It's like you're a drug
It's like you're a demon I can't face down
A drug. That's the only way I can think of to describe the beautiful creature sitting in front of me, listening to Professor McGonagall intently. As I sit behind her, struggling to pay attention, or at least look like I am, her wonderful scent envelops me-sweet and flowery and fresh, like a forest after it rains. She reaches her hand back to scratch the back of her head with her quill, making her hair stand up in one place…I lose my train of thought. A few minutes later she tucks an unruly red curl behind her ear and her hand lingers on her neck…my mouth goes dry. When her quill breaks and she reaches into her bag for another, her skirt inches up her thigh…I start to sweat. I just can't get enough of her. As I'm walking out of the classroom Merlin only knows how much later, I realize that I have no idea what the Transfiguration lesson was about. I'm so screwed.
It's like I'm stuck
It's like I'm running from you all the time
And I know I let you have all the power
It's like the only company I seek is misery all around
"Scorpius!"
Crap! Almost to my dormitory, too. Well, I knew I'd have to have this conversation sooner or later…I'd just really wanted it to be later. I've been avoiding Rose for about a week now, ever since the Yule Ball, when I realized I was in love with her. She'd looked so amazing in that midnight blue dress that seemed to cling to her like a second skin before flowing out just below her hips…and just enough below to drive me insane. And when I'd seen her in the arms of him-Jordan Androse-I'd known that this wasn't just the over protectiveness of a best friend. It was full blown jealously over the girl who had unknowingly stolen my heart the moment I set eyes on her. I return to the present and turn around to face the woman I love.
"Yeah, Rose?" I snap, just wanting to avoid what is sure to be an awkward conversation.
"Jeesh," she says with a bemused and slightly hurt expression on her face, "what the hell is up with you lately? Are you trying to avoid me?"
"Of course not!" I lie, "I've just been really busy! Merlin, is that a crime?"
"Well fine then!" she exclaims, hurt definitely winning out over the confusion, "I was just trying to talk to my best friend! I guess I've got the wrong person!"
And with that, she turns around and storms off in the direction of her dorm. I walk into mine feeling like the biggest git in the world.
It's like you're a leech
Sucking the life from me
It's like I can't breathe without you inside of me
And I know I let you have all the power
And I realize I'm never gonna quit you over time
After the disastrous episode in the Gryffindor common room, I decide that Rose was right; I'm not acting like her best friend. So I decide to suck it up and be the man she wants me to be. Maybe then she'll realize what a great guy I am and…yeah right. 'Cause that wouldn't have already happened in the seven years you've been friends. I really need to get a grip.
I spend the next two days working up the courage to apologize, and they're the worst two days of my life. It's like I can only breathe with her intoxicating scent filling my nose. I can't think of anything but her, her wild red hair, her piercing green eyes that seem to look deep into my soul. I can't live without hearing her steady voice, her sweet laugh that sounds like bells tickling my ears. Her absence is slowly starting to kill me, and I really don't care how cheesy it sounds, because it's true.
I decide that the only thing I can do is to tell her how I feel. How bad could it go, right? I mean, all she could do is reject me, laugh in my face, and basically rip my heart out of my chest so she can repeatedly stomp on it. Nothing too terrible. Oh, who am I kidding? I could never tell her! It's obvious she doesn't feel that way about me, and it's no use pretending she does. And so I get up from the common room couch to go beg her forgiveness and lie as much as possible.
It's like I can't breathe
It's like I can't see anything
Nothing but you
I'm addicted to you
"I don't want to hear it, Scor! I mean really? You punched out my boyfriend! Why would you do something like that?" Her voice is so loud I can't think straight. All I know is that I can't tell her the reason I punched out Jordan; it would break her heart. So I do the only thing I can…I lie. Good thing I'm great at it! Wait…that's a total lie! Crap!
"I'm really sorry Rose! I just…uhhh…just…lost my temper, and he was irritating me."I lie terribly. "I couldn't help myself!" Well, at least that much is true. "Please forgive me!"
"I'm sorry, Scor, but I don't think I can. I mean, you've been acting so weird lately, what with the fight a couple weeks ago, and now this? What's happening to you? You've changed so much, it's like I barely even recognize you anymore! And I can't be best friends with someone I don't know."
"No…Rose!" I say weakly. But she is already gone, and it's happening again…my breath starts coming faster, almost as if it knows that it will soon stop completely. Even as she walks away, my vision `fills with her, and I swear that for a moment my heart stops beating. I'm an addict, and I've just been cut off.
It's like I can't think
Without you interrupting me
In my thoughts
In my dreams
You've taken over me
It's like I'm not me
It's like I'm not me
For the next week or so…I'll never know how long, since time became irrelevant the moment she walked away…I'm an empty shell of myself. My grades start to slip, and my brain shuts down almost completely. I'm in a catatonic state, and the only thing that will stop it will break the heart of the woman I love. Eventually, even my friend Hugo, who just happens to be Rose's brother, notices, and asks me what's wrong.
