A/N: Well, it's so close to Christmas and I like parody-ing things, so here's a new fic!
CHAPTER 1: Christmas Eve
The Losties had been on the island a really long time.
They had been there so long, it didn't look like they would be rescued any time soon...or at all.
Locke realized that this fact was sort of a downer for people. They would never again get to see their family and friends, and it was just generally depressing.
So as he sat in his tent, being mysterious, he decided to check how long they had been on the island (he had kept track of everyday for just such an occasion.
After some figuring, he found out they had been there a whole lot of days and that today was very special. It was Christmas Eve!
"Hey, it's Christmas Eve!" Locke thought. This might be just the kind of thing the other survivors needed.
He left his tent to go find someone to share the joy with.
Locke soon found Jack, who was standing in front of a group of people, shouting out orders.
"It's Christmas Eve," Locke said.
"Locke, I don't have time for-" Jack looked up. "Did you say Christmas Eve"
"Yep"
"You mean"
"Yep"
"Santa?! And presents?! And carols?! And presents"
"Yep."
Jack ran away from him and stood up on a rock.
"Attention, minions!" he called. Everyone rolled their eyes but looked up.
"I have been informed that today is Christmas Eve! You know what that means"
No one said anything.
"CHRISTMAS PARTY"
Suddenly everyone started cheering and jumping up and down.
"And don't forget. Everyone on the island must give me presents!" Jack said.
They stopped cheering.
"What?"
"Come one, people! We barely have a day to get this party ready! Get the lead out, will ya?!" Jack screamed. You could tell he was over come with Christmas spirit.
"Jack, I can't find anything to decorate the tree with," Kate said.
"Well, look harder, then! I'm trying to organize this mess!" Jack yelled.
"Jack, Sawyer won't share his stuff!" Charlie said.
"Jack, we can't have Christmas lights. We're on an island," Locke snapped.
"Jack, there are no turkeys on the island," Sun said. "How am I supposed to make turkey, like you demanded, when all we have are weird island chickens"
"JUST MAKE A FRICKIN' CHICKEN!!!" Jack screamed.
"Jack, I'm worried about you. I think you're working yourself too hard, even though we've only been doing this for 15 minutes," Kate said.
"You're right. I'm too great of a person, so I'm trying to do too much," Jack sighed.
"Umm...well, something like that. Oh yeah. Claire doesn't want to do the real life nativity scene with Aaron. Sorry," Kate said as Jack groaned.
Jack and Locke were standing in front of Sawyer's tent.
"Sawyer, it's Christmas. People need the stuff you got in your stash. Can't you just share?" Jack demanded.
"No"
"IT'S CHRISTMAS TIME, YOU JACK A$$!!! YOU! WILL! BE! JOLLY!!!" Jack screamed, kicking him a few times.
"Jack. JACK! Let me handle this," Locke said, pushing Jack away.
Locke looked directly into Sawyer's eyes.
"James, I know you. I know you really want to be good. Do this for us. Please"
Sawyer glared at him. "HOW do you do that?!" He threw his book down and stood up.
"Alright! People can take what they need."
Jack jumped up.
"Well, glad I fixed that. Now I gotta go. Can you take care of this stuff?" Jack asked.
Locke frowned. "What are you doing"
"It's a surprise!" Jack called over his shoulder as he grabbed a pen and some paper and ran toward his tent.
Locke stared after him. What was he doing?
A while later Jack came out of his tent looking smug.
Locke didn't bother asking what he had done, not sure if he wanted to know.
"So, how's it going?" Jack asked.
"Alright. Kate found some things to put on the tree. Sun found some stuff in the hatch, so she can make Christmas dinner. Why did you force her to do it?"
Jack shrugged. "Just felt like it." Suddenly Jack's face lit up. "Oh...my...god. I just had a brilliant idea!"
Jack and Locke were in Sawyer's tent, digging through suitcases and throwing their contents around carelessly.
"What are you doing?" Sawyer demanded when he came in and saw the mess.
Jack stood up. "Sawyer, it's very important that we find an elf costume for reasons that I will not explain"
"Huh"
"I told you I won't explain. Now I know you have one lying around somewhere. Where is it"
"Like I'm givin' it to you. You won't even tell me what it's for," Sawyer snapped.
"James, don't make me use my magic Locke powers on you again," Locke said.
Sawyer thought about it for a minute.
"Fine! If you're gonna be such babies..." Sawyer opened a suitcase and dug through it till he found what he was looking for: the green elf costume, complete with green shoes.
Locke looked from the costume to Sawyer. "Who would be carrying an elf outfit from Australia to LA? And why didn't you want to give it to us"
"None of your business!" Sawyer snapped
"Great," Jack said, snatching the clothes away from Sawyer. "And I'm gonna need the Santa outfit, too"
Locke and Sawyer looked at him. "Why"
"It's a surprise"
Sawyer shook his head, but gave him the big red Santa suit anyway.
"This is gonna be the best island Christmas ever!" Jack squealed.
"Absolutely not"
Jack sighed impatiently. "Charlie, you know I would never ask if it wasn't Christmas, but this is really important"
"Jack, there is no way in hell that I am dressing up as an elf," Charlie said firmly.
"Please?" Jack whined.
"No"
"Oh, come on Charlie. Don't be such a Scrooge," Locke added.
"What's going on?" Claire asked. She had just come up behind them, carrying Aaron.
Charlie groaned while Jack explained.
"We can't get him to dress up like and elf for Christmas! It has to be him! He's the shortest guy on the island"
"Oh, Charlie, just do it. I think it would be fun," Claire said.
Charlie gaped at them. "Alright, fine! Whatever!" He grabbed the elf clothes from Jack and stalked off.
"Thank you, Charlie. You're really a great guy," Locke said.
"Yeah, Scrooge you."
Jack turned to Locke.
"Right. Now I need you to dress up as Santa"
"What"
"Yeah. Santa"
"Why me"
"Locke, you're the oldest guy on the island. It has to be you"
"I don't want to be Santa," Locke insisted.
"It's for the children"
"What children!
"JUST DO IT"
Locke knew there was no arguing with the island king, so he took the red suit and walked away, vowing to kill Jack as soon as Christmas was over.
A/N: Kay, next chapter will be here soon. There will be island Christmas trees, "Santa" and an 'elf', and maybe even a visit from the jolly old Others. Keep reading! And review!