Disclaimer - Yes, sadly it all belongs to JK. I do not own Remus Lupin, Severus Snape, or any other familiar character you may see.
A/N - This is my first attempt at Fanfiction and frankly, I don't think its that good. But I figured I'd post it anyways and seewhat people think of my twisted humor. But no flames, please.
Rating - PG-13 for occasional mild cursing. It's not really that bad but just to be safe.
Summary - There is no plot (at least not that I see). It's just a collection of zany stories about our favorite werewolf. If it sucks, at least they're short. Those with a wacked sense of humor are welcome.
Without further ado
The Wacky World of Remus Lupin
Remus Lupin and the Breakfast Fiasco
"Morning all," Remus Lupin walked into the Great Hall on a bright Monday morning. The birds were chirping, the sun was shining, various other creatures were doing various things. Anyway, he found his seat at the Head Table between Professor McGonagall and Professor Snape.
He looked down at the gold plate in front of him. Breakfast seemed to be a lone blueberry pastry. It looked quite delicious. It reminded him of an apple Danish he had once known. But that was a different story.
Remus picked up his blueberry pastry (whom he had named Tracy) and brought it to his mouth when he heard a small voice.
"Help me!"
He slowly lower the pastry and looked at it. He saw two small googly eyes, a nose made of felt, and a round construction paper mouth.
"Help me!"
Remus heard the voice again. He must be going crazy. This reminded him of the time Sirius had spiked his pumpkin juice and he thought he was a tea pot for the night. But that's another story. The little mouth of the pastry, I mean the construction paper, hadn't moved.
"Help me!"
Remus looked around. Could anybody else hear this? But no, everyone was unaware of this voice and were enjoying their breakfast.
"HELP ME YOU ASSHOLE!"
This was too much. He was being insulted by a tasty pastry! Remus jumped up and yelled a string of curse words that sounded very much like a drunk Hagrid. He threw the pastry to the ground and ran out of the hall screaming like a little girl with a skinned knee, "Beware of devil pastries!"
Severus Snape turned to the tiny man next to him. No, it was not an oompa loompa; it was Professor Flitwik.
"Told you he'd scream. He ran outta here like his ass was on fire. You owe me five galleons."
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A/N - Well, there it is. If you want more leave a review. If you have any constructive criticism or helpful advise to make it better I'd appreciate it.
TOODLES!