Practice kissing
After being annoyed with Adrian for bring up Jimmy and why he hadn't called I walked quickly to the band room. I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't understand why he hadn't called me. First my girlfriends butted in saying it was because I was a bad kisser and then the girl I can't stand the most came up to me trying to be my friend even though we know it's all a act. All I wanted to do was go home and cry. That's when Ricky walked in. Instantly all I could think about is how out of all the guys I been with. Ricky was the only one I felt the most comfortable with to talk to. He was a good listener and just made me feel at ease.
He immediately knew something was wrong and ask me what's going on ? I didn't know even how to go about telling him what was wrong so he started to guess. Finally out of nowhere I said am I good kisser? He ask why? And then said of course you are. An then one thing lead to another and he said we could practice and that no one had to know about it. I was about to fall over. I couldn't believe that he said that and suddenly it got very hot in the room.
All day at school all I could think about was that If I wanted to kiss Ricky. I didn't know if it was a good idea or bad. I know that Ricky wanted to be in a relationship with me ever since shortly after I told him I was pregnant but couldn't let him in for some reason. I would tell anyone that asks me how I felt about Ricky. I don't like him. It was like a immediate reaction. It was like it was burned into my vocabulary. I don't know why because deep down I cared about him but for some reason I never wanted anyone to know that. Plus I knew he had problems and he could never be the boyfriend for me just yet. He had a lot of growing up to do.
The day seem like it crawled by so slow. I still hadn't made up my mind. So I ignored Ricky's text messages. I even didn't answer when he called. I just sat in my room hoping that he wouldn't show up and that would just answer my problem. But of course he showed up. He knocked on my door and peaked his head in saying hi. I smiled at him and said hey! He said he was sorry he didn't stop by earlier to see John while he was awake. I said no big deal you're here almost every day. He smiled back at me. Then it got very quiet. I wasn't about to say anything to bring up the kiss and I didn't know what to say so I just sat on my bed and looked down at the floor. He slowly walked into the room and said so…did you want to practice still? I just sat there and blew out air slowly and said I don't know. He then grabbed my hands and forced me to stand up. He looked at me and said its just a little confidence booster. I replied back This is awkward. I don't think it's going to help. Just relax he replied back. I can't kiss you came out of my mouth even though I really wanted to and he said well you kissed me before we had a baby I think you can kiss me again. I will do all the hard stuff. Just close your eyes. We are just friends and it will be fine. Just close your eyes.
I gave a half smile and closed my eyes thinking to myself what am I doing. When all of the sudden his lips touched mine. It started out fast like we were just trying to get it over with. Then something changed. He slowed down a little and all the sudden I felt his tongue. A sudden rush came over my body. I felt very relax and slightly turned on. I felt his hands around my waist start to move me in closer to him and then he started to run his hands through my hair. I found myself moving closer to him and starting to find my tongue massaging his. After what seem like we had been kissing for long time we both jumped. I heard my dad yell what from many rooms away! We both pulled away and looked at each other. I said okay well thank you for the practice and he said no problem you're not a bad kisser so don't worry about it. Then he said he should go and said goodnight.
After he was out of my room I fell straight on to my bed. The kissing was great but I still knew deep down that we couldn't do anything about our feelings because he just cheated on Adrian with me and was still acting like a bad boyfriend. All I wanted to do was day dream about the kiss and that's exactly what I did the rest of the night until I fell asleep. When I woke up the next morning I found a text message on my phone saying good morning do you need any help with john? I suddenly laugh. Every time I would let Ricky get close to me he would start up what with what almost seem like a boyfriend act. He start calling me, texting me, and offering to help me. The last time he acted this way was when Ben went away for the summer and my mom was working on a house with her boyfriend. I would find myself alone with John and when Ricky would come over to see John he would spend hours with us and even sometimes spend the night just to help me out with getting some sleep since John was still waking up in the middle of the night. He even send me random text message asking how I was and if I wanted him to bring dinner or a movie. It was almost like a date. There were even a few times I find myself falling asleep next to him in the living room or playing with john together like we were a family. It felt great and last all that summer until Ben came back and then things went back to normal.
But anyways I responded back to the text that I was fine and thank for the offer and would see him at school. All I could think was how I really wish he get his act together soon so we truly could be a couple one day. But until then I have to keep myself satisfied with whoever showed interest in me right now. Either that be Ben or Jimmy. LOL plus deep down I just wanted to make Ricky Jealous.