on stage during the Elevate tour. He was remembering all the times he felt tired and stressed. When he felt like he couldn't do it anymore.
He remembered what had happened in his past. There was a long string of memories tying around Kendall's brain. He felt weak and the pain in his chest, elbows and knees grew. He blinked slowly and became dizzy. He had to steady himself and he looked ahead of him at the empty stadium. All of the seats were empty except for Gustavo and Kelly's. Kendall's head was spinning and his heart was pounding. He licked his dry lips and became short of air.
All of those sickening memories were swirling around and grasping painfully at him. Memories of his father beating him and his mother. Memories of all the struggles that led into being a teenager at high school. Then the pain of giving up all of his hockey dreams to let his stupid boyfriend be in a stupid bnd. He felt weak from all the pain he had been through in his life. And even weaker from the stress being put on his body.
He held a microphone to his lips with shaky hands. Both hands were wrapped around the mic and he took in a deep breath. He couldn't remember the lyrics. He had helped writing the song and he had sang and heard it one too many times. But the lyrics refused to come to mind. He begun to sing the first note when he fainted. James dropped his own mic as he ran to aid Kendall.
Kendall awoke in what was beginning to become a familiar setting. Bright lights were above him and he squinted. He could smell the hospital. He sat up slowly and could feel his joints ache. His head was throbbing and he felt more miserable than usual. There was an aching fear in his chest and he felt hot and sweaty. He looked around him and saw another familiar sight.
"James..?" He croaked. James looked up and quickly moved closer to his boyfriend.
"Dude- you- you passed out again. You've gotta start listening to these doctors. It's not good for you to keep…" James voice trailed off.
"To keep what- James? To keep fainting during performances? To not get any sleep?" Kendall grunted angrily. "To keep forgetting all the important things?"
"Kendall… it's not about that…" James frowned.
"Then what is it about? Is it about not being intimate or something like that? Is it about Gustavo? BTR?" Kendall asked as he sat up and moved his exhausted limbs. He swung his legs over the side of the bed and started to pull off all the cords that were connected to his body.
"Kendall you need to relax-"
"-no. You need to stop." Kendall said as he stopped pulling the cords off of him. He pursed his lips and closed his eyes. He felt a swelling in his throat and knew he felt like crying. But he refused.
"It's Fibromyalgia and you know it." James said in a small voice.
"We both know that neither of us know what that is." Kendall rolled his eyes and relaxed into the bed.
"You're anxious… depressed… stressed… tired… sore…" James said slowly. "Well… that's what the doctors say it is. If you've had pain for over a few months.. Stuff like that.. Basically everything that's wrong with you leads to this. They need to do like.. One more test. Or Something. I don't know. But they can help you. So that you can come and sing with us again." James' tone was soft and soothing. Kendall opened his eyes and groaned. He pulled the rest of the cords off him and all kinds of machines started to beep.
He stood up and started to walk. James got up and ran in front of him. "Hey! Hey where are you going?" James asked.
"I don't want to hear that stuff. I'm not depressed. I don't have fibro… fibrowhatever it is." Kendall said as he walked to the doors.
"No dude- stop it." James knew he could have simply picked Kendall up to carry him away but he wasn't going to. He just stood there and watched Kendall walk. He had a feeling it wouldn't take long until Kendall passed out again.
Kendall existed the hospital and felt the sun on his skin. It was warm and crawled over his sensors. Only he was oversensitive and he felt like he was burning. Everything inside him was on fire and it was all burning. He tried to stay as strong as possible.
Falling to his knees was even more painful. James slowly approached Kendall from behind and watched as the blond covered his face and began to sob. James frowned while he watched his boyfriend cry. Kendall sobbed and covered his face. He could sense James was watching him. He could always feel it. Feel James' eyes burning into his flesh.
"I don't know anymore man. I've been feeling shit for a lot longer than this…" Kendall admitted with a hiccup. James knelt down beside him and sighed. "I've done so much you know… Like I gave up all of my dreams man." Kendall said as he shook his head.
"I gave up everything for you. I wanted to be a pro hockey player. But I knew singing meant everything to you. I knew it meant more than I did. Then you broke up with me when we first came here… then we got back together… and I just…" Kendall sighed. "It's not your fault." He assured James. "Whatever I go through… it's no ones fault. The stress isn't from Gustavo or Griffin… Or mum or you…" Kendall sniffled. "What happened with mum and dad… all of it… I…"
James knew Kendall had said enough. So he just sighed and offered a hand to Kendall. "Dude… lets take you back in.. to someone who can help you…" James suggested sadly. Kendall wiped his face and stood up with James.
Kendall was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia later that week. He tried to keep it between his family, James and himself as best as he could. He didn't want to be treated differently because of it. He was always sore and usually had bad dreams and little to no sleep. He was depressed and anxious. But medicated. He accepted what he had and took it as far as he needed to.
It was a cool september afternoon. James approached Kendall with a pink smoothie and whatever meds Kendall needed to take. Kendall was sitting on the roof of Roque Records; a place where he and James came whenever Kendall needed silence. They sat there side by side and Kendall sighed. He pulled his beanie off his head and took the smoothies.
Once the tablets were in his mouth he swallowed them down with a sip of pink smoothie. He sighed and James moved to sit behind him. James got comfortably and started to massage the tips of his fingers into Kendall's scalp.
Kendall sighed and closed his eyes as he relaxed into the feeling. His joints and chest relaxed from either the medication or James' touch.
"James?" He sighed again.
"Kendall?" James slowed his massaging with worry. Kendall chuckled and looked back at his partner.
"Thanks…" He sighed. James chuckled and kissed Kendall's forehead.
"Don't give me a cheesy pep-talk. Just relax and enjoy the moment idiot." James slapped Kendall's shoulder before he continued the massaging. Kendall just chuckled and looked out at the pink and orange sky. The sun was setting and Kendall's nerves were settling. He closed his eyes and listened to James. He relaxed and enjoyed the silence of being above everything.
For the first time in Kendall's life, he felt relaxed and in control of all of the stress below him.