"Like you don't know." I say bitterly. "She's probably told you all about it by now."
"Wha…oh. You mean that's what all this is about? A stupid fight with my big sister? Jeesh, and to think; you really had me worried! What was the fight even about?"
"I…umm…kind of…sort of…punched out Jordan." I say miserably.
"Her boyfriend Jordan?" I nod weakly. "Wow! No wonder she won't speak to you! Why would you do that?" Hugo asks incredulously.
"Umm…"
"C'mon, Scorpius, just tell me. Maybe then I can tell her why you did it and clear this whole thing up." He finishes with a smile.
"No," I exclaim into his bewildered face, "that's the one thing you can't do! It would kill her if she found out!" I decide to explain once I see the confusion on his face grow. "Well, you see, I kind of walked in on something that wasn't meant for the public eye."
Hugo's expression grows weary, and I remember that this story is connected to his sister. I hurry to clear things up. "No no no no! Nothing like that! It's just that…Jordan was…he was…snogging Arabella Landris!" I finish as quickly as I possibly can. I then watch as Hugo's expression becomes enraged.
"He was what?"
It's like I'm lost
It's like I'm giving up slowly
It's like you're a ghost that's haunting me
Leave me alone
After finally calming Hugo down by convincing that I've definitely already taken care of the whole I'm-her-brother-so-now-I-have-to-kick-your-ass thing, I decide to turn in early and try to get over my depression. And wouldn't you know it? I dream of her.
In my dream she's again wearing that amazing dress, and she's leading me through a maze. She's going through turn after turn after turn until my head is spinning and I have no idea where I am. Then she suddenly disappears, and I'm running to catch up with her. I finally hear her scream, and run faster, 'till I get to a clearing and see the reason for her scream…Jordan is in the middle of the small clearing snogging Arabella Landris. I gasp in horror, and Rose turns her head to glare at me accusingly, like I knew all along and didn't tell her. I try to explain everything to her, but before I can, she pulls out her wand, points it at me…and then I wake up sweating. Ugh!
And I know these voices in my head
Are mine alone
And I know I'll never change my ways
If I don't give you up now
I haven't spoken to Rose in almost a month, and now I think I'm going insane. Literally. I'm starting to hear voices…well, not voices. Just one: hers. Everything I do, I hear her reaction, what she might say. At this point, I'm seriously considering having Hugo admit me to St. Mungo's. He keeps telling me to just tell her the reason I punched Jordan, and that she'd totally forgive me, but I'm not so sure. Personally, I think that whole "don't shoot the messenger" thing is a load of crap! Of course people shoot the messenger! That's why they send the messengers!
Hugo doesn't seem to understand that if I had to see the expression on her face that I saw in my dream, my heart might actually break. I could never do that to her, even if it would open up some doors for me. So I just sit and suffer in silence. It's not so bad, as long as I don't think about it, which isn't too hard considering all I can think about is her.
It's like I can't breathe
It's like I can't see anything
Nothing but you
I'm addicted to you
I feel like an addict, just waiting for my next fix. I still have Transfiguration with her, and have found that while the class used to be a trial, it's now my favorite time of day. Of course, since I hardly ever see her anywhere else, I end up paying more attention to Rose than to Professor McGonagall. I've learned through many embarrassing situations and no small amount of detentions that she really hates that. But it's worth it for the hour I get to spend staring at her. Jeesh, I'm acting like such a girl!
Her absence is even starting to affect the one part of my life I'd promised myself it wouldn't-quidditch. If I can't focus, how can I be expected to catch the damn snitch? And in case you hadn't noticed, I can't focus! Not with everything I see, hear, or even smell reminding me of her. At this point, I don't even need her to love me back…I just want my best friend back. I want to hear her laugh at me and tell me that I'm way overreacting to the whole situation, and that nothing is ever as bad as it seems. She brings out the optimist in me, and without her I'm quickly becoming the embodiment of why everyone hates Malfoys. If something doesn't change soon, I may become the first person ever to be switched into a different house.
It's like I can't think
Without you interrupting me
In my thoughts
In my dreams
You've taken over me
It's like I'm not me
It's like I'm not me
I finally decide that enough is enough, and that I need to just talk to her. I just hope it's not too late. I plan on talking to her before Transfiguration, but because of circumstances I have no control over (Peeves!) I'm late and pass her a note instead. Rose, we need to talk after class. Wait for me?
I see from the look on her face that I might be just in time to save our friendship. Yeah, fine.
