Hello everyone. Okay, basically, I heard this song on YouTube (search up 'Real Estate Rent' and you should find it), and it was so bouncy and fun I couldn't leave it alone. So I give you this! I've only rewritten a few words so it makes more sense.
By the way, I apologise for turning Angel into a cow. I think Angel's amazing. I just didn't want a person to die, because I didn't know who I'd kill. Hehe.
Enjoy the randomness!
"What do you think? We give handouts here?"
Boq walked, dejected, from the university undertaker's office (yes, there was a Shiz undertaker- well, it was a strange place). All he had done was try to bury his beloved Angel, the only one who had truly listened to him, truly cared about his problems; he may be hopelessly in love with Galinda, but Angel really understood his pain, never interrupted him when he was venting his feelings… she had coped with so much from him, and now she was gone…
It made no difference she was a cow.
Not a Cow.
A cow.
She was a nice cow.
He had tried to bury her, and had given her a lovely funeral- no one had wanted to come, not even Elphie, presumably because of the lack of capital letters in his dear Angel's species, but he had managed on his own without screaming too much- but when it came to the actual burial, he realised he couldn't pay. Well, his family was a Munchkin farming family, hardly a high salary job. He had been studying agriculture, to help them, but in a brief moment of insanity he had changed to filmmaking. He had screamed out "Oh, Oz, cameras!" when he realised what he had done. Sine then, everyone had teased him about it, shouting "OOC!" to him wherever he was. But he was stuck with it now.
As he wandered into a random huge, empty room, with lots of chairs filled with people on one side all facing him, he suddenly felt an overwhelming urge to sing all his thoughts and feelings. It happened a lot around Shiz; you got used to it. So he obeyed the urge.
"Is that any way to send a cow to meet her maker, they should've known I couldn't pay the undertaker…"
"What happened to 'rest in peace'?" Boq whirled around in surprise, to be met with the (mockingly?) sad face of Fiyero, who had presumably just walked in on the opposite side. Why did people keep on walking in on him like that? It was making him twitchy. And who said that arrogant prince person had the right to join in his wonderful song? But he decided to play along for now.
"It's true-" Boq remembered a particularly painful part of the attempted burial- "and they wouldn't even take an IOU! I give up." He slumped down on a random box he found, and prepared to spend a few minutes howling miserably. However, Fiyero sat down next to him and proceeded to pat his shoulder. Boq wasn't sure whether to feel comforted, flattered or just plain terrified; he knew Fiyero tended to only be a flirt with girls, but he was still incredibly wary when the man touched him in any way whatsoever. Yes, he was paranoid, but that was his life. He was also a little creepy himself, towards Galinda, but that was beside the point.
"Don't worry about him- I'll take care of it." Fiyero stood up, and Boq felt another twinge of fear. "Galinda! Make a note." What, Galinda was his slave now? Boq shook his head mournfully, but stored that point in his mental list of 'Reasons Why I Am So Much Better Than Any Man, Especially That Stupid, Idiotic Winkie One You Seem To Be So Obsessed With, Miss Galinda.'
RWIASMBTAMETSIWOYSTBSOWMG for short.
"Undertaker donation." Although, it had to be admitted the man was impressive. He could fit the word 'undertaker' into one syllable. Must have been the Western accent. Nothing to do with the writer not being able to think of an actual one syllable word to replace 'church' in those lyrics- nothing at all.
"It must be nice to have money," Boq noted, hiding his gratitude for now.
Fiyero grinned. "It is."
"I don't know why I do this anymore." Boq had noticed a bouncy beat had started up from nowhere, so decided to change the tune accordingly.
"I'm all alone, my film's no prize," He winced at the memory of his latest attempt at showing people his films. Galinda had run off screaming, Nessa had unattached herself from him for once in her life and wheeled away from him, and Elphaba had simply stood there and asked him, quite seriously, if he was mentally deranged.
"But I've got the stuff- at least everybody says so. My friends have flown, or are dropping like flies, and if that's not enough, I'm in love with Ga-" No! This was his chance! He could make Fiyero think his girlfriend had a girlfriend! Yes! "-a lesbo."
"Hey, hey, hey. What was that?" Boq grinned evilly, as Fiyero panicked right in front of his eyes. "She's… she's a…"
"Yes. She was never interested in you." He had to suppress the urge to cackle out loud and declare himself the Evil, Erratic Eminence of the East, but that would have completely messed up the plot.
"Really? That's… that's…" However, both of the boys glanced through the window to see Galinda herself, flirting shamelessly with a man standing outside, Elphaba trying (unsuccessfully) to drag her away, probably threatening violence by now. You could almost see the possible ideas for torture flashing through her head. Fiyero looked at Boq, one eyebrow raised, till Boq nervously restarted the song.
