In the Arms of Harmony
"King me, you piece of shit", said Edward Cullen as he slammed his fist against the board in front of him, causing all sixty-four ebony and ivory squares before him to tremble in throbbing anticipation of his might. "Tch, child's play" beeped James, his lifeless red eye surveying the board and transmitting all possible moves to his neuroprocesser. The resounding clack of Edward's double-jump echoed into annals of time. James had only 8 pieces left to Edward's 10.
Reluctantly, James flipped the piece before him, proudly displaying its gold and sapphire trim, indicating a king piece. With that, Edward's turn had ended, and he hit the clock, reversing the flow of time and allowing for James' move. James surveyed the board as his neuroprocesser's cyber proc-links flashed stream of Checions, checker aligned neutrons processing possible moves. "Probability of victory: 98%. Nothing can save you, or your little bitch, you bitch." Sections of the checkerboard lit up, highlighting James' next move. Like the Dutch fleet at the battle of Haarlemmermeer, Edward's flank was weak. James' hand rubbed his piece, its silky radium form endlessly sending out waves of pure energy, the effects of which on later generations are still being disputed to this day. With a decisive swing of his hand, James withdrew a piece, and left it on the edge of the board, where it sat, slowly becoming a metaphor for imperialism.
"Oh yeah? I've killed you once, I can do it again." Edward said, examining his possible moves. With nothing to jump, Edward's king sat alone on the edge of the board, which was made of komodo dragon ivory and dark matter. Edward whipped one of his flanking piece backwards, and it whistled through the air as he did, signing the song of a sexually abused caged bird. He was bluffing. With all of the ultra-cybo-enchancements that James had gotten from Feminist Doctor Wily, James was overflowing with Checions, the magnitude of which enhanced his moves with the strength of a demon made of M1 Abrams Tanks.
"YOU'VE FALLEN FOR MY TRAP." Screamed James as soon as Edward completed his move. "BIONIC DISPAIR KAISER!" James announced, beginning his signature move. Edward flinched, struggling to keep his physical form intact as quadrillions of Checions gathered at James' fingertips. With 8 resounding booms, each of which undermined mankind's future ability for introspection, James completed an eight-sequence move, taking eight of Edward's pieces and banishing them to the Land of the Damned, there they remain to this day.
"Fwuh. I should have known you would unleash the BIONIC DISPAIR KAISER", Edward said, struggling to contain the bleeding. "There were eight open spaces around the side of the board, just enough for you to unleash it." James cackled. "But, there's one thing you overlooked." Edward explained, conversationally. "For using the BIONIC DISPAIR KAISER move put your final piece in a corner-line." James started to open his cyber-jaw to interject in panic, but he was cut off by Edward's signature move.
"BREAKING DAWN!" Edward exclaimed as his foremost piece jumped all 10 of James' remaining piece, each one exploding into sparkling fragments and burning out of existence in a supernova of blood.
"YOU BASTARD!" Screamed James, focusing all of the remaining Checions in his dissolving body into the proto-plasma-checker-cannon mounted on his chest. With a 'quosh' sound, he fired, although he fired wide, missing Edward and killing god, ushering in an age of darkness.
Like an attractive protagonist, Edward smirked as James' soul left his body and entered Edward's Lordevessel. With a satisfied 'snrk', Edward collapsed the Checkerboard in front of him and docked it in the Checkerdisk mounted above his Lordevessel and teleported home before the timeline of the city he was playing Checkers in could collapse.
Bella was waiting for Edward when he arrived back home. "I'm home, babe." He said. He wasn't surprised when she didn't respond, seeing as her fleeting human form was entombed in a life-preserving motorcycle with anthropomorphic tiger features.
"I got revenge on James for you today, baby sweetie dearest." He giggled, pouring himself a drink of blood from his neo-refrigerator. "He's the 45th soul I've taken through winning a game of checkers. Only 63 more checker games before I have 108 souls and can wish you back to life by the power of the Checker-Deities." Flaunting his sexually-attractive body, Edward lay next to Bella and fell asleep.
He dreamt of Checkers.