I sit back in my seat with a smile on my face, and first time in a long while, I leave knowing what the lesson was about. Then I get up and follow her out of the classroom, dreading what's about to happen almost as much as I'm excited for it. Well, whatever happens, it'll be short…I can't be late for quidditch.
I'm hooked on you
I need a fix
I can't take it
Just one more hit
I promise I can deal with it
The first thing I feel when I wake up is pain. Not the staggering emotional pain I've become so familiar with lately, but actual physical pain. As I try unsuccessfully to sit up, it all comes rushing back to me. The talk with Rose that ended so terribly, the quidditch game where…oh. That would explain my throbbing head. I can clearly remember the look on that asshole Jordan's face as he hit the bludger straight at my face.
She must have confronted him about Arabella. Him being the git he is, he probably denied it, and me having been such a jerk lately, she must have believed him over me. Now I'm in the hospital wing with a broken head…love sucks.
Just when I'm starting to sink back down into the black pit of despair, she walks in. Merlin, will I ever get over how beautiful she is? And for that matter, what right does she have to come in here looking like an angel while I lay here feeling, and no doubt looking, like crap. Jeesh, I must have a concussion! I can't even follow my thoughts!
She walks over to my bed, her expression looking both worried and wondering, like she hasn't any idea why she was here. She confirms my suspicion when she says "I don't know why I'm here. I mean, I should hate you for lying about Jordan."
And just like that all my hope is gone. "Rose, I wasn't lying!" But she goes on as if she can't even hear me.
"What I don't get is…why would you do it? I mean, there's no logical reason for you to punch my boyfriend, or lie about him cheating and…" and I just can't take it anymore.
"ROSE!" I yell, finally capturing her attention, "If you came here just to make me feel worse, you can stop, okay! Mission accomplished! I'm sorry that you don't believe me, but if you're going to trust him over me, then I don't know how long we would have stayed friends anyway! So just stop, alright?"
The minute the words leave my mouth, I'm sorry for them, but I won't, I can't take them back. And then I'm watching her walk away yet again, and wondering how my day could get much worse.
I'll handle it, quit it
Just one more hit
Then that's it
Just a little bit more to get me through this
Hugo comes to visit me the next day, and picks up on my foul mood right away. "Oh jeez…what happened now?" he asks with an exasperated sigh.
"Your sister apparently decided that my concussion wasn't making me feel crappy enough, so she came and asked me why I lied to her about Jordan."
"Oh man I'm sorry. I can't believe she didn't believe you. What did you do?"
"I yelled at her," I say wearily, "I just couldn't take it anymore. She just makes me want to rip my hair out and…"
"Why don't you just tell her you're in love with her?" The words stop me in my tracks.
"What? Who said anything about love? I…"
"Oh come on! It's so obvious you love her! I just can't believe she hasn't figured it out yet!"
"Is it really that obvious?"
"Uhh, duh!" he says with an amused expression on his face.
"So what should I do?"
"Well…"
I need a fix
I can't take it
Just one more hit
I promise I can deal with it
So my conversation with Hugo was a total bust. All of his ideas were either too complicated to work or so cheesy I wanted to puke. So I decide to just be straightforward and tell her. Rose, I love you... I'm in love with you Rose…Rose, I'm so in love with you that sometimes I want to throw myself off the top of the Astronomy tower…yeah, this'll go well.
I might as well just get it over with, so I corner her in the secret corridor she uses to get to Potions. "What the hell do you want?" she says testily.
I take a deep breath and begin, "Rose, listen. I'm sorry about everything that's happened, and I know you don't believe me about the whole Jordan thing, but…"
"I believe you," she interrupts me.
"What?"
"I said I believe you." When I just look at her blankly, she explains, "When he didn't show up for our date in Hogsmeade I went to go check on him and saw the bastard on top of Arabella. And to think-I helped her get ready for the Yule Ball. I let the bitch borrow my earrings!" And then she's crying, and I'm holding her as the sobs rack her body.
"Shhh. It's okay. It'll be alright sweetie."
"I'm so sorry I didn't believe you Scor. I was so stupid!"
"It's okay. He's an idiot to betray you. You're so sweet, and beautiful, and any guy would be lucky to have you." And then I decide to just go for it. "That's why I love you so much." Her body goes suddenly still.
"What?" she says thickly, tears still clogging her throat.
"I said I love you, Rose. I think I've always been in love with you, it just took me seven years to figure it out." I pull away from her slightly so that I can look down at her face, and her expression is shocked. She opens her mouth to speak, but nothing comes out. And then she's running down the hall away from me, and it feels like she's taking my heart with her.