"My rent is due, my family's nuts, I haven't had sex, in a millennium,"
"Now that I can understand." Fiyero muttered under his breath. Boq glared at him- that was unnecessary! - but carried on regardless.
"I'm stuck with you, I hate your guts-" Boq glanced at the clock-"and it's only ten am!"
"Have you considered real estate?"
Genuinely puzzled, Boq replied, "Real estate?"
"Real estate!" He seemed serious enough, and Boq suddenly realised that Fiyero must have recently developed a liking for developing housing- like Boq and his filmmaking. Something strange was going on here. "Have you considered real estate as a career? Could you consider real estate-"
"Let me get this straight-"
"Could be great! Munchkin and Winkie-" Boq was slightly surprised at Fiyero's use of the derogatory term to describe himself- "Like Helmsley and Speare!" Whoever they were. Actually, Boq was pretty sure Fiyero wouldn't know himself.
"I know it may sound silly, it's a notion I've had for a while. Imagine us as affiliates; we could go to town, my savvy, your smile! There's art in every deal, create with bricks and steel!"
"Real estate…" Boq paused. "I don't know."
"What's with him?" Upon viewing the vision of amazing beauty and holiness that stood before him (well, he was obsessed), Boq had to stop himself from fainting. He was delicate, after all. Galinda's voice had cut through the misery in his life, and she was coming to save him- the delicate strands entwined around his heart, left him entirely at their mercy, vulnerable, but oh so happy… this was true love, true love, not lust or teenage hormones.
"Boq?" He was disturbed by Fiyero's harsher voice. "What are you doing?"
He caught himself, and realised exactly where on Galinda's body he had been staring, open-mouthed.
He decided to sing again. It never happened.
"I start work, I don't complete, am I uninspired, or just a perfectionist? I'm such a jerk, I don't compete, I can't get hired as a PA or a projectionist!" Okay, he didn't know what those jobs were, but it rhymed.
"I hate my hair, and my goatee,"Newly grown! " I talk in my sleep, but no one's there to listen- why do I care about film or TV? What'd they ever do for me?"
"Have you considered real estate?" Fiyero had started again.
"Real estate," and now Galinda was joining in. Even her exceedingly bored voice was beautiful. Well, if she suggested it…
"Real estate." Fiyero seemed to be laughing at him. Why? What was he doing? Still, he would answer.
"I should consider real estate- my life is a dump."
Now Fiyero was smirking. "Do consider real estate!"
"Real estate…" Boq felt even more wary at the evil grin.
"We'll collaborate! Any fool can do it- witness Donald Trump!"
Who was he?
"Maybe it's time to stop carousing," the Munchkin sang,"Do something else, more fulfilling- couldn't we build low-income housing?"
"That's an idea. I mean it! Really." Was Fiyero intelligent enough to use sarcasm? Could he have learnt it from Elphaba? Whether he had or not, he was awful at it.
"It does have its appeal,"
"Doing for the common deal,"
They decided to sing together. Oooh. "Real estate."
"Anyway, there ain't no money in documentary film!" Galinda had broken into the song, completely changing the tune, and had developed an odd accent, very different to her ordinary posh Northern one. Well. "I said there ain't no money in documentary film! And I know there ain't no money 'cause folks get funny, they like it sweet, not truthful honey! There ain't no money in documentary film."
She walked towards him, and slapped him on the back rather painfully. But she was touching him.
"Any idiot can turn on a camera and shoot some hobos," Galinda said,"Developing property requires vision."
She pointed towards the largest shop nearby. "Take that site over there. Last year empty lot, next year superstore, last year filthy bum-"
"Person!" Boq felt the need to correct her.
"Okay, filthy person- next year, automatic double door! Last year cardboard boxes filled with strangers, next year, Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers!"
Far, far away, in an entirely different world, a girl with bright ginger hair was grinning.
"I'm doomed forever to be poor." Boq noted miserably, realising he was never going to be able to do that.
The three then proceeded to sing a complicated round, which would have been very difficult to record. The writer is notlazy.
"Last year, crummy Munchkin goon, next year, corporate tycoon!" Galinda sang.
"A team like Snow White and a Dwarf! Like Edwin Coch and Steven Gorne!" Fiyero contributed. Whoever the people were.
"I'll never have that kind of zeal, as my exposé will soon reveal… I'm just not cut out for…"
All three voices merged, "Real estate!"
The music stopped, the lights went out, and Boq was left in the dark. Screaming pathetically, he scrambled round till the lights snapped on again. There were Galinda and Fiyero, laughing like maniacs. Then he saw Elphie, walking towards him, with… Oh, Oz.
"Well then, failed filmmaker," Elphaba smirked, tossing his camera from one hand to the other, "I think you have plenty of footage now, don't you?"