Title: A Study of Contrasts
Author: Audrey layne
Summary: Side-story to Somewhere Never have I Traveled
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She is eighteen when Obi-Wan realizes he is in love with her. It should be less of a shock given that they spend so much time together. But there it is, lying soft and silent amidst the many other sterling emotions that flicker through him like the wind.
Calm as water, even as some as yet unidentified portion of his brain quietly begins freaking out.
Part of him is fairly sure that Nico knows, how could she not when she is in his mind so much he must fit her like a second skin. The image sends a shudder through him and he focuses on not accidentally skittering the tip of his light saber over Qui-Gon's face.
In the face of such distraction, the best thing to do is to repress and mull it over later: so he does.
He pulls the thought back out later in the desert gardens. Settled into the shifting sand and sinking into the vastness of the space. (No one uses this meditation garden because of the lack of life, but he knows that the Living Force can be found everywhere and for here, for him, it is in the howl of the wind and the movement of the sand).
He turns the emotion over as if it were a tangible object clutched in his hands. He is in love with Nico. It doesn't feel as if it is a new thing either, but then he knows that the brassy haired woman has been his for a very long time. Obi-Wan has always been rather introspective and so he is more surprised that it took him so long to realize this than anything else.
He tucks the thought away and examines how he came to this conclusion, there are a great many things he knows he admires about Nico, she is a study in unusual contrasts and that is her most intriguing quality.
He calls up an image of her in his mind and he is surprised to see that his mental perception of her is of the young woman she is when they are alone.
Nico is a private person, something not unusual for a Jedi, but given the nature of their profession (and the Hive mentality of the Jedi Order) that he sees her as she is sleep rumpled and grouchy is...
He is in love with Nico and he isn't precisely sure how that really came to be.
He stands and the sands fall from his tunics like drops of water into a pond and he smiles before turning and striding from the gardens. He does not feel he has accomplished anything but he feels at peace knowing that he recognizes the soft lump of warmth that rests in the pit of his stomach.
The amusing thing is, now that he recognizes the emotion, he is at turns startled by the frequency with which he thinks of her, and distracted by quelling the thoughts that rise to the forefront of his mind, innapropriate and also so very, very compelling.
Obi-Wan knows what Nico looks like flushed and sweating, he knows what she is like first thing in the morning before she has had tea. He knows that she will curl up in his robes in the center of her bed rather than sleep in her own night clothes.
Her sly, knowing glances during meals in the caf, or even the upward lilt of her mouth during council sessions really don't help matters. (What doesn't help is that he's fairly sure Nico knew before he knew that he knew, which should be infuriating but really only makes him want to kiss the smug look off her lips).
He spends several hours on Coruscant Proper with Garen, mostly cruising a vast open air market, perusing piles of near useless trinkets and books. Old vid files and the like when he finds it.
He knows it's silly but he pays the merchant the dozen credits for it and tucks it into the pocket of his trousers before hunting Garen down.
The things is, there wasn't any one thing that caused him to fall in love with her. He loves her smile, teasing, beguiling. He knows just what to say to turn that subtle tilt into the wide, crooked thing she is so embarrassed about. (He knows when she is truly happy she smiles so widely her gums show).
He catches her in the cafeteria and right there with her hands full of tray and steaming food, he kisses her mouth and twists the bejewled ribbon into her hair.
It is a study of contrasts, the ribbon is a flamboyant peacock blue and the jewels are all fiery orange topaz and glimmering gold.
Against the deep russet of her hair it is striking.
The shock on her face is palpable, and he can't resist leaning down to steal another kiss before twisting into a dangerously low bow and sweeping from the room, he catches the tail end of applause as the doors slide shut behind him and he can't bring himself to care that Nico is probably going to find some very embarrassing way to get back at him for that.
Part of this emotion that twists in his gut, is pleasure at seeing Nico so startled and pleased with him (or herself) that he deliberatly finds ways to put the look there.
She is twenty-one now and owns several sets of robes that will attest to this fact. They are a myriad of jewel bright colors, all made in fabrics too fine to truly belong to a Senior Padawan except that Obi-Wan had seen them and Qui-Gon who knew his partner too well to truly talk him out of their purchase merely ensured to get a great many photographs of the entire ordeal.
Obi-Wan felt the ensuing debacle (involving several tubs of buttercream frosting and a rather forward felinoid) was worth the look of barely suppressed pleasure when he got to strip her out of the silky red robes that night.
There are jewels, and signets, bracelets and necklaces. All various assorted trinkets that she keeps tucked away in a trunk. (Obi-Wan thinks that she keeps things obsessively ordered because she likes to go through the trunk and touch everything reverently when she thinks he isn't watching).
He doesn't remember when a second trunk joined the first, but he doesn't mind.
His last gift to her is a delicate silver ring he slides on her finger. It is the last time he sees her before Qui-Gon is dead and then it is many years and she is there, sitting rigid and easy in a lounge with a young Telosian at her side in a comfortable kneel.
She fits in her skin now in a way she never had before and she is...striking in a way that befits her. he resists the urge to reach forward and stroke her cheek. (From the caress to her mind he knows that she knows this).
It is not shocking to Obi-Wan to realize he is in love with this woman, it is easy like an old friend. Comforting like a well-worn robe. The emotion flickers into him and coils about his heart the way the Force does.
His most shocking realization is of course, that he never voiced these thoughts aloud. It is tragic of course, because there it is. Resting at the base of she dies she is still wrapped in his robes, and the ring is warm from her skin.