I'll handle it, quit it
Just one more hit
Then that's it
Just a little bit more to get me through this
For a week, I'm cold to everyone, biting anyone's head off who dares to talk to me. I can't get past the disbelief. She ran away. She found the thought loving me so repulsive that she ran the other way as fast as she could. Her rejection has left a hole in my heart, and I don't think anything will ever be able to fill it. Whenever I see her, she avoids my eyes, and I can't help but wonder what about me is so repulsive.
One night I'm sitting in the corner of the common room, ignoring everyone and attempting to do my homework. Then Rose walks up to me, and my breath stops. I make my expression cool and distant, but on the inside I'm leaping with joy; I've been without her too long. All I need to complete my happiness is her voice saying… "Scorpius?" She says it hesitantly, like she's sure I won't want to talk to her. I have to remind myself that I'm not supposed to want to.
"Yes?" I say, barely managing to keep my voice cold. She takes a deep breath, almost as if she's preparing for something.
"Scorpius, I'm so sorry about before, you know, when you told me…that. I didn't mean to run away, I just kind of freaked out. I mean, we've been best friends for seven years, and then you just go and drop this on me? I think I have the right to freak out. It's not as if you ever even hinted toward that, and…" She keeps going, but I'm just trying to find a polite way to ask the one thing I needed to know. She just isn't shutting up, though, so I decide to interrupt her.
"Rose," she stops talking, looking shocked that words are coming out of my mouth. "Of course I forgive you." At this she looks relieved, "I just need to know one thing…do you like me that way even a little bit?" I hold my breath as I wait for her to answer me.
"Scor, these last weeks have been the worst of my life. I think I've just been so used to you being there over the years, that when you disappeared, it was like losing a part of myself. I walked around, not really feeling anything, and it was so strange, because I'd never actually thought of you that way, but…," she takes another deep breath, "Scorpius, what I'm trying to tell you is that I think I'm already in love with you." She looks at me nervously and starts to fidget.
"That's all I needed to hear." I say with a smile, and just like that, she's in my arms, and we're kissing, and it's like the rest of the world has disappeared. People are beginning to stare at us, and somewhere in the back of my mind I remember that we're not alone, but I just can't seem to care. Rose is in my arms, and she's kissing me with the lips that have haunted my dreams, whispering my name in the voice that's been keeping me up at night. I may be an addict, but not even the Cruciatus curse could force me into rehab.
It's like I can't breathe
It's like I can't see anything
Nothing but you
I'm addicted to you
After our…erm…conversation, we become the talk of the school. Rumors fly about the Weasley and the Malfoy dating, but it's like there's no one in our world but each other. We spend our days basking in our own personal sunshine, and I know that neither of us has ever been happier. I know that I'll do anything for her, because to lose her would be like losing an arm, or being wandless in a fight against Voldemort himself. She's a part of me now, and nothing in the world can separate me from my drug.
It's like I can't think
Without you interrupting me
In my thoughts
In my dreams
You're taking over me
It's like I'm not me
Seven Years Later
Today is one of the most important days of my life, and if all goes well, it'll lead to another one of the most important days of my life. Tonight, on our seventh anniversary, I plan on asking Rose to marry me, and I don't think I've ever been more nervous in my life. Tonight will decide whether I will spend the rest of my life with her, or wallowing in everlasting misery. Well, okay, that might be a little melodramatic, but what can I say? I'm nervous.
She walks in the door, using the key I gave her last year, and comes to the kitchen to give me a kiss. She turns around to put her purse down, and stops cold when she sees the dining room.
"Oh my God, Scorpius! You made dinner!" She turns back around and puts her arms around my neck, swaying slightly to the music I've put on. "I thought you'd completely forgotten, so I wasn't going to say anything, but this is amazing," she says with a smile.
"Then let's eat," I say, beaming at her as I lead her to the table.
When we're through eating, and just sitting at the table doing more staring than talking, I decide it's the perfect time. I reach into my pocket to get out the ring while still keeping it hidden.
"Rose, these past seven years, or I guess actually the last fourteen, have been the best of my life. I never want to let you go." Her eyes widen as I slide off the chair and onto my knee. "I love you so, so much, and I promise to love you for the rest of our lives, if you'll let me." I open the small velvet box, and hear her gasp as I say, "Rose Weasley, will you marry me?"
She slides down onto the floor with me, puts her arms around my neck, and with tears in her eyes, says, "Yes, Scorpius Malfoy, I will definitely marry you."
My smile feels like it will split my face in two, and I breathe, "Oh thank God!" right before I lean down and put my lips to hers. The kiss is slow and sweet, just one of the many awaiting us in the lives ahead of us. I swear that I'm the happiest man in the world, because I've just secured myself a lifetime supply of my favorite drug. I am an addict, but with my true love in my arms, I just can't bring myself to care.
It's like I'm not me
Okay, this is my first ever fanfiction, and i know it sucks, so nice reviews only please! :D