Another story I wrote for the fun of it. Another different approach to Rei/Jadeite. Entirely unrelated to any of my other stories. I always liked the snarkiness of Mamoru. And I still wonder how Rei/Jadeite could happen without me taking a shortcut. Because, wouldn't Rei simply roast him. Wait a minute, wouldn't Jadeite simply love her even more the more she tried to stomp him into the ground? Hm...

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Hello, my name is Mamoru Chiba. I'm not a normal guy. Because normal guys have normal dates. Me, however... I have a wonderful girlfriend. Beautiful, warm-hearted, honest, and the bravest woman I've ever seen. All I want is to be able to meet her over in town for some coffee, if we feel like it, have a good time on a nice day.

Unfortunately, I don't get a say in this.

When I was a kid, I always wished I had brothers. I always had a feeling there should be someone beside me, to have fun with.

I was so naive.

Now I'm surrounded all the time by one or more of my Shitennou.

I love the Shitennou. I really do. We are like brothers.

And like brothers, sometimes I could kill them.

"The statistics says that every year, the number of people who die or get paralyzed in motorcycle accidents..."

"I'm taking the bike, Kunzite. I'm not a statistics. I've been driving this baby for years, and never had an accident. Because I know how to handle it."

"With all due respect, Master, I'm not criticizing your driving style here, which by no means can be described as considerate, but you don't have to be the guilty part in an accident to be the most heavily injured. You can't deny that it's the means of transport that has the highest risk."

I only can roll my eyes. "No, Kunzite. Riding horses is way more dangerous. And you never made such a fuss about the horses in the old days..."

"Horses!" sneers Kunzite. "Horses have a sense of duty. I don't remember ever allowing you to ride a horse that didn't have twice as much common sense as you. And you had been trained to ride horses all your life, while training for this suicide machine takes only a few weeks. I have done the research, Master!"

"You know, Kunzite, one day, I'll get you your own, and then we'll talk again."

"Master!" Nephrite is shocked. "You wouldn't allow Kunzite to drive something that's fast and deadly!"

"Or look like a cockroach," grins Jadeite. Yeah thanks, guys. You two were the ones who were begging for driving lessons.

"I Will Take The Bike." I say. I make a lot of concessions, I really do. But not this. Those guys are really concerned about my safety, and that's very moving. The bad thing about it is that whatever I do, I can never make up for all the things they go through to keep me safe. They really dedicate their lives to it. It supplies them with a built-in moral superiority in every discussion. The fact that Endymion and me managed to get ourselves killed in earlier lives when we shouldn't have isn't really helping either. But there's no way they can make me give up my bike.

"Then you will take Jadeite with you for protection," says Kunzite, and there's a gleam in his eye that means I have won, but he'll make me pay for it.

"It's Zoisite's day today," I say. I know I have lost, but if you give in to Kunzite too easily, he gets miserable. He needs the chance to dip you into your misery before letting go.

"Zoisite is busy."

He's enjoying this. I look over to Zoisite who gives me a sorry look. But he has the gleam too. I wonder what Jadeite has done to them to deserve this.

Or me.

But if I complain now, Kunzite will start over with the whole motorbike discussion.

No thanks.

He's already changed my whole diet (so I don't risk my health), my clothes (by telling Usagi all about harmful substances in my other clothes, that bastard), my training schedule (by calling one into existence) and my housing (OK, that was Zoisite, but you would move into a house with soundproof walls too after a while with him around).

And did I mention all the not so subtle hints from each of the guys that Usagi and me should stop the silly teenage dating stage and get serious about making babies? Although I stopped complaining about that when Nephrite asked me: "Do you really want Zoisite and Kunzite to train you in male contraception measures instead?"

Err, no. Not really.

They trained Endymion. That has to suffice. Really. Believe me. If Kunzite has a lesson for you, you're going to remember it. Several lifetimes over.

So now he's ruling my dates, fully disapproving of them. I probably should be grateful he hasn't set his mind on pushing the babies idea further. Instead, I get Jadeite. Who loves anything that's pink and silly and can't be stopped from cooing at small children and has volunteered to babysit any upcoming princesses more often than I can count. Probably Kunzite has decided to leave the task of speeding up my procreation willingness to someone more suitable, someone with the perseverence and common sense of a house fly.

Yay. Nothing compares to the change in your life when you're suddenly surrounded by family after years of solitude. Except probably toothaches.

Sometimes, I'd really like to travel back in time to meet the kid I once and have a nice little chat